Corrie Canuck

Home Heist

At Duckworths residence, Vera sees Molly reading a home interior magazine. Molly tells her about the changes she’s thinking of making throughout the house. Vera’s does not seem pleased at the idea and prefers the “traditional’ look. Tyrone thinks about the money they will save. But Molly looks agitated.

Molly and Tyrone are having a coffee in the café and going over the changes they will make.  Tyrone tells her that they need to be “sensitive”.  Molly suggests they get rid of the stone cladding. Tyrone doesn’t see anything wrong with it.  Molly is perplexed, “You know sometimes you really scare me”  (My favourite line)

Vera is looking at Molly’s magazine and thinks that it’s full of funny post modern ideas.  Jack wants to know what the box is and Vera mentions she wants a jumble (garage) sale. He is upset at the thought about getting rid of his Newton and Ridley collectable ashtray. Vera asks if they are doing the right  thing, Jack says that everything changes.  “Not everything changes,” she smiles, “I’ll always be your collectable!” How cute.

Too Close for Comfort

Liam is thinking of going to work for a couple of hours. She doesn’t like the idea and reminds him that the doctor said – no work. (I love this doctor). He is bored and wants her to bring some files from Underworld. She inquires, what is so special about the place and he replies he misses the buzz.  And that someone has to keep Carla in check.

Maria goes to the factory to pick up the new clients file and she asks why Liam didn’t get them. (mm, because maybe he is in crutches…)

She said that she offered to come and get them.  “We couldn’t have him come to visit the big bad wolf, could we?” smirks Carla. “You look more like Grandma to me,” quips Maria. “Touche!” says Carla.

Liam is hobbling over the cobbles on his crutches, when he’s spotted by Carla who falls about laughing. He asks her if she’s seen Maria, and she tells him she came to the factory. Just then Ryan comes along, obviously on his way to school. “I thought I could trust you two!” says Ryan, and he’s cross that everyone knew about the situation but him. Carla tries to calm him down he walks off and tells them to stay away from him.

Maria arrives back to the house. Liam asks where she’s been, he’s been waiting for his paperwork. She tells him she went to Chorlton, she’d heard about a bakery there that makes gorgeous wedding cakes.

As she is telling Liam all about it when Carla comes out from the kitchen with mugs of tea in each hand. (She doesn’t know when to say away does she?) Maria, looking stunned, asks if she’s missing something. They tell her it’s a problem with Ryan and it is ‘family business’. Ouch. “Since I’m here,” says Carla to Liam, “we might as well get started together.” Liam looks at Maria, “An hour’s work, tops,” he says.

Dazed and Confused

Ryan goes into the Rovers where he is angry at Michelle and wonders when he was going to be told about everything and that he wants to go to school. He goes up to get changed.

Later, a woman walks into the Rovers and Wendy, Alex’s mom. Michelle gets upset and says she has nothing to say.  She tells her that Nick doesn’t know that she is there and she needs to talk. They proceed to the back room.

Wendy tells Michelle she remembers her from the hospital and about her relationship with Ryan. Michelle gets angry and asks why Nick has been obsessed over this. Wendy explains this whole situation has destroyed their marriage.

Michelle says she won’t contact Alex and as she leaves Wendy asks if she loves Ryan. “That’s the only truth that matters,” says Wendy, and leaves.

Once again, Ryan is missing he hasn’t been home and is two hours late. She phones around to find out he didn’t go to school that day. Liam then goes off to call the police as Michelle breaks down and sobs in Steve’s arms.

In Other News:

Lauren goes on a date with Darryl

Wiki/Vikki is starting a new business on the side

Ryan, I am Still Your Father

We open where we left off yesterday, with Nick telling Ryan that he is his father. Ryan thinks this is crazy because his dad, Dean, all blessings be upon his name, is dead. Nick tells Ryan that if he comes to his house, he’ll prove it.

Later at the Rover’s, Ryan’s birthday party is getting underway as Ryan comes home. He tells Michelle what Nick told him and finds it totally mental. He sees that Michelle doesn’t have the same reaction so he asks her what’s going on.

