Corrie Canuck

When Ken walked into the salon Denise was telling one her staff to ‘give her highlights, not like Rochdale versus Stockport, more like Barcelona versus Manchester United’. What Denise is referring are two lower division teams in the Manchester area, Rochdale and Stockport County who would likely have less exciting highlights than Barcelona FC and Manchester United, two of the biggest football clubs in the world.

Our Strombo, looking for Leanne Battersby.

Tune in to The Hour tonight to find out the winner of the Win a Trip to Coronation Street Contest. The Hour airs at 8:00pm on CBC Newsworld and 11:00pm on the main network of CBC.

Hopefully we’ll see a Corrie Canucker heading over to Manchester in a few weeks. Good luck everyone!

Baby Come Back

*

Hungover, Deirdre wanders into the kitchen looking for Ken. Blanche says she won’t find him. Deirdre blames herself for giving him so much stick over the years but Blanche thinks he’ll be back before the evening paper arrives.

For his part, Ken is at a B&B run by a nice landlady who offers him first and second breakfast all at once. She assumes he’s on business, as he’s unsure of his length of stay, but he admits he’s from Weatherfield, born and bred.

“Obviously the less rough end,” she says.

“Well, I turned out all right. In most ways, at least,” he says self-reflectively. We aren’t shown the landlady getting that uncomfortable look one gets when a stranger is about to overshare.

Later, Ken walks down a busy street and finds a salon. He enters and sees Denise, his old flame of ten years ago and mother to his rarely seen son, Daniel. She’s startled to see him, to say the least.

They go to her flat to discuss things. He says that, due to his reduced financial circumstances, he’ll have to reduce the amount he pays into Daniel’s trust fund. There is something else: he wants to see Daniel.

“What he looks like or in a regular access kind of way?” Denise asks.

Ken says he’s trying to put a lot things right in his life and that this is something that needs to happen. Denise allows that she’ll let him, but only if Daniel wants it and if he hurts Daniel, she’ll hurt Ken.

Later, Ken returns to number 1. Deirdre is at first relieved that he’s home until he says he’s only picking up a few things. He gives her the address of where he is staying. Deirdre says he’s being pigheaded as ever.

“It’s about principles,” Ken says. “One of the few things I have left.”

Deirdre starts pleading with Ken not to go but he is resolute. He needs to sort some things out and doesn’t know if he and Deirdre are even meant to be together.

“First no Tracy, then no Adam,” Deirdre says. “And now no you. How much space do I need?” She tells that he belongs there with her.

“Maybe. Probably. I don’t know,” he says. “Maybe not. We’ll just have to see how we get on, won’t we?”

Ken walks out the door, leaving Deirdre in tears, her feelings going down faster than a preacher’s daughter.

Sex Machine

Claire and Gail are still tut-tutting over the shed and its boxers-clad 18 year old inhabitant. This morning, they are being annoyed by the musical strains of James Brown’s Sex Machine. But instead of Bubbles exiting the shed when Gail pounds on it with her broom, it’s Jerry Morton. They ask him about the music and he agrees that it’s great, although the kids today have no appreciation for the classics. He then does that white man overbite in an attempt to reproduce James’ dance moves. He deftly stickhandles their concerns about the giant shed and the loud music into an invitation to a “shedwarming party.”

Inside the Morton house, Bubbles is unsuccessfully trying to get Mel take the fall for his traffic violation as he’s running out of points, Jodie is sour, Grandpa is pointing his shaky finger and decaying, Kayleigh and Finlay need new socks, Biff, Muffy, and Chip Morton are trying out for the Glee Club, Alphonse is practising his unicycle skills, and Bubba and Bobbi-Sue are preparing for the arrival of cousin Oliver Morton.

Later, Mel takes White-Out to a sign outside the shop advertising “Panini’s” so that the apostrophe is removed and the plural is properly indicated as “Paninis,” although as she points out, the singular form is panino. It’s official: I love Mel Morton.

