Corrie Canuck

Sean tries to get Violet in the mood for a little DIY impregnating

Eileen and Pat

The banter continues amongst the Streetcars gang about Eileen and her new man. While she is covering for the switchboard for Steve for the evening Pat comes into the pub looking for Eileen. The lads direct him to the cab office. After Pat leaves Jamie looks a bit puzzled. With a bit of prompting from Steve and Lloyd he tells them that he thinks Pat is married, based on some of the cab runs he has done. Not a good turn of events for our Eileen.

Pat picks up some delicacies from the kebab shop to bring to Eileen. Jerry seems less than impressed with his competitor from the affections of the siren of the switchboard.

Tyrone and Molly

Our young lovebirds have returned from looking for a place of their own, which they think they have found. When they tell Kevin the news he wonders how Vera will react. Molly insists that they have talked about their move with Vera and Jack and they are alright with the plan. Kevin, based on long experience, is not so sure.

When Molly is back at The Rectory later and word slips about them having found a place Vera does react rather badly to the news. It may not be as simple a departure as the young couple thought it would be.

Fiz and her People

Fiz and John stop in at The Rovers so Fiz can have a stiff drink before going for dinner with Roy and Hayley and Cilla. No one seems to be happy that Cilla has invited herself along for the meal, for good reason it would seem, as Cilla acts like a complete cow throughout the evening. She wonders if Fiz and John are getting hitched or if Fiz is ‘up the duff’ (such a lovely phrase) and later points out to Hayley that at least ’she was always a woman’. Charming. Throughout this ordeal John acts like a complete gentleman, carrying the conversation along, and even offering to give waltzing lessons. The ‘waltz’ Roy found for them to dance to sounded an awful lot like Moon River though.

Sean and Violet

The two aspiring parents continue their mature and well thought out plans to sire a child. Their attempt to get pregnant the traditional method seems to have failed, as Sean had trouble getting in touch with his inner heterosexual. They have a bit of a spat, a palpable tension hovers between them throughout the day, Violet has doubts about the baby, Sean wonders about their friendship surviving. They finally agree that the plan is back on, and Sean starts on about cement mixers and artificial insemination and the internet, rather than trying the ‘Pat & Eileen’ way again. I can only guess something related to basting a turkey is involved here. After some discrete off-camera happenings they wonder if Violet is pregnant.

Carla and the Girls

A lorry is parked outside the factory unloading fabric. Carla has got things moving again at Underworld. Hayley is genuinely grateful that someone has stepped into the leadership void. Carla thanks Hayley for going the extra mile while no one was in charge. Sally makes bitchy asides in the background, as is her wont.

Inside Carla goes around and gathers cellphones from everyone, so there will be no temtptation to call or text anyone. She tells Janice to bring her some coffee, and the two of them have a bit of aggro in the office. Carla tells Janice that she does not want to see or hear her, and the first time she gives Carla an excuse to fire her, Janice is gone.

Sean shows up waaay late for work with strange excuses and a bar of chocolate as a peace offering. He offers Carla some sincere condolences about her late husband, which seems to smooth things over a bit.

Sally comes into the office to talk to Carla about the job Paul had offered her previously as his PA. Sally thinks she could be helpful to Carla in the process of getting the factory up and running smoothly again. Carla asks Sally for her CV (which she doesn’t have) or for any references from her last job as a PA (which she doesn’t have) and when she tries to call Davenport Motors Sally tells her that their was a personality conflict with her last boss. Carla tells Sal to get out and stop wasting her time.

Later at the pub, Carla pops by to buy the girls some drinks, to show she is human.

Epiosde originally aired July 2, 2007

It’s no secret that Carla has won a lot of us over this week.  As suspected, Carla without Paul is a much more likable woman.  My own personal love affair with her is that she’s turning out to be one of those great characters that’s not going to be always good or always bad. 

Yesterday morning, still in the warm glow of watching Carla take charge of the factory, I was reading Leah McClaren’s Saturday column. The gist of it was how all women need to embrace their inner bitch every so often and not always be the nice doormat.

To further her praise of the strong but not always popular woman, she quoted Tina Fey’s suggested campaign line for Hillary Clinton and I realized how appropriately it would apply to our Carla.

“Bitches get the job done.”

