Corrie Canuck

Okay c'mon....who had one?

Today’s episode might be described as a fast-paced potpourri that plays like a long movie trailer. We are all over the neighbourhood, so rather than weld content into stories, let’s just travel through the day as it came….

MORNING:

Peter comes coughing into the living room looking for an emergency fag. Blanche and Ken harass him for sleeping in and tell him that they’ve been babysitting all morning, reading and making milkshakes and what-not. Due to the little boy’s quiet nature, Blanche has christened him, “Shy-mon’. Now that Peter has risen, he offers to give Ken “a hand”.

Meanwhile….

Fiz is at home and throwing John off the phone. Apparently he keeps phoning. WACKO.

Peter is now hanging about his front door, when Dan ambles by. They have a brief chat that goes something like: “I’m a bookie, you’re a bookie, would you like to be a bookie, too?” Peter says he once owned Dan’s establishment, dodgy boiler and all.

Kelly has been to the travel agent’s and bumps into Dan. She is very excited about their planned holiday. Kelly plans to bring lots of thrillers to read, including the Di Veesy Code. She gives him a kiss and saunters off. Dan looks completely icked out…apparently no longer diggin’ Big Bird.

At the factory, playful banter is underway, which includes Tony. Gee Glacia, when he jokes around, I can kinda see in a tiny way how he might be hot. A little bit. Sean wants to know if Tony prefers satin or silk in a lady’s undergarment. Tony says he actually likes cotton. Sean thinks this is kinky for some reason. I think it’s funny because the actor who plays Sean is called Antony Cotton. Tony….Cotton…fuggetaboudit.

NOONISH:

Kelly has now gone to the bank and returned to the factory. Apparently she has no money. Sally says not to worry – the pays don’t usually clear until lunchtime.

Tina is at the Platt’s, chatting on the phone with a friend and oozing, “Yes, he’s absolutely gorgeous. David overhears and obviously wants to know who is absolutely gorgeous because it better be him. In spite of the fact that he has just passed his underwater driving test, David gets all freeeked. 

At the Battersby-Brown house, Chesney and Kirk are packing for South Africa. Chez is also freeked because Kirk only has factor 5 and factor 10 sun cream and without a radiation-shield, Chesney will burn to a crisp.

Peter attempts to have a heart-to-heart with Shy-mon. He wants to know what the story Ken read him was about, if he wants help with his puzzle and a couple of other questions to which Simon offers zero response. In spite of the fact that all Corrie children are mute, Peter seems to think he should form sentences. As he’s not making any headway, Peter decided to go to the store for some fags and a lollypop. Leaving Simon in the house alone.

(‘kay now we really start flipping around, try and keep up:)

Leanne wants a quick chat with Janice as Janice is passing the hair salon. Leanne, wrapped in a towel, is apparently having her hair done. End of.

Tony is on the phone in the car. End of.

Peter is in the Kabin looking at toys, including that awesome pop-up ball-in-a-cone thingy from the 70’s. Those were awesome. They make really good wizard hats for cats, too.

David is now on the phone with someone, commenting for no other reason than to wind up Tina: “she’s absolutely gorgeous!” He’s actually on the phone with his cellmate, Graham. Graham has been released and David has asked him over. Tina is pissed.

Simon is playing alone with a yellow truck when Ken comes in. He asks where Peter is. No answer.

On the way to the store, Peter runs into Leanne and they flirt a bit.

A sad Julie is hugging Kirk goodbye at home, making him promise not to talk to any girls. Nor to chat anyone up in nightclubs. 

Sally meanwhile has come to see Fiz. She wants to know what the police asked her. Fiz tells Sal again that she had no involvement.

Ken is playing with a green car at the table. He throws open the door thinking to tell Peter off, but it’s only Blanche.

Rosie is at Webster’s Garage bawling…she has apparently had a meltdown because of noises she heard in the house when a door blew shut and knocked over a pitcher, or a picture, or something. She has freaked out in her foxhole and come running to Kevin. Sally stops by the garage and joins in comforting Rosie. Sally is now allowing the slight possibility that Fiz is innocent, but still thinks she knew. Rosie says not.

The factory girls’ nickels have dropped (out of their wallets) and they now know something’s fishy with their pay. Julie’s card was refused at the butchers. Wicki’s wages have not come through either. Everyone agrees they must confront Tony about their wages, and their straits would not be as dire if Janice hadn’t stolen their money (for nothing and your chicks for free). And this never would have happened in the Baldwin’s day, when there were wage packets not this electronic debit nonsense.

