Corrie Canuck

Last night, as Mel Morton prepares for her first official day as a copper, Jerry tells her, in a bad American accent, “Hey, let’s be careful out there.” Mel looks at him blankly, not getting the reference.

The line belonged to Sgt. Esterhaus, a character from the hit 1980’s police drama, Hill Street Blues. It was what he said to the staff after each morning’s roll call.

Going On Manoeuvres

Base Camp Connor – 11:00

Captain Liam and his canine trooper Ozzy are in the living room. Petty Officer Maria comes downstairs, ordering him to clean up the stock in the upstairs room. Liam promises to sort it, and tells her that the clothing enterprise is going to be huge. Petty Officer Maria notices that Liam is pretty stressed out, and offers a little R&R to soothe his nerves as long as Ozzy doesn’t watch. Shortly after Maria rearranges her Gap outfit and meanders off, Major Mess Tom shows up. Liam wants to know from Major Mess what’s up with their loan. 

A while later, Major Mess Tom is on the phone with the bank from Base Camp Conner – his loan has been refused (wow, big surprise there). As Liam comes down the stairs, Tom hangs up but smoothly switches his tune, pretending he’s still on the line and it’s all sorted. He tells Liam he has to pop down to the bank.

Fiz pops into Base Camp Connor and finds Maria straightening up, alone. She was hoping to entice Maria into a night out…however Petty Officer Maria is making special tea….Captain Liam is returning to go on manoeuvres, hoping to bring Operation Icky Nappies to Phase II.

At the factory, Major Mess Tom requests an audience with Commander Carla of Thong Company. He admits he didn’t get the loan. When Carla hears how much they need, she agrees but wants 25% share of the company. Tom accepts her terms but wonders “What am I going to tell Liam?” Carla assures him to leave it to her – she knows how to handle Liam.

Major Mess Tom finds Liam in the Cafe, and promises that the “bank” is now sorted. They return to the house, nervously awaiting the call from the New York office, saying the deal is done. The call finally comes – they’ve got the contract. They bounce on the couch a bit and head off to the Rovers Canteen. In the Rovers, Liam wonders why Tom is a little sullen.

That same day, Private Silly Tully has spent the morning languishing on Eileen’s couch in an orange & red blanket, morosely ringing Marcus. Battery Corporal Becky and Private Parts Dimshaw told him to man up and go to work. Now at the Rovers, Sean pulls Tom aside and apologizes for Marcus’s going Section-8.

Just then, Commander Carla enters and sits down, despite Liam’s attempts to shoo her away. Carla deduces that obviously Tom has not filled Liam in… and is happy to tell him that it’s her money and she owns 25% of the new business. 

Camp Morton – 08:00

Private Doz is drumming at the brekky table and annoying Staff Sgt. Jerry. Policewoman Mel is ready for her first day on the job as a copper. She passes on breakfast and is nervous, saying she’s going to see Abby after work. She gives Jerry a hug and tells him she wanted to make her dad proud. “Let’s be careful out there”, Jerry jokes.

Later, Jerry comes into the kebab mess hall looking for Tina, to give her a thank-you bonus. Private Doz says she’s off duty, and thanks alot for his bonus. Jerry asks Doz to be extra-nice to Mel, whose mission has sucked, of late.

Theresa appears to see the kids. Jerry tells her to get lost or he’ll call the police. Jerry believes she’s sorry, but doesn’t want the kids’ hearts broken with the poisonous truth. That’s why he wants her away.

Reports From The Front:

Jeep Driver Stape shares with Emily that his Granny, Nell, passed away suddenly. Emily offers a kind ear and a prayer. Later he is in the car listening to Elgar’s Cello Concerto in E Minor when Fiz comes by. She finds his taste in music depressing and he sort of blows her off. 

At the Supply Kabin, Quartermasters Cole and Sullivan are duking it out over the violated envelope – his reading the contents, and his inabiity to recall the pictures exactly. The brawl stops as Emily comes into the shop. Norris says they were fighting over pencils, specifically the “to B or not HB” question. Later, the bickering continues in the Rovers, and is again curtailed by Emily, who seems to have nothing better to do than wander around the ‘hood in slo-mo.

The wasps nest on Becky’s head is getting bigger.

(this is the version without the bad words in it)

The Notorious R.O.Y.

After being arrested, Ken is at the police station insisting to them that he is not a drug dealer. The policeman thinks that the big dealers are using the older generation now as they’re less suspicious. In the room next door, Roy is telling them much the same thing, although being much calmer than Ken. His interview notes this and Roy responds, “Well, how would you like an innocent person to behave? Shout incoherently? Start a dirty protest?”