Later still, she assembles the family at the Rovers to make an announcement. No, she’s not up the duff, to Jerry’s relief. She has decided that she wants to be a cop. Grandpa exclaims that he’s been stabbed in the heart, although it’s probably an actual heart attack as he does appear to need immediate medical attention. The rest of the family is disappointed that she’s turned out to be the white sheep of the family.

In Other News

Paul deals with the strife in his family by getting shit-faced. Leanne breaks off a pleasant evening with Liam for a job.

Cilla fails to buy the requested plastic flowers for Chesney to use in his play. Instead, she got real ones but was too busy watching her daytime TV to really care.

Originally broadcast May 4, 2007

*Musical trivia note – I just picked this song because it goes with the theme, sort of. The song is “Baby Come Back” by the Equals. The guy in the shiny shirt, playing guitar and singing back up is Eddy “Electric Avenue” Grant.

Talking the Talk AND Walking the Walk

Ken and Deidre still look as if they need Montel to come in and fix everything for them as Deidre is still snapping at him whenever he tries to do something nice for her.  But slowly he convinces her to let him make some breakfast for her and she relaxes and accepts.  All seems to be good until Blanche, unable to deal with the fact that the dining room smells like a bingo hall, starts spraying air freshener around to cover up Deidre’s smoke.

Deidre snaps and starts yelling at both Ken and Blanche again.  Ken tries to calm her by telling her that they’ve survived worse than this before.  When Deidre asks what could be worse than this, Ken barks, ‘Susan’s death!’  (Susan being Ken’s daughter from his first marriage and Adam’s mom – fyi).  Deidre reminds Ken that he barely made any time for Susan and was a shit dad. 

Methinks, Ken’s negligent ways as a father are coming back to bite him in the ass.  I’m still in shock to find out that Daniel was only 50 miles away from him this whole time.

Deidre storms out of the house and Ken ends up talking to Emily in the Rovers about his troubles.  He wishes that they could get away from it all and Emily asks why he doesn’t do that, take Deidre away from it all and go on a vacation.

Ken goes back to the house to find Deidre and suggests that they go away for a bit.  Deidre thinks this is a terrible idea and that all Ken ever does is run away from problems.  She still blames him for not intervening in the Tracey/Charlie house of dysfunction.   When he states again that there wasn’t anything that he could have done, Deidre accuses him of being all talk and no action.

She then grabs her coat and Ken tells her that if she walks out the door, he won’t be there when she gets back.    Faced with the almost probable, ‘I-really-mean-it-this-time’ threat of loosing her husband, Deidre walks out anyway. 

Blanche tells Ken that he can’t just keep up with these empty threats.  She knows her daughter and that if he keeps on being all ‘gong and no dinner’ she’ll walk all over him.

And with that, Ken decides to leave.   Blanche is heartbroken and cries – saying that she’s losing her whole family.   Ken turns to her and says, ‘You know I’m extremely fond of you.’ and walks out. 

For some reason, this scene brings home to me once again that there is only 3 years difference in age between Blanche and Ken.  Lately, they’ve been much more peers dealing with a troubled child.

Deidre comes home and is, not surprisingly, gob smacked that Ken has actually left. 

And In the ‘I Hate Paul’ Department….

Paul is not talking to Karla, blaming her for this mess they’re in with Michelle.    Ryan picked up on this tension at breakfast, but Karla told him it’s nothing to worry about.

Meanwhile over at the pub she commiserates with Michelle about the whole mess and seems to have found an ally in her sister-in-law.

Paul goes AWOL on the factory and his family for most of the day.  (Why does anyone tolerate this crap from him?)  When he does return he asks Liam if he can bunk at his place because he can’t face Karla and what she’s done to this family.  

Liam shoots this idea down, down faster than a preacher’s daughter. 

Liam tells him that he’s going to have to work it out with Karla and no, he can’t stay at his flat.   Liam drives off in a huff.

