Corrie Canuck

From Alexia over at Peta UK…quite a few Corrie stars have joined a campaign to end the use of real bear fur on the Queen’s guards ceremonial hats. 

Stars include Wendy Peters (Cilla), Jenny McApine (Fizz), and many more…check it out here.

As mentioned earlier, Vernon continued his streak of wearing awesome T-shirts with this week’s Captain America one, complete with ripped abs. This delighted the comic nerd in me and I can’t help but wonder if the shirt was Vern’s tribute to the Star-Spangled Avenger, who died last year (his former sidekick is throwing the shield these days).

With that in mind, I give you this video tribute to Marvel’s first big hero, who fought Nazis with a bulletproof shield but was powerless against a pulled hamstring.

Warning: Audio Not Safe for Work.

Okay, so here’s the story. We ran out of Flaming Nora updates as our lovely UK correspondent went on hiatus in September of last year. Course, I realized this AFTER I had erased the episodes from my pvr.

In a panic I consulted your crack team of Corrie updaters and during Facebook and Youtube breaks throughout the work day, this is the VERY abridged version of events we came up with.  So let’s pretend this is a big old Mad Lib update where you all get to fill in the blanks of important stuff we forgot.

So here it is…yeah, in point form.

Cilla gets hired by Frank as his attendant/eye candy. They seem to make a fine couple and Frank does have a few bucks behind him. He lets Cilla know that his whole house is equipped with CCTV and every move she makes will be filmed. So with that out of the way he has her take him to the Rovers where he treats Fizz and John to drinks while Fizz treats Frank to ‘Tales of Cilla’.

Haley’s Aunt Monica dies and she’s very shaken up by this because Auntie Monica was the only member of her family who accepted her as she was.  Initially she says she won’t go to the funeral because her whole disapproving family will be there, but in the end she decides she owes it to her aunt to go.

Jack and Vera celebrate their 50th anniversary.  Dev chauffeurs them in a fancy schmancy car to the Rovers, all of 50 feet – personally I thought he could have drove them around town a bit.   At the Rovers Jack makes a lovely speech about the first time he met Vera at a fairground where he was working and how she was the loveliest girl at the fair.  He ends his toast by saying that she is still the loveliest girl at the fair and in honour of their anniversary, he sings that song that Shirley Feeney used to sing on ‘Laverne and Shirley’. 

Paul pretends to be Jack in order to get a 20K loan for the restaurant.  When he gets it  Leanne tells Roger that she will pay him back the loan in full.   However, Paul convinces her that the money would be better spent invested back into the restaurant and that ‘Roger the Lodger’ can just wait.   I was expecting her to give him say 10K, maybe 5K – but no, she gives him a cheque for a whopping 2K.   bitch.

Steve and Michelle are off to Ireland.  Yeah, whatever.

Eileen and Jerry have a few dates. When Jerry invites her to his house, they can’t get any privacy from the kids and end up using the shed for chat and wine.  They end up playing their music too loud and Gail comes banging on the shed to tell them to knock it off.  To give her a show, Eileen tussles her hair, undoes a few buttons, exposes her bra and comes swaggering out of the shed staggering and hanging off of Gerry.  Gail is INCENSED! 

Earlier that day, Gail gives David a hard time about not going to the school picking up his grades.  After she’s let all holy hell loose on him, he produces the grades paper he picked up…worse yet, the only course he wrote an exam for he scored an A+.  On a side note,  Jason is trying to keep everyone from triggering the bat-shit crazy button on David.

After a talk from Audrey about the marriage,  Claire returns home to Ashley.   Even after Claire tells Casey to push off (but in a very nice way), the big eyed freak is convinced that Ashley is going to leave Claire for her and when he tells her instead that he’s dumping her, she gets upset ad her eyes get even more psycho.   Meanwhile back at home, Claire asks Ashley point blank if he slept with Casey and that if he loves her and if their marriage has any chance of surviving he’ll tell the truth.   Ashley says, ‘No, no of COURSE I didn’t sleep with Casey.’  I gots a feeling this is going to bite him in the ass later.

The Angela’s Ex-Hubby Club is pressuring Norris to confess who he’s planning to marry.

Our John remembered that Vernon wore a Captain America t-shirt.  But really it was Eileen who should have the cape because when a couple of thugs come into the kebab shop and try to make off with a free meal, she KLUNKS their heads together and it’s all KA-POW, KAAAAAAAA-BLOOEY for those chumps and they go running.   Eileen shouts after them, ‘Donair come back!’  (Okay, I made that one up.)

