Update – February 20, 2008 – We Can Haz Enemies


Claire and Ashley are staying at Eileen’s and Claire’s a little jumpy to let Joshua out of her sight, even for a minute. Claire is convinced, not unreasonably so, that whoever burned down their house and stole Freddy is still out there.

Later, D.I. Park and his female colleague, D.I. Everything But The Girl, arrive to ask some more follow up questions. Her brings up her row with the Mortons when she threatened to burn down the shed. She said people say such things all the time, it doesn’t make it a real threat. Eventually, her background and post-natal depression come to light.

They continue to ask questions in this vein when Claire erupts, thinking that their line of questioning is moving in the direction of accusing her of setting the fire.

Claire asks if they believe she dumped her baby in a park, came home and set the fire to burn her house down with her in it. The cops tells that they have to ask these questions but Claire throws them out, saying she’s lost all respect for the police. They respond by tasering her. Ok, not really. They’re very reasonable and patient cops.

Later, Claire is remembering her depression with Ashley and remembers a woman on the help line who said she’d prefer anything to depression. It suddenly dawns on her: there is one person who does hold a grudge against her: Casey.

She brings the cops back to tell them about Casey and how she once took Freddy without her permission. They had a falling out over it. Casey lost a child and would have reason to want to take someone else’s. Unfortunately, Claire doesn’t recall Casey’s last name, nor did anyone she knows meet her. But she did remember her dog. The missus pointed out that Casey’s phone number is probably still in Claire’s phone, though.

They tell her they’ll look into it. When they go, Claire is certain it was Casey who did it and hopes the police find. After all, she can’t have disappeared, can she?


Kirkeh is moping on the couch over Fizz and Cilla tries to cheer him up.

“She’s bound to take you back as soon as she realises she can’t do no better,” Cilla reckons, which is exactly what the missus said when I proposed to her.

Suddenly, Kirk gets a text from Fizz, asking him to come over. Thinking this means she wants him back, he throws on his best Beatles shirt and heads over to her flat. The shirt was kind of funny to me because I always thought that with a mop-top and granny glasses, Andy Whyment could play a young John Lennon.

He arrives with a bottle of cava and a bouquet of flowers but Fizz tells him he got the wrong end of the stick. She tells him she’s begun seeing someone new (Daniel Craig lookalike John Stape) and she wanted him to know before he heard it anywhere else.

She tells him he’s kind, loyal, friendly (“Like a Labrador?” he asks) and wouldn’t do anything in the world to hurt him.

“You are my world!” he yells back at her and storms out.

He ends up, as they always do, at the Rovers where he broods as Maria and Tyrone try to cheer him up. Later, Maria goes to Fizz and the air is cleared about John Stape: she wasn’t seeing him when she left Kirk. Things are patched up with a pot of tea.


After their night of passion playing, Cowhand and the Sexy Señorita, Liz tells Vernon she’s been invited to a brewery do. The fact is, as we know, that Liz is playing Diane Lane to Derek’s Olivier Martinez in their own low-rent version of Unfaithful.

She of course, ends up at Derek’s brother-in-law’s flat. Liz wonders if they’re moving too fast and thinks they should talk. Derek thinks they should make out. Suddenly, Derek’s wife calls (with the William Tell Overture as his ringtone) with the news that she’s going to stop by her brother’s flat and drop off some groceries, as a favour to him. They need to get out, pronto.

Liz hurries out and, trying to obscure her face, runs past Mrs. Derek. Mrs. Derek pauses for a moment, as if she’s thinking, “Hey, isn’t that the lesbian who was in my pub last night?”

Other Newz. I Haz It.

Carla is convincing Leanne to go in with her to buy the Italian restaurant. Carla thinks catering to boozehounds will improve its bottom line.

Violet’s new guy dumped her after she started talking about having kids. Even though having a child is on her mind, she reckons she’ll have to cool with the baby talk around prospective boyfriends.

She then asked the male patrons of the bar if they wouldn’t mind providing their most recently measured sperm counts.

Originally Broadcast May 27, 2007

About John

Former Maritimer living in the suburbs of Montreal.
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22 Responses to Update – February 20, 2008 – We Can Haz Enemies

  1. geenee says:

    Why did it take so long to dawn on Claire that it might be Casey?
    She must have had a key cut somehow, unless she got in Freddie’s window. Was she the prowler in the yard?

    Also wondered why Derek’s wife would bother calling to tell him about the groceries – unless he has the only key. And why would Liz bother seeing Derek after a night of passion with Vernon? And why do I always pick holes in the plot?

  2. Glacia says:

    I haz laughz now. Thank youz. I haz cookie 4 youz now.

    I think Liz wants her cake (Vernon) and eat it too (Der-‘ick’).

  3. arphpeck says:

    When Casey took the baby before, didn’t Claire call the police? They should have a record of the complaint.
    I think D’s wife was just calling to see where he was and tell him what she was doing in case he came home, unless maybe she suspects something. I was struck anew by his tackiness, for some reason I thought brother-in-law meant his sister’s husband, not his wife’s brother? Is he nuts?
    Violet should ask Derek for sperm, I’m sure he’d comply.

  4. TrudyC says:

    I loved when Eileen offered to make Claire and Ashley breakfast, some scrambled eggs then the scene cuts to the Battersby’s and Cilla screeches to Kirk – I hope you don’t want anything to eat ’cause there’s nothing in the house. Classic!