TEATIME:

Peter finally comes home. A bickering match ensues, which includes Blanche’s description of Ken making the morning milkshake: “You were prancing around like a sprite, Kenneth.” Peter and Ken trade insults, resentments and slagging until Blanche finally tells them to shaddap. Simon simply wants to know where the promised lolly is.

Graham the cellmate show up at the Platt’s and does a crazy-ass handshake with David. His accommodations have fallen through and he wants to crash on the sofa. Of course. And he is going to get David a car.

Peter is outside having a smoke and Ken comes out to try and make peace. He says they ought not to fight, for Simon’s sake. Blanche comes into the yard and says they have a visitor. Peter has called a social worker to come for Simon.

Okay, before I even post this, I’ve had an email from the Audiance Relation peeps over at CBC. 

There’s basically a plea not to kill the messanger.  A/R has nothing to do with the change and they realize that this is going to be an inconvieniance all around.  So if you must contact them, be gentle…they’re really lovely people over there.

And yes….the change is permanent.

Without further ado, starting September 6 – the new times for the Sunday omnibus are:

1) In the Maritimes, Quebec, Ontario and Manitoba 9:30 am

2) Newfoundland – 10 am

3) Saskatchewan and Alberta – 8:30 am

4) BC/PTN the on air time will remain the same,  7:30.

5) Oshawa, FlinFlon, Medicine Hat, Trail, Comox, Nanton, Terrece and Peggy’s cove  are the exceptions, they will be seeing Coronation Street in two parts.  The first part will start at 12:47 pm run for 2 1/4 hours.  The second part will be shown at 11:36 pm and show the remain 2 3/4 hours, but will be interrupted with enough ads for ‘Little Mosque on the Prarie’ and ‘Royal Canadian Air Farce 35th Final Flight/Cirque du Soliel Special’ that the actually broadcast will be 5 hours long.  Enjoy!*

*Y’all know I’m kidding about point #5.

Fizz is taken into an interview room at the police station where DC Timmins begins asking her about her relationship with John, but pretty soon, it’s clear that they think she either knew about the kidnapping, or helped with it.

Back at the factory, the girls and Sean are discussing what constitutes a crime of passion. Kidnapping is not, Wiki tells them, but pouring hot pig fat on your husband’s member because he made love to your best friend is.

“Anything you want to share with us?” Julie asks.

Curious Things From Wiki’s Past now include:

• A university degree
• A possible career as a doctor
• A son back home (I think)
• A lesbian affair
• Mutilating her husband with hot pig fat

Coincidently, applying hot pig fat to a man’s member was also used as a threat in the opening episode of this season’s Mad Men.

Aannnyway, PC Timmins eventually believes Fizz’s story and tells her she can go. Fizz then begins crying about John’s possible fate and Timmins reminds her that kidnapping is a serious charge.

Maria and Lloyd pick her up at the station and take her home. There, Julie tries to cheer her up noting that there’s nothing like a good fondue to cheer her up.

Fizz goes back to talk to John in his cell to try to understand what he was thinking. He tells her that it was just a stupid mistake and he’s the same guy he always was but then says that the last five weeks were the happiest of his life WHICH SHOULD BE A MASSIVE CLUE TO YOU, FIONA BROWN, THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS MAN’S HEAD.

Anyway, Fizz is heartbroken. The best man she ever loved turned out to be pretty messed up.

Underworld Can’t Even Afford MS Office

Sally slips into Tony’s office with a flash drive to get that copy of her Liam/Carla video off Rosie’s hard drive. The PC runs XP but I saw a generic icon on the desktop for “Word Processor”. Things must be worse than I thought at Underworld. They could at least download Open Office. Tony catches her just as she’s finishing up and she tells him she just came for some of Rosie’s things.  As she leaves, Tony checks out her computer but doesn’t see anything amiss (as he was unaware of the copied video).

Meanwhile, Giles, his new accountant tells him that his big debt is resulting in a lot of bank charges going unpaid. Looks like his plans to retire a millionaire have hit a snag unless he can start selling those flats. To remedy the situation, Tony forges Carla’s signature on a cheque to use the payroll account to pay his bank charges. Looks like the gang at Underworld is working for free this week.