Manchester United team mates Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo, representing England and Portugal in the last World Cup, get better acquainted with each other when Wayne decides to give the genitals of Cristiano a gentle massage with his cleats.

When Violet and Sean are planning their pregnancy he comments on how there likely a dearth of appropriate magazine material at the fertility clinic to help someone of a monochromatic sexual preference like himself get into the mood. Violet tells Sean he just has to close his eyes and think of England* (pause) versus Portugal.

*’Lay back and think of England was the advice Queen Victoria gave to the women of her era, who were not supposed to enjoy sex, but still had to produce enough offspring to garrison the Empire upon which the sun never set.

 Serving up Greens

In the café, Roy offers to call in sick for Hayley. She says he can’t lie and there isn’t a boss to call. Becky comes into the café, asking if she is running late for work . She says she was just doing the shopping list for tonight and is going to get ready now.

The Green Initiative has gone into full effect at the café. The lights are dimly lit and Becky says she needs light to work properly. Roy says he is saving energy and trying to reduce their carbon footprint and candles make a pleasant atmosphere. Becky says that if they get food poisoning there will be more flushing. A very interesting point. At that moment Cilla walks up to the counter and asks who they are poisoning and is told no one. Becky says the meal she is cooking is not for sale and it’s for Fiz and her new beau John. Cilla is offended that she has not been invited – and asks what time they are coming. Joanne and Kelly enter the cafe. Becky asks what they are doing out and if Hayley said they could leave the Factory. Becky then marches out the café – she is tired of Hayley being treated like a doormat.

Chips Ahoy!

Outside, Yana and Cilla wonder why Mr. Wong has asked them to start so early. You mean before noon… They are both out on the Street with matching red “Wong’s” shirts and caps handing out flyers.

Yana tells Cilla if they don’t do this one of them will get sacked. Yana proclaims it won’t be her! Everyone comes out the factory. Sean says everyone else has gone. Fiz says she will talk to them. Everyone walks by them and Fiz looks at the flyer and walks away. Cilla takes off her hat and storms off.

Underwear revolt

Hayley and Wiki (Vicky) are cleaning, as the others sit there and do nothing. Kelly walks into the office and sees Sean on the computer. wants on the computer. She wants to see what he is looking up. Trust me – you do not want to know. The truth is that on the screen is “Fertility Online” Yeech. He closes the browser before she can look and she gets upset and inadvertently pulls out the mouse. Hayley comes in saying, if they have broken it they will pay for it – telling them they are acting like kids.

They go out and Sally says she is going home and if there is any work she has to call. Becky comes in to Underworld to see how Hayley’s sanity is keeping. She is busy cleaning and scrubbing bits of the floor. Becky tells Hayley to leave it. Hayley says the place has not had a good clean since it was refurbished. You know what I would say? Not my problem…

Becky tells Hayley she is only supervisor – she really making some sense. Hayley says she wishes she wasn’t and everyone is blaming her. Becky says she is not having this and is going to get Carla. I love it when Becky gets determined. Carla is just about to enter Michelle’s flat. They are both walking toward Michelle’s flat/the Rovers when Hayley forces Becky to stop.

Behind the wall, Carla listens intently – unbeknownst to them. Hayley says Carla is grieving and will be reminded of Paul in the Factory. Hayley says whatever she is going through is nothing compared to what Carla is going through. She tells Becky to let Carla grieve. Hayley is so self-sacrificing. A bit later – back at the Factory some of the ladies are actually working. Fiz asks if she should call Janice and try and track her down. Hayley asks if they are still in the Rovers. Wiki (Vikki) says they are still there. At that moment, they all come in and Janice sees her card has been clocked out. She asks if Fiz has done this. Hayley tell her just to clock in and sit down. She starts to complain about losing two hours wages and asks if Hayley has done this. Just then Carla appears and says she has done it. See foot – insert in mouth.

Pass the Wine, please

Eileen and Pat come down the stairs in matching blue housecoats going on about the night before. Yuck, did you see Pat’s stomach. Mine is turning. Eileen offers to make him some breakfast, but he replies that he has to get a move on. Sean asks if Jamie knows if his housecoat is being used. They both go upstairs and get ready for their day.