    OK – a question for long time viewers – Kevin’s wife Allison and baby Jake. If I remember correctly she had post-partum depression also. Did she run in front of the bus/car with the baby or did the baby die, then she ran in front of the vehicle. This Coronation Street game is bringing up all kinds of memories – then I thought of the port-partum storyline with Claire. (see the method to my madness?)

  5. whitehorsefan says:

    The police’s seeming scepticism of Casey’s existence doesn’t make that much sense. That would mean that Claire had the forethought to invent someone to frame should she decide to set fire to her house and get rid of her child (or commit some other dastardly deed) months down the road.

  6. papasmurf1964 says:

    Papa Smurf has lots of little blue swimmers to share with Violet…

  7. arphpeck says:

    Trudy -That scene has actually been running through my mind and I’m pretty sure Allison was pushing the carriage when she dived in front of the bus. I was waiting for Kevin to say something about having suffered a loss due to PPD, but I haven’t noticed any reference. Other old-timers: Wasn’t there also a street-kid named Chloe(?) who lived in Ashley’s house and had a baby that died? Judy Mallett tried to buy the baby I think.

  8. arphpeck says:

    Papa Smurf – does that mean you have blue balls?

  9. papasmurf1964 says:

    So to speak…

  10. Corrie Quebec says:

    My heart sunk on the ‘tasered’ line. 🙂

  11. Jackie says:

    I wonder if the stero that Clarie had “taken” from the Shed was found in the fire??? No one is talking about that, but if the stero was there, then it probably wasn’t them (I forget the creepy boys name), but if the stero is missing from the fire, and is back in the shed, then it would look like it was taken out before the fire was started.

  12. TrudyC says:

    Arphpeck – yes there was a street kid named Zoe who had a little girl that the Mallet’s tried to buy. The baby died of menegitis.

    Judy then became pregnant with the twins – but I don’t think they were Gary’s. Seems to me she slept with the owner of the video arcade when she was working there. She became pregnant right after that.

    OK – now my brain officially hurts trying to think back that hard.

  13. beanie says:

    Allison and Kevin’s baby boy died.That drove her mad and she kidnapped Bethany.When Kevin found her she ran in front of a bus.Alone.

  14. beanie says:

    John thanks for adding the thought dialogue to Mrs.Derick.It was such a funny scene with Liz incognito with those glasses,that hair and those boobs! LOL! When Fiz said I’m seeing someone,my husband chimed in A DENTIST!!

  15. pip says:

    I’m getting a bit tired of the Ashley & Claire screaming duo routine. It seems to be their only response when things go badly. Claire’s not stupid, surely she understands that a reasoned response to the cops will do her a lot more good than putting on a display that reinforces their theory that she’s an unstable wingnut.

  16. robswizzle says:

    >The missus pointed out that Casey’s phone number is probably >still in Claire’s phone, though.

    My thought exactly. Whenever I watch Brit political thrillers, cop shows, and Torchwood, there seems to be a CCTV camera every 100 meters.

  17. Kunzie says:

    Great update John LOL!

    Fizz: Trying her level-best to be straight-up with Kirk. Kudos and I’m glad Maria’s finally realized it.

    Bizz: (Carla & Leanne’s) I wouldn’t be surprised if Leanne confides in Carla regarding her recent past. Then Carla will finally have one up on the Conner mafia.

    Kiddz: Violet needs an older guy. She’s way too mature for 21-year-olds. Someone who will not be frightened off by…a simple conversation.

    Lizz: I hope she gets the clap and spots. It makes me sad, even in pretend-world, to think that people do this “for a bit of fun”. I always thought people were driven to affairs due to neglect, problems, travel, kids, stresses, etc. Naive, stupid old me….

    Where Izz: Bev? Not even a mention of almost-grandma.

  18. Gail says:

    I agree with the other posters concerning Ashley and Claire’s screamfest. If I had been through such a tramatic situation as Claire(she seemed to go from being unconscious to home with barely a burn mark in a very short period of time)I would hope I would be under a Dr’s care and be on some kind of pain medication. Therefore not standing around screaming at the very people who were trying to help me. I have been a big fan of either Ashley or Claire but I think their children are adorable. Where on earth is Claire’s mother? Why would they crowd into Eileen’s little house? (I know it is only a television show)But I would think their house insurance would put them up in a hotel.

  19. jacqui583 says:

    I can’t believe the writers are having Leanne agree to go into business with Cruella “in theory”. Leanne has been portrayed way more street-smart than that.

    And Kunzie, great comments! lol

  20. missusmac says:

    Kevin’s baby boy died in the hospital. If I remember correctly, Allison stole Bethany from the hospital. A search party was organized,and when they found Bethany and Allison, she very reasonably handed Beth over, then walked in front of the bus.

    Cruella and Leanne as business partners. Yeah, I can see the cleavers being tossed at each other now! Just how much/how little money does Leanne have?

  21. arphpeck says:

    Thanks for the corrections re: Allison’s death and Zoe’s name. I can remember Allison pushing a carriage and that she died by going in front of the bus. I forgot how the baby died and that she took Bethany.
    I loved the taser line.

  22. geenee says:

    Good point about the cameras. They should check a few of them – at least there’s Charlie’s old one and maybe some in front of the businesses. And the phone records on the Distress Line may give a clue or two, plus Claire’s phone records.

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