If only Tony used the Gail Vaz-Oxlade all-cash jar budget.

In Other News…

In this week’s episode of the ABC After School Special, Daddy, Please Don’t Drink, Peter attempts to dump Simon on Ken and Deirdre and bugger off to Portsmouth. Ken tells him, Oh, like fuck you will. But Peter didn’t drink so much tonight so that’s something.

I just think it’s funny that Peter and Simon have the same name, Biblically speaking.

Janice got community service for the lotto scam.

Rosie shows her family the Carla/Liam video but Kevin advises that everyone just forgot they ever saw it.

Molly, who’s looking HOTT, and Tyrone get ready for their big fancy free meal when they are joined by Auntie Pam. Turns out the whole thing was a ruse to get the restaurant to pay for the meal so Molly and Ty would choose them as the caterers. Molly storms off, embarrassed. And Pam tells them waitress that the weddings off as Ty’s having it off with the girl from the abattoir. So they leave in kind of dine and dash type thing.

I was hoping the dinner would be romantic so we could see the Molly Compton Sex Eyes, which are the hottest thing this side of Joan Holloway on TV right now. It’s hard to describe and it’s a rare thing but you’ll know them when you see them.

These aren’t them:

Just got notice that two Corrie stars will be raising funds for ActionAid (a charitable organization who’s aim is to help end the cycle of poverty).    Tupele Dorgu (Kelly Crabtree) will be (eek!) SKYDIVING to raise funds and Katy Cavanagh (Julie Carp) will be strapping on the shoes for a 5K run.

Here’s the info I got along with links to let you support their fundraising efforts.

Coronation Street stars Tupele Dorgu (Kelly Crabtree) and Katy Cavanagh (Julie Carp) will be putting their work in Underworld aside as they take on action challenges for charity ActionAid.
 
Tupele will be taking to the skies over Lancashire as she prepares for her first ever 10,000 ft skydive on Saturday 5th September and Katy will be putting on her running shoes in the 2009 Adidas Women’s 5K Challenge in London’s Hyde Park on Sunday 6th September. 
Tupele is really looking forward to her freefall experience and is encouraging the people of Lancashire and Greater Manchester to join her for what promises to be an unforgettable day of fun and fundraising for ActionAid, a charity dedicated to fighting poverty across the globe.
For more information, log onto www.actionaid.org.uk/skydiving  or call 1460 238000.
 
Katy is very excited about the Addidas 5km Challenge,
“I’m really looking forward to taking part in the 5k women’s challenge for ActionAid especially as it’s in support of so many amazing and inspiring women across the world.”
 
It’s the biggest and best women-only fun run in the UK with thousands of women taking part every year.  The run is open to women of all ages and whether they run or walk they’ll have an amazing experience as well as making a real difference to the lives of some of the poorest women and their families and communities around the world.   
Katy is keen to encourage other women to take part in the 5k Women’s Challenge, it’s a great way of coming together with women and raising much needed money for ActionAid’s vital women’s rights work. For more information check out http://www.actionaid.org.uk/101641/adidas_womens_challenge.html
Also you can hear an interview with Katy
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0042tb4/Becky_Want_20_08_2009/ fast-forward to 1.04.24

…A Butterfly

Pam, Norris and Rita are in the Kabin discussing Molly’s wedding. Norris, the contest-a-holic is trying to win soup for a year by answering a quiz. He needs the best answer to “Love is Like……..”  Pam and Rita launch into “Love is Like a Butterfly” by Dolly Parton. They continue to tease and wind up Norris for a few more minutes with another round of the song.

Norris puzzles and puzzles until his puzzler is sore. “Love is like breathing,” he suggests. Rita fails to see the romance. She suggests, “Love is like a violin” (fiddle sounds dirty). Emily comes in and decides “Love is like a distant memory”. In light of Norris’ latest obsession Emily speculates, “I’m afraid that I may have to start eating my meals in my bedroom again.”

….A Mystery

Maria is madly rummaging through Liam’s stuff trying to find out why the last listings on Liam’s cellphone are Carla Carla Carla Carla Carla. She finds a receipt for Indian Food which seems a bit fishy, until she remembers that they ate it while watching the Simpsons movie. D-oh!

