Corrie Canuck

SHARP DRESSED MAN

Dev Alahan is looking sharp and natty, minding the store in a crisp Saville Row suit, no doubt influenced by Tony Gordon. Apparently his bank is inviting him to lunch. Roy comments he was worried that Dev was attending a funeral.  Just then, the phone rings and Molly answers – the bank has cancelled the lunch as Dev was the only attendee. Blanche, in line, says she wouldn’t bank at an institution that used her money to buy Dev his dinner. Dev assures her that her money is probably in a steel vault. He then repairs with the remains of his dignity to the back office.

Later in the Rovers, Norris brings his anti-Eyeball rhetoric to Dev at the bar. He says Tony will ruin the character of the neighbourhood; Dev says the neighbourhood has no character and that he actually admires Eyeball as a style icon, a man of means and an entrepreneur. 

Dev sees Steve later in the Rovers’ back yard. He tells Steve that in stressful times, he sometimes retreats to his office, closes the door and draws the shades and it’s like getting back into the womb. Steve does not find this world view overly soothing and heads back inside, leaving Dev alone with his scotch, his suit, and a little bit more realistic dialogue than in the past few months.

RENAISSANCE MAN

Ken is setting off to Roy’s for work as Deirdre vaccuums and Blanche takes up space. He has an announcement – after today, he tells them, he’s chucking his job at Roy’s. Blanche is onto him at lightspeed: his pals from Uni have made him feel inadequate and unaccomplished and he’s binning his menial job, as Blanche puts it, “He’s scared one of them will find him in his pinny.” I guess Ken missed the part about being bohemian, broke and having three jobs while one is writing a book. Unless one is independently wealthy or wait, unless one has squandered all one’s life savings on lawyers fees for one’s bossy, psychotic step-daughter. 

In the Caf, after a short preamble, Ken quits. He actually leaves Roy in the lurch by quitting on the spot as Roy had hoped to go visit Haley. I thought enlightened, high-brow people, as Ken imagines himself, would give a decent boss like Roy two weeks notice as a gracious courtesy. My bad.

MACHO MAN

There is a fabric van parked in front of Webster’s garage, apparently by order of Eyeball. Kevin suggests that they ignore it, instead of rising to the bait it obviously is.

Despite his cool joe approach, Kevin runs out of patience with the unwanted van rather quickly. Norris, sweeping the walk, discusses Eyeball with him and reminds him it’s Rita that caved, not Norris. Kevin barges into the office at Underworld and tells Tony and Carla that he’s going to lunch and the van better be shifted. If the van is there after lunch he’ll remove it himself and Tony will never find it. He leaves. Carla thinks Tony is being a childish, macho control-freak. This is because Tony is a childish, macho control-freak.

Kevin returns from lunch with a new sign:  “Garage Parking Only.” The tit-for-tat goes on.

BE A MAN

Morning. Michelle comes downstairs in her ugly green ’70’s dress. Betty is at the sitting room table. She complains to Betty that she and Steve haven’t had two minutes together, outside of work, since his return. She seems anxious that the proposal may not come.

Later, as she cleans the windows, Maria sashays by with Ozzie, who is now a big-boy dog. Maria is excited and asks Michelle if there’s been any “news”.  She makes Michelle promise that she and Liam will be the first to know when “it” happens.

In the cab office, Steve is being narky about Lloyd but won’t tell Eileen why. Lloyd comes in and they snipe at each other for a few moments before Steve leaves. Eileen, meanwhile has taken a cab request but won’t give it to Lloyd until he lets her in on the gossip. He promises to tell her upon is return.

At the Connor house, Maria is complaining to Liam that Steve has yet to pop the question. Cousin Tom points out that Steve had more than enough time in Spain to prepare. They two of them lean on Liam to have a word with Steve. Tom does a hideously weak Brando Godfather impersonation that does not dignify a pictoral reference herein. Liam agrees to have a word. This is a bad, rude, and invasive idea in my books.

In a bit of unexpected goonery, Liam finds Steve in the smoking shelter and goes a little mafia on his ass about the delayed proposal. Steve tells him that “somebody else” put the bug in Michelle’s ear about the proposal. Liam says he doesn’t want Michelle led up the garden path. She knows she’s to be proposed to. She wants to be proposed to. And, Liam’s high-strung, high-maintenance, impatient, poorly-dressed sister shall have what she wants. With that, Liam’s poser-thug soliloquy is over and he slopes off to find more of the world’s worst t-shirts, or possibly to daydream about shagging Carla or avoiding work. 