Roy explains that the package they thought contained drugs was simply a cell phone that he was returning and the gentlemen in the cafe were strangers to him and no, he was unaware that they were suspected drug dealers as he didn’t exactly ask.

The cops ask if anyone can vouch for his story and he tells them that Becky, his former employee was there and can confirm it for them. So Becky arrives at the station, despite looking like she’s seen the inside of a few too many. A man tries to chat her up but she says she was there because she put her fella in casualty and she’ll probably beat the rap with a few waterwoiks, see?

Her story checked as the next time we see her, she’s exiting the station with Roy and Ken, who are free men. Unfortunately, while searching through Roy’s coat and always present shopping bag, the cops pretty much tore them apart. He could fill out tonnes of forms to recoup his loss but he just puts the coat and bag in the trash. He thinks they should just put the day behind them and the three walk off, arm in arm.

Later in the Rovers, Roy and Ken disagree over what the day’s events meant. Ken think it means no good deed goes unpunished. Roy thinks it means that civility and manners are more important than ever in a hardening world. Becky shows up with some shopping and surprise for Roy: she bought replacements for his coat and shopping bag. Roy is touched but Becky says if it weren’t for his cheap taste, she’d have never afforded them. Roy offers Becky her job back and she accepts, saying it’ll keep her out of trouble. Ken says this all shows that there is still good in the world.

Marcus Moves On

Tom is still nursing the sock in the jaw he got from Marcus. Liam tells never get involved in a gay love triangle (speaking from experience he is – remember Michelle/Sonny/Sean?). Tom is worried the bruise will turn off the bank manager.

Marcus, meanwhile, is packing his things at Eileen’s while Sean pleads for him to stay. They try to talk it out but it all comes down to the obvious: Sean always puts Sean first. Whether it was the baby with Violet, when Violet left, when he took off to Ibiza with Lauren, Marcus never came first.

So that’s the end of it. He calls Eileen for a cab and he’s seen off by her, Sean, Liam, and Maria who reminds us that it was Marcus who helped her through the stillbirth of her baby.

As he leaves in the cab, Eileen tells Sean that he just made the biggest mistake of his life.

In Other News

Norris tells Rita that he opened that other envelope of Emily’s and he found her will. He gets her house but what’s really important is that he found “racy” photos of Rita from back in the day. Other than a few publicity shots that Ernest took (with the camera Emily would give to his murderer 30 years later, I assume), she doesn’t remember posing for anything racy. And she has no idea why they would be in a sealed envelope.

Tom’s trip to the bank was successful. Apparently the manager was young and thinks yet another stall selling trendy t-shirts from the States is a solid idea.

Carla’s back.

Jerry comes home to find his house has been cleaned by Theresa. He reminds his kids that he never wants her in the house.

Tyrone has made an appointment to go for medical testing. Jason thinks it’s a stupid idea, what with the side affects and all. He also lies to Molly and tells her he’s going to Blackpool to visit a lonely Jack. As he is also running the garage, he’ll be closing it while he’s gone, reckoning that business is in the crapper anyway.

UK Time – Friday September 5th 2008

The show opens with Becky and Jason teasing Sean about Tom. They are good friends. Sean catches up with Tom up the street to apologize, but its all water under the bridge.

This Tom fellow is downright lovely. He is also dead keen on the t-shirt business as later in the show he shows Liam the trendy new t-shirts he wants to sell locally. They are flying off the shelves in America, don’t you know? He figures his suit is enough to convince a bank to lend him 50 grand. This reminds me of Steve.

Later, in the pub Sean and the girls are getting their drink on when Marcus comes by to talk to Sean. Instead of talking things out with Marcus, Sean decides to get all sarcastic about the whole thing. A few minutes later, while Sean is clearly using Tom to make Marcus jealous, Maria says something that leads Marcus to believe that Sean has been messing about with Tom. This leads to some man on man action and not in the good sense. Marcus flattens Tom.

In the café, Vernon is busy doing something close to nothing while Ken and Roy run the café. A couple of unsavoury characters come in and are exceedingly rude to Roy. This is Coronation Street shorthand for “criminal element.” They even get aggressive and when one of them forgets his cell phone in the café, Roy is presented with the perfect opportunity to show these guys that there can be a better way.

No matter how many times I yell “no, Roy, just turn the phone into the police” Roy insists on trying to answer the man’s phone when it rings. He even goes outside with it where two of Manchester’s dumbest cops tailing the baddies mistakes Roy for some sort of underworld king-pin.

