The Creepiest Wedding Since…. (Update)

The show opens with Gayle, Audrey and Bill at the dock where Gayle acknowledges that she secretly knew he would drive the car into the same spot that Richard Bloody Hillman tried to kill them.

The police tell Gayle that they haven’t been able to find a body and that the best thing for her is to go home and they’ll call her when the find something. Audrey and Bill drive a sobbing Gayle to the homestead.

Tell me, is there anything less likely to induce sympathy than when Gayle gets all chipmunk-cheeked and soppy? It’s between the E.T. chin and the ‘I’m really, really, really sad’ eyes that makes me want to never watch Corrie again.

Head hanging down in a slumped manner doesn’t help matters much.

Bill checks the messages on the phone and we hear David’s last message to his family. I don’t know, it didn’t really sound that suicidal to me for some reason. He sounded more pissed off than distraught. Not that I’m a big expert on the matter, but do people commit suicide for vengeance?

Either way, Gayle starts another round of Platt sobbing. At that point I had get up, turn off the telly, go upstairs to my bedroom closet, open up the secret attic hatch, reach up and grab the box which contains a 1983 bottle of absinthe. I retired to my bedroom to consume ¾ of the bottle while at the same time singing Nina Simone’s ‘Little Girl Blue’ repeatedly for 1.5 hours. After which I went to the store to buy a bag of salt and vinegar chips, a pack of wine gums, Fanta and Benson and Hedges Ultra Light slims. When all was consumed during a Bette Davis marathon that I had recorded on my PVR, THEN I felt that I could continue on in a world that has the vision of Gayle Platt’s wavering chin and tear filled eyes brought to the sanctuary of my living room.

Meanwhile, back at the church, Sarah leads the procession down the aisle as the brand new Mrs. Jason Grimshaw. By the warm and loving glow on her face, we can see that this is indeed the happiest day of her life.

Outside the church, Maria tells Sarah that she blabbed about the suicide note, which pisses Sarah off. She’s even further pissed off during the picture taking as Jason argues with her about whether on not she should be with her mom and family.

Bethany, meanwhile, plays ‘Escaped Lunatic Child’ with Uncle Todd. 

That child really needs more attention.

They sally forth to the reception hall where I think the one word on everyone’s mind right now is, ‘Uncooooomfortable.’. Jason tries to make a speech, but because, unlike Sarah, he is a mensch, he realizes that this is no time for happy speech making. He tells the group that right now the only thing that matters is David and that they’re all hoping for happy news.

Sarah, hearing her husband confirm that the main attraction of her ‘big day’ is David looks fit to be tied. It gets worse when Jason gives her a bit of shit for not mentioning the note. Then, after receiving a call from Bill about the phone message, he decides it’s best if they wrap up the festivities and go home.

Back at Chez Platt, Sarah comes in screaming, ‘What?! What?! Like this is my fault?’. The family says they don’t blame her but kind of wish she’d have a bit more concern for her brother.

At that point the doorbell rings and outside the door a hobgoblin is asking for some sweets. (Wait, they got married on Halloween? LMAO! Halloween + Marriage + David as a Brother? Sarah really is a moron and I’m slightly disappointed in David for not seeing the possibilities.) Anyway, Sarah, convinced this is David, charges at the costumed youth and as she knocks him down, she discovers a slightly cheesed off boy who wound up with more trick than treat.

At this point Gayle gives Sarah a bit of shit for being so self-centred and as Sarah goes off the handle, there’s a knock at the door. A wet and bedraggled David is on the doorstep and everyone (save Sarah, of course) is happy that he is alive.

When Sarah starts screaming about how he’s alive just like she said he would be and that he got exactly what he wanted, to ruin her day – the family kind of looks at her in disgust. Gayle, rightfully so, tells her that at this moment she’s just thankful her son is alive so Sarah needs to get over it.

Audrey wonders if perhaps they should take David to the hospital. Really? Really, Audrey? Why would a kid who within one week tried to kill his brother-in-law, leaves both a suicide note and a suicide message and follows it all up by driving his car into a canal – why would he need any medical attention? What the hell is this family’s aversion to therapy?

Sarah decides that since the wayward son is fine that there’s no reason that they shouldn’t go on their honeymoon. Jason thinks they should perhaps wait until they know David is a-okay. Sarah tells Jason to grow a pair and you can see that he’s already wondering just whom the hell he married.