In the Rovers later, Tom continues with the godawful Brando as they brag to Maria about strong-arming Steve. Liam, honey. Five words. Jim. McDonald. rearranging. your. face.

Carla and Tony enter the Rovers…Carla finds Michelle and wants to know if the question’s been popped. Michelle’s patience has now run out and she’s become grumpy and pissy with everyone as she hasn’t gotten her way. 

Eileen has become increasingly forceful with Lloyd about wanting the goss. She says she’ll ask everyone, doesn’t matter who. Lloyd confesses to Eileen that it was he who invented the story of the Andalusian Castle, the fairy cakes and the satin mittens.

Eileen wants to know why Lloyd had to lie. She figures that it was, of course, a woman Steve stopped with that night. Lloyd says that because Michelle harangued him so much, he couldn’t resist spinning such a manic whopper. Eileen chastises Lloyd for not giving a second thought to  Michelle’s feelings. She points out that the McDonald-Connor family could fall apart over Lloyd’s pathetic joke.

AND……In the lamest, lowest-effort, least creative, least-energetic proposal I have ever seen, Steve takes Michelle into the smoking shelter, and amid the stink of soaking yellow stubbed-out butts begins the proposal by saying…“You already know what I’m going to say,”...and then “Michelle Sinead Connor, will you marry me? And don’t tell me you need to think about it, ’cause Lloyd already told you.” No bended-knee. No thoughtful gesture, such as a flower. No small token in lieu of a ring. No meal, no candle. STEVE, YOU SUCK. You make Al Bundy look like Michael Bolton. Michelle is not my fave, but c’mon…not even some daisies from Dev’s??? Michelle accepts immediately. She confesses she was worried Steve had changed his mind. He says he delayed because he wanted it to be perfect. “Wot? In a smoking shelter?” she asks. He says he then realized it would be perfect anywhere. He mentions that there is no ring at this time, but it will appear soon. They happily agree to tell everyone together.

Eileen suggests that Lloyd own up to his mistake and take the blame for the fairy castle debacle. He should tell Michelle that he made it all up, and that Steve was never intending to propose at all.

A Slight Glitch On The Way to the Alter

Steve is back at the Rovers and is trying to get Lloyd to tell him what he told Michelle. However, he can’t get Lloyd alone so Lloyd slips and makes himself scarce for the day. He finds out from Michelle that Becky is now the new barmaid as Leanne was sacked by a paranoid Michelle.

Steve then makes his way to the cab office where he starts shouting into the radio for Lloyd but to no avail. And despite Eileen’s dropping the ‘I thought we were friends’ bomb, Steve ain’t spilling any details.

He runs out and smack into Maria and Liam who want to know when they can book their flights to Spain. He then finds Becky in the smoker’s shelter at the Rovers, where she is twirling Amy in one hand and having a cigarette in the other. He wants to know what she’s playing at but Becky says she’s not playing. It was a one night thing and she’s already forgotten. Besides, she’s 19 hours away from a holiday with Jason.

Steve finally finds Lloyd at his flat where he finally gets Lloyd to spill – he told Michelle that Steve is going to propose with the big ring and the wedding in a castle in Andalusia. Steve flips out but Lloyd reminds him that it’s still better than the truth. Later, Lloyd comes to Steve in the Rovers and admits that he went a little overboard. But isn’t it time, he reckons, that Steve pop the question anyway? He could even get a castle in Scotland if he’s on a budget. I would suggest this Doune Castle, aka Castle Anthrax. He should still pop for a big ass ring, though.

A Glitch in Ken’s Novel

At the Barlow’s, Deirdre is writing a letter to Tracy (she’s the only one who does) as Ken wonders if he should wear his turtle neck sweater and a pair of jeans to his university reunion or would that be too jaunty? I’m not sure how anything could be jauntier than his preppy tied around the shoulders combo but in any case, that’s what he wears to the reunion when he runs into his friend Clarkie. Or, as he is properly known, Adrienne Adrian Clarkson. Clarkie has retired to a farm in France with his family. He tells Ken that a mutal friend has passed away and he would have wrote but he didn’t know his address. He fails to tell the former Governor-General that his address is the same one as the one he was in during the first episode (Ken did move but ended up back there).

