Update – Wednesday, October 1st. Saddest Update in the World

Saddest Drug Entrapment in the World

At the salon, Sarah takes the drugs she purchased and hides them in David’s drawer. Later, she asks Audrey if she could find her scissors. She thinks David may have borrowed them but she is uncomfortable going through his drawer. Audrey says that if he is taking people’s things without asking, then he doesn’t deserve privacy, honestleh.

Audrey rifles through and does not find any scissors but instead, finds a small plastic bag with pills in it.

“What are theses,” she asks. “Drugs”

“HOW SHOCKING, GRANDMOTHER!” Sarah says, convincingly. “I AM CERTAINLY NO EXPERT IN SUCH THINGS BUT IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN, THESE MAY JUST BE GOOFBALLS ECSTASY TABLETS.”

“Ecstasy tablets? In my salon?” exclaims Audrey in this evening’s Line of the Night.

“I AM JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU, GRANDMOTHER, FOR DID WE ALL NOT THINK THAT DAVID HAD MENDED HIS WAYS? HOW DISAPPOINTING!”

Later, David is confronted by Audrey which leads to several denials, and a family meeting in which Gail declares that she simply cannot trust him anymore (again) and Stephen says the trip to Milaaaaaan is off if these are the sorts of shenanigans he’s getting into.

Later, when they are alone, David asks Sarah if she did this. Sarah asks him to think back to her wedding day and when she asked if faked his suicide attempt to ruin her wedding day.

“You remember what you said?” she asks.

“No.”

“You didn’t say anything. You just smiled. Well, that’s what I am doing now: smiling.”

Saddest Christmas Party in the World

It’s the Friday before Christmas and that means another one of those legendary factory Christmas parties. Remember when Janice got drunk and snogged Mike Baldwin. Remember Karen Macdonald’s drunken antics? Good times.

So Fizz and Janice arrive to find Kelly and Wiki staring forlornly at Carla’s idea of an office Christmas party: a bag of cheesies and a half-drunk two litre bottle of Canada Cooler.

Liam sees this and suggests to Carla that her party planning is really sad and maybe he could at least go out and get some booze for the workers. Carla refuses on the grounds that the girls will give each other tattoos with the sewing machine needles.

But then Tony Gordon shows up to save the day with a case of champagne and everyone’s happy. This causes Liam to throw frowny-faces his way and Tony asks Carla just why Liam hates him so much.

Carla says it’s because he’s hot for her and is channeling all that sexual tension into an ill-conceived baby and rushed wedding to poor dim Maria and don’t look so smug Tony because you know that’s why you’re getting laid every night.

Nah, she just shrugs it off.

Saddest Bachelor Party in the World

Vernon organizes himself, Steve, Dev, and for some reason, Bill for his stag night at a Northern Soul concert. The night becomes even sadder when Vern learns that half the bands just cancelled. Dev just wants to know the hell Northern Soul is, anyway.

Jim overhears all this and just shakes his head, so he does. Later, he remarks to Liz that Vern doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends, so he does. Liz says there is no way she will say a bad word about him. Jim says that’s fair enough but asks her if she believes Vern will make her happier than Jim did.

And like Sarah Palin, when asked by Katie Couric if she could name a Supreme Court case, other than Roe v. Wade, with which she disagreed, Liz simply had no answer.

Saddest Affair in the World

Rosie tells John she wants to see him. After much debate, and a threat to tell Fizz about the whole sordid affair, John agrees to book a hotel out of town for a Sunday rendez-vous. Unfortunately, that’s when her parents arranged her birthday party because, in case we forgot, ROSIE IS STILL A TEENAGER.

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About shatnerian

Former Maritimer living in the suburbs of Montreal.
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13 Responses to Update – Wednesday, October 1st. Saddest Update in the World

  1. Pauline says:

    I was glad to see Sarah’s little plan work. Now David has had a taste of his own medicine and he doesn’t like it very much. LOL.

  2. geenee says:

    Sarah’s smile was just as evil as David’s and she’s learning that crime seems to pay in the Platt family.

    I suppose it’s the sneaking around aspect of the relationship that makes it exciting for Rosie and John; otherwise, why doesn’t John just finish with Fizz? It sounds like Rosie’s starting to want him for herself but maybe if she gets him, she’ll finding him boring.

  3. Mrs. D says:

    Usually, Gail looks like a little mouse. Last night I thought that she was doing a GREAT impression of a pigeon… AND thanks to that, I have not been able to get the song “Doing the Pigeon” by Bert from Sesame Street out of my head.

  4. Tania says:

    I always thought Gail looked like a turtle.

    Let’s hope Sarah doesn’t tell Jason what she’s been up to or the jig is up.

  5. Yanyan says:

    Canada Cooler! LOL! Was it Tropikiwi, or Bar”berr”ian????

  6. Gayle says:

    My husband thought Sara would put the drugs in David’s luggage, so he’d get caught at the airport.

    My question is why would Sara need scissors, she’s not a hairdresser is she?

  7. glacia says:

    Neither is David…so why would he need the scissors? I was wondering that myself. I thought only Audrey and Maria cut.

  8. corrierrules says:

    So Krystle, er I mean, Sarah, got one over the scheming Alexis, er I mean David. Whoever, whatever, it was fun to watch when things finally came to a head. David was down for the count… One by one, Gayle, Audrey, Stephen, they all lined up to condemn him. All that was missing were the villagers and their flaming torches.

    As for the Michelle-Ryan-Nick-Alex storyline, I had read on a UK blog that this was tedious to watch. I must agree. Luckily, Vernon and his Northern Soul antics and his band of unmerry conscripts to his stag do were around to make me laugh.

  9. kunzie says:

    John. Obviously sleep deprivation has not blunted your humour ANY, in what was a hilarious update. Too many snorts/giggles to mention. Thank you.

    There was a time, ages ago, when Liz was passionate about everything Vernon did. Just goes to show you can kill love with sloth.

    Way to go Sarah. Now how exactly do you intend to ward off a dinner fork attack in your sleep?

    Why is Jerry missing the Northern Soul stag party?

  10. Mandy says:

    Wow, if I was Sarah I’d let David go to Milan, just to get him out of my hair. If I was her, I know he’d mess it up anyway and end up back on the cobbles but I’d spend the time he was away working hard and saving so that I’d be long gone when he came back.

  11. Glacia says:

    I was kind of thinking the same thing Mandy. We’ve established that David is a pain…so why not use a carrot to get him out of your life?

  12. pip says:

    Sarah wants revenge against David. She has no more concern for his well-being than he has for hers. In other words, she’s not much better than he is, except he directs his ill will at all of his family (except Bethany – he was genuinely concerned when she accidentally took the drugs) and she directs it only at him.

    that was a hilarious update John. I loved the remark about Liam throwing ‘frowny-faces’.

  13. beanie says:

    John I totally agree with your choice for LoN Audrey..”Ecstasy in MY Saaalon” I almost fell off the couch. LOL

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