David saw Amber all dolled up for her celebratory A+ results dinner with Dev and he said she looked like a hooker.

From our John again in another Jerry/Eileen date related bit:  Jody, in an effort to remind viewers who she is, sprayed ketchup (or, as they sometimes call it in the UK, “red sauce”) all over Jerry’s floral print shirt, causing him to change into a plaid shirt that matched the table cloth at Valandro’s.

Finally, Debbie contributed this comment, ‘Wait, who is Mel again?’

So that’s it in a nutshell.  Ms. Hanna also pointed out that visual updates of the shows are available if you klicken-sie here.

From Flaming Nora’s update of the week of August 20, 2007. Again, commentary added by yours truly in italics.

Casey’s spotted at Ashley’s bedroom window by nosey neighbours with wagging tongues on the Street. Kev pops round to see his mate Ash to ask him for a beer but backs off when he finds Ashley with Casey wearing Claire’s dressing gown and two wine glasses and an open bottle in the living room. Clearly putting two and two together to make what even Ashley doesn’t yet know is four, Kev tells Audrey that she needs to find out just what’s going on. Audrey has a firm but gentle word with me-laddo and when Ashley tells her that it’s none of her business, she says: “Oh, but I beg to differ, and so would your father” which was a really nice touch. Casey collars Audrey outside the salon in the middle of a Manchester thunderstorm and tells her to mind her own business. It was really spooky, the thunder was crashing, the wind was howling, Casey’s eyes were narrowing, it was all very Wizard of Oz.

David lies and tells everyone on the Street that he and Mel Morton are an item. Sarah warns Mel off David and David’s jilted at the cinema with two big tubs of popcorn all to himself. He later tells Amber that he dumped Mel after he’d been sleeping with her and of course this news finds its way back to Mel in the kebab shop where dad Jerry takes matters into his own hands. He storms in to see Gail to tell her to keep an eye on young David, or else, and Gail marches David by the scruff of the neck to apologise to Mel and to Jerry. David then climbs up on the garage roof and takes imaginary shots from an invisible gun at his mum, sister and gran while Jason tries to talk him down. He’s such an evil, scary lad that David Platt, but I don’t half feel sorry for him. As Audrey calls time between Sarah and David arguing in the hair salon she says, with a flourish: “Ooh, I feel just like Boutros Boutros Gali!”. Who? Indeed. Apparently he was the Secretary General of the United Nations but perhaps not as adept as peace keeping in a hair salon as the lovely Mrs Roberts.

Originally, David’s issues could be chalked up to childhood neglect and feelings of abandonment. Now, it just seems he just needs a girlfriend. I do hope, however, that he doesn’t end up “settling” for Amber who could do much better. Sadly, her choices of local boys are either David or Darryl, one lives in the garage, the other in a shed. Neither one would be considered a catch.

But, in the words of Audrey, honestly, David. Your family doesn’t pay enough attention to you. Boo Frakkin’ Hoo. As you’ve said yourself on Christmas Day, you’re 16. Grown up enough to make your own choices in life. You’d think one of those choices would be to stop punishing the family for not providing you with your idealised childhood.

Carla tells Sally that Rosie’s decided to work full-time at the factory and she’s not going to go back to School. “Oh yes she is” says Sally to anyone who’ll listen and even Kev gets involved and makes his voice heard, trying to get Rosie to see sense and not throw away her highly priced education on some low budget pants job. The Websters head off en famille to Greece for their holidays with Rosie tagging along after Sally makes her pay her own way now that she’s earning. Best line of the week was from Rosie to Amber telling her all about her new job: “A full-time job means a full-time fashion commitment” she says as she swans along the Street, all a-la-mode Primark with a hint of New Look.

Sudden holiday to Greece? Sure it’s off-season, but take note, the Websters are moving up in the world. I also noticed something this week: I had forgotten that Kevin’s garage is officially called Websters’ Auto Centre, with the apostrophe at the end, indicating the business belong to more than one Webster, even though it’s completely Kevin’s business. This, you’ll recall, was Sally’s idea back when she decided to be his personal assistant for all of 15 minutes. It’s funny to see that it’s stuck.

Also, Rosie is exhibiting the same approach to business that some of the more buxom applicants use on The Apprentice: that a low-cut blouse and a short skirt will get you far in the corporate world. It’ll only get you so far, until it’s clear that you don’t have much else to offer like education or experience. Carla may dress to the nines but she at the very least shows a willingess to learn the business. After all, it’s been months since she killed a Pole.