Violet tells Sean that they are going to make a beautiful baby. Sean suggests a do-it yourself kit instead of going to the fertility clinic. She asks what he is scared off. He says nothing and it would be better just them. Sean says it’s amazing what comes up when putting “pregnating” into Google. He says there is a home kit and has to order one. Violet says she will be past her most fertile. (TMI, Violet). He tells her to wait another month. Violet says there is the obvious way and for them just to do a “Pat and Eileen”. Sean is taken aback and says he can’t and keeps repeating no.

Eileen comes in saying she’s done something stupid and tells them to wait there and goes. Sean says he can’t. Eileen comes back down, and asks if they like the new yellow top. Violet says it’s really nice. Sean says if she likes it then keep it unless it compromises who she is. Eileen then goes. Violet asks what he is scared of and if she might turn him. She asks when the last time he had sex with a woman was. He says in his past life. LOL. Violet tells Sean to kiss her. Sean says they need music and wine. He puts on Take That. She tells him to stop drinking the wine. Sean says she is used to blokes. Violet says so is she, and tells him to forget the atmosphere. He says ok – and chases her up the stairs.

Take a cue from Roy – don’t forget Earth Hour March 28th at 8PM: http://www.earthhour.org/

FYI, for Charlottetown ONLY.
A crawl will run tonight on the CBCT Charlottetown feed during
Coronation Street:

“Due to live coverage of the Easter Seals telethon, Coronation Street
will not be seen on Monday, March 31.  Two episodes will air
back-to-back on Tuesday, April 1 starting at 7:00 pm.”

Baby Mamma

It’s a quiet July 1st morning (the day the pubs go smoke-free) and Sean sees a Federlinesque ruffian who, with one hand, is carrying a baby in a car seat, and in the other, a can of beer, thereby perfectly making Jacqueline’s argument that the poor should be sterilized (I’m paraphrasing her position, of course).

He’s still nervous talking to Violet after last night’s awkward conversation but there’s work to be done at the Rovers as it begins its first officially smoke-free day. Steve wonders if ashtrays will be placed in museums one and considers mounting one on the wall and writing a poem:

Many cigarettes
Find their end in this glass house
Beer bottle works too

Steve says he can’t wait to go to Spain so he can sit and have a fag. Sean says he’s always partial to a Spanish fag.

Anyway, Violet suddenly gets angry at Steve over, well, nothing at all really and storms off. Later Sean tries to apologise for his suggestion that he father her child. Who would want some Mary, siring tap-dancers, singing tunes from Gypsy? Not that he stereotypes the gays.

Violet is about to say something when they are interrupted by Lloyd, looking for a place to smoke, but he is sent out back. They try to continue their conversation but find the back yard is crowded with smokers so they head out to the Maxine Peacock Death Bench, when Violet decides that these two having a baby may not be such a mad idea after all. After Steve ushers them back inside, the conversation moves to its third location in a booth in the pub when they reminisce about all the crazy times they’ve had and really, they reckon, why shouldn’t they have a baby. Sean says he’s the perfect donor as he can be as involved or not involved as she wants him to be.

Because things like this never get complicated.

Eileen Gets Some….Donairs

Eileen’s date with Irish Pat is on tonight and she’s desperately trying to cook something from a recipe of Frankie’s lent to her by Jamie. After spending 90 minutes on whatever he wants, she throws the bowl down and screams with rage, causing someone off camera to laugh.

When Pat arrives, she presents him with an empty bowl and admits she just isn’t much of a cook. Instead, she decides they go to the local Greco to get a couple of donairs from Jerry. As they eat their healthy meals, Pat kind of invites himself to stay the night. I believe the term “ravish you” is used. They run off back to Eileen’s, giggling, as a downcast Jerry watches from behind his blinds.

Kitchen Nightmare

Leanne and Janice are all dickie-doodled up for her first day as a restaurant owner. And both are nervous as heck.

Leanne is handed the keys to her new restaurant and meets the staff, whom she fibs that she previously owned a tapas bar in Barcelona. They toast to respectability and Leanne quotes Condileeza Rice, proclaiming, “Failure is not an option.”

The staff don’t seem all that impressed with her.

In Other News

As Roy continues to try to reduce his carbon footprint, Hayley complains to Becky about her problems at Underworld. She says it reminds her of the days she was a man and the hard times she had a school. Becky gives her a big Teletubby hug. Hayley later invites her former lodger Fizz, and her new beau John Stape, over for tea tomorrow night.

