The Lost Episodes – Translated from the Original Greek

 

I noticed that both Monday and Tuesday’s episodes were penned by someone under the nom de plume of ‘Illy’ and give the rather Homer-esque content of Jim’s return, I can only assume that Corrie has been going on a LOT longer than any of us could have ever imagined. 

 

So without further ado, here’s your Tuesday and Wed updates.

 

 

Act 1 – Odysseus Returns

All is relatively normal at the McDonald household with both the Liz and Steve assuming that the other will eventually weary of the crowded conditions and move the hell out.

 

The standoff is only interrupted by talk of Vern and Liz’s upcoming nuptials which I believe are still slated for New Year’s eve.   Liz has broken the news to Steve that she has asked his twin brother Andy to walk her down the aisle, besides Steve will be occupied keeping an eye on Amy as flower girl.

 

Now, at this point Glacia is all aquiver at the thought of Andy (whom is such a likable chap) returning even if only for the wedding that she is COMPLETELY blindsided when Steve gets the call that his dad is getting out of jail.  Hey!  Maybe Jim can walk Liz down the aisle!

 

Steve doesn’t tell his mom, but instead heads off the next morning to pick up ‘Da’ from the hoosgow.  Jim is looking older a bit heavier, but in my opinion…not too shabby.  

 

After a quick manly hug, Steve offers to take Jim out for a drink, only to find out that Jim has given up drinking.   Steve is further surprised that when he tells Jim that Liz has found love anew, is to be married and is living with her new beau in the same pub that she and Jim once dreamed of owing… that Jim merely takes a deep breath and says that he wishes Liz all the best and that Steve should give Vern a chance.

 

Steve tells his dad that he’s shocked at his dad’s new attitude and Jim responds by telling him, ‘I’m a new man Steven.  I’ve had a lot of time to think in prison (6 years, 5 months and 25 days) and get my priorities straight.  Those days of drinking and fighting are over, I’ve found my peace and have become a Muslim.  Praise Allah.’  He then kisses two fingers and holds them up in the air.  

 

Okay, okay – that was actually a line from ‘Beerfest’, but the gist is the same.  Jim has stopped drinking and punching – no news however on his religious affiliations.  Steve is a bit disappointed that all the ‘fight’ has been taking out of his dad.

 

Act II – Rosie of Troy

Rosie is more than upset that John has given her a ‘C’ on her essay on the Tempest.  She approaches him about this but he maintains that that is the mark it deserves.   Rosie tells him that if she is to put in the time that is needed to get the marks she needs, she won’t be able to spend time with him.

 

John quickly buckles and adjusts the ‘C’ to an ‘A’, thus securing him more time with Rosie.  Later, Sally sees Rosie’s essay and asks if she can read it to help her with her test. 

 

Sally recognizes the work as inferior to the one she did previously, which received a ‘C’.   She approaches John in the Rovers to ask why her report was marked so poorly.   (I thought John was her tutor, not her actual teacher.  Why is he marking her papers?)

 

John fumbles and says that Rosie’s ‘A’ is an ‘encouragement grade’ (whatever the f#$@k that is…) and that he will eventually get harder on Rosie.  The reason that he gave Sally a lower grade is that she can handle the tough marks.

 

Meanwhile, John has purchased a flat screen telly for him and Fizz.  Fizz says that she gets custody of the set if the break up, but John assures her that it will be on the scrap heap long before they break up.   (Which is funny because Mr. Glacia and I were JUST having a chin wag about the frail longevity of flat screens.).

 

Act III – Penelope’s Suitors

Rita and Emily have hatched a cunning plan.  Well, Rita has and Emily reluctantly goes along with it.  Rita decides that if Norris thinks he’s out of the Doreen sweepstakes, he’ll withdraw his name to save face.

 

Later at the Rovers, Rita tells Norris that Doreen has decided to marry George and his big…house.

 

Act IV – The Not So Mighty Aphrodite

Maria (after telling both Audrey and Michelle) is persuaded to actually tell Liam about the pregnancy.   She meets him at the Rovers and when they get back to the flat she spills the beans.

 

His response?

 

Polite.  He does all the right and honourable things such as asking her how she feels and that it’s okay, they’ll take it on.   He responds much the same way he did with the puppy…like how you do when someone you’re ‘not quite sure about’ gives you an extravagant and somewhat cumbersome present.  You don’t think you really want it, but you don’t want to say ‘no’ just in case the giver improves their game down the road.