Eventually, Roy finds the phone number for an “Uncle Charlie” (that must be slang for something) and calls it. Roy makes arrangements for the cell phone drop off. Ken insists on driving Roy to the transfer point, sadly, they don’t take the woody.

Once again we are taken to the Little Buffalo area of Weatherfield, where, on a random street corner, Roy give the baddies the phone wanting to make sure they have learned their lesson. The baddies, coming from the underworld and all, assume that Roy is after a reward and hand him some cash. Spying this from across the road, the cops then descend on Roy and Ken while the baddies get away.

In Other News

Mel visits Abbie in hospital who is very forgiving. It’s ok that due to Mel’s need to involve herself in a gang brawl Abbie has been left with a detached retina while Mel doesn’t have a scratch on her.

Emily was onscreen for what felt like an eternity talking about church picnics. The first chance Norris could get, he looks into that envelope and finds some old photographs. They are of Emily, but I also wondered if they were the stripper pictures she took about 40 years ago while dabbling in professional photography.

Darryl is clearly digging Amber. Who can blame him?

Carla’s breasts are massive, watch as the camera operator tries to hide yet another pregnancy.

Roy walks out of the cafe and spots a young lad in the street kicking his soccer ball against the wall. A car comes speeding along and Roy tries to warn the lad. The mother of the lad yells at Roy for some reason (Roy looks a bit dodgy maybe) until Becky comes along and gives the mother what for. Not sure what this plot line was all about.

Aunt Pam comes into The Rovers to show Tyrone her newest idea on how to make some money, the singing fish fad is making a comeback it seems. However, when she takes one of the fish out of the box it starts singing in an asian language of some kind. ‘Do you know Japanese?’ she asks. ‘Spring roll?’ replies Tyrone. Not sure what this plot line was all about either.

Mel and Abi are out on the lash to celebrate the end of Mel’s police training, the girls looking quite lovely. Both are a bit tipsy when they see a group of girls having a fight in the street. Abi thinks they should wait while they call 999, but Mel just runs in to break up the fight, and ends up getting the worst of it. Abi hurries in to help her friend and gets a shoe heel to the temple from one of the girls and goes down in a heap. After the ambulance takes the two girls to the hospital a tearful Mel goes to visit Jerry in his room for a bit of comfort.

This storyline caused a bit of controversy in the UK because it supposedly glamourized violence among teen girls that is endemic in urban centers.

Maria pops home during her break for a quick bit of baby making but are interrupted by idiot cousin Tom (who seems to come from the shallow end of the Connor clan gene pool) who has to tell Liam RIGHT NOW about a deal he has in the works for a clothing line from the excited states. The only problem is they need 50K to get the deal going, which cousin Tom doesn’t have and Liam is unwilling to front, seeing as he is no Roman Abramovich. (gazillionaire Russian oil man who owns the Chelsea Football Club) Gee, I wonder who Tom is related to that might have access to that kind of capital…

Norris continues to bang on about the ‘Emily envelope’. Emily stops by The Kabin and says something about snake hipped ladies and I got all distracted for a bit and missed what happened next.

Darryl wonders where Tersa was the night before, and Jerry tells him that she is a bad egg that he never wants to see again. Jerry shares a similar tale with Gail when she comes by for a visit. When Mel stops by to see her dad before her night on the town he tells her to keep that bitch away from him and the kids.

Sean is bemoaning the fact that Marcus is staying with his ex in good old London town. Julie tells Sean to get rid and then tells a tale of her second fiance and a tent at Glastonbury (music festival) and his ex and so on and so forth.

Later the factory girls are at the pub having a grand old time. Julie gets up to go to the loo and does a faceplant. They all want to carry on drinking elsewhere and Tom invites them back to Liam’s for a party. Things get a little crazy as the debauchery continues. Sean finds Tom outside looking at the stars (in Manchester?) and after a bit of wordplay Sean makes a pass at him. Tom rebuffs this advance and some unpleasant words are exchanged. Sean calls Tom a coward, Tom calls Sean a loud mouth queen. After Sean storms out Tom does try to follow him and apologize, but to no avail. Right about then Kelly comes by and asks Tom if he wants to see her tatoos, and all thoughts of Sean are quickly put out of his mind.

boy toy

YOU’VE GOT TROUBLE, WAIT DON’T RUN

Jerry lies in his hospital bed, the requisite number of tubes coming out of his face, à la Liam Connor, Charlie Stubbs and so many before him. Unlike Charlie however, Jerry has some hope of recovery as the bleeding on his brain has been stopped. Theresa sits tearily beside him, thinking of what he’d be saying and doing were it a normal day. Come back to me, she entreats him – I’ll make it up to you.