Before they go off, she goes back into the house to collect her cell phone. David is in the kitchen and she asks him if he really tried to kill himself or was this all an act to ruin her day. He doesn’t really have to much of a chance to say anything before she says, ‘I thought so.’.

Just in case the viewer was unsure about his real answer, as the happy couple pulls away, we see David peeking out of the upstairs bedroom….yes….grinning.

I love this character.

Out of the Where The Hell Did That Come From Department?
As the wedding reception starts, Leanne worries about the fact that not everyone has felt comfortable enough to drink and eat while Gayle’s son might be at the bottom of the canal. Paul assures her that it doesn’t matter because they are still charging for all the plates no matter who shows. (As is common practice.).

After everyone goes home, Leanne is pissed because of the sour note of the reception and that no one will go away thinking of their place as a good venue for receptions.

Paul, out of the clear blue sky, plants a kiss on her. Not just any kiss kids, one of the least passionate kisses I’ve ever seen on film or television. Serious, this was as close to a ‘peck’ as you can get…apparently that’s what passes for ‘moooves’ with our Paul.

I’m saying for the record that Paul stinks. He’s like ‘Terry Duckworth Lite’, 50% less evil with none of the sexy bad-boy charm. Oh sure he slept with his boss’s wife, sure he has stolen his grandfather’s identity…but has he ever SOLD his baby?

Come back when you’ve got some serious evil going on, kid.

Dev Watch

The bells! The bells!

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22 Responses to The Creepiest Wedding Since…. (Update)

  1. John says:

    Now we know why they put so much black eyeliner under Sarah’s eyes. As she exited the church, Jason looked shell-shocked, Maria was crying, and Sarah looked delighted with just a touch of looney.

    That one shot is destined to make another of those “Best of” Corrie specials the CBC picks up from time to time.

    I still have to call shenanagins on the timeline of David’s plunge. Within an hour, David drove the car into the water, the cops took the witness’s statement, they went to the church (ok, I assume Gail gave them the address when she reported David missing), told Gail, got the crane to take the car of the water and sent the divers in.

    And David swam out of the car and was able to get out of the canal without anyone noticing? Not so sure about that.

    Beyond that little suspension of disbelief, it was a damn fine story.

  2. glacia says:

    I can believe David got out without notice. Buddy with the dog saw the car go into the canal and then ran off to get help. I think that would have given him enough time to swim ashore and bugger off.

    This of course assumes that no one else saw the car going speeding down the road and splashing into the canal…on a saturday….in the afternoon…by the waterfont.

  3. Mandy says:

    Sarah didn’t look at all delighted. She was fighting back tears.

  4. geenee says:

    glacia: perfect picture and the only one much weirder than this wedding. For once I felt sorry for Sarah; David’s smirk at the end proved she was right. There was a lot of black at this wedding too – in the hats and dresses, etc. so I guess that’s no longer a no-no – but it did help set a gloomy atmosphere.

    How does one climb out of a canal? Are there little steps in places? I say this as one who trouble getting out of a swimming pool once when there were no stairs – only little toe hold slots.

    I do give the actors who play Sarah and David a lot of credit and think they did a good job on this one. Gail can be hard to take at times – well, most of the time. Maybe there should be a pool or something on how long the marriage will last. I give it less than a year. Jason always had doubts about Sarah before and they came back big time at the church.

  5. TrudyC says:

    So we see Bethany at the church for pictures, we see Gail, Audrey & Bill get out of the car – then we see Sarah & Jason get out of the car. No Bethany. No wonder this family is so screwed up – they just forget about their kids.

  6. glacia says:

    As long as there’s a ledge you can heave yourself up – a 16 year old boy would have no problems.

    I did fee sorry for sarah a bit, he did ruin her wedding. Unfortunately, and this is where her age shows, really the only thing she could have done to save face is admit that he won and act the concerned sister. Anything else is going to make you look like a heartless wench.

    Mandy, sorry, I was actually being sarcastic about Sarah looking happy.

  7. beanie says:

    Glacia, the wedding and Halloween took place on a Wednesday. Someone (Audrey maybe?) mentioned it the other day. Perhaps because Saturdays are so rockin’ at The Salon LOL When the goblin came to the door though I Immediatly grabbed my calender to see Oct 31 07 indeed a Wed.
    Great update!!! I reacted to each scene very much like you did so it was like watching it again. I am grateful to have been spared the agony of watching Gayle again. I would have been knocking on your door begging you to share the Absinth!!!
    I wish they had given the reception a little more airtime. The ‘Italian’ was all dressed up and I wanted to see a little more than a few glasses of champers and a plat of cocktail weanies.