Later, she sits in the living room in perplexed tears, wondering about the Carla Carla Carla. She confides in Tom; Tom explains that they were just calling back and forth because Carla wanted to know what they were doing to Tony at his stag do. He said that some of the calls were from him, as Liam got sick of it….there ya go guys, closing the testosterone wall, even unto death. Later Tom tells Ozzy that the two of them will now look after Maria. Fiz rings, and Tom says Maria has gone for a lie-down.

Later, Kirk comes by to see Maria; he feels bad about going off on holiday (see below). She reassures him that she’ll be fine. They exchange a sibling hug. The phone rings and it’s Lad Rags calling. They are looking for Liam. Maria says that he’s died, and hands the phone to Kirk. Then they are looking for Carla Carla Carla Carla. Maria adamantly tells them that Carla has nothing to do with the busines. “Why is that woman everywhere I turn?” Maria wants to know.

They then realize that Kirk has left the door open, and that Ozzy has escaped! D-oh!

….A Starving Cat

The Websters are still stressed, worried and sleepless , waiting for Rosie to return. Or at least to be not-dead.

Rosie comes to in her attic prison after falling off her makeshift tower. She realizes she’s taken a tumble and has some water. Any whiff of engineering genius which might facilitate escape remains dormant in the jubbly teen. In frustration she hurls her glass at the door.

Commercial: Now there is a little plastic characterization of ’sodium’ bawling it’s eyes out in the rain outside a house where a family eats a nutritious, low-sodium meal while Michael Bolton plays. Why do they keep trying to take drugs away from people in art college?

Fiz and John return from holiday (I love her hair long soooo much better than the Princess Leia buns or the Marge SImpson.) Kirk comes bombing down the stairs to say that Les and Cilla have reunited in South Africa, and want to see Ches, Kirk and Fiz. They’ve sent plane tickets. Kirk is hyped.

Kirk then second-guesses whether he should go on the trip while Maria needs him. John, looking squirmy-wormy, finally pops up to go “feed the cat”. As he leaves, Fiz suggests that John go one the trip, too. He doesn’t seem that excited.

Eileen pops in to see if John would take a fare, driving an older couple home from the airport and out for their anniversary. John is distressed at not being able to get back to the “cat”, but accepts.

The “cat” meanwhile is beating at the main part of the door in a tiring and ineffective manner, unless said door is made of veneer. When suddenly an ‘aha’ moment occurs…why not beat in the head of her captor instead?

Fiz shows up in the cab office – Schmeikel has been playing with John’s keys and phone, so he has neither and Fiz now has both. Eileen confirms that Lloyd (rather than feeding the cat) has in fact been away…Fiz now fears that the cat is starving. You’d wonder that John would leave the house without the keys, seeing as “the cat” is uppermost in his mind.

John tries to get out of the fare, and get away from the lovely old couple in the back of his cab. He tries to arrange another driver. He radios Eileen, who tells John that……Fiz is going to feed the cat!!! John lies to the customers and offers a short cut, carrooming off toward Granny’s.

Fiz shows up at Granny’s on her scooter. John, meanwhile has gone Dukes of Hazzard and is terrorizing the lovely old folks in the cab. They look really sad as John speeds madly through roundabouts, only their seatbelts holding them down against the flattening g-forces. Fiz ambles in as Rosie waits in her prison, newfound club in-hand.

…..A Hoax

Dan is in the Rovers, shooting Steve dirty looks for snogging Becky. Which is pretty rich, considering he was sniffing around Kelly Big-Bird while still with Leanne. Michelle has a recording studio gig, and takes off. Becky offers to cover for her. “You can have a quick romp on the crisp boxes downstairs,” snarks Dan. Steve figures he ‘knows’.

“Why do I always finish up to my neck in stuff like this?” Steve wants to know. Why? Because….

My PVR didn’t record Corrie tonight so this will be an open thread to discuss tonight’s episode. But from what I understand, this happened:

• Norris’ sexy ladies lingerie was the result of his entering a contest in which “Noretta Cole” described her dream date with Pierce Brosnan. He claims it’s because he can’t resist contests. I think it’s because he can’t resist Pierce Brosnan. Keep in mind he also gave away one of these boxes to Molly so God knows what she thinks about that.
• Rosie tried to escape through the skylight but to no avail. In fact, she ended up underneath the bookcase she was standing on.
• Maria discovered all those texts Carla on Liam’s phone.
• DC Hooch is still trying to stitch up Becky so she snogs Steve in front of him. Just so happens Dan Mason saw the whole thing. Turns out Hooch tried it on with Becky when she was 16. She gave him a black eye instead. While no charges were laid against him, she thinks he blames her for his inability to move up in the police force.
• Deirdre has to bunk with Nancy, a possible lesbian on her way to Lourdes, or so Blanche would have her think. Deirdre thinks it can’t be as Nancy is an Arkala (a cub scout leader).