Ken also runs into Marion, his ex-lovah, and they reminisce about her old bedsit and her squeaky bed. They quote a little Philip Larkin but nothing much comes of it as they are both married.

Ken runs into Clarkie again, and is reminded that he was once a promising young writer and they thought he’d be on the BBC by now.

Ken tells Clarkie that his Uncle Albert didn’t approve of students and thought they gave Ken ideas of rising above his station. Ken heads home and is kind of in the dumps over what he thinks of as his lack of accomplishments in life. It doesn’t help matters that Blanche is asking if he told his friends that he works in a café co-owned by a woman who was once called ‘Harold’. He tells Deirdre this but she gives him that ‘Gee, thanks’ tone and leaves him alone with his thoughts. 

A Glitch Named Webster and Other News

From his new flats, Tony overlooks Coronation Street with Carla. Tony tells her of his plan to get £10,000,000 in the bank then retire at 42. Kevin Webster is just a glitch in that plan. 

I have the same plan, except instead of buying up businesses, I buy 6/49 tickets. 

Lloyd is still driving Clarissa around. He suggests to Harry that he should buy a better class of car for him to drive her in. In fact, he sees this as a whole new business scheme for him: blokes driving rich ladies around in luxury cars. If Harry doesn’t like the idea, he’ll take it to Dragon’s Den.

UK Time Friday July 11^th 2008 – Episode I

Sally and Kevin wondered why this book was on Rosie's night stand.

The emasculation episode, or how to become a eunuch in 10 easy steps

A perturbed Maria comes down to find two drunken Irishmen (funny how some words go together so well) polluting the living room. Turns out Liam woke her up to let Maria know that he had come up with a name for their yet to be conceived child, whether it is a boy or a girl – Bert Troutman, who was a legendary goalie for Man City, and played in the 1956 FA Cup final against Birmingham City with a broken neck. Maria lets Liam know that until he gets some type of business plan off the ground any baby making is off the agenda.*

After Maria has left cousin Tom and Liam start to talk more about their plan to become ‘virtual merchants’, although what they will be merchants of remains unclear. Tom insists that the business plan is more important than the product. Liam wonders if they should stop by the Bentley dealership to choose the colour of their new cars. The one concrete notion they come up with is the new corporate colour for the business – City blue. Liam suggests they call themselves ‘Maine Men’, after Maine Road, where the City grounds are located. Before they get down to any serious business, they decide they need some refueling, and sneak out to the Weatherfield Arms for lunch.

Maria stops by The Rovers to talk to Michelle about Liam and his work ethic. The discussion turns to the return of Steve and his impending marriage proposal. Michelle worries that every time Steve starts a sentence with ‘Will you…’ she will be expecting the big question. Maria wonders if Steve will get down on one knee to ask the question, and Michelle assures her that if Steve doesn’t she will use one knee (to the old twig and berries) and he will be down on his knees for sure.

Lloyd is in the cab office on the phone talking to Steve, telling El Skid how lucky Lloyd is Michelle didn’t tear out his fingernails to get the information she wanted about the night Steve went missing. Lloyd then tells Steve about the clever marriage proposal story he came up with to put Michelle off the scent, which Steve reacts to rather badly. Eileen comes into the office at this point and tries to get some information out of Lloyd, but he isn’t in the mood for sharing.

Lloyd bumps into Becky on the street and they have the same debate about her working, or rather not working in the pub.

Becky goes in to do her shift at The Rovers and Michelle is quite happy to see her, and tells Becky what a natural she is at being a bar maid. After a while Becky does try to quit, saying Steve wouldn’t want someone with a dodgy past like hers working behind the bar, but Michelle says Steve is no saint either, and won’t let Becky pack it in.

Becky goes for a smoke break and Lloyd comes out and warns her that it is all going to blow up when Steve comes back and the three of them are working together. Becky tells him that it is all on Steve, and not really her problem.