The Difference Between Daniel Craig and Les Dennis

Violet is humming and hawing about calling ‘Gary’ and we find out that our Violet is a wee bit insecure.  She says that she’d be flattered if….’a dog humped my leg’.  

oh my.

There is some discussion about what women find desirable in a man and Violet says a funny man is very attractive to women.

Sean rolls his eyes and says, ‘Yeah, that’s why all the women prefer Les Dennis to Daniel Craig.’

OK gentle readers, let’s just get the visuals on that:

Les Dennis

Daniel Craig

Again….Les Dennis

Daniel Craig

Run Vernon Run

Vernon is in the back of the Rovers talking to someone how the little woman comes first and thanks for the call but he needs to take care of Liz. 

Liz overhears this conversation and when she enquires she finds out that Vern has turned down a touring gig so that he can be close to her.  He tells her that from now on he will only take on jobs that are close to home.

Liz tells him that’s ridiculous and what kind of a wife would she be if she stood in his way.  No, no, she insists that he go on tour to Cornwall, Glasgow, Cardiff, Svalbard, Wellington, Lima, etc.  She’ll keep herself busy….somehow.

I feel bad for Vern.   Still….

Vern

Daniel Craig

In Other News…

Bubbles and his shed are bothering Claire and Gayle…yet neither of them know how to tell Jerry that they don’t want to see Darryl scratching himself in his scivvies out in the backyard first thing in the morning.

UK time – April 30th 2007

The show opens with Michelle not responding to Steve’s kiss on the couch. Was it the timing? Michelle gets angry and tells him that she is going through a real tough time right now. Steve says that he was just trying to comfort her … with his lips. Michelle is way too depressed to fool around. Steve doesn’t understand why she can’t see his point of view, which he tries to clarify with the brilliant point, “Some people get randy at funerals.” Strangely this doesn’t win Michelle over, humourless cow that she is.

Later Steve and Michelle talk near the back of the bar. Surprisingly, Steve doesn’t go in for another kiss seeing as that is what the back of the bar is for. Actually, he wants to let her know that she can leave early. However, since Michelle has let her son spend the evening with a horse face slave driver, a murderous psychopath and a complicit immature cutie she can stay and lock up. Then Michelle asks Steve to have a drink with her later. He says “no.” Take that humourless cow.

It’s the end of the night – 10:00PM (22:00 for our Quebec readers) and Michelle and Steve are closing up. She basically forces Steve to have a drink with her as she can’t stand atmosphere.* Michelle wants to give Steve a reason for her behaviour. But Steve says he doesn’t need her reasons … don’t speak don’t speak no. He knows what she’s say so please stop explaining. Don’t speak, don’t speak, don’t speak no. Naaa naa naa naa Naa naa naa naa. Still, she tells him what she learned about her brothers and dead husband. Way to drop a bomb. Steve is well shocked.

After the conversation, Steve says, “I guess I know where I stand then.” and walks away. Pardon me? Is that really the most important thing right now? Wouldn’t a more appropriate response be, “I’ll give you some space and I’ll, always here for you to talk to.”

*I looked ‘atmosphere’ up on urban dictionary. Other than a Rap duo Slug and Spawn, it refers to a room full of beautiful, scantily clad women of easy repute. So, I have no clue what Michelle is on about. Perhaps I need UK urban dictionary. Kidding, I get it.

If the Street had a super couple it would be Jack and Vera. In last night’s installment we see that Jack is being plagued by Vera and her baby monitor. Wherever he goes, she’ll be right there with him. Thanks Jason Grimshaw.

Thankfully Jack, Tyrone and Molly discover that the monitor works from the Rover’s where others can talk to Vera through the monitor. After a bit Jack mentions that Vera must have “dropped off” to which Molly replies “oh bless.” Very cute.

Then, Jack gets up to play some darts. I forget what lead to this, and there was a context but Molly turned to Tyrone and said, “I’d like to have your baby.” Tyrone took a minute to recover from the shock. This made Molly feel a bit uncomfortable. I think she kind of shocked herself. But, Tyrone is well happy and he’d like to marry her before they start a family. Oh, they are both dead nice and dead caring. The upshot of this heart to heart is that they plan to move out of chez Duckworth once Vera is on her feet again.

