Corrie Canuck

Okay, I couldn’t find the opening of the Pig and Whistle, but I did find this:

as Beanie says, ‘I totally freakin’ KNOW this song…’

Since John posted the clip of the wee Ton-nay, this has been spinning around in my head because YES, it was sung by many of my relatives too.

I think it kind of captures Scottish nationalism and humour in well fell swoop and could probably give ‘Scotland the Brave’ a run for it’s money as an anthem for Scots anywhere.

So without further ado, I give you ‘Donald Where’s Ye Troosers’, sung by those cherished Heberdian sons, ‘The Irish Rovers’.

Batman, Robin, and Alfred

Roy is continuing his protest by sitting on the roll of insulation at the building site. Tony tells him that he has no idea where the bats went, and besides, Roy’s not allowed on the property. Roy bans Tony from the cafe but Tony counters that if he’s banned, then all the builders are banned. Roy accepts this and then, as Jason and Bill physically carry him off the site, he bans them as well.

Outside the cafe, Jason sort of hints that the bats were “encouraged” to leave, but then quickly backtracks as Roy figures out it was him what got rid of the bats. Later when they’re alone, Bill gets Jason to come clean and admit that he got rid of the bats as a favour to Tony. Bill wonders if that made him feel important but reminds him that when push comes to shove, it’s Jason who’ll take the fall, and not Tony.

At the café, Roy has deduced that Jason did indeed get rid of the bats, but only at Tony’s instruction, as his criminal mind is not yet complex enough to develop a plan for such a diabolical deed. Tony, like most of Batman’s foes, has made the fatal mistake of leaving his dirty work to a henchman of unswerving loyalty, but limited intelligence. Becky thinks she can get Jason to fess up but Roy wants to take it up first with Commissioner Gordon the proper authorities.

Just then, Bill pops in and is about to be headed off by Becky but he says he just wants to find the owner of a car that’s blocking the building site.

Later, Roy gets a call from the authorities who say now that the bats are gone, there’s not much they can do. Becky and Roy think it’s hopeless but Roy has a cunning plan involving Ken’s drivers license.

In the Rovers, Jason tells Tony that Roy is on the warpath. Tony wants nothing to do with, claiming that he has delegated that responsibility to Jason.

Batman, Robin, and Alfred Pennyworth Roy, Becky, and Ken walk up the back alley to the Batcave garage where Roy opens the doors to reveal the Batmobile Morris Minor.

“This,” he proclaims. “Is my secret weapon.”

Ken drives the Woody (it’s Hayley who has the license) toward the building site, where Roy parks it. Roy proudly notes that it is parked legally but in such a way as to prevent any trucks from coming in or out.

“This will show Tony Gordon that the good citizens of Gotham City that they will not stand idly by as he abuses the ecosystem all for a few pounds that we mean business!”

Two-Face

David writes a letter to Tina as Gail tries to get him to reconsider the whole “be accountable for my actions” plan. When he gets to Tina’s house, nobody is home.

Later, he meets up with Jason and explains to him that the day he went on a stick rampage, things had been bottling up and it all got to be too much. 

He later apologises to Ken. 

The Joker

Vern won £300 on the horses. Leanne tries the same but does not win, although Dan didn’t actually place her bet to teach her the lesson that a bookie leaves the gambling to the punters. Anyway, Leanne hates her life. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Liz admonishes him for betting, even after he presents her with a bouquet of flowers and offers to pay off the rest of the cost of the smoker’s shelter. 

Later, Sean asks Liz for time off for that holiday, which Liz grants (although he didn’t mention Lauren was going also). Lauren asks for the same which Liz also grants, provided she NEVER COME BACK. Lauren says she hated her job anyway and leaves. 

Liz asks Vern if she’s horrid but he denies it. 

The … Penguin?

Darryl and Jerry are at loggerheads and Mel is trying to mediate, Jeremy Kyle style. It doesn’t work.

Before he was hiring Jason Grimshaw to illegally take care of the bat problem, Tony Gordon was just another precocious singing Scottish lad.

The episode starts with Becky continuing with her apology to Roy about the ‘Train’ incident and explains that they weren’t making fun of him. She tells Roy that Rick will never come upstairs again and why doesn’t he give us a smile then? Roy continues to look glum but agrees that it’s best that the young man wait for her in the café.

Beck goes out for a smoke and to commiserate with Ken, who joins her in forming Weatherfield’s downtrodden working masses.

