Update October 8, 2008. Peace on Earth. Can it be?*

Never Lie About the Nutmeg

Let’s pick up where we left off yesterday, when Fizz opened up a present from John that seemed, well, intended for someone else.

Holding the sexy lingerie, Fiz goes to Dev’s shop where she asks him if John had been in for nutmeg. Dev says that he hadn’t be if he had, he would have had several jars nutmeg from which to choose as Dev is well stocked in the nutmeg department, as evidence by the large sign outside the shop reading: “DEV’S CHRISTMAS NUTMEG OVERSTOCK SALE! ALL NUTMEG MUST GO!”

Clearly, Fizz reckons, John’s tale about Dev being out of nutmeg was a lie. Dev asks who the lingerie is for.

“Oh nobody,” she answers. “Just Sally Webster!”

“Wot!” exclaims Amber. “Stape’s been diddlin’ Sally?!”

Fizz makes her way over to the Websters where she flings down the underwear in front of Sally, who is wearing her paper crown and eating the Christmas turkey.

“This must be for you!” Fizz cries, then turns to Kevin. “We were right!”

The accusations start coming out: Fizz thinks Sally is sleeping with her boyfriend. Kevin sort of believes her and Sally can’t believe that he does.

Outside, John brings the Nissan Versa to a quick halt and tells Rosie to get out. He then runs up to the flat where he frantically looks for the present.

Back at the Websters, Sally asks Fizz for an explanation. Fizz says John went out for nutmeg because he said Dev was out but, in fact, Dev had all kinds. So he must have been with Sally.

“Oh, sure.” Audrey mutters into her wine glass. “Who goes out for nutmeg?”

Bill points out that Sally has been home all day so she can’t have been with John.

“Oh, thank you, Dr. Watson!” Sally cries.

Just then, Rosie comes in with her flannel pajamas. Suddenly everyone goes quiet.

“You…?” Fizz says.

“Wot? These aren’t for me,” Rosie says. “They’re from a friend. Definitely not from John Stape.”

“Nobody said it was,” Kevin says quietly.

Fizz runs out the door, followed by the Websters and finds John in the street.

“Nutmeg!” she cries. “You said you were buying nutmeg!”

The lie about the nutmeg is not resolved, however, when Kevin Webster speaks up for millions of viewers worldwide and punches John Stape’s lights out.

Lying on the ground, bleeding, John begs Fizz to forgive him and also says that it wasn’t his fault. She came on to him. She wouldn’t say no. Marry me! We’ll have kids!

Fizz tells him Happy Christmas and leaves him on the ground, where he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

Later, after various recriminations are lobbied about chez Webster, the cops arrive. John Stape has pulled one last sleazy move: Kevin is being arrested for assault. I’m not one for allowing physical violence to go unpunished but in a case like this, I think if I were Stape, I’d pick my teeth up off the ground, count my blessings, and slink away, never to be seen again. Kevin is taken off to jail.

Later, Rosie is unapologetic with Sally about her actions. She tells her that Sally is simply jealous that she’s young and hot and can get any man she wants (so why’d she pick Stape?!). Sally slaps her good and hard and Rosie runs back upstairs.

Guess they won’t be watching the Queen’s message.

And for those of you playing a drinking game at home….nutmeg.

Wink

Over at the café, the Christmas orphans are tucking into their meat and listening to carols full blast, causing Roy to miss the phone calls from Hayley in Mozambique.

Becky is still playing Murder by winking at people but Kirk, because he’s being written as mentally challenged these days, thinks Becky is hot for him and gets uncomfortable enough to choke on the coin that’s hidden in the roast beef. Becky performs the Heimlich on him and the coin dislodges, bouncing off the empty beer cans and landing at the feet of Fizz who just walked in.

She is later walked home by Kirk and Ches and cries that they actually read books at night. Kirk, not really wanting to hear this, says that it’ll be better in the morning.

Back at the café, Roy finally gets the phone call from Hayley.

In Other News

Vern got Amy that David Bowie CD he she always wanted.

Michelle’s getting the DNA test to determine if Ryan is really her son. Ryan gives Michelle a music box that plays Brahm’s lullaby.

The Connors toast the memory of Paul and Dean, all blessings upon his name.

Liam and Jamie realise that their youth is about to end as this time next Christmas, they’ll be knee deep in nappies.

Tony Gordon is taking Carla off to Paris for Christmas dinner.

Sarah and Jason have decided to go to Milan.

Darryl chats up Lauren, who purses her lips at him.

Jerry and the bookies seem to be getting along.

*Short answer? No.