Mel shows up and Theresa tells her there’s been no change. Mel bursts into tears, feeling like her row with Theresa caused Jerry’s collapse. Theresa wants bygones to be bygones. Mel says the police trainees have the day off – the following day there is supposed to be a party for them. 

The doctor says that Jerry’s blood thinners will have to be adjusted. Kayleigh and Findlay come in, a little frightened of all of the stuff sticking out of Jerry as he sleeps. Just then, Jerry begins stirring. The family is ushered outside.

In the corridor, the Mortons wait anxiously; Theresa is uncomfortable that the doctors keep referring to the pills. The doctor appears, inviting them into the room as Jerry is breathing on his own. Jerry opens his eyes to the kids and wants to know why they’re not in school. Darryl tells Jerry that Theresa stayed all night and slept in a chair. Jerry remarks he’s lucky to be there and to have them all. He apologizes for worrying them. Theresa nips outside.

The doctor returns and runs Jerry through some routine orientation questions and determines he has all his faculties. Theresa has rushed outside and called a cab. She enters the Morton home and starts pooling together all the spare change she can find as tears stream down her face. Later, as she stands otside the house, suitcase beside her, Mel rings. Mel knows something is going on…she begs her mom not to do a runner again. Mel says that Jerry needs Theresa, and so do the kids. Theresa promises she’ll be back at the hospital in 20 minutes.

Theresa returns to the hospital, opens Jerry’s door. The room is empty of kids as they’ve gone for pizza. She sits down beside Jerry and begins to speak…she talks to Jerry about his condition, his collapse…and she has something to tell him…and….CLIFFHANGER!!

THIS KIND OF TROUBLE IS LOTS OF FUN

Dev comes into the shop with some inventory, and begins barking at Molly and Amber to help him. They ask about Dev’s golf weekend, but he’s in a crabby, snappy mood and tells them it’s none of their business. The girls make silly faces at him which succeed in totally winding him up. 

Later he sits in the Rovers, complaining to Lloyd about his newfound quandry as boy-toy. Despite Nina’s considerable charms, he’s apparently not into being a love puppet and finds it emasculating. He says he feels stupid and used. Lloyd has him just about talked into taking control and binning her, when Nina herself waltzes in, narrowly missing this declaration. Prem is apparently with her; she asks Dev to order a scotch for Prem and wine for herself.

Later, Amber & Molly eavesdrop on the phone conversation Dev is having in his office – it appears that the caller wants him to rearrange his schedule at the drop of a hat. Ken ambles the shop; having recovered from his burning obsession to set the world afire with his prose, his biggest decision these days is whether to have a biscuit or something buttered.

Ken has come into Roy’s; Roy is lamenting that Vernon – what????- is missing from work. Roy doesn’t mean to be disloyal, but confides that Very isn’t exactly a paragon of industry. Ken helps Roy clean up…and Ken concedes that he’s love his job back. 

POP-A-MATIC, POP THE DICE

The factory girls watch a couple of chubby tradesmen and lament that working men never look like the buff boys seen on TV. Sean, down in the mouth, holds court with a sticky custard tart; the girls speculate that Marcus has probably gone to London. They suggest Sean send a romantic text, or making Marcus laugh.

As the gang returns from lunch, Sean has written a rather awkward poem for Marcus and is just about to text it when Marcus rings. He is in London, at Noel’s. Sean immdiately takes the huff and it’s fight-back-on again. 

POP A SIX AND YOU MOVE TWICE

David and Tina relax on the couch. Gail comes in and gently asks if Tina is planning to move back in. Tina says no, that might be rushing things; she’ll stay at her dad’s for now.

That afternoon, Gail pops into the kebab shop for a chat with Tina. Tina assures her that she liked staying at Gail’s, but she knows the signs and has decided that Joe has a woman. She figures she’d better stay home and keep an eye on him; whoever the bird is, she’s sure to be poison ivy as far as Tina is concerned. Gail leaves the shop and rings Joe immediately WHATEVER.