Batmania!
Okay, I’m just going to on record to say that I am 100% behind on Roy on this one. It’s actually really getting my goat how everyone (especially Bill) is being so dismissive of the bat situation. Conservation laws are there for a reason people! And note to Bill, when you complain about how you got rid of all your other jobs so that you could work on the building site, remember, ‘sayings’ are there for a reason too – ‘Don’t put your eggs in one basket.’

Anyway, back to our show.

First, Roy needs to hire the Soup Nazi. Why? Because Bill comes into the café to order 2 coffees to go and to give Roy grief about the bat building inspection. He leaves saying, ‘I’m going outside before I say something I regret.’  Then why the HELL did you come in there in the first place?

If I were Roy, I’d be all ‘No bacon butty for you. Come back, one year!’

The inspector does come and while she doesn’t find any bats, she finds evidence of bats which doesn’t add up. Tony tells her that they probably just decided to go away to a nicer, less in the way location. She tells him it’s surprising how many bat colonies do that and that she’s filing her report and it won’t be the last he hears of it.

Meanwhile, Bill and Jason wait out the inspection in the café where Bill says something about bashing in the wee heads of bats. NO FULL ENGLISH FOR YOU! COME BACK TWO YEARS!.

When Roy hears of the inspector’s results (although just that she didn’t find bats, not that she’s suspicious of the bat droppings), he becomes enraged.  Becky and Ken convince him to calm down until Ken can get to the bottom of all this. Ken has a word with Tony and comes back with the same info….at which point Roy storms out of the café, in full warrior apron as Glacia sloshes her chocolatini screaming at her t.v., ‘You go Roy, you go and tell Mr. Tony that he does not rule the world!’

Roy confronts Tony at the site and tells him that he’s breaking the law and that Roy has evidence that bats were here.  Tony is, well, dismissive and condescending.  Roy, livid, says to Tony G. that he massacred the bats and adds, ‘I am not a tiny defenseless little bat. I’m BATMAN, DAMMIT!’*.  Roy then sits down on a bundle of insulation and begins a sit-in.

*Okay so he didn’t add the Batman part, I just wish he had.

Jason Grimshaw, Criminal Mastermind
Jason spends most of the episode cleverly covering his ass by checking to see if Roy said anything to Beck about him being out front of the construction site the evening before. Cleverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Later he says to Roy, ‘Roy, you know when you saw me last night, I was walking that’s it.’ Superstah!

L is for Leanne Who Died of Ennui

Leanne is working at the bookies and guess what? She’s unhappy with her lot in life and complains about how booooooooooooooring it all is.

What is the point of this character?

In other Bookie news, the smoking shelter is up (and looing quite nice I might add) thanks to the help of Harry getting some peeps to finish the job. Harry is cock of the walk now and on one hand does some inconspicuous winding up of Vern about the job and on the other hand goes into the Rovers with some inconspicuous flirting with Miss Liz.

The Day After Darryl
Darryl doesn’t remember quitting the kebab shop the next morning and while Jerry does remember his resignation, he carries on like nothing happened. Darryl does decided to go into the shop and is okay until Lauren comes in and starts making fun of Darryl and his loser life behind the counter of a kebab shop.

Again, ‘NO KEBAB FOR YOU! YOU COME BACK, ONE YEAR!’

That is enough for Darryl and he storms out of the shop throwing his apron to the side and swearing never to return. Jerry, who seems to know that his eldest son is incapable of you know…going out and getting a job….tells him he’ll regret it.

In Other News
The weird ‘act like I’m cheating on my son with my bio son’ story rears it’s ugly head once again as Alex calls Michelle for a meet up. When Liz suggests to Michelle that it might be wise to let Ryan know about the ‘date’, Michelle agrees and goes one better by inviting Ryan to join them. No surprise here when Ryan says, ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaah, no.’

Sean wants Marcus to come on vacation with him and Lauren. Marcus can’t get away until August but he tells Sean the other reason it won’t work is that he finds Lauren shallow, stupid and not such a nice person. Sean is gobsmacked…. ‘What’s wrong with her?’ he asks. ‘How much time have you got?’ replies Marcus.

UK Time – Friday April 11^th 2008 – Episode II

The show opens with Gail shouting like a deranged harpy at the judge during David’s trial things. God forbid he takes responsibility for his actions. Those actions being his David’s-got-a-stick rampage* which followed the time he pushed his mother down the stairs and then left her for dead.