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About shatnerian

Former Maritimer living in the suburbs of Montreal.
This entry was posted in Coronation Street Updates and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

61 Responses to Update October 8, 2008. Peace on Earth. Can it be?*

  1. Gayle says:

    John, brilliant update as always! My heart went out to Fizz last night. She looked so pretty and so sad that she has no one to turn to for comfort.

    I cheered when Sally slapped Rosie’s face! I know Sally has no room to talk after her affair, but Rosie is a self-absorbed little *itch who needs to wake up to the realities of life.

  2. missusmac says:

    That was one of the best episodes I’ve ever seen. The writing was terrific — “who buys nutmeg?” — and the action was non-stop.

    I actually yelled “YAY” when Kevin hit John, and then continued to hit him. Hit him again, Kev. And that whole sequence gets my vote for most pathetic marriage proposal ever. (A close second is Liam’s to Maria.)

    Riddle: how many people can fit into the Rover’s living room? Answer: 75 people and their gifts, if last night’s episode is correct.

    In all fairness to the writers, I think we’ll find that Kirkeh was totally absorbed in telling Roy about his lights when Beckeh was explaining how ‘murder’ worked, so I don’t think Kirk actually heard.

    The best, most heartwarming moment, was Roy FINALLY getting to talk to Hayley. That was really a lovely moment.

  3. missusmac says:

    Second-best moment was the Rosie slap.

  4. Michigander Fan says:

    Watching Kevin beat the snot out of John Snake was almost as thrilling as watching Darren McCarty take down Turtle Limieux a few years ago. I was yelling at the TV I was so happy. Kevin has always been one of my fave Street Guys – I think he just made the top of the list. Can he beat someone else up next week? Please?

    BTW, Liam – being able to catch a peanut in your mouth does NOT make you as cool as taking your bird to Paris for Christmas dinner would. Sorry – we’re not in 5th grade anymore.

    MF

  5. Michigander Fan says:

    Nutmeg.

    MF

  6. Michigander Fan says:

    Missus,

    I know what you mean about crap proposal – I’m yelling “Sure – cuz married men NEVER cheat!” I mean really – if he can’t keep his pants zipped when you are single, he really isn’t going to change just because you’re married.

    I. HATE. HIM. dirty swine.

    I heart Fizz though.

    MF

  7. Corre Quebec says:

    I loved the “And for those of you playing a drinking game at home….nutmeg” line. Very Palinesque.

  8. beanie says:

    Christmas is always SOOO exciting and action packed on ‘The Street’ It’s probably just as well that it doesn’t air even remotely close to our holiday season because I fear we would be looking around at friends and relatives singing “Is that all there is…..”

  9. pip says:

    My god John Stape is such a little victim. First he whines ‘it wasn’t my fault’, then he calls the cops when he hasn’t even picked himself up off the ground. He has no backbone, in fact the only stiff thing in his body is the source of all his problems.

    Was it only me, or did anyone else cringe when Maria and Violet both took a flute of champagne for the toast and one of them said to the other ‘I will if you will’.

    Has something happened to the little actor who plays Joshua? That’s two scenes in a row where his face has been covered by that mask. I get the feeling that’s not really him.

  10. Mandy says:

    I know it’s controversial, but I’ve heard that some doctors say an occasional glass of wine is actually good for a pregnant woman. I wouldn’t run the risk though. And I’m super surprised Violet would!

    John Stape is an idiot. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. He calls the cops on Kevin. But what are the cops going to do when they realize that the reason Kevin went off on him was because John had been sleeping with a sixteen year old who JUST turned seventeen? Dumb move. What is the age for statutory rape in England?

    Let’s hope Carla and Tony STAY in Paris.

  11. antik says:

    Is “tart” really that offensive an insult in British.. Felt let down when that was the best Sally could come up with for Rosie..

    I was surprised that she (Rosie) should seem so mortified when she saw Fizz’z open gift.. She had such a look of Tracy Barlow about her the other night when she was standing in the shadows watching John and Fizz in the street.. I expected her to brazenly admit the affair and be as hurtful to Fizz as she was to Sally.

    And.. why would they put Kevin in jail for that .. I thought he’d be released on a promise to appear.. there’s no way a prosecutor in her right mind would go ahead with a case like that.. would John really testify agaist him.. ?? .. or is he going to deny all to save his ass/job..

  12. TrudyC says:

    I too cheered when Kevin punched out “Snake”.

    Sally is the worse crier ever! It is soooo fake. Good face slapper, terrible crier.

    Another great Christmas episode. Corrie writers never fail to make Christmas exciting.

  13. antik says:

    oh yeah.. and why was it Becky who gave Kirk the Heimlich Manoeuvre.. Roy.. who as I recall took an advanced first-aid course.. was pounding him on the back like he didn’t know what to do..