Marcus is moving into Eileen’s while he and Sean discuss fashion and their worldly possessions. It turns out Sean, who needs an outfit for every occasion, even has a bar mitzvah jumper. Marcus wonders about the shirt Sean has on at the moment. It turns out it is his ‘begging for my job back shirt’ which Marcus notes looks a bit worn. Marcus is apologetic to Eileen about him moving into the already cramped living quarters, but she tells him she is after a new record for people living in a terrace house, since people jammed into a phone box has been done to death already.

Sean stops by the factory with a piece of cake to beg for his job back but Carla and Tony send him packing. Carla points out to Tony that he isn’t making many friends with his approach, but Tony says as boss you get to have your cake and eat it too, as he eats the piece of cake Sean brought.

Sean commiserates with the girls later in the pub. He honestly thought Carla had liked him and might give him his job back. Janice points out that the only person Morticia likes is the one looking back at her in the morning when she brushes her fangs. Different methods of doing Carla in are discussed before the girls go back to work.

Marcus comes in and Sean feels badly for being a pebble instead of a rock, but Marcus reassures Sean that they will be fine as long as long as Sean continues to make him laugh.

Sal is taking her tea in the conservatory with the soothing strains of The Nutcracker* playing in the background. She hears a noise from the roof and looks up to see a collection of cigarette butts on the ceiling of the conservatory. Sal gathers them up and brings them in a plastic bag next door to give back to Teresa. The two harpies exchange unpleasantries about who is to blame before Kev intervenes and drags his wife away.

Rosie is putting on her makeup while she chats with her dad. He wants to make sure that Tony isn’t taking advantage of her at work, and of course the conversation ends up with them having words about the John Stape era, before an angry Rosie flounces out of the house wearing one of the most scandalous tops the world has ever seen.

At work Rosie and Tony discuss the plan for her to obtain some business information for Tony from the garage. Tony sends Rosie off to do some spying, and Carla tells him to get his own PA for his errands, preferably one who is longer in the tooth, and in her hemline. Tony wonders if Carla is feeling a bit of the green eyed monster, and she tells him no, it would be more like a blackeyed boyfriend. Besides, he is a bit mature for young Rosie, especially in that jacket he has on. Tony tells Carla that ‘many a new tune has been played on an old fiddle.’ Not with a broken string* replies Carla.

Rosie goes by the garage after she sees Kevin go out on a call. While she is rustling through his papers when Tyrone appears, who had working under a car with Bon Jovi blasting in the earphones. He offers Rosie a brew just as Molly walks up, and Molly gives Ty a bit of stick for it. Molly wants Ty to come home because the blind rep is there. Tyrone is a bit concerned that Molly left a blind man on his own… Rosie volunteers to watch the garage till her dad gets back so Tyrone can go and help decide what colour blinds to get for their bedroom. Rosie is thus free to rummage about the files and eventually find the information Tony is after, just as Kevin returns. Rosie tells her dad that she had come by to apologize for what had happened earlier.

Back at the factory Rosie gives Tony the paperwork, and he gives her the afternoon off, with permission to do a bit of shopping on his tab. After she has left Carla wonders if they will live to regret what they are doing. No, says Tony, but Mr. Webster on the other hand will, and will, be here in a month begging us to buy his garage.

*Various and sundry references to being emasculated

When Jerry got home from the pub Mel gives him a hard time for having a pint. He responds by asking Mel if he missed a call from Fabio Capello, the manager of the English national team.

WORKING CLASS HERO

Morning. The girls are on the cobbles. They can’t work as the factory’s not yet open so begin harassing Kevin so he can’t work, either. Tony & Carla show up late. Janis grouses, “When yer ready,” at them. She calls Tony a pillock under her breath. Sally defends Tony because he’s bought the Websters a drink the previous evening, simply because Sally is fabulous. Obviously.

Later on, Tony runs into Sally in the factory kitchenette. Sally is all smirky-smirky because she is fabulous. Tony intimates that he and Kevin are in negotiations. He casually slips to Sal the details of the deal. Sally pretends she’s in the loop…she immediately sees dollar signs. Now that the Pandora’s box of upward mobility has been opened, Tony is sure Sally will hound Kevin to concede.