Michelle explains to Ryan that there is a chance Nick is not lying. Alex, the other boy, was sick and a test confirmed that Nick was not his father. The only other baby boy born that day was Ryan. Michelle says it doesn’t change anything, she’s still his mum. It’s all too much for Ryan who runs out of the Rovers.

Ryan runs to Nick’s, where he comes face to face with Alex who, judging by his touchiness over his friend’s handling of his leather jacket, might actually be the son of Arthur Fonzerelli.

He comes home and tells Michelle that he’s seen Alex – and he looks just like Dean, all blessings be upon him. Then he leaves and Michelle cries.

Then he comes back and Michelle says that no matter what the tests says, he’ll always be her son. And then they hug. And cry.

Bacon, Sausage, and Cheeky Cheese Casserole

Maria is bugging Liam about the guest list for the wedding (hey it takes a long time to remember your 8000 Irish cousins) and Carla’s unwanted attention.

Also bugged by Carla’s unwanted attention is Tony Gordon, who thinks she likes needy men and offers to hobble around on crutches for her. Having half your bones broken in a fall from a cliff makes you “needy.” Liam probably expects his big socialist nanny state to “mend his wounds” and “take care of him” when he’s “injured”. Tony would never expect the taxpayers to keep him from falling over on his broken legs by providing him with crutches. I think Tony’s a Conservative.

Later, as Maria and Tony chat in the Rovers, Carla acts like a cow toward Maria. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Liam finally finishes the guest list and reassures Maria that all is well and he plans to move full steam ahead for the wedding.

So yeah, not much actually happened there. I just want the Connors’ recipe for Bacon, Sausage, and Cheeky Cheese Casserole. Mmmm, animal fat.

In Other News

Norris suggests Sally buy cigarettes for Kevin so he can get out of “compromising situations” while he’s in the hoosgow.

Rita breaks up another fight between Rosie and Sophie. Later, she tells them off and makes them promise to behave for Sally’s sake. Rosie tries to suck up to Rita but her finely tuned b.s. detector will have none of it. If Rosie thinks she’s old enough to have affairs, Rita tells her, she’s old enough to take resposibility for her actions.

Jamie has moved on from English king names (what? no Æthelred?) for the baby to Spartan kings by suggesting Leonidas who, according to the movie ‘300′, fought the Persians in leather underwear and a red cape.

(warning: gory)

You’d think Sean would be all over that but his own suggestion is Quentin (as in Crisp, I imagine) and he also wants to claim the middle name and is suggesting Englebert. Well, Violet did say she wanted her baby to have a unique name.  Lauren has taken Sean’s side in the naming stakes, pointing out that if the baby shares 50% of his genetic material, the man who once named a dog Bella Sinéad might have a say. Lauren is not doing this out of principle, of course. She just likes messing around with her sister.

Tyrone and Molly, aka Jack and Vera 2.0, are realising that, with all their money going to the mortgage, a lodger wouldn’t be such a bad idea. They agree to keep Paul on, so long as he doesn’t go playing “silly beggars”.

Check out that eye makeup!

On October 26^th off-screen Corrie couple, Ryan Thomas and Tina O’Brian, are now the proud parents of Scarlett Jacqueline. I don’t think I’m over-stating when I say that the new baby may be a tribute to the Canadian fans. She shares her name with the founder of our little blog.

Last night while they were discussing names for the Violet/Sean/Jamie baby one suggestion for a name was ‘Knut’ – aka ‘Canute the Great’ – King of England from 1016-1035.

"I Am Your Father"

All Around The Mulberry Bush

The morning of Ryan’s 16th birthday has dawned, finding him in much better humour. He’s received a cheque from the grand-units and is planning a party. Steve is curious to know if any “girlfriends” will attend…Ryan says no, just girls that are friends. At the bus stop, Ryan extends an invitation to Rosie to his sweet sixteen, which she squashes like a bug. Sophie explains, “She doesn’t go near men under the age of twenty-five.” Sophie and Kayley Morton offer to attend, but Ryan doesn’t want younger kids there, apparently.

