Saddest Drug Entrapment in the World
At the salon, Sarah takes the drugs she purchased and hides them in David’s drawer. Later, she asks Audrey if she could find her scissors. She thinks David may have borrowed them but she is uncomfortable going through his drawer. Audrey says that if he is taking people’s things without asking, then he doesn’t deserve privacy, honestleh.
Audrey rifles through and does not find any scissors but instead, finds a small plastic bag with pills in it.
“What are theses,” she asks. “Drugs”
“HOW SHOCKING, GRANDMOTHER!” Sarah says, convincingly. “I AM CERTAINLY NO EXPERT IN SUCH THINGS BUT IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN, THESE MAY JUST BE GOOFBALLS ECSTASY TABLETS.”
“Ecstasy tablets? In my salon?” exclaims Audrey in this evening’s Line of the Night.
“I AM JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU, GRANDMOTHER, FOR DID WE ALL NOT THINK THAT DAVID HAD MENDED HIS WAYS? HOW DISAPPOINTING!”
Later, David is confronted by Audrey which leads to several denials, and a family meeting in which Gail declares that she simply cannot trust him anymore (again) and Stephen says the trip to Milaaaaaan is off if these are the sorts of shenanigans he’s getting into.
Later, when they are alone, David asks Sarah if she did this. Sarah asks him to think back to her wedding day and when she asked if faked his suicide attempt to ruin her wedding day.
“You remember what you said?” she asks.
“You didn’t say anything. You just smiled. Well, that’s what I am doing now: smiling.”
Saddest Christmas Party in the World
It’s the Friday before Christmas and that means another one of those legendary factory Christmas parties. Remember when Janice got drunk and snogged Mike Baldwin. Remember Karen Macdonald’s drunken antics? Good times.
So Fizz and Janice arrive to find Kelly and Wiki staring forlornly at Carla’s idea of an office Christmas party: a bag of cheesies and a half-drunk two litre bottle of Canada Cooler.
Liam sees this and suggests to Carla that her party planning is really sad and maybe he could at least go out and get some booze for the workers. Carla refuses on the grounds that the girls will give each other tattoos with the sewing machine needles.
But then Tony Gordon shows up to save the day with a case of champagne and everyone’s happy. This causes Liam to throw frowny-faces his way and Tony asks Carla just why Liam hates him so much.
Carla says it’s because he’s hot for her and is channeling all that sexual tension into an ill-conceived baby and rushed wedding to poor dim Maria and don’t look so smug Tony because you know that’s why you’re getting laid every night.
Nah, she just shrugs it off.
Saddest Bachelor Party in the World
Vernon organizes himself, Steve, Dev, and for some reason, Bill for his stag night at a Northern Soul concert. The night becomes even sadder when Vern learns that half the bands just cancelled. Dev just wants to know the hell Northern Soul is, anyway.
Jim overhears all this and just shakes his head, so he does. Later, he remarks to Liz that Vern doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends, so he does. Liz says there is no way she will say a bad word about him. Jim says that’s fair enough but asks her if she believes Vern will make her happier than Jim did.
Saddest Affair in the World
Rosie tells John she wants to see him. After much debate, and a threat to tell Fizz about the whole sordid affair, John agrees to book a hotel out of town for a Sunday rendez-vous. Unfortunately, that’s when her parents arranged her birthday party because, in case we forgot, ROSIE IS STILL A TEENAGER.