Kevin and Tyrone banter about footy while fixing cars. Sally comes by to talk to Kevin and Tyrone goes for cakes. Sally asks Kevin why he didn’t bring the deal up – she feels it should’ve been discussed. Sally’s nickel drops and she realizes that it’s Kevin Tony was buttering up and she is no more fabulous than yesterday. She thinks the deal is worth considering though, and chides Kevin for immediately knocking back something that would improve their social status. And she’s pissed because she had to hear it from Tony.

Tony is in the factory office on the phone, arranging for a valuator to come to the garage. Carla and Tony carefully avoid having this convo in front of Rosie. But Rosie overhears Carla warn Tony that the last person who messed with Kevin Webster ended up in hospital. (Pleeze…oh pleez push him too far, Tony….)

Outside, Kevin takes off in his big yellow Thomas the Tonka Truck. Immediately, Tony and a pinstriped valuator descend on Tyrone, implying that Kevin gave them permission to measure up the garage, Tyrone reluctantly lets them in, believing Kev gave his okay. Thy barge into Websters and begin measuring.

Kevin returns and is enraged to find Eyeball eyeballing his property “What the hell are you playing at?” he snaps. Tony calmly and condescendingly explains that he wants to get some proper figures down on paper. Kevin quickly deduces that Tony has played both Tyrone and Sally and calls him on it.

Growing angrier, Kevin accuses Tony of sneaking around behind his back. He says he’ll throw Tony right off his property. Tony smarms that he’d get in trouble with the cops. The fracas has attracted an audience as the girls stumble back from a liquid lunch to sew their fingers to their g-strings. Tony is confident that the right price will budge Kevin and says so. Kevin hollas that he doesn’t want Eyeball “anywhere near him, his wife or his mates and feck off, end of!” 

“Too good for you, ‘im” is Janis’ appraisal, to Sally.

Tony stocks stiffly off, threatening to dock their wages if the drunk sewing clique doesn’t return to work to fall down the stairs or sommat.

“Sorry pal,” Kev says to Tyrone. “Shut him up, eh?” Tyrone grins.

JUKE BOX HERO

Maria emerges from the salon to see Liam accepting delivery of his powda-blue jukebox. He wants to know if he should file his New Order records with the  Joy Division records or stick to alphabetical. Maria gives him shit for not prioritizing his job-search. Apparently he has a meeting with cousin Tom.

Later, Liam and Tom are playing Risk and drinking beer. Maria comes in with dinner, plops their sandwiches down and leaves. She is beginning to realize she has married a huge, hairy twelve-year-old. (oh, look! Carla! oh, look a shoehorn! oh, look! a jukebox!)

I WILL BE YOUR HERO, BABY

The girls and Sean are in the Rovers for dinner (lunch). Sean fantasizes about being a hunter-gatherer and providing for Marcus. Janis says that’s sexist. Kelly mentions it can’t be because they’re both blokes. Marcus joins them, and has been pondering courses – on offer is everything from erotic novelist to sumo wrestler. Sean is getting in yet another round. It seems getting pissed, giggling and faffing around have replaced the aftrnoon’s graft. Sean, you couldn’t hunter-gather your way out of a paper bag.

One of the courses available is Life Drawing. This was dismissed as there’s no money in it. Kelly decides she wants to be  a life drawing model. Janis says they’d need a big ol’ piece of paper to draw Kelly.

Sean is now back at work, asking for extra shifts and organizing the bills completely loaded out of his faux-hawk.

IT ISN’T THE LOVE OF A HERO, AND THAT’S WHY I FEAR IT WON’T DO.

Eileen’s morning begins with Becky lounging listlessly on her couch. Eileen asks about Becky’s plans for the rest of the day. Apparently she’s getting her bits from Roy’s. Eileen wonders where these will be put, exactly.

Marcus wakes up and joins Becky on the couch. Jason grabs a piece of toast and heads off to work. “It’s one big happy family,” Sean says breezily. Eileen is wondering if her house will always be chock-a-block with the belongings, bodies and sagas of others.

Roy is on the phone to Becky, who’s coming to get her stuff. “It’s a shame Hailey isn’t here,” Ken says to Roy. Surly she would have averted the collision that has become Becky and Roy. Roy says he envies the primates, unburdened by conscience and moral dilemma. I envy Ty and Kev, discussing footy and fixing cars and eating cakes all day. Ken points out that Becky works hard, and she’s loyal.