Michelle is bearing up quite well, although strenuously avoiding Nick. When Lauren, arriving at the Rover’s’ for her shift, answers the phone to Nick, Michelle refuses to take the call. Nick is very displeased. Steve carps at Michelle to ring him back, thinking it’s just gonna get worse…Michelle claims she is tired of Nick calling the shots and setting the itinerary. She wonders how Nick would feel if she were upsetting Alex. Mainly, Michelle feels like she is being unfaithful to Ryan. 

At school’s end, in the dark, Ryan is making final party plans with Phil before setting off home. Nick appears, looking contrite and holding a birthday gift. Scared but in control, Ryan demands to know what Nick wants and why he’s been stalking him. He says that he’ll call the police, as his mother has filled him in on the cops’ intercession. “Is that what your mother told you?” Nick asks. Ryan pushes for answers, Nick urges him to ask his mum. “How do you know my name?” Ryan pursues. “The same way I know it’s your birthday. Ryan,” Nick concludes, “I am your father.”

The Monkey Chased the Weasel

Rosie and Sophie both want to join Sally to visit Kevin in the clink, but Sally insists they attend school. Sophie explains how horrible things are at school for her now, what with having a home-wrecking, teacher-loving tart for a sister. At the pub, Janice continues her Sally Webster slag-a-thon. Vicki comments: “I’m glad that something so awful can bring you such pleasure, Janice. Terrible for a nice man like Kevin.” Outside, Audrey runs into Sally in the street and offers her support, mentioning that Bill would love to go visit Kevin. Sal is interrupted by a call – there has been a disturbance at the school. Shortly thereafter, and looking like a pair of post-Acme-explosion Coyotes, the dishevelled Webster sisters are brought home for fighting. Apparently they succeeding in beating the snot out of each other. All I can say is, Soph, next time bring a sock full of quarters.

A Penny for a Spool of Thread, A Penny for an Easel

Aaah, if only.

Maria awakens, hot-to-trot with wedding plans. She is pleased that Liam will be at home so he can rest, take a hot bath and eat leftover stew begin creating the guest list. He wants to go to the factory and Maria balks. “You and ‘er are more alike than I first realized” declares Liam, meaning both his gals are bossy.

Maria is doing Violet’s hair as Violet remarks that she is brave, planning a rush wedding while pregnant. Maria wants to know if Violet will attend, and sit on her side, which she fears will be a little bare…Liam’s will be chock-full with half of Ireland. Maria begs off work early to organize her invitations…promising not to turn into “Bridezilla”. As soon as Bridezilla is out of sight, Liam hobbles out like a Thriller reject and begins shambling toward Underworld. On arrival, he enjoys some banter with the girls and Sean, joking that the thought of seeing them kept him going while lying on the mountainside. The staff speculate that Maria pushed him. Carla enters; her take is that he jumped rather than marry his pregnant airhead and be doomed to a lifetime of crackerjack-box sex. Okay, she didn’t say the crackerjack bit.

Maria returns home that evening to find Liam gone, three guesses where. She rushes over to the factory to see Carla ushering Liam out, and runs around Tony’s arriving car to take over. She chides Liam for straining himself and the girls struggle over Liam for a moment like a peanut-butter-stuffed Kong. He heads off home with Maria and Carla retreats into the factory with Tony.

That’s the Way the Money Goes

The Duckworths are breakfasting and break the news to Paul that their offer on the Blackpool bungalow has been accepted. Furthermore, Molly and Tyrone will be buying The Old Rectory. Vera assumes that Paul will be able to snuggle in with Ty & Molly, but Paul suspects he might be less than welcome. As Tyrone is working on Jamie’s cab, Molly brings him a tupperware lunch. No more Betty hot-pots…saving for the mortgage. Paul stops by the garage to ask that Tyrone and Molly continue to keep his secret from Vera. They agree and it’s understood that the discretion is for Vera’s benefit, not his.

Everybody now: "Pop Goes the Weasel!"