Leanne still needs £20k to keep the pizza burning and the red wine flowing at the restaurant. Paul Clayton says he’ll invest and Leanne doesn’t take him too seriously at first wondering how he’s going to raise the cash but Paul’s got a plan, one that involves fleecing his granddad Jack Duckworth for all that he’s worth. Well, he is Terry’s son and we should never forget it.

It’s a special kind of scum who fleeces his grandparents for money.

Poor Jack. It’s his and Vera’s Golden Wedding anniversary this week and it’s left to Molly and Paul to make all the arrangements as Tyrone’s in Spain visiting his mum in Benidorm jail after she was caught shoplifting some flip-flops. I once saw someone shoplift some flipflops, but it wasn’t Jackie Dobbs. And I thought to myself, if someone really needs to shoplift flipflops then they probably really need them, for whatever the reason, so I’m going to keep quiet and say nowt.

In her new job at the care home, Cilla gets an official reprimand after being nasty to one of the old men, Frank Nichols. But when she finds out it’s Frank Nichols of the famed Nichols’ Tickets and he’s worth a bob or two, well, she’s hitching up her skirt (ugh), showing off her stocking tops (retch), and flashing him her boobs (oh stop it now! now!). Frank, however, is tickled pink with the attention and the stocking tops, particularly the stocking tops, and asks Cilla to take a full-time job as his carer after admitting that yes, he is stinking rich. “You’ve got the first part right” she replies.

Norris, George and Ivor chat about Norris’ mystery woman, the one he wants to propose to. When Emily comes into the Rovers, George and Ivor assume she’s the one as Norris rushes to the bar to buy his landlady a drink and is aghast when his new mates wind him up about the fragrant Aunty Em. (Oh, and as this is my last ever update, I’m not going to miss a final opportunity to say this: BRING BACK SPIDER!).

Michelle asks Steve to go on holiday to Ireland to meet her mum. She tells Steve that Ireland’s a lovely place, very romantic and I’m sure it is too, to be sure. It seemed to do the trick for my parents when they were in Glendalough all those long years ago, strangely enough about the time of my conception. I’m still grateful that they weren’t in Tipperary.

Oh, and Michelle’s still tormenting Steve about Shania and Dev’s still off salad cream.

Leanne makes a comment about ‘owing more than Glazer’ at some point this morning. She is making reference to the American who in recent years bought a controlling interest in the Manchester United FC, and angered and alienated fans when he borrowed heavily (850 million dollars or so) to pull off the deal and in the process saddled the club with a massive debt.

Unlucky in love Steve Macdonald will be pleased to know that his Maltese holiday girlfriend Shania is back on the market.

Oops. Sorry, that would be the other Shania. Apparently, her marriage to Mutt Lange don’t impress her much.

Last night I watched a biography on Mary Walsh and she retold the tale of how she got into showbiz.

Apparently many moons ago she was sitting on her aunt’s couch watching Coronation Street (which she mentioned that she loves) and on came an ad from the CBC asking for hosts of a new local program.   She went down the CBC and bada-bing bada-boom she ends up hosting her own show, which leads to CODCO which leads to 22 Minutes which leads to Canadian comedy history.

I finally figured out what it is about Casey that creeps me out the most…it’s her eyes. Like those big-eyed kid pictures.

Sorry this is so rushed kids, but here’s your update from last week from the ever lovely Flaming Nora.

Oh, but before you go on to the update, I just wanted to refer back to an entry I did awhile back because I’m sure that a lot of you are asking who this Angela person was.   I wrote a quick background on her here.

August 13, 2007

If you’d like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com

Claire gets increasingly paranoid this week and thinks everyone is talking about her. Oddly enough, they are. But not in the way that she thinks, as people genuinely care about her but egged on by Casey, she leaves the Street to go and stay with her mum. As soon as the coast is clear, Casey’s straight round there to see Ashley, cooking his tea for him and opening the wine.  Ashley’s so distraught that Claire’s gone and left him again that he seeks comfort in Casey’s arms and, er, other bits. Audrey has a quiet word with me laddo after she spots Casey coming and going but he tells her all’s well although clearly it’s not.

And that’s just about that for this week. Tune in next week for the update as it comes with very special news.

For those of you who missed the comment, Beanie let us know that she was born the day that Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, which is pretty damn cool.  (The only interesting thing to happen on the day I was born was Pepperment Patty appeaered for the first time in the funny papers….so we’re the same age as far as I’m concerened.)