From Flaming Nora’s update of the week of August 20, 2007. Again, commentary added by yours truly in italics.
Casey’s spotted at Ashley’s bedroom window by nosey neighbours with wagging tongues on the Street. Kev pops round to see his mate Ash to ask him for a beer but backs off when he finds Ashley with Casey wearing Claire’s dressing gown and two wine glasses and an open bottle in the living room. Clearly putting two and two together to make what even Ashley doesn’t yet know is four, Kev tells Audrey that she needs to find out just what’s going on. Audrey has a firm but gentle word with me-laddo and when Ashley tells her that it’s none of her business, she says: “Oh, but I beg to differ, and so would your father” which was a really nice touch. Casey collars Audrey outside the salon in the middle of a Manchester thunderstorm and tells her to mind her own business. It was really spooky, the thunder was crashing, the wind was howling, Casey’s eyes were narrowing, it was all very Wizard of Oz.
David lies and tells everyone on the Street that he and Mel Morton are an item. Sarah warns Mel off David and David’s jilted at the cinema with two big tubs of popcorn all to himself. He later tells Amber that he dumped Mel after he’d been sleeping with her and of course this news finds its way back to Mel in the kebab shop where dad Jerry takes matters into his own hands. He storms in to see Gail to tell her to keep an eye on young David, or else, and Gail marches David by the scruff of the neck to apologise to Mel and to Jerry. David then climbs up on the garage roof and takes imaginary shots from an invisible gun at his mum, sister and gran while Jason tries to talk him down. He’s such an evil, scary lad that David Platt, but I don’t half feel sorry for him. As Audrey calls time between Sarah and David arguing in the hair salon she says, with a flourish: “Ooh, I feel just like Boutros Boutros Gali!”. Who? Indeed. Apparently he was the Secretary General of the United Nations but perhaps not as adept as peace keeping in a hair salon as the lovely Mrs Roberts.
Originally, David’s issues could be chalked up to childhood neglect and feelings of abandonment. Now, it just seems he just needs a girlfriend. I do hope, however, that he doesn’t end up “settling” for Amber who could do much better. Sadly, her choices of local boys are either David or Darryl, one lives in the garage, the other in a shed. Neither one would be considered a catch.
But, in the words of Audrey, honestly, David. Your family doesn’t pay enough attention to you. Boo Frakkin’ Hoo. As you’ve said yourself on Christmas Day, you’re 16. Grown up enough to make your own choices in life. You’d think one of those choices would be to stop punishing the family for not providing you with your idealised childhood.
Carla tells Sally that Rosie’s decided to work full-time at the factory and she’s not going to go back to School. “Oh yes she is” says Sally to anyone who’ll listen and even Kev gets involved and makes his voice heard, trying to get Rosie to see sense and not throw away her highly priced education on some low budget pants job. The Websters head off en famille to Greece for their holidays with Rosie tagging along after Sally makes her pay her own way now that she’s earning. Best line of the week was from Rosie to Amber telling her all about her new job: “A full-time job means a full-time fashion commitment” she says as she swans along the Street, all a-la-mode Primark with a hint of New Look.
Sudden holiday to Greece? Sure it’s off-season, but take note, the Websters are moving up in the world. I also noticed something this week: I had forgotten that Kevin’s garage is officially called Websters’ Auto Centre, with the apostrophe at the end, indicating the business belong to more than one Webster, even though it’s completely Kevin’s business. This, you’ll recall, was Sally’s idea back when she decided to be his personal assistant for all of 15 minutes. It’s funny to see that it’s stuck.
Also, Rosie is exhibiting the same approach to business that some of the more buxom applicants use on The Apprentice: that a low-cut blouse and a short skirt will get you far in the corporate world. It’ll only get you so far, until it’s clear that you don’t have much else to offer like education or experience. Carla may dress to the nines but she at the very least shows a willingess to learn the business. After all, it’s been months since she killed a Pole.
Leanne still needs £20k to keep the pizza burning and the red wine flowing at the restaurant. Paul Clayton says he’ll invest and Leanne doesn’t take him too seriously at first wondering how he’s going to raise the cash but Paul’s got a plan, one that involves fleecing his granddad Jack Duckworth for all that he’s worth. Well, he is Terry’s son and we should never forget it.
It’s a special kind of scum who fleeces his grandparents for money.
Poor Jack. It’s his and Vera’s Golden Wedding anniversary this week and it’s left to Molly and Paul to make all the arrangements as Tyrone’s in Spain visiting his mum in Benidorm jail after she was caught shoplifting some flip-flops. I once saw someone shoplift some flipflops, but it wasn’t Jackie Dobbs. And I thought to myself, if someone really needs to shoplift flipflops then they probably really need them, for whatever the reason, so I’m going to keep quiet and say nowt.
In her new job at the care home, Cilla gets an official reprimand after being nasty to one of the old men, Frank Nichols. But when she finds out it’s Frank Nichols of the famed Nichols’ Tickets and he’s worth a bob or two, well, she’s hitching up her skirt (ugh), showing off her stocking tops (retch), and flashing him her boobs (oh stop it now! now!). Frank, however, is tickled pink with the attention and the stocking tops, particularly the stocking tops, and asks Cilla to take a full-time job as his carer after admitting that yes, he is stinking rich. “You’ve got the first part right” she replies.
Norris, George and Ivor chat about Norris’ mystery woman, the one he wants to propose to. When Emily comes into the Rovers, George and Ivor assume she’s the one as Norris rushes to the bar to buy his landlady a drink and is aghast when his new mates wind him up about the fragrant Aunty Em. (Oh, and as this is my last ever update, I’m not going to miss a final opportunity to say this: BRING BACK SPIDER!).
Michelle asks Steve to go on holiday to Ireland to meet her mum. She tells Steve that Ireland’s a lovely place, very romantic and I’m sure it is too, to be sure. It seemed to do the trick for my parents when they were in Glendalough all those long years ago, strangely enough about the time of my conception. I’m still grateful that they weren’t in Tipperary.
Oh, and Michelle’s still tormenting Steve about Shania and Dev’s still off salad cream.