A bitter end to a few things....

Liam’s Funeral

Maria meets Ryan on the street as she’s out for a morning walk. He says his grandad is driving him nuts trying to have man-chats with him. He’s trying to be Liam but he isn’t. Maria comes back inside and shares with her parents that she feels badly for Ryan. Mother wants Maria to turn her attention to her own day and not worry about others.

Tony slams out of the bedroom tying his tie, which seems akin to twiddling an evil moustache these days. He accuses Carla of embarrassing him by blindsiding him in front of the vicar. He says he asked the vicar over so that Carla would have some support. Carla says no, it was a pressure tactic. She clarifies that she said the wedding was off, not the marriage. She wants to postpone the wedding. She thought the difference was obvious. Tony begins to complain about the cost of cancelling. Carla says if it’s a problem, then she’ll pay, so just shaddap.

Tony pressures Carla to go to the funeral because it doesn’t “look right” if she’s absent. He says he doesn’t understand her degree of grief, given it’s not her husband, father, or someone she was intimate with. Can I beat the haggis out of this bulgy-eyed moron? Carla explains her sensitivity, saying it all reminds her of Paul.

Maria and the Sutherlands make small talk as they wait for the funeral cars. There is a knock at the door; it’s Audrey. The hearse and cars pull up. Maria dissolves into tears yet again, saying none of it is fair. She pulls herself together and heads outside with her dad. Inside the hearse, the casket is draped with flowers, including posy letters that spell out ‘Liam’ The Street residents slowly emerge from their homes, making a sad tableau as Maria stares through the back window of the hearse. The mourners get into various cars and the procession to the church begins.

A lovely irish vicar greets the hearse at the chapel. He is very patient and kind, and says it’s okay for Ozzie to participate; after all, Christ had an ox and an ass in the manger, surely they can handle one labrador.

Michelle has yet to break down and make this all about her.

Tony & Carla turn up; Carla is transfixed by the hearse and numbly follows Tony inside.

Liam Connor is carried into the church, as a choir sings ‘Abide With Me’. Tony is a pallbearer. Ozzie tries to get down the aisle, whining for Liam. Kirk tells him to shush. The service is candle-lit. Maria weeps silently. Ozzie looks super-cute and heart-tuggy. Carla can take no more of this and runs outside. In the churchyard she sobs uncontrollably.

Dev’s Debacle

A very tense morning ensues at the Allahan flat as Amber slams cupboard doors purposely to annoy Dev. Amber says she’s over the legal age of sexual consent. Dev is none too pleased and tells his deflowered daughter that Darryl Morton isn’t even on the bottom end of the food chain. What he means is, “he’s dog-rough, even for you.” She in turn calls Tara a floozie.

Dev is in the shop later, and apologizing to Tara over the phone. He regrets his outburst and says it will never happen again. Mid-call, Nina walks in. Dev, deciding he is done being dicked around by Nina, blows Tara kisses into the phone. Dev tells Nina he’s way into Tara. Nina says that Dev’s not good enough for Tara; he’s not marriage material. “Who said anything about marriage?” Dev retorts. End it or I shall, Nina threatens. The debate turns into a rather loud street argument. Nina drives off, supposedly to tell Prem and Tara. Dev panics.

Prem is surprised to receive Dev as a visitor; Dev says that he needs to talk to Prem. Prem invites Dev for lunch, but it’s not a lunch sorta visit.

We rejoin this scene after Dev has apparently revealed his affair to Prem. He says that Nina drew him in, much as he tried to resist. Dev breaks down in tears as Prem slaps him. Prem asks if he got fed up with the wife and thought he’d test-drive the daughter. Dev begs Prem not to tell Tara.

We see that Nina is standing quietly in the doorway. Before she can protest, Prem orders her to go wait in the drawing room. He has another belt of scotch. He says Dev is a huge disappointment. He agrees that the affair should be kept from Tara , but orders Dev to end his relationship with Tara. He wants no more to do with Dev and neither does the South Asian Business Group.