Pop Goes The Weasel

Having popped his cherry and encountered George Orwell, David has risen to the occasion by making eggy bread for breakfast. Gail seems dazed and amused by David’s new relationship. Gail wants to know if David and Tina are “going out”, and how often she’s been to the house, particularly in Gail’s absence. She seems more entertained than annoyed by the whole thing. “I’m just not used to you having a girlfriend,” she explains. 

Wee Willy Winky

In the grocery, Dev is holding court à la the Fisher King, dissing property-flippers, warning Molly that she’s entering the ranks of the house-poor, and warning Jamie and Vi that they’re entering the ranks of the baby-poor. 

Violet and Jamie are tossing about baby names, and Dev suggests “Money-Pit.” Or Weatherfield Wilson. Billy Baldwin would work, Willy Wilson would not. “It’s not really an issue…we’re not getting married” Jamie flips off. How romantic. Just slap Violet in the face with a raw hamburger why don’cha. King names are good, says Jamie. “Canute”, offers up Dev. The conversation continues out into the street, where Lauren slinks up behind to eavesdrop. Violet is less than thrilled but fills her in. Lauren wastes no time stirring the pot by later asking Sean if he’s thought what his son’s going to be called. She simpers that, if he wants to weigh in, he should quickly, since Vi and Jamie are already all over it.

UK Time Friday January 11^th – Episode 2

Oh no she di'nt

The episode opens with Maria shopping for a wedding dress. She’d look great in any style, I think. Carla comes into the shop and the two are in a verbal sparring match about Liam. I didn’t like Carla all that much before, I really can’t stand her now. Anyway, Carla is upset because Maria tells her that the wedding is scheduled. Carla asks why she is the last to know in this family. Maria informs her that she isn’t family. Carla slaps her and makes a comment about Maria being cruel because Carla is not part of the family because Paul is dead. Yes, that may be true, but now Carla is trying to jump her dead husband’s younger brother.

Anyway, Carla calls Maria a gold digger – which is totally off the mark – and leaves. Maria goes after her in the street, but I guess since they were in Manchester, we are spared the cat fight.

Later, Carla – looking like the poster child for when botox goes wrong – shows up at Liam’s with a casserole. I was surprised that Maria didn’t knock the casserole out of her hands and onto her coat because I would have.

However, it was pretty good because Carla tried, unsuccessfully, to get Liam to take her side with a very high school ‘Maria, why don’t you like me?’ Again, Maria’s reaction was curious to me as I would have said ‘because you are a disrespectful bitch and the next time you try to slap me I’ll grab you by the pony tail and make sure your next trip to the botox clinic will really be worth the money.’ But, I guess Maria took the high road, and it worked in her favour as Liam took her side and barely look at Carla twice.

Although Carla clearly noticed that Liam was not rushing to her defense she still plays like she is the one with the power in this situation. In the street Carla warns Maria that she needs to buckle up, because she is in for a bumpy ride. Yes, the line Betty Davis made famous in All About Eve. As this invites WAY too many age comparisons, Carla should choose her barbs more carefully.

Steve and Michelle are looking for Ryan and they finally find him at Roy’s making a stink about the lack of facilities for patrons who use wheelchairs. While Ryan makes a great point, this is clearly a defense mechanism as it is really unclear why he is so worked up.

Michelle gets him home and then feeds him more lies about why Steve was talking to his stalker. Because, lying to him the first time worked out super.

The Webster’s are having a real bad time of it now. Kevin has been locked away in jail. Sophie is at the table with lots of question and soon she, Sally and the Smurfman are awash in tears. Rosie is upstairs and comes down when the door bell goes. It’s Rita at the door and she has come by to lend some much needed moral support. Sally and Rita talk about Kevin, but also talk about Rosie and Rita advises Sally not to blame Rosie in all this. Rita makes the point that the relationship between Rosie and John was John’s misdoing and Kevin is in prison based on his own actions.

Sally begins to talk about her relationship with Rosie and how it has changed over the years. Later Sally and Rosie have a talk about their relationship and Sally tells Rosie that she and Kevin will not be rushing to protect her or help her anymore. I guess Rosie has to be more of a grown up now.