Soon after the conversation they begin to worry that Vera has done something silly and fallen over again and can’t get up. The trio high tail it over to the house to find Vera sitting happily on her arm chair. After complaining about the racket they were making Vera lets it drop that she overheard Molly and Tyrone’s conversation and punctuates it with “she wants his baby.” It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever seen on Coronation Street, and I watched the whole thing with a smile. Then I got jealous because Jack went to the chippy and Tyrone was gonna pull some Tia Maria out the cabinet. Hand up if you LOVED that scene! Hands up if you love fish and chips.

In other news:

Violet found it in herself to let go of he misery for an hour and met a boy at a club.

Lloyd’s back

Ken sees Deirdre in the pub and avoids her. Later, while sitting on the “Maxine Peacock has been murdered by a crazed killer memorial bench” he confides in Emily who was also a victim of that crazed killer.

Psycho Paul makes dinner for the family and is overjoyed when Carla turns up with Ryan. She tells Paul and Liam about the conversation she had with Michelle and they are pleased. Then she says p.s. Michelle will never forgive and forget. Snap.

Corrie will be pre-empted on Thursday, February 7th for a hockey game.
A double episode has been scheduled on Friday, February 8th (7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.).

The show begins with Michelle fretting about leaving our Ryan on his own while she is working. She does not explain why he can’t go over to Liam’s house, and leaves Ryan confused. Liam comes round and offers to take Ryan, but Michelle will hear nothing of it. Ryan no longer being in ear shot, Liam asks that Ryan not be told. Michelle will not promise anything.

Meanwhile, at Paul and Carla’s, the domestic bliss that generally permeates the house is missing. Liam phones, worried that Michelle will tell Ryan. Carla does not believe that Michelle will do that, but Paul is not reassured. Carla apologizes again for starting off Michelle’s quest for knowledge, and promises that she will make things better. Paul does not accept her apology and mentions the word divorce. Carla leaves, off to mend fences.

If anyone wondered, in the last scene, why Michelle was so worried about leaving a 15 year-old home a lone for a few hours, the answer comes barging into the Rover’s. Liam hauls Ryan into the Rover’s, spray paint can in hand. It appears that Ryan is a compulsive graffitier, as, the first time he is left home alone he decides that he must trot out and create his art. Liam once again suggests that Ryan can stay with him, but Michelle gets incensed, and instead asks Steve, who has seen the entire scene, if Ryan can stay in the back room. Steve, such a lovely, accomodating employer, agrees. Michelle asks to go home early. Steve agrees. He also asks if she needs to talk, but Michelle tells him she is fine.

Carla then comes waltzing in. Michelle thanks her for helping her learn the truth and buys her a drink. She asks Steve for five minutes, and sits with Michelle. She tells Carla that she is going to tell Ryan the truth, but Carla urges family unity, saying that Ryan will lose Paul and Liam if she does. Carla mentions that Ryan is a bright lad and sure to figure that something is wrong if Michelle does not make up with Paul and Liam. Michelle concedes that Ryan is already realizing that something is wrong. Quite shocking, really, that he would already figure something was up. Carla offers to take Ryan over to her house.

In the end Michelle agrees to let Ryan go with Carla to Paul’s house. He asks about Liam, and is told no, he cannot go there, which leads him to ask whether Michelle is still angry with Liam. Carla reassures him, telling him no one is angry with anyone. Sharp lad that he is, perhaps Ryan doesn’t buy that.

Steve, who still wants nothing but the best for all his hard working employees, and who has seen Ryan leave with Carla, asks again if everything is okay. Michelle says that she should actually do some work, but Steve motions her to the back room, telling her he will get her a drink. When he returns, she tells he should sack her, but Steve protests he is not simply her boss, he is also her mate. He asks again what is going on. She doesn’t say, but does say she should move away. Steve protests, saying she is funny and gorgeous and can pull a good pint. They muse a bit, and then Steve leans forward and kisses Michelle. Michelle responds.