And that is that.

Like Steve McQueen!

Becky meets Steve leaving for the funeral and tells him she’s got her bail hearing that day.

At the police station, she waits nervously for the ballbreaker detective who has been doggedly trying to return her to a life of chipped beef and unshaven legs. He squares off with her, but she is wise to the system, knows he has no evidence and knows he is holding a refuse-charge form indicating she is free to leave. She does a little jig in the police station and with a whoooo-hoo! exits stage left.

In other Newski

Vicki shares with her co-workers that there’s been a development about Rosie.

Corrie time October 24, 2008

John and Rosie are still reenacting the movie ‘Misery’ as Rosie tries to make good her escape. She makes it as far as the door when she discovers the cockadoodie thing is locked! From the inside! John drags her back upstairs with great effort, leaving her in the attic for the next week. She is so inconsolable that it hasn’t occurred to her that she could try to break the door down while he was out.

John goes to a pub where he disposes of Rosie’s wallet and takes her bank and card and PIN with him.

When he gets to Fizz’s he explains he was running late. Fizz notices the tear in his shirt and John says he got it repairing a car, even though Fizz remembered that he didn’t know owt about cars. She jokingly wonders what other secrets he has. THAT’S CALLED FORESHADOWING KIDS!

Funeral and Wedding Misery

Maria is still too distraught to go to see Liam at the wake, even at her in-laws’ urging. Michelle went, though, and she’s said she half expected him to jump up out of the coffin and say “Ha! Gotcha!”

Carla thinks it was for the best that she didn’t go and quietly thanks Leanne for taking her out of telling everyone about her and Liam.

When Carla gets back to her place, Tony is there with the Vicar, discussing the wedding. Carla then tells them that, because of what she’s been through, there will be no wedding.

Lourdes Misery

Deirdre’s not too fussed since she found out the only reason she’s getting a free trip to France is that she’ll be expected to wash the behinds of all her mum’s friends. Ken suggests she take her Marigolds.

Blanche’s friend keeps calling her “Daphne” but Blanche corrects her, saying her features are too coarse for a Daphne.

When they get back, Ken gets a call from Peter, who tells them that Lucy has died. (for a quick history of Peter and Lucy, go here) Ken asks how Simon is handling it when suddenly Peter hangs up. Not sure what is happening here, given that Lucy promised Peter that he’d never see his son again. Maybe they got back in touch after all.

In Other News

Molly tells Tyrone and Pam about the call she got about the dress fitting for the wedding dress she thought she’d never afford. Ty and Pam try to convince her that she should get the dress anyway but she counters that, like Colin Farrell, the dress is out of her league. Molly’s a pretty girl and any guy would be lucky to have her so no insult intended to her when I say that, given Colin Farrell’s sexual history, I don’t think he’s that fussy.

Anyway, Ty convinces Molly to go for the dress.

Tara and Dev go back to his new flat for sexytime but it turns out Darryl has been making sexytime with his daughter. Dev goes into a rage and throws Darryl out while Amber protests that they are a proper couple. Tara tries to calm him down but he ends up insulting her so she leaves. Darryl moans to his mum that Dev will probably forbid Amber from seeing him and instead will set her up with a nice businessman. With a suit and all.

It’s been bothering me for a week now just where I’ve seen John Stape’s bright red, never healing scratches before.

Turns out he borrowed them from James T. Kirk after a transporter accident split the good captain into two separate personalities: one good, one evil. The evil Kirk tried it on with Yeoman Rand and got his face all scratched up for his troubles:

I guess the studio wasn’t using them anymore so Corrie got to use them. Hey, you gotta cut corners where you can in these tough times.

 As Tears Go By

A grey morning unfolds as Maria takes Ozzie for a walk, looking disoriented and exhausted. She is in fresh tears because Ozzie is looking for Liam. Audrey ushers her back inside.

At Eyeball Manor, Carla emerges from the bedroom, looking haggard and yellowish. Tony, rather more fresh, has donned the usual purple button-down and wants to go to work. Seeing his fiancée is under the weather, he offers to hang out at home, but Carla wants none of him. She also doesn’t have it in her to go see Maria later, but Tony insists.

Audrey shows Kirk and Julie in to Maria’s. Kirk tells his sister that their parents are on their way. Maria sobs afresh that Liam never knew about the baby.