Ken and Roy clean up as Becky comes in. Clearly, Becky and Roy wish things had turned out differently. Jason follows her in, preventing any further conversation between them.

ZERO

Theresa is smoking in the Mortons’ back garden and expertly flicking her fag butts onto the neighbour’s roof. Jerry brings her out an ashtray. She suggests Jerry’s mood might be improved by a dinner in the Rover’s complete with a bitter. They agree to this, despite Mel’s protestations. 

They go to the bar where Jerry sits and savours his half-pint of bitter. He has another half-pint at Theresa’s urging. Not sure what this devious skank is up to…murder Jerry with beer or get him drunk and rob him blind?

You Should Never Argue With A Crazy Mind, You Ought To Know By Now

Becky and Roy have taken their argument from the café to his flat, where Becky is furiously stuffing her belongings into a garbage bag. It basically comes down to this – Roy refuses to compromise his principles (and his cheese toast) and Becky doesn’t want him to judge her. But neither will budge and Becky is in tears asking if Roy will stop her from leaving. He doesn’t and Becky gets nasty.

She tells him that in the past, people mock him as a weirdo and she stuck up for him. But no more – now she’ll join in and what’s worse, she start calling Hayley a freak. It went too far, and she moves out, in tears realising how much she hurt him.

Lloyd sees her in the street and offers a shoulder to cry on (the other one is reserved for Vern, who is moving his stuff into Lloyd’s flat). Becky tells Lloyd what happened and what she said to Roy. She wants to make amends but first should find a place to live. And all because of a one night stand.

She finds Jason and tells her that she moved out on Roy, due an argument over her increased shifts. He offers to have her stay with him and then suggests going away for a little vacation.

So now she’s working at the Rover’s, alongside Michelle, whose boyfriend she slept with and will be living with Jason, the boyfriend on whom she cheated with Steve. Huh.

Meanwhile, Ken talks to Roy, telling them that sometimes in a parent child relationship, things are said that hurt, but are not meant. Things that one might say on New Year’s Eve like, “I don’t want you, Tracey. It’s Deirdre I want!”

Becky does eventually patch things up with Roy but they agree that they shouldn’t live and work together (actually, I think just living together was what did it). He tells her to take care of herself and she promises she will.

Is That All You Get For Your Money?

If you have a property that Tony Gordon wants to buy, then the drinks are on him at the Rovers. Except if your name is Doris, as you’ll make rueful comments about needing a long spoon to sup with the Devil. Tony sees Kevin and asks if he’s considered his offer. Kevin says that he likes being close to home, his customers, etc and has no intentions of trading up to a bigger place. Tony says a bigger place would mean more money but Kevin counters that more money means more work and he’s plenty busy as it is.

Tony later tells Carla that it’s all a front to get a better offer as he can’t believe how anyone would be content with what they have when there is always more to get. Then he goes all Stefano DiMera and suggests he’ll be a little more persuasive with his next offer.

“The garage will be mine,” He might as well be saying as he draws his black leather glove into a tight fist. “Oh yes, it will be mine.”

Who Needs a House Out in Hackensack?

Sean skips work to go apartment hunting with Marcus. Little does he know that Tony Gordon has his one good eye on him. Tony asks Kelly where he’s gone and she covers for him, saying that he wasn’t feeling well.

“Time of the month?” he asks.

“Yeah, that’s homophobic,” Kelly replies, not to mention sexist.

“Ooh, that’s a very big word for you, Kelly,” says Tony, all condescending-like. “How about another word: mendacity? It means lying.”

If you want to make viewers hate a character, make him a bigot.

Sean later returns to Eileen’s to inform her that he and Marcus are moving out to a crappy apartment, which is all they can afford on Sean’s salary as Marcus quit his job. I wonder what they’ll afford on Sean’s annual salary of $0 when Tony Gordon shitcans his ass?

And It Seems Such A Waste Of Time If That’s What It’s All About

Roger and Roy convince Ken to go to his university reunion, even if he is a major loser because some of his classmates may be bigger losers than him, not that he would look down his nose at them or anything, oh no.