Wife of the Month

This part, I believe, was cut in order to show scintillating commercials for Sophie and J-Pod: Deirdre arrives home and complains about the state of the public transportation system, as the bus was delayed, and then broke down. Ken ignores her. Blanche mentions that there was a security alert at the bus depot. Deirdre asks if Beelzebub Tracy phoned, and she had, about 20 minutes ago. If possible, Deirdre gets even more miserable.

Later, Blanche, Deirdre and Ken have a lacklustre discussion about what to have for tea, Ken surfing the internet the entire time. In the end Deirdre says she had a large lunch, and decides to take Eccles for a walk. After she leaves, Blanche gives Ken a talking-to about trying to save his marriage.

Ken takes this to heart. When Deirdre comes back home, Blanche has gone off to play bridge, and Ken is making steaks and has opened wine for the tea. Deirdre tries to play along. Over steak and wine, Ken tries to engage Deirdre in a rousing conversation about localvores. She takes this as an opportunity to have an argument. Ken points out that it is rather silly to argue about that. Deirdre dissolves into a puddle of raspy voice and wrinkly neck, says she is not hungry, and leaves. Ken leaves a note saying that he has decided to become an organic farmer, packs his bags and leaves- oh wait, that was just me daydreaming about the end of this painful plotline.

Husband of the Month

Tyrone and Molly help Vera down the stairs. No one is happy about the state of affairs: Vera is in pain from moving around, and Tyrone and Molly are out of breath from helping Vera move around. Molly suggests that Vera spend some days in bed, but Vera thinks they are just trying to pack her away.

Later on, Molly comes back with a baby monitor that she got from Jason, who took it, and other bay items, to the store looking to either give away or throw away. She tells Vera that they can plug it into her room, and she can speak into it anytime she needs something, telling her it transmits up to 100 yards away. On Jack’s end, there is a handy little intercom button, so that when Vera calls he can whisper sweet nothings back. They decide to see if it works in the backyard.

Indeed, it does work outside, and works even in Liam’s courtyard, where Jack is feeding his pidgeons. Vera calls to Jack through the baby monitor, and as Jack stares mournfully back at the baby monitor, he informs Molly, who has been pleased by this success, that the pidgeons were his last sanctuary. That now, is lost. In the future when Molly has these brilliant suggestsions, she should talk to him first.

In Other News

Violet and Sean hit the town in order to: “get bladdered and a pull”. So beautifully put.

Carla and Paul and in the flat apologizes to Paul saying she has a big mouth. They continue the row when Paul tells her she is taking Ryan shopping for trainers – and she is not invited.
 
In the pub Liam sees Michelle behind the bar, they talk about the discussion she had with Carla and inquiries if there is something more she needs to know. She knows what she had to say wasn’t the entire story.  Liam dismisses Carla saying that she just has a big mouth.  Liam’s phone rings and it is Paul – he warns him in code about the situation. Liam leaves the pub and Michelle soon follows behind.

Michelle wants to know if Liam has had a fight with Paul. Michelle sees right through his lame excuses and says, “You’re lying. I can tell by your body language.
 
Michelle decides it is time to trade secrets.  She tells him about the “Ghostbusters Ghost Zapper thingy” that she had taken and told him that Paul had thrown it away– but admitted that she sold it for a bacon barm (were things that bad?)

Liam is shocked she has kept this as a secret for so long. She says, “So, I have told you a secret. What aren’t you telling me? I reckon one good turn deserves another.” Michelle tells him that nothing could be so bad.
 
He starts to admit the truth about the night with Dean: the truth that it wasn’t Dean driving but Paul. He tells her that they were smashed listening to Oasis and then they were wrapped around a tree. He admits that they put him in the driver’s seat, to make it look like his responsibility.
 