Michelle and Tom are talking in back of the Rovers. Tom is trying to explain the dynamics of the accident when Ryan wakes up. Ryan is worried the driver will get away with it because Liam was drunk. Ryan vows to find the driver. The Conners might be better advised to avoid automobiles in general. Incredibly somehow, this event has turned out not to be All About Michelle. 

Carla and Tony have come reluctantly to Maria’s. No idea why Tony is forcing this visit. Perhaps he hopes to cure his fiancée of her misplaced affections by showing her how undone Liam’s wife actually is. Or maybe he just wants to gloat.

Audrey has made tea for Maria’s visitors. Maria and Carla sit side-by-side in tears. Tony wants to know if there is any news of the car. Carla tells him to shaddap, more or less. He then offers to make the funeral arrangements. Audrey interrupts and reminds Tony that Liam’s parents will assist Maria. Tony tells Maria that Liam could have had any woman in the world, but he picked the right one. He looks pointedly at Carla. 

Later Eyeball has a clandestine in-car meeting with his slimy bald henchman, whose name, I think, is Jimmy. It appears we have found Liam’s killer, as Baldy Jimmy tells Tony he can still hear the impact of the car smacking Liam. He is worried about being caught; Tony assures him this won’t happen, and hands him a thick wad of cash – might some of this be the kitty money? In which case, Liam collected the money to pay his own hitman. Baldy Jimmy wants to know if Tony will still marry Carla. Tony says yes, to ensure he has the last laugh on Liam Conner, he will do so.

Get Off My Cloud

Leanne raps on Dan’s door, to pick up her bits and pieces. Kelly answers the door, apparently having ravished Boy Bookie the previous evening. Leanne seems put off, but not too. Kelly hands her only a small box of belongings, saying Dan has given the rest to charity and it’s time Leanne gave something away instead of selling it.

Under My Thumb

Kevin and Sophie are in the Webster kitchen as Sally & Bill return from Wales. Sophie tells her mom about the threatening postcard. The police thinks it’s a hoax, Kevin reassures Sally. Sally wants to keep Soph off school. Bill offers to take her. “Make sure your teachers are aware,” Sally instructs Sophie. Oh, the irony.

As Sophie and Chesney leave for school, Stape is out front sporting three red gashes on his face. Granny’s pussycat must be a lynx or sommat. Sally asks Chesney to stick close to Sophie at school to keep her safe. Chesney agrees although notes he isn’t much of a fighter. Stape offers to pick them up from school. Noooooooo….

As promised, Stape picks up the kids from school, chatting with them. He asks Sophie about the differences in the two postcards. Stape points out that Soph is now the centre of attention. Soph says she’d rather not be although her pleased face expresses differently. 

Some time later, Stape arrives home to Granny’s house, as a light rain falls. Once inside, he unlocks an interior door, and there is Rosie…Surprise! Not. 

What is rather surprising is that Rosie has not lost any of her bossiness. She gives Stape shit for being late bringing her her dinner, and that she is starving. Imprisoned but undaunted, it would seem.

I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)

Molly sees Amber arriving for work at Dev’s shop and asks if Darryl’s kebab saw any action. Amber explains that “D & T” crashed the party, so no jiggy.

Later as they work, Molly cautions Amber not to feel she has to give in to Darryl. Amber assures her that Darryl is totally into letting her set the pace. Waiting for sex, as opposed to actual sex, is still a step up from talking to a giant hunk of revolving lamb because you think it is stalking you. Tara Mandel breezes into the shop with documents for Dev. Dev kinda blows her off, fearful, we assume, of Nina’s not-so-veiled threats to expose him. After she leaves, Molly and Amber accused Dev of blanking Tara, who obviously likes him. Dev follows Tara outside and apologizes for being brusque – he says he’s a bit out of it as a good friend was just killed. 

In Other News

In the Kabin, Norris presents Rita with a porcelain tea set to say thanks for holding the fort. Rita is dreading Liam’s funeral; she says no one had a bad word to say about him. Tina imagines she wants a funeral with everyone wearing white and carrying a sunflower. There is a time for grief, Norris opines, saying that he would mourn the loss of Rita. Tina observes that Norris may still have a crush on Rita. Norris then tries to discontinue Tina’s employment as he has now returned. Neither Rita nor Tina take any notice.

Sally is put out because no one on the Street is talking about Rosie, only some dead guy named Liam.