UK Time – Friday July 4th Episode I

I'd Like to Thank This American Life

I have toasted cheese
the order
that was placed
before the recent spat

Forgive me.
Now this is awkward
so awkward
and a little weird

The show opens with Jason and the luckiest woman in Weatherfield in a lip lock outside the builder’s yard and Roy looking at them through the Café blinds. I guess someone didn’t make it home last night. How does Eileen sleep through all that rumpy pumpy?

Anyway, Becky manages to eventually tear herself away from Jason but isn’t exactly ready to work as evidenced by her using the counter as a place to rest her head. Ken bounces into the café cheerful as a schoolgirl in new socks and Roy mentions that it is nice to see Ken so full of cheer and ready to work.
Becky meanwhile brushes off Roy’s obvious disappointment and attempts to punish her with work and heads upstairs for 10 minutes to pull herself together.
Roy spends the rest of the day being really hard on Becky while she gets increasingly annoyed.  When Michelle and Becky enthusiastically discuss her working at the pub things became too much for Roy so he decided to take a break upstairs.

While sitting at his kitchen table, Becky, in an obvious attempt to make amends with Roy brought up a snack, which Roy refused to eat. They have a chat where Roy tells Becky the obvious problem with her working at the pub and her recent behaviour. Becky doesn’t really want to think about what Roy is saying.
Later in the day Becky asks Roy when he wants her to go on her dinner break and Roy has had it. They have a minor upset about her smoke breaks, but you can see they are going to explode.  A few minutes later Roy asks Becky, rather nastily actually, if she did the poached egg. Becky’s response is equally friendly and includes Becky shoving a note pad into Roy’s chest.

Becky lets Roy know that she is tired of being nagged and he is totally out of touch with real people’s lives. She follows that statement with, “You sad, lonely old bloke that everyone laughs at!” Ouch! But, don’t count Roy out in this verbal chess match. He counters with, “Well, I’d rather be laughed at for having morals than be despised for having the morals of a stray cat,” Off side! He just called her a slag.

Ken and Norris (thank GOD Norris is there) come rushing to the counter to try and calm the scene down, but it doesn’t help. Becky ends up shouting the odds at the counter. When Ken tries to take over the service in this Hell’s kitchen Roy snaps at him pretty harshly then oddly calls out the next order “Toasted Cheese.”

I have packed up
the drums
that were in
the spare room

Forgive me
they were a part of me
so loud
and so irritating

Vernon has made his mind up to leave and has a conversation with Michelle in the back room. Michelle tries to convince him to continue working at the Rovers. Is this woman’s brain on vacation with Steve? She suggests that while he may have lost his wife and place to live, he doesn’t have to loose his job. OK, I mean those three things were always connected. He lived there because he was Liz’s husband and was a terrible pot man but Steve couldn’t fire his wife’s husband. But, thanks for the input, Michelle.

Vernon, overcome with grief hums a few bars of “It’s a Fine Time to Leave Me Lucille.” He says he can’t get it out of his head. Thanks Vernon. Michelle, with her monopoly of grief, looks at him like he’s a bit of a weirdo while he does that.

Later, in the street, Vernon is all packed up and ready to hit the road when Lloyd comes by and has a heart to heart with Vernon. Well, heart to stomach. He basically convinces him to stay by waving a cheese sandwich under his nose. I would have held out for a bacon cheeseburger, myself.

I have convinced
the old lady
to sell
me the Kabin

Congratulate me
they are part of my plan
so cold
and so calculating

Or

So much depends
upon

beside the big
garment factory

Rita has decided to sell the business to Good old Eyeball Gordon. And by “Good old” I mean Richard Hillman redux.  Norris is not pleased but is sworn to secrecy so he can’t talk about it. He kind of tried at the café but someone was shouting the odds.
Tony also approached Kevin who said that he would only sell for a million dollars. I guess he’s not entertaining any real offers. Now I am scared for Kevin.

In Other News

Ken isn’t sure if he will go to his University reunion.
Blanche is taking evil old cow to a whole new level.

Just time for a brief outline today, life has gotten in the way again…

The House

Sal wants Kev to turf the Peacocks and their two young children. Kev and Ashley try to behave like adults while the two harpies bitch at each other. Claire has a new plan to ‘do up the house’ with the money they just got, although Ashley seems less than enthralled by the idea – or at staying at his mother-in-law for the next while. The two men share a civilized pint later at The Rovers.