The judge successfully shuts Gail up and then postpones sentencing to April 18^th. Strangely, David is allowed to go home and live with one of the victims of his various crimes as he waits for his sentencing date. David seems as surprised about this is I am.

David’s short lived freedom also surprises Janice who also plays the deranged harpy in the street when David comes home. She’s picking up for her man who is just thankful for being involved in a story line.

The show is also being viewed by the Morton’s who are split on the issue. Mel thinks David is a masterpiece, Jerry feels sorry for Gail (because she is an idiot or because of David, I am unsure), and Darryl obviously feels for his mate.

Later Darryl and David are sitting on the Platt chesterfield watching Top of the Pops while Gail and Audrey sit in the kitchen disagreeing about David’s actions. The Chesterfield set discuss impending prison and David admits to being scared and dumped. The two aren’t so far apart as Darryl was also dumped. Is it better to be dumped by someone of quality (Tina) or by someone who is dog rough (Lauren)? You decide. Meanwhile the two old birds still don’t see eye to eye in the kitchen. Gail maintains that David is making a mistake and Audrey wants to let David face the music.

Later David and Gayle have a talk. It looks kind of like an adult explaining something complex to a five-year-old. David assures her that he is doing what’s best and that she will have to trust him.

*Coronations street history of rampages to my memory:

David Platt’s post quasi-attempted matricide rampage

Roy Croppers lack of local egg rampage

Janice Battersby’s in pup freak out rampage

Richard Hillman murderous rampage

Dev Allahan’s sexual rampage

Peter Barlow’s wedding rampage

Do you remember a Coronation Street rampage? Add it to the comments section.

Yes Please!

Looks like things aren’t totally sorted out between Becky and Roy no matter what Roy tells Ken. Roy will always be up tight and Becky will always be … Becky. In the café Becky is flirting with her new builder boyfriend much to the annoyance of Roy who, rightly, would like her to be working. Becky tries to make a ‘date’ with the builder and Ken steps in to arrange for Roy to be out at the pub when the builder comes over. Roy will join Ken and Deirdre in the pub for an orange juice and a lecture on the appearance of bats in 18^th century English romantic literature.

Predictably, Becky and the Builder spend the evening in Roy’s flat playing Becky and the builder. Now, I don’t mind saying that at first glance, this dude is on the rough side. However, combine my love for skilled men with my love for unabashed manliness– as evidenced by his beard – and you have to believe that in this obviously short-lived character you can see my dream man.

Things go pear shaped when he discovers Roy’s rather unusual record collection on actual records. The builder puts on train sounds and he and Becky move to the train sounds around the room while the builder dons one of Roy’s train caps. Of course, this is when Roy walks in. It could be worse, they could be making out while he wears the train hat and Becky wears one of Hailey’s dresses. But, Roy doesn’t consider the alternative, he just leaves.

Only cute animals deserve protection

In Other News

After listening to Roy, Bill and Tony in the pub Jason takes matters into his own hands and goes to smoke out the bats. Tony has taken care of everything. Jason should have really told Tony to do the dirty work himself.

Darryl, Mel and her 35 year old police woman friend go to the pub where Darryl drinks his sorrows away. The police woman friend makes his day when she plants a kiss on him in an effort to make Lauren Jealous, which inexplicably, she is. Daryl gets hammered and then goes to see his dad so he can quit his job. He successfully quits, but then unsuccessfully tries to leave the kabbab shop. Poor Darryl.

I love how Audrey compared David to old Adolf, a nice tie in to the Eva Braun reference the other day. The War Museum in Ottawa has one of Hitler’s Mercedes on display, I wonder if this is the same one?

To all the Scots out there I raise my glass as we celebrate the 250th birthday of Robbie Burns.

To all the Scottish-Chinese Canadians out there, in recognition of  New Years tommorow, I wish you Gung Haggis Fat Choy!

In my deepest dreams I wish I had come up with that line, but both joke and photo are the brainchild of Toddish McWong.  Check out his site here.

Last night, when Tony suggested to Jason that it would be shame if something happened to the bats, he kind of had to spell out his idea that Jason should find a way to dispose of the bats before the inspector comes in the morning.

Watching the idea sink into Jason’s head put me in mind of this sketch:

I love that the evil mastermind’s name is Leslie.

