(This is the song Norris wants played at his funeral. You could press Play and listen as you read, for this makes a surprisingly good soundtrack for the dismal events in this update)
This super long post has been brought to you by the number 4, as in four cups of coffee, and the letter “A”, as in Aspirin.
Ah yes, The Kiss. Frankie is rightly freaked out and goes tripping off between the gravestones, away from Jamie as fast as she can. Danny didn’t see the kiss, but tries to confront Jamie about how much longer he’s going to be angry. Jamie simply grins and walks away.
“Can’t believe the coffin got stuck,” Bev says to those assembled outside of the church.
“I know, I thought I was going to di-,” Norris breaks off. Woops!
Bev is generally making everyone uncomfortable. When Ashley says goodbye to Beryl Peacock, Bev pipes up, why does he calls her mum when she’ not really his mum?
When Jamie returns home, Frankie is brandishing a little pink suitcase. “Stay back, stay away!” She swings for him and calls him evil. “I’ve known you since you were seven, seven years old! I’m not that person! I won’t be!”
He points out she was only 16 at the time, making Danny the real pervert. He loves her and says it’s a damn sight easier now knowing she fells the same.
“I don’t,” she says through her tears, bundling herself into Les’ taxi.
“We both know you do,” Jamie says. Les drives on.
“Opened your big gob, then?” Sean asks Jamie. He’s seen the whole thing. He points out that Frankie obviously still thinks of herself as Jamie’s mum, no matter how emphatically Jamie believes otherwise. “Jamie, wanting something to be true is not the same as something being true.”
Frankie parks herself in Danny’s spare room. He is over the moon, of course, but a little curious as to why the sudden return. She says Fred’s funeral reminded her not to waste time. But Danny has to prove that he’s learned his lesson first, which is why she’s not going to sleep with him right off the top.
At the Rover’s Dev delivers a round of ’scotch and threats’ as Ashley reminisces about how good Fred was at giving advice. “What am I going to do about ‘er?” Ashley indicates Bev, who has practically toppled off her bar stool.
“That one? You’re on your own,” Dev replies.
Bev starts in on Ashley about how could he speak to Audrey at the funeral? What, is he taking sides now? Ashley angrily pounds the bar, causing the whole Rover’s to jump. He yells that he’s not getting into this right now, he’s got enough coping with his dad being dead. He stomps off to the back as Blanche announces gleefully, “I said we wouldn’t get to the end of today without blood being shed!”
Ken, Rita and Emily agree that Fred wouldn’t have wanted any of this fighting. He would have something with “more life, more espirit, more rally.” Rita obliges by standing up and belting out, “Bring Me Sunshine in your Smile”. It brings down the house.
Enter Audrey, who ramps up her courage and announces to all assembled that she loved Fred. He was a warm-hearted person and yes, she’s made mistakes but those were between her and Fred. She loved him. As Gail leads her out of the pub, Bev scowls, “I don’t believe a word you’ve said.”
Later, Danny and Frankie snuggle on the couch. He says, “I’m sorry, Frank.”
“For what?”
“For being careless with your heart.” She smiles. Then the buzzer sounds. And sounds. And sounds. They know it’s Jamie but neither of them want to face him. Jamie runs around to the window and begs for just two minutes. “Speak to me, Frankie! Speak to me, Frankie!”
The episode ends.
The next morning, Danny whips up a lovely breakfast, which reminds me of when he used to sit and have morning coffee with Leanne. To my amazement, I realized I kind of miss Leanne!
Anyway, Danny says that even with a wall between their bedrooms, he feels like a kid at Christmas.
“Which is why you shouldn’t open all your presents at once,” Frankie replies. She makes Danny promise not to bother Jamie.
Sean pounds on the door and Jamie answers, looking worse for wear. Suddenly, Frankie and Danny pull up in his car, looking very cozy indeed. Danny shouts to Norris that the headline on the news stand should be “Danny and Frankie Reunited, Love Conquers All.” Jamie looks murderous as he retreats back into the house.
Frankie reports to Deirdre, Liz and Eileen that she’s back with Danny and the ladies are justifiably confused. Liz says there’s only one reason she’d go back, “because you love him.”
“Loving’s easy,” Dierdre says, “it’s the trusting that’s the difficult thing.”