Molly is looking at the apartment rentals but Jack doesn’t want her to go as she and Tryone provide a relief from his routine of Vera’s nightly gas expulsions.

Jamie is reminded by Lloyd that he used to sleep with his mother.

The big story the night was Violet and Sean’s ‘talk’.   He sees her in the morning getting ready to spend the afternoon with Max Beesley (who’s real name is an ever more ridiculous Maxton Gig Beesley). 

Sean instead calls a sickie day at work and takes Violet out to the park for a picnic and a chitchat.  Basically the upshot is he thinks she’s foolish to rush ahead with the baby before she’s not even given herself a chance to find Mr. Right.  

To make his point he accosts a young family in the park to ask about how they’ve been together, explaining that his friend believes that she will never find Mr. Right and is ‘so cynical for one so young’.  (God…I love that line…it was like I was watching one of those Emma Thompson period movies.).

Anyway, the couple tell her that yes, they have found true love and that she too can have the 2.4 children and the sedan in the garage.

Violet sticks to her guns, she MUST have a baby because she’s not getting any younger and finding Mr. Right might take years and she’d be pushing…what…26?  COME ON!  Who’s got that kind of time?

Later back home, Sean worries that perhaps the baby-testtube-daddy might be a Hooray Henry and the sprog may come out speaking all posh n’ shit.   To prevent the child from having any kind of speech impediment, like say, a lisp, Sean volunteers himself to be the baby-daddy.   He reminds her of the pact they made way back a few months ago when they were drunk at the Rovers.   The original agreement was if, by the time they were 30 they didn’t have kids, they’d mate.   Violet says that 30 is ‘Tales from the Crypt’ time and she needs to have a child BEFORE she reaches that ancient age.   (Glacia’s 41 year old arm lobs a martini glass at the telly.)

Now, Gentle Readers, you must know that I am REALLY holding back on a rant here.  WHY does she think this is a good idea?  From what I can tell her ass is po’,  I don’t know what kind of support network she has as she doesn’t seem to have any close family and she’d have to rely on the support of her roomies, and to top it off, doesn’t she think when she’s a grand old age of 31 and chasing after some kid she just ***might*** think, ‘Christ, I wish I had backpacked across Europe before taking on the responsibility of a child.’.

This story line has me unsettled.  Why does she think she should have a child just because she wants one?   If you wanted a dog, you’d have a good look at your lifestyle to see if it’s one that accommodate a dog, so why doesn’t she use the same judgement before bringing an infant into the world?

Salesman Pat

Eileen has been anxiously awaiting Pat’s phone call and when he does finally give her a ring, she’s so excited that she invites him for dinner.   Problem is, the only thing in her cupboard is some 10 year old canned Lobster Bisque.

So she saddles up to Jerry at the Rovers and asks his advice.  What does he think she should serve the man that has usurped him as Eileen’s paramour?

Ouch.

Stage Fright

Leanne is very excited about the restaurant and can’t wait to go in and take a look at her new business.  Janice decides to call in a sickie to the factory and her and Roger join Leanne for a look-see around the restaurant.

It’s all looking good and Roger even suggest that he puts in a water feature to sex up the place…but Janice says she hates water features, they make her want to ‘wee’ all the time.   (wha?  Glacia giggles.).

This makes me wonder why Roger didn’t just come in as a silent partner instead of lending the money.  At least he’d have some control over the decisions being made.

Anyway, back at the Rovers, Leanne starts looking green around the gills and confesses to Janice that she thinks she’s made a terrible mistake.  She’s in way over her head and how is she ever going to be able to afford to keep the restaurant running and still pay rent.  (What rent?  Isn’t she just sleeping on Janice’s couch.).  

Janice tells her to suck it up and make sure Roger doesn’t know that she’s feeling so unsure.

Rats From a Sinking Ship

Turns out that all the workers may not have to worry about calling in sickies to the factory much longer.   Haley tells them that there’s no money to pay them and there’s certainly no more fabric with which to produce knickers.

Sally starts being a bitch and calling Haley useless and asks why she hasn’t called Liam.  Haley explains that she has but there’s no answer.  She also doesn’t want to bother Carla while she’s grieving.