Cafe ComBAT

Outside the Cafe, Roy is sweeping the sidewalk when Eyeball Gordon nearly backs over him before driving off, ignoring him. Roy is disturbed that work continues on the building site, and says as much to Ken. Becky and Roy spend the day sniping at each other about the big, shaggy man-bear in Becky’s room the previous evening…“Get over yourself,” Becky tells him, “I get less mithering at the hostel.” Roy wants assurances that the incident won’t be repeated. Becky is insulted, incensed and loudly tells him that he will get nothing of the kind.

Bat-Roy flies off to the factory, for a face-off with his arch-nemesis, Eyeball Gordon. Tony patiently explains to Roy the magnitude of shutting down the building site while Rosie smirks in the background. Carla can’t believe her ears and thinks it’s a wind-up. Her comment on bats – “horrible, smelly things full of fleas.”

“They may feel similarly about us,” our hero replies before stalking off to call the authorities. As he leaves, the factory girls chorus the Batman Theme in the background.

Becky and Roy’s bickering match escalates. Ken tries to negotiate a truce, pointing out it’s not outlandish to bring a boyfriend back to one’s flat. Bill and Jason come in and ask for bat & tomato sandwiches. They let on that they are none-too-pleased to be losing work over the bats. “Cheers Roy,” says Jason, “no need to worry about us, mate.” At the building site, Tony’s contractor has been contacted by the Bat Brigade, who are coming the following day to do an inspection. They discuss smoking the bats out. 

Roy pauses to sit with Becky for a few moments. He wants to stop rowing. Roy tells her he doesn’t understand casual liaisons. He wants Becky to stay and says he was unreasonable to expect that she not invite friends into the flat. He wants to be kept informed. Overnight is okay…as long as it’s a “proper boyfriend”. Becky is more than happy with the terms. She is very relieved, saying they both want exactly the same thing.

As Roy leaves to go shopping, Eyeball Gordon pulls up. Roy confirms he has spoken to the authorities and walks on. In his rear-view Tony sees Jason approaching. Jason tells him the workers will maybe have to down tools because of the bats. Tony says Jason is a smart guy, and should be able to figure out how to get rid of a few bats…after all, people run the world and bats don’t. He leaves the challenge of bat-removal pinging around the inside of Jason’s head, like a lonely marble.

Assault and BATtery

Gail praises David’s choice of tie as he prepares for court. She wants David to include the hapless upbringing which leads up to his berserker rage, in his testamony . Gail has spoken to DC Poosh Weller and won’t be giving evidence. David explains to Gail that she is NOT doing right by him. I am finding myself amazed by how astute this kid is. 

Audrey, Gail and Bill wait for David to get into the car for the drive to court. Bill points out that David is taking responsibility. Audrey notes that Gail continues to apologize and make allowances for him. [Sorry, but I just can't stand this...Gail's actions are showing her son that getting the outcome one wants should be achieved by any means necessary. Toxic parenting run wild.]

At court, Gail continues insisting that David must pepper his story with extenuating circumstances, such as Tina, etc. David wants to plead his own case, without his solicitor’s aid, plain and simple. Audrey wants to let David man-up and take responsibility. Gail twists, whines and blinks, fearing she will actually not be able to control of the outcome. They enter court. The magistrate is reluctant to proceed with David’s case without him having representation. David refuses. In an unusual move, the magistrate adjourns the court for one hour so David can meet with his solicitor and consult with his family. 

Gail’s sole objective seems to be ensuring that David goes unpunished. She says she will tell the magistrate what led him to all this. She thinks she is responsible. David continues to speak for himself. Gail is aghast. As the proceedings continue, Gail begins to grouse and mutter more and more loudly, while Audrey tries to gag her.The courts officer finishes listing all of David’s various charges. He pleads guilty to them all, including assaulting a police constable. “There were reasons,” insists Gail. Audrey tries for the millionth time to shut her up. But Gail explodes in the courtroom, declaring that she is his mother and wants to be heard.

In other news….

It’s Darryl’s birthday! The family, and Abbey, are assembled outside Doz’ shack with birthday gifts and cards. He wants none of it, telling them to go away so he can pine over Lauren. “Come on son,” Gerry urges, “she were dog-rough anyway, even for you.”  Testify, Gerry.

The factory girls are going drinking, except for Jan who is meeting Roger and Fizz who is parenting.