 

In short as mentioned before, he’s just not that into her.

 

In Other Papyrus Scrolls

Oh yeah, Liam and Paul still don’t like each other.

 

Candice/Shania/Dakota Manning is flopped out on Eileen’s couch.  She tells Violet that she doesn’t do breakfast.  What she does, however, is bum money from her sister to go shopping for interview clothes (my ass). 

 

Later, Lauren comes into the Rovers carrying bags and flashing opulence all around.   Violet (who’s accepted Sean’s money) gets the idea to tell Jamie that Lauren has loaned them the cash they need to get a flat.   But gosh, Jamie, please don’t let Lauren know that you know, that would be just so awkward.   Jamie, apparently can’t put two and two together and actually believes that story.

 

A car with the license plate “CX51EZO” is stalking Ryan.  I’ve run the number through the Interpol website and it turns out it doesn’t belong to Michael Jackson.

 

 

 

 

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13 Responses to The Lost Episodes – Translated from the Original Greek

  1. Mandy says:

    Who is Dakota Manning? I googled and didn’t see anyone. Do you mean Dakota Fanning? I don’t see the resemblance lol!

    But great update.

    Jamie is pretty thick, but Violet’s even thicker for lending her the money that she just got lent. Ugh.

  2. Glacia says:

    Oh I was trying to be silly and refernce Lauren’s drag queen-ness.

    Dakota Manning is the name of a drag queen murder victim on ‘Women’s Murder Club’.

  3. Yanyan says:

    I got it, Glacia.

  4. Mandy says:

    Oh! Ha ha I get it. I just didn’t see that show or something. But I appreciate you saying she’s a drag queen, as I’m in COMPLETE agreement :)!!

  5. geenee says:

    Jim would have to give up drinking in the slammer – unless he was working in the kitchen and making homebrew out of potato peels.
    I think the MacDonalds are one of the most interesting families on Corrie – far superior to the boring Mortons.

  6. kunzie says:

    ODE TO LIAM
    She gave me a puppy
    She thinks it’s forever
    The puppy’s a hassle
    The girl is ‘whatever’.

    My roommate’s new girl
    Has a bun in the oven
    Doesn’t mind that her guy
    Gave his mother some lovin’.

    My former assistant,
    The bird down the road
    Gets it off with her teacher
    Who looks like a toad.

    My sister’s a whiner
    My ex is a slapper
    My nephew no doubt
    Smokes it up in the crapper.

    My sister-in-law
    Feed me lines of baloney
    Cause she wants my fit form
    But she’s got creepy Tony.

    The pigeons are shitting
    The dog won’t behave
    My green jacket is missing
    and I need a shave.

    But it’s not all that bad
    I can handle the snickers
    And one day I’ll be rich
    Selling hundreds of knickers.

  7. pip says:

    My gawd, kunzie, that’s hilarious! Bravo.

    BTW, how thick was Sally to believe John and his ‘encouragement A’ explanation. I’m sure she’ll remember that when all is exposed. I don’t understand how John can behave the way he does without really showing any guilt and only a minimum of worry. That doesn’t seem believeable to me.

  8. geenee says:

    Love the poem!

    John is just too glib with those lies. I think he’s had a lot of practice.

  9. papasmurf1964 says:

    Somebody give kunzie a job here quick

  10. Yanyan says:

    Brilliant update. Brilliant poem from Kunzie. You guys are all just way too smart for me.

  11. Michigander Fan says:

    Wow. Rosie is really good at manipulation for one so young. (ahem) Poor Fizz. Poor poor Fizz.

    Jim’s pretty cute for an older guy. I hope he sticks around for a while.

    Not keen on Lauren. And sorry about mixing up Ibiza and Malta – both beautiful islands in Europe that I will probably never get to. So she’ll always be Shania to me.

    Liam and Paul don’t like each other? I thought Paul was dead. (At least that’s what the Beatles record told me…) But I can’t think of the name of the guy you mean. Wow. Isn’t that how alzheimers starts? Now I’m nervous.

    MF

  12. Michigander Fan says:

    TONY!!!!!! That’s his name! Holy crap.

    Okay. It will all be okay.

    Thank God I re-read Kunzie’s poem.

    MF

  13. CorrieLoverUSA says:

    The actor who plays Jim has always been a hottie for me even when he was wearing that shabby Canadian baseball t shirt back in the late 90’s. He is even hotter now…I am so glad he is back….
    Scratching my head over that comment about Allah and being Muslim…hmmmmm…:(

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