We begin with Jerry’s sudden collapse and Theresa’s quicksilver response. Well, she did dial 999, eventually,  after she tried to figure out if an autopsy would determine if cause of death was double dosages of his heart pills. So she calls for an ambulance and a forklift. Meanwhile, Mel and Darryl argue over the merits of leaving crappy mum or staying with decent dad. Mel opts for the former while Darryl opts for the latter but Mel reminds him that it was she who took Kayleigh under her wing when Mum walked out and she doesn’t want to go through that again.

Soon enough however, the ambulance arrives and everyone is off to the hospital, including Ashley who drives the younger Mortons.  Ashley later tells them that he knows what it’s like to lose a father with heart problems.

The doctor comes out to tell them that, due to the drugs in Jerry’s bloodstream, his blood is thinned and not clotting. He is in surgery now and while they are doing everything they can, they need to prepare themselves for the worst. Theresa sits silently wondering who she’ll sponge off of if Jerry dies.

David Platt, You Mess With Amber, You Mess with All of C orrie Canuck

Amber is walking back to the shop in tears as Tyrone tries to compliment her (Molly is teaching him to be less oblivious). Molly sees her crying and figures this has something to do with David Platt. She is later consoled by Molly and, in a weird way, Tyrone who reasons that just because David wants Tina back, it doesn’t mean she wants him back. He points to how he felt when Maria left him and how that lead him to Molly. Somebody has to be there to pick up the pieces. Amber is down on herself because Tina is so good looking and she’s not, which of course isn’t true. I, for one, would like to see Amber get all up in Tina’s grill, like, “Oh you can spray that tan in a can all over yourself but you’ll never be all natural brown n’ lovely like me ’cause I’m Indian, beyotch!”

Anyway, Tina eventually softens and gets back with David with some old poem:

One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for a kiss, — (supposed to be gold, originally)
Seven for a secret
Never to be told.

So they kiss and get back to David’s. Meanwhile, Gail is trying to figure out how to deal with her clandestine romance with Joe. Ted tells her that it would be less weird now that their kids are not dating. So she goes back to her place where she is greeted by the sight of David and Tina making their spray tans become one. David asks his mother to scram so that he and Tina can do it.

In Other News

Marcus came back from London to be confronted by Sean, who’s giving him the cold shoulder over whatever it was Todd thinks he saw in London’s only gay nightclub. Turns out it was Marcus’ ex but supposedly nothing happened.

Norris found Emily’s death instructions in the bin which can only mean, there is a whole new set of funeral instructions for him to discover!

Dev is brought by Nina to the most prententious restaurant in Manchester where he learns that he isn’t the only one she’s been bringing to the place. He feels so used. Wait, he’s in his mid-forties and is being used by the Raquel Welch of India as her own personal boy-toy. What’s the downside again?

UK Time – Wednesday August 27th 2008

The show opens in the Morton household where Jerry, the colour of sweaty concrete is sitting on the couch. Mel is continually annoyed by her mother’s existence and the fact that he has managed to weasel her way back into the house despite everyone’s best efforts to get her out. These dodgy electrics are very suspicious to Mel. Jerry can’t understand why since Teresa has been the picture of honesty since she moved in.

Later Mel insists that Jerry call Mally to hear about these electrics first hand. Mally confirms Teresa’s story. Unconvinced and off camera, Mel calls Mally later on and puts the pressure on him until he confesses that Teresa got him to lie. In the family confrontation that follows Teresa tells Jerry that being the self sacrificing woman that she is, she convinced Mally to lie so that she could stay to help Jerry seeing as Mel has her own life and Jerry can’t take care of himself. Mel isn’t having any of it and gives her father the Morton Ultimatum: it’s her or me.

Jerry just tries to avoid conflict until he finally says that he wants Teresa to stay since she is doing such a great job of taking care of him. The man is a grey as a London winter and his excellent caregiver has not once suggested he go back t the doctor. It’s a good thing she’s there.

Later, since Teresa hasn’t left, Mel decides that Jerry had made his decision and it is time for her to go. She heads off to Abby’s with Jerry still pleading with her not to go.  Finally overcome with stress from the two women in his life fighting and from the massive overdose of heart medication, Jerry collapses and on the way down, bangs his head on the coffee table.  Teresa looks concerned, but she also looks like she’s thinking, “could this have been my fault?”

Over at Heartbreak Hotel, Eileen the Mistress of number 11 is home when Sean rushes in looking for his phone and nervously checking to see if Marcus has sent him a text. Oh joy he has. Just before he leaves, Eileen’s phone goes off and Todd is on the other end. It looks like Todd has some serious news.