The Hospital

Marcus is thinking about taking a ’sickie’ but ends up quitting his job. The new plan is for he and Sean to find a more affordable place of their own while Marcus retrains with Sean footing the bill. No doubt this will all end badly.

The Lovers

Becky and Jason are sniffing around each other again, and after she brings him a sauasge butty they end up snogging in the street. Of course Roy wanders by at the exact moment their lips are locked.

The Betrayed

Vern and Norris meet up in the street and commiserate over the ‘ruthless selfishness of women’ although they are talking about different women.

Harry overhears the gossip in The Kabin regarding Liz and Vern.

Norris give Rita a hard time about researching apartments in Spain. Rita tells him to get bent and breaks into song:

Senorita Rita, you’ll love her when you meeta.
Girls don’t come much sweeta, then Senorita Rita.
No one would complain, if they made her Queen of Spain. Ole!

You have to love Rita.

Liz and Michelle talk about the break up. Liz knows she did the right thing, but admits she feels a bit guilty. Liz (thankfully) takes down the disturbing wedding photo from the wall in the back room.

Vern comes by to sort out some banking matters. Liz tries to give back her ring but Vern insists she keep it, maybe she could make some ear rings out of it or something. Liz announces she might go to Jersey to visit a friend, and ends up putting Michelle in charge of the pub. (pretty soon no one will be working there any more)

Harry and Clarissa squabble about their divorce in the street. Service as usual. Harry extends his sympathies to Vern, before he makes his way into the pub to ask Liz out for drinks. Liz makes a comment about dancing on Vern’s grave, before giving Harry an earful about how ill timed his approach was.

Norris and Rita are determined to not take Tony’s offer and Norris says they should have a united front.  Turns out Tony doesn’t want the shop but the land it’s on so he wants to buy the shop, the flat above and the flat next door.   He offers a hell of a sweet deal in my opinion; market value for the flat and shop, all expenses covered to move the business and an extra 25,000 (possibly for each) for their problems.  

Rita thinks this is pretty sweet and asks him about the scenario if they just want to sell up shop and retire, Tony says it’d be a different negotiation but he’s sure something can be worked out.   Norris gasps.  Rita thinks retirement is looking good and says she’s going to accept the offer.

The Trainwreck

Vern tries to rationalize saying that it’s because he put pressure on Liz with the bar that she thinks the marriage is shit.  She finally admits that she shouldn’t have married Vern.   Despite his pleading, she sticks to her guns and tells him it’s true.   It’s really sad and a bit of a heart break to watch Vern almost beg her to stay.

Liz talks to Deidre over a fog of smoke saying that she knows Vern is a good man, so why can’t she just be happy with that.   Come on Liz, you never listened to any 70’s torch songs?  If it ain’t there, it ain’t there.

Musical interlude…..

After a lot more talking at the Rovers, Vern leaves for parts unknown.

You Never Give Me Your Money

Claire sees someone about the Beatles programs and is offered £7000.   The dealer she talks to says she could get a better price on the internets, but she’s happy with that amount and can’t be arsed setting up an eBay account.  (I probably would have….but that’s just me.)  Ashley suggests that Claire keeps her mouth shut about the money, but once Sally starts making fun of her and her ‘Antique Roadshow’ dreams, Claire can’t resist and tells her.

At this point, both Websters think the Peacocks should share the money from the sale.   Normally I’d agree but after Sally’s poo-pooing  (and what the hell, who doesn’t think a signed Beatles ANYTHING wouldn’t be worth a chunk of change) and the cost and inconvenience of the electrical wiring,  I’d probably be tempted to tell her to bite it.  

Kev argues that they didn’t know they were there, but Claire rightfully points out, Sally would have just thrown them away.  (Throw away a signed Beatles ANYTHING.)

Sally starts suggesting that if she finds anything in their house like Precious Moments baby books of the wee lads  it’s theirs.   And the conversation degenerates until Claire whips out her note book of all the wrongs Sally has committed against her and hers.

In Other News

Liam has become a couch potato and the gossip mill has all the Conners knowing about the wedding surprise.  Too bad Steve doesn’t.

As she goes off for her shift at the Rovers, Roy give Becky cautions Becky about working for Steve and adds that she looks lovely a