Over at the Duckworth’s Jack and Vera had a very big day. I guess the housing crisis in the US made a quick stop in Blackpool in January. The Duckworth’s bid 10 grand under asking for a cottage at 42 Pemberton Gardens. Of course, they will be renaming said house as soon as you please.

To make the move that much better, Molly and Tyrone have been to the bank and are now in the position to buy the rectory. It is a huge turning point on the street. But, the funny thing is that Vera thinks that Paul can still live there.

Over at the Platt’s Gail is stunned to see a young woman without pants come down her stairs. I’m shocked as well. I would never traipse around my boyfriend’s house without pants and offer to make his mother a brew, and I’m in my 30’s.

The wedding dress worn by the late Queen of Hearts on her wonderful day in 1981.

Ministry of Plenty

Tina comes by to visit David in the middle of the day with a bottle of booze in one hand and a copy of Animal Farm in the other. They discuss the merits of the revolutionary ideologies hidden in the text of the book before Tina says; ‘Kiss me David, show me who’s boss’. David complies with this request in a good comradely fashion and gives her a bit of a snog. Tina then inquires if David is still a virgin. After much spluttering and blood rushing to his face David is adamant that he has had loads of girls, which of course makes Tina’s lie detector start to go off. After a bit more verbal sparring Tina lets David know that he can have her if he wants her, and makes her way upstairs, which of course sends David’s blood rushing to an area other than his face. (my cat got sick at this point, I almost did too)

Ministry of Truth

Steve runs into Nick in the alley behind the pub. Nick wonders what happend to Michelle and the DNA test, and Steve fills him in on th events of the past week. Of course this being a soap opera, at this exact moment Ryan comes round the corner and sees Steve and Nick talking to each other. Ryan realizes someone has been having him on and does a runner. Steve chases after him but is too old and slow, what with all the food and booze and cigarettes and exercise. Later in the pub Steve tells Michelle what has happened, and she bursts into action mode to go and find Ryan, and all the while Lauren is eavesdropping at the bar…

Ministry of Peace

Kev and Sal are getting ready for his sentencing hearing. Sophie gives her dad a good look bracelet, and Sal tells her she is a good daughter. (teary moment #1 for the smurfman) The three make their way to the courthouse.

Rosie goes by the butcher shop to get a roast to prepare for when the family comes home later in the day. Kirk wonders why she isn’t at court supporting her dad. Rosie tells Kirk to stick a joint of meat somewhere painful and stomps off.

At the courthouse the Websters are waiting in the hallway for Kev’s case to be called. Sophie recounts a tale of woe about one of her classmates, and Sal tells Sophie it is a bit of schadenfreude. (all that education is paying off) Ashley comes by to show his support for Kev and tells him that the two of them will be going for a pint at dinnertime.

When Kev is in the dock the magistrate reads the sentence, which turns out to be a prison sentence of 28 days, and he will be released after 14 days if he behaves. Kev looks devastated, Sal and Sophie are in tears. Kev shouts out to Sophie to look after her mom as he is led away. (teary moment#2 for the smurfman)

Back on the street Sean and Janice are walking down the street, Sean takes Jan’s arm and tells her that he will make a fag hag out of her yet. They see the Webster women arrive without Kevin and it is too good an opportunity for Jan the evil minx to pass up. She crosses the street and asks Sal what happened. Much caterwauling ensues, Sophie tries to attack Janice, who tells Sal ‘at least my fellow’s not in the nick’. Sal replies with the best line of the epiosde – ‘One look at you tonight and I bet he wishes he was’.

Rosie has a dinner ready and the table set when Sal and Sophie come in without Kevin. Rosie asks if he has gone to the pub. Sal doesn’t respond, but simply takes a place setting away from the table. (teary moment #3 for the smurfman)

Minstry of Love

Michelle and Maria are in the hallway at the hospital having a conversation about Liam and Carla, and if what Liam blurted out while unconscious was a random outburst or an indication of a deep unspoken love.

Maria gets a phone call from Carla, and she chooses not to answer.

Michelle and Liam have a good brother/sister conversation about life and love and feeling trapped because of a pregnancy. Liam asks if that was what it felt like with Dean. Throughout the conversation Michelle counsels patience, and Liam reamins adamant that he loves the socks off Maria.