  8. glacia says:

    I’m actually suprised that everyone didn’t go from the reception to the Rovers for a big cold glass of ‘WTF Was That?’.

    TY for the date change…I just assumed it was a Saturday. Why would you go out of your way to get married on Wed? Especially Halloween.

  9. debbie says:

    Regarding the date, I seem to remember that Sarah had problems getting a date at a church.

    Regarding David showing up, why was he so wet? Unless he got out of the canal about 10 minutes prior, he should have been at least partially dry.

  10. papasmurf1964 says:

    Gail is one dumb bunny.

  11. John says:

    I totally read Sarah’s expression leaving the church as joyful with a side of freaking out. It struck me as such a contrast over the faces of Jason and Maria that I burst out laughing when I saw it.

  12. glacia says:

    If there was any joy in her face, I felt that she was faking it….which will good practice for the rest of the marriage.

    OH NO I DIDN’T!

  13. debbie says:

    Glacia, BAM, welcome to the Corrie Blog!

  14. Kerry says:

    It actually makes sense to me why Bethany isn’t there at the end.

    Maybe her beloved uncle Todd is looking after her for the day? He used to be her ‘daddy’ after all and he probably misses her too.

    For the honeymoon though, even though I am assuming that someone is going to look after Beth for the week, Sarah should have at least said good by e to her, non?

    Off topic – I want a black feather boa thingy to stick on the side of my head like Eileens. And, how come Gail wasn’t wearing a hat? I thought it was practically LAW that Corrie characters wear useless hats to weddings?

  15. debbie says:

    Useless? How dare you!

  16. pip says:

    [rant]I know that Sarah is a self-centred brat, but David knows exactly what he is doing, he’s not crazy, he’s a psychopath, so in the end, I do feel sorry for Sarah. She shouldn’t have torn up the note, and she shouldn’t have gone on with the wedding, but in the end, she was right, wasn’t she? It was all David’s plan to ruin her wedding and the jokes on her because it worked even better because she didn’t believe he would kill himself and so she showed herself to be a coldhearted brat.

    Seriously, though, if I had a psycho brother who had his mother wrapped so tight around his finger that he can pull a stunt like that without a single member of the family screaming (once they realized he was alive) WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING! I’d probably come across as self-centred, too. Basically Sarah spends her time going ‘Hellooo, mum, it’s me over here, being all normal (in my typical self-centred teenager sort of way).

    [/rant]

  17. geenee says:

    I rarely defend Sarah, but I think she was putting as happy a face as possible on the whole thing. It was like smiling through tears and she really looked sad going away on her honeymoon.

    The whole police thing could have waited 5 minutes IMO. There was one point where I too burst out laughing but I’ve forgotten when it was -the whole thing was ridiculous.

    It must be pretty darn cold, swimming in a canal at the end of Oct.

  18. kunzie says:

    sociopath [(soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-uh-path)]

    def: Someone whose social behavior is extremely abnormal. Sociopaths are interested only in their personal needs and desires, without concern for the effects of their behavior on others.

    Sarah and Jason need their own flat. They can be free of David, whereas Gail is stuck with him for the forseeable future. Which shouldn’t bug Gail any as she is completely obsessed with David. Who despises her.

    In other news…Leanne and Paul have just scooped Liam and Maria for the Worst Chemistry award.

  19. beanie says:

    The whole wedding fiasco was so ridiculous that I can’t help but think the writers are setting something up. David didn’t die so I think Tina Whosit must be leaving the show and this is how they write her out. She gets so pissed with everyone she takes off with her “Corn Child’ for a while. Perhaps to (where ever the heck Candice is).
    I wonder if Sara just made up the whole “my mom bought an almost identical dress” this just to piss off Eileen.

  20. DarkEmpress says:

    Im agreeing with Geenee. I was thinking this the whole episode. Ok this is coming from someone who like Sarah couldn’t care less about David, but why couldn’t the cops have waited 5 minutes? Are you kidding me? If he had drowned the 5 minutes wouldn’t have made any difference. I really do not see why Gail thinks that she can help David.. hasn’t she tried a million times before. The only person that can help him is an exorcist.

  21. fondue123 says:

    “corn child”
    ROFLMAO

  22. debbie says:

    “Corn Child”

    I believe that name will stick.

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