Later, Haley decides that she probably should bother Carla and goes over to Michelle’s place to talk to her.  Carla basically says that she’s got other things to worry about right now and that the livelihood of the factory workers is not her issues.    Ummmmmm, aren’t you part owner of this business now?   I kind of think it IS your freaking issue.

In Other News

Chesney’s report about the environmental impact that Roy’s Rolls is making is not good.  Apparently RR’s is one big ass earth destroying SUV making a bee line for polar ice caps, bunnies and vegan nuns.    With that bit of news, Roy is committed to making RR’s carbon neutral by 2008.

Finally, Vermin proclaims to Jerry that he is a workhorse.  Jerry says that he also is a workhorse.   I believe Jerry.  Vermin, not so much.

Save Your Money

Leanne needs to come up with ten grand to buy the Italian on her own. Janice says leave it to her.

Janice calls Roger to meet her at lunch time to ask him something. When they get together, she pops the question: she needs ten thousand pounds. Only it’s not for her, it’s for Leanne.

Roger is shocked at the request but admits, when gently pressed by Janice, that, yes, he did do well for himself in France with that that plumbing work (note to all you kids pursuing your MBAs and Arts degrees: they’re fine pursuits all but don’t go lookin’ down your noses at the skilled trades. There is more than a few honest bob to be earned there.). He asks why can’t Leanne come up with the money if she was such a high-falutin’ real estate salesperson.

Janice spills it: Leanne was “on the game,” which is British for sex work. Roger storms out and Janice follows behind, begging him to consider. He says he has to sort his head out and drives off.

Later, he comes to Janice’s flat to discuss the issue further. He eventually agrees to give the money to Janice, not Leanne, for her to do with as she pleases. Janice promises to pay it back but Roger just asks to not make him regret it.

Has She Tried Formula 401?

Violet begs Sean to cover her shift all last minute like during lunch as she has a doctor’s appointment.

When she gets back, Sean presses her on the subject and she admits the truth: she went to ask about fertility treatments. Violet wants a wee bairn and is in the market for a sperm donor, which she reckons is a better way to go about it than picking up random men. Sean is shocked, shocked!

Save the Chippy

Yana is back! And she has news for Cilla: Wong is losing customers to Jerry’s and if they don’t stop getting people from going over there, the two chip shop women are going to be out of a job.

Cilla later catches Chesney buying a donair (yes, I know they’re called kebabs but where I’m from, that’s a donair). She calls him a traitor and tells he could have fish n’ chips whenever he likes. He says there’s nothing in the fridge and he’s sick of chips. Cilla grabs the donair and chucks it in the garbage, as Jerry looks on, appalled.

In Other News

Sean puts up a notice of the smoking ban, coming into effect within the next two weeks. Steve tells him to throw it away, as until then, Britain is still a free country.

Hayley is still being walked all over by the staff and is still on the receiving end of Sally’s smug tips for effective employee management.

David manages to get through a day at Audrey’s without getting fired. He even got a tip from a little old lady who thought he was charming. There was also a bit cut from the broadcast about Amber, who came in to book an appointment, and whether or not David likes her but apparently he doesn’t. I’m sure Amber cries herself to sleep over that one.

Carla gets back from the reading of Paul’s will. She tells Steve that, instead of providing for his family, he just gave everything to her, with the expectation that she’ll sort everything out.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank Whitehorse Fan for all the great work she has done for us with the updates. She’s going to step down from the Friday slot but I didn’t want her to leave without publically acknowledging all the wonderful updates and great laughs she’s given up.

Three cheers for WF (or as I always read in my brain…WTF – we won’t even get into what I read Michighan Fan’s initials as)! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

Thanks love! We’ll miss you!

*Please note that I have no idea who the people above are – unfortunately I couldn’t get all the Corrie Canucks together for a group pic.

**Please also note that Friday’s time slot will be take up by our own Papasmurf and that Debbie will be the sole Monday updater.  Exceptin’ for the next few Monday’s as she is swinging it big time in Japan.

My apologies for the lateness of this post as well as the brevity. I have had the flu all week end, so it is only today that I am feeling up to doing it.