Sobbing and in shock, Michelle screams – “So Paul killed my Dean.” Liam told her again how sorry he was but she spat: “You’re not sorry. If you were sorry you would have told me ages ago. I can’t believe I am hearing this. For five years…. for five years you let me believe something that wasn’t true.” Liam sobbed that he wished he had told her sooner but she cried: “You let me think that my fella was a drink driver who deserved everything he got.” Liam replied that she never really thought that but she snapped: “Didn’t I?” She tells him the worst thing is having to tell Ryan that Dean nearly killed his uncles. She yells that she wishes it was Liam and Paul that had gone through the windshield.
 
Michelle runs off and sees Paul and Carla were just getting out of the car. She screams at Ryan to leave and get his new trainers off.  Ryan looked bewildered and told her to look at his new trainers. He was stunned as she screams, “Get them off. I won’t tell you again. Get them off!” She reaches to take them off but is pulled away by Paul. Carla screams at Paul to let go of Michelle. As he did, she picked up the trainers and throws one at him. 
 
Michelle screams to Paul in anger about having Ryan believe that Dean is a drunk driver?” Paul screams back: “He had just lost the main man in his life. He wouldn’t want to lose two more. We did it to protect him in the long run!” She yelled back: “What, by making him think that of his father?”
 
The car alarm goes off on Paul and Carla’s car.
 
Carla tries to grab Michelle and take her around the corner.
 
The Websters are getting perturbed about the car alarm and Sally runs out. She starts to get angry until she sees that it is the Connors and changes her tune.
And for some bizarre reason Kevin comes out of the house doing up the front of his trousers. Strange…
 
Paul finds Michelle and asks her if she wants to go into the factory to discuss everything.  Liam is disgusted and tells him that it isn’t a business deal…
 
Michelle screams to get away and never to come near her and Ryan again.
 
And in other news….
 
At the Duckworths, Vera is getting the royal treatment as the sprained ankle is healing.  I am sure she is loving every minute of it. Molly, Tyrone and Jamie are cleaning the house and doing their part to make Vera comfortable. Obviously this is something that anyone would enjoy, but Vera seems take extra pleasure!
 
At the Battersbys’, Chesney tries on the suit for his school play; Cilla mused: “I could have been an actress. Me and Jodie Foster have a lot in common. Both gutsy, not behind many when brains were being handed out and very easy on the eye. Mind you, I don’t have a lisp. I couldn’t understand a word she said on that Snakes On A Plane.” Kirk asked: “Was she in that?” Cilla replied: “Something on a plane anyway. Lost her kiddie. Went off her head.” Chesney appeared to laugh with Cilla and Kirk, until Fiz snapped angrily at him: “I don’t know what you are guffawing at. You’re no example of sartorial elegance!”
 
Cilla muses how she was in the school nativity play years ago. Thick as ever, Kirk beamed: “So was I. Did we go to the same school?” Cilla then set off on a lengthy and hilarious take of how, as the innkeepers girlfriend, Kerry Sue, she upstaged the Virgin Mary by telling her and Joseph that they had just had a cancellation and they could have a room upstairs. Fiz asked if she was actually going to do anything to help with Chesney’s outfit. Cilla asked what he needed and when he told her Dandy Dan always had a bunch of flowers she smiled: “I’ll nip down t’cemetery in the morning.” Always classy is Cilla!

I just got an email from the people over at ‘The Hour’ and there seems to be some contest running.

Grand prize is a trip to Manchester to visit the set of Coronation Street with George Snuffleupa – I mean Stroumboulopoulos.

Check it out here.

Just want to give everyone the heads up that there’s a super duper head splitting spoiler out there with the current episodes of Corrie – regarding one of the main Corrie characters. So when you go looking around CSVU or elsewhere on the net, beware.

Also just a reminder (offered with some cookies and tea) to be sure not to put any spoilers out when commenting. Most of us look ahead but there still is a large group of purists who like to stick strictly to the Canadian episodes.

Thanks my dearios!