Frankie says he’s changed. They all roll their eyes and she admits well, at least she’s changed. He can’t hurt her the same way again.
Roy later congratulates Frankie on recent developments, saying, “I do believe that some people are meant to be together, even though circumstances may make that seem impossible to achieve, but we do all have our soul mates. I hope this time it works out for you.”
“It will,” she replies darkly, “it has to.”
Archie lets it slip to Ashley that Bev’s already picked up Fred’s ashes. Archie apologizes profusely as Ashley goes off, “she’s not ‘aving them, they’re mine!”
He finds Bev and, er, Fred, enjoying another healthy dose of gin at “front of house” in the Rovers.
“Don’t let anger take the reigns,” Claire counsels her husband (to which I say, “good luck”). Ashley demands the ashes.
Bev says “this tin of dust that used to be the loveliest man alive is all I’ve got left in the world,” whereas Ashley has a family. She wants to scatter them where Fred proposed to her.
“He proposed to you in a lay-by on the A54!” Ashley exclaims.
“Exactly. And it was the happiest day of my life. I think he’d like that.”
Claire thinks it’s kind of romantic but Ashley’s not having it.
Archie and Audrey decide to have Sunday lunch at the pub. Archie heads off to the “little boys’” and Dev takes the opportunity to give Audrey some advice, which simply must be quoted verbatim (the stroked out bits are the words Dev omitted from the actual text):
“Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.” (Othello 3.3.180-86)
“You’re worried about my good name?” Audrey replies.
“Audrey, I think of you as a friend.”
“Well I think of you as a pompous, patronizing, self-centred, womanizing hypocrite.”
“Enjoy your drink,” he says sheepishly and moves on.
At the café, Danny makes dinner plans with Frankie as she hands him take-out. “I’m not spying,” says Roy when Danny leaves, “but did you actually charge the customer for that order?” She’d completely forgotten!
Frankie would never have prepared in the first place if she’d known what Danny was going to do. He knocks on Jamie’s door and offers him a peace offering in the form of sandwiches and coffee, “fresh from Frankie’s hands.” Jamie slams the door in his face. Blanche, witness to the excitement, immediately reports to Frankie.
Frankie decides it’s time to face Jamie. “I’m with Danny now,” she says. Her argument is that Danny’s her husband, it’s the way it’s meant to be and one mad kiss can’t change 20 years of marriage.
Creepy Jamie says he knows she really wants to be with him and it’s okay. It’s scary, but it makes sense. He felt it when they kissed. “We’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just two people who love each other.”
Frankie slaps him, apologizes and leaves, in tears once more.
The Little Bits:
Jason walks in on Violet who is fully clothed and bending over the couch, folding the blankets. Jason, however, is in his undies. Sean appears and says he wondered how long it’d take before they were sharing a sleeping bag. Violet violently grabs Sean’s ears and yanks down, hissing that there is nothing going on between her and Jason.
Later, Sarah sees Violet and Jason emerge from the house at the same time. She gets the scoop from Fiz that Violet has moved back in. Jason makes a point of explaining to Sarah that Violet sleeps on the couch. Sarah pretends she doesn’t care.
Tracy gets it into her head that she could see a love connection between Maria and Steve. Charlie says it’s never a good idea to get involved. He later pops by Maria’s to arrange a lunch date and warns her to be wary of Tracy’s intentions. “I’m not interested in anyone,” Maria replies saucily.
Of course Charlie stands her up for the lunch date, so Maria invites David to partake in her pizza (not a euphemism). Charlie and Tracy walk by and have a laugh at Maria’s new boyfriend, emphasis on ‘boy’.
Fiz learns to ride her scooter by zooming around the street with Kirk running after her yelling, “not so fast!” Even when she falls over, she loves it.
Norris decides to bring his mini kettle to Hungary because even if they have tea in Hungary, “well, it’d be Hungarian tea, wouldn’t it?”
Archie recommends they try the thermal baths of Budapest, where “suddenly sitting naked with a bunch of strangers seems perfectly normal.” Norris is suitably scandalized.
Quote of The Day:
“I don’t hold with take-away coffee. What’s the point? If God had meant us to sup out of polystyrene cups, he wouldn’t have invented china.”
– Blanche