A bit later in Roy’s, Sean and Kelly are waiting for some cakes for the girls when Eileen pops in. right there and then she drops the Todd saw your Marcus cozying up to some bloke in a bar in London bomb. Not cool. Sean, obviously worried, says that it is probably nothing. I think we all know that something is up.

If I didn’t like David before, I surely don’t like him now. Who told him to mess with our Amber? Knowing she likes him, David asks her over to his place to have some dinner and watch a DVD. Amber is keen to accept and even heads home to get dressed for the occasion.

Later in the corner shop David arrives to collect Amber and is impressed that she has scrubbed up for the event. Molly looks suspicious as they leave together.

As they walk down the street they pass Darryl and Tina. Darryl is floored that a bird like that lived over the road and he never noticed. Tina is not pleased.

At David’s house they decide to watch This Is London, but Amber just wants to make out. She kind of makes out on him for a while, but David is clearly not really into it. Then Tina storms into the house and busts that thing wide open.  Amber puts two and two together. David and Tina argue and he insists that Tina’s reaction proves that she still loves him. Tina points out that treating Amber like she is nothing isn’t going to impress her.

A Shop Keeper's Best Friend

I go back and forth with this Nina character, but last night I decided that I absolutely love her. Dev arrives at the hotel for their dirty weekend. As soon as she sees him, Nina gabs him by the face, plants one on him and leads him to the bedroom.

Later in his post coital bliss, Dev lies spent in the bed barely covered by a sheet praising Nina as a goddess. He starts to beg her to stay, but she’s got plans for a hot stone massage. This woman is decadent. After Dev offers himself up as a sex god, Nina leans in and says “been there, done that.”

In Other News

Norris found the Don not open until after my death envelope in the trash.

The movie David and Amber watched (sort of) was This Is England, which gets two enthusiastic thumbs up from the smurfman. If you are looking for a taste of 80’s British music and culture, this a great choice.

Sean is all abuzz with anticipation of going to the Manchester gay pride parade with Marcus, but it quickly comes to naught when Marcus gets a call on his mobile for an interview in London for a botox job in Manchester. Sean pouts for a bit, but quickly recovers, tells Marcus to ring him when he gets to Euston Station and then proceeds to flirt with Tom, the boy who has no wallet, or personality for that matter.

Amber thinks it might be a good idea for her to live on her own in the flat above the shop now that Dev is moving into the dark lair of the one eyed Satan. She thinks it might be helpful for Dev for those times when ‘three might be a crowd’, although she is actually daydreaming about getting jiggy with her new love, David the dastardly. Dev is less than enthralled by her idea.

Dev and Prem go off to some Asian business type meeting and have a drink later at the new flat. Nina pops by for a bit and squeezes in beside Dev on the love seat. Prem continues his odd and awkward way of speaking. Nina gets a phone call from Tara, their troubled daughter. Prem thinks it might be a good idea to call his daughter to offer some fatherly advice, and Nina leans into Dev, shows him a brochure (from a hotel?), and tells him that he should book the suite in the picture, so they can get jiggy in style.

Tyrone and Molly return from their misadventures with Jackie, and Molly is clearly quite upset, breaking into tears as Aunt Pam comforts her. Later as Pam is hanging laundry in the back garden Jackie comes through the back gate. The two harridans go at each other hammer and tong before Jack comes through the gate and breaks it up. He tells Jackie to get lost and not to come back anytime soon, and then agrees with Pam that they shouldn’t tell Ty and Molly that Jackie had been there.

Jack and Ty share a can of lager later. Jack offers to stay home from his trip to Blackpool, and to again offer any needed money for the wedding, because Vera would never forgive him if he didn’t.

Mel is back from her vacation to Greece looking tanned and healthy, unlike Jerry, who is looking grey and rather unhealthy. The usual scrapping takes place between Mel and Teresa as daughter tells mother that she can get lost now that she has returned and can take care of her dad. Teresa pleads for a few more weeks to scrape together some cash for the deposit on the flat (from where I have no idea) but it seems that today is the day she has to move out. Jerry is going to go the cash point to get some cash for the deposit, and Teresa tells him that she will make him one last dish, an apple pie with custard, so she can overdose him with medication one last time.

When the cab arrives Darryl, Finlay and Kayleigh seem sad to see their mother go. Mel, not so much. Teresa shows up at her new flat and tells Mally that she is sorry, but she can’t move in, because Jerry is too ill to manage on his own. She then bribes Mally to say that it was beacuse the ‘electrics’ are gone that she can’t move in. Teresa then shows up back at Jerry’s house, who admits that he feels bloody lousy, and it’s good to have her back. Little does he know…