At the Rover’s Blanche’s wake is well underway. The mourners are enjoying their free drink and nosh, but Blanche feels that they are not showing the proper respect and deference for her loss. Emily points out that Blanche is not really dead, so it is a little difficult to feel the sense of occasion. Norris points out that she can’t be really expecting words of grief and paeans to her generous spirit. She is hardly a saint, and no one will remember her for her lovely disposition. Everyone, even Emily, agrees, and Blanche is left feeling a little depressed at the end of her wake.

Back at the Barlows’, Blanche comments that her wake didn’t really go as planned, to which Deirdre and Ken tell her, “I told you so”. The wake was not a complete wash, however, as Blanche has decided to become a better person, so that when she does kick off, people will be sad.

Like Scrooge on Christmas Day, Blanche gives 50 pence to an astonished Chesney, to buy something nice; to Norris’ surprise, she does not chew his head off for saying what he did at the wake, but pays off the Barlows’ paper bill. Thankfully, however, this episode does not end with Tiny Tim saying in a treaclish voice “God Bless us, everyone”. Blanche ends up at Dev’s shop to buy some biscuits. She tries to ask Amber, who is at the counter, a question, but Amber ignores Blanche as she is busy texting someone.  Blanche sweetly says she will simply look around. She sees the prices biscuits and her resolution begins to fade, but she continues bravely forward, trying to be thoughtful and kind. When she asks once more for Amber’s help and Amber blithely ignores her, Blanche comes undone. She tells Amber, as Deirdre walks in, that the only reason Dev keeps her around is because he regrets his past and the fact that he ignored her while she was young. As Deirdre looks on, a bit surprised, Blanche concludes by say, “I speak as I find and if people don’t like it then tough!”, or something similar.

Leanne

Leanne emerges from the Rover’s after having been insulted yet again by Carla, only more determined then ever to buy the restaurant. She runs into Janice, and tells her that she will do it on her own, and decides to go and speak to the restaurant owner.

She goes to the restaurant and talks the owner into giving her a little more time. He agrees that if she can give him 75% of the money in the next seven days, then she can pay the other 25% in installments after that. The writers on the Street, recognizing that some of us may be mathematically challenged, spell out what this means. Leanne still needs to come up with 10, 000.00 more. Leanne does not seem perturbed by this, and agrees.

Leanne decides that she will raise the money the old fashioned way: by going to London to be a prostitute rather than doing it in Manchester. Janice tries to dissuade her, doing her old song and dance, but Leanne seems determined. Leanne leaves, and Janice, after some hesitation, follows her. She knows that the bus, rather more majestically called the “coach” in England, leaves within the hour, however, and so races against the clock. She arrives at the bus depot to find that Leanne is not on the bus, or even preparing to go on it. She is crying, as her eyes have finally been opened to what she has been doing all this time. She thinks that she is no good, and never should have thought she could do better. Janice tries to cheer her up, backtracking on everything she has told her up til then, saying that Leanne can do better, and that they will find the money, somehow.

Underworld

Joanne is wearing earring bigger than her head, and telling all about her detention, and that it was determined it would be an infringement of her human rights to send her back to her home country, so she can stay.  

Hayley, meanwhile, continues to struggle at the Underworld as the seamstresses act as though they have the world’s most ineffective substitute teacher, which, in effect, they have. She manages to get them to stroll over to their machines, but not much work gets done. Even Fiz looks like she is in on the action, as she shows Kelly something on the sly. We soon find out what it is when Hayley storms out of the manager’s office, bearing a poster with the picture of a cute fluffy dog on it and the caption: “I don’t know, I don’t care- that’s why they put me in charge”. Hayley is incenced by this, and blames Sally for doing it. Fiz owns up, and says she thought that Hayley would find it funny. Hayley is forced to apologize to Sally. Hayley finally gives up, and goes to the Rover’s with everyone else for a pint.

In Other News

Violet is on the phone with the doctor in the back room of the Rover’s when Sean walks in. Violet hangs up the phone and tells Sean that she wasn’t talking about anything important. Sean doesn’t believe her, but she says nothing more.

After Vern makes fun of the fact that Michelle has not given Steve anything for his birthday, Steve locks Vern in the cellar only to later find that Vern has had the cellar equipped with a kettle, biscuits, a T.V. and a comfy chair. Hardly the Spanish Inquisition.