Maria comes by the hospital later and finds out that Liam gets to go home that day, but when Carla calls Maria tells her that it will still be a few more days before he is released.

Back in Manchester Carla and Tony have gone for lunch at a posh tapas place. Carla is distracted as usual. (not sure why Tony puts up with her) Tony tells Carla he knows why Carla is so upset, which makes Cruella look guilty, like he has figured out that she is hot for Liam. However, it turns out that Tony thinks the accident with Liam has reminded Carla of what happened to Paul the previous year. Tony then gets called away on business and Carla is left ‘alone again’.

At the same time Maria is out shopping for a wedding dress in a delightfully quirky little dress shop. While she is trying on a dress she gets a call from Carla, who has just left the tapas bar. Maria tells there that there is still no difference in Liam’s condition, and she has to get off the phone, since she is not supoosed to be taking calls on the hospital ward. At this exact moment, it being a soap opera and all, Carla walks by the wedding dress shop and sees Maria there ensconsed in white. ‘That’s a funny looking hospital’ says Carla before she walks into the shop and tells Maria that she has some explaining to do.

Lauren from The Catherine Tate Show

Steve is walking the dog at the hotel while Maria is on the phone to the hospital. Michelle then tells Maria to discuss the topic of Carla to Liam – but she is worried if there might be bad news.

Michelle and Ryan go to the hospital and leave Maria to rest at the hotel.

Liam finds Michelle and Ryan at his bedside. He asks where Maria is and is told she’s getting some sleep, she’s shattered, but will be in later. Michelle tells him that Carla wanted to come and see him. “Unplug me life support?”. Liam asks how the DNA test went – but she reveals that she didn’t take it.

Liam is thrilled to see Maria and she tells him that she thought she’d lost him.

While he was sleeping ….she’s booked the venue and the registrar! Liam looks rather shocked and she says that he can say no if he doesn’t want to. He looks away, obviously thinking hard.

Liam tells Maria he can’t see what the rush is, (this can’t be good news) she was the one who had wanted to wait. “But that was before,” she says, “I want to be your wife.” He sheepishly agrees to the new plans.

At the Platt household, Gail is about to leave for work - when David wanders downstairs. She comments that he’s wearing a nice shirt, it’s ‘with-it’ so, he tells her that he’s gone off it and he’s going to take it back to the shop. Lovely.

At the doctor’s office, the dark-haired chav brat is waiting for her appointment. She went for a coffee only to be told by Gail on her return that she’s now missed appointment. She tries to make another appointment but there isn’t one until next week.

“I’ll have gangrene in it by then!” she protests and asks for one for today. She calls Gail a “Power-crazed midget” She storms out, carrying her coffee and bumps into David who’s walking past, and throws her coffee on his shirt. They shout at each other for a moment or two, her moaning about the cost of the coffee he just caused her to lose. They glance at each other and ‘ta da’ they go off to get a coffee…(I hear cupid’s violin)

David is in the café with Tina. She informs him that she’s in a lot of pain, and shows him a very red, sore elbow. She then moans about the ‘midget receptionist’ at the doctor’s office. (This is true love) She needs a sick note for work she tells him, she works at the Pound Shop. Classic.

David walks Tina to the bus stop. He says he might give her a call tomorrow. Gail walks across the road on her way home from work. “What happened to your shirt?” she asks, seeing the large brown stain all down the front. He tells her a ‘mentalist’ attacked him. “What?” she says. “Chill out, Mum,” he says, grinning, “I’m not that bovvered!”

In Other News:

Carla has Liam on her mind

Tyrone and Molly consider buying a house

Kevin is making plans if he has to visit the slammer

Trudy’s son in front of the telly showing Corrie waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the 80’s. 

Look hard you can see Percy Sugden (Glacia genuflects)

Somewhere, a 20 year old man is screaming.

Tanzie’s poor wee kitties were lost in cyberspace and I missed them with the original posting.

But here, may I present for you:

Autumn regally watching work being done from her spot on the back of the chair.

Aspen doing a more