  14. glacia says:

    You know when John called the cops, all I could think was…my GOD I dated that kind of man. The ‘you’re all brutalizing me’ kind of guy.

    Look, you slept with his teenage daughter, if he gives you a bloody nose, you’re going to have to ‘man up’ a bit and realize you deserved it.

    He’s also an idiot because all the arrest is going to do is make that big neon arrow saying, ‘This man slept with a student’ even bigger.

    I liked when Rosie said Sally was jealous because she’s 17 and Sally is FOOOORTY!

    Okay, everyone over 40 here, hands up who would like to be 17 again.

    Yeah, I thought so. What part of 17 do I miss? The lack of money? The still having to answer to your parents? The acne? The insecurity? The fact that you gots a WORLD of bad dates in front of you?

    You couldn’t pay me.

  15. geenee says:

    A very heartwarming show! Kevin’s punch was the best in ages. What a nerve John has, calling the police; he should take it like a man and slink away in shame. I love a Corrie Christmas!

    Rosie was very nasty but what she said was true – Sally was jealous and would have done the same herself.

    Kirk got a dig at Fizz when he said it’ll all look better in the morning and that’s what he told himself (when she dumped him).

    I loved Roy and the phone call.

  16. Yanyan says:

    As Kevin was pounding the snot out of Stapes, I found myself wishing that Big Jim MacDonald would stroll by and say, “And sure, what’s the trouble, mate?” to Kevin, and Kevin would say, “This slimeball f@#$ed my daughter,” and Big Jim would “Is that right, so it is?” and proceed to walk mudholes in Stapes and then stomp em dry. And then David would stroll along and say something smartmouthed about Rosie being a whore, and Kevin and Big Jim would pound him into the big pile of slime that used to be Stapes.

  17. Modge says:

    It was a very touching scene when Roy finally got to talk to his Hayley. I confess, I teared up a bit.

    Seconds later, I felt like hurling the remote at the TV – yet another “Sophie” promo.

  18. Mandy says:

    I love Jim so much that I dreamed about him being alone on Christmas. Creepy or what!

  19. Michigander Fan says:

    Can I ask a totally un-Corrie related question? (Speaking of ads.)

    I have seen political ads for Stephen Harper, Jack Layton and even 1 teeny-weeny ad for the Green Party (Elizabeth May riding a train). Now, I get why I wouldn’t see a Bloq Quebecois ad in Windsor, but why haven’t I seen 1 Liberal Party ad?

    No comprendo.

    MF

  20. Michigander Fan says:

    Mandy,

    Did you offer to make him rum balls?

    nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

    MF

  21. John says:

    MF-

    I think I read somewhere that the Liberals just didn’t have as much money for ad buys as the Conservatives or NDP.

    “Hi! I’m Jack Layton. Look! I can draw!”

  22. Michigander Fan says:

    Yanyan,

    You should see if Corrie needs a writer – I like your version even better than what happened.

    I was a little disappointed by the Sally and Rosie exchange. Sally’s volume “goes to 11” if the girls want fish-n-chips for dinner, so I was really looking for ballistic – dogs howling all over the UK as she got higher and higher.

    MF

  23. eila says:

    My fave moment, besides John getting the Christmas Smackdown from Kev, was the moment when Rosie and Fizz stood there like a set of stunned, nightwear-draped bookends, gaping at one another.

    Good thing Roy & Hayley exist, or what would they have played the heartwarming carols over?

    eila

  24. missusmac says:

    YanYan, I agree. THAT would be an excellent episode.

    I think it’s OK to feel sorry and think about Jim on Christmas Eve. That’s MUCH better than replaying the arrival of ‘Mrs Claus’ in her Skanks’R’Us outfit on Christmas morning. I swear I’d lose my breakfast…

    And Glacia, absolutely spot on. I would NEVER return to 17. The Dorothy Hamill haircut wouldn’t work nowadays anyway.

  25. Mandy says:

    No, I didn’t dream of rum balls this time! Lol!

  26. missusmac says:

    Yeah, wondered about Roy’s lack of basic first aid when Kirk was choking. There was an entire plot around his and Hayley’s First Aid courses and the need for such courses, etc. And whenever anyone gets hurt on the street, someone calls Roy or Hayley…

    Perhaps Roy was rattled over the Becky beer cans and missing Hayley.

  27. corrierrules says:

    Cracking episode and cracking update, thank you! Yes I got a bit ferklempt at the last scene where Roy finally got to speak with his Hayley. That scene where John asked Fizz to marry him and talked about having kids together? Gave me the willies. Why would anyone want to have children with a man who sleeps with a 16-year old — a student, no less?
    And John truly is an eejit, so he is. By calling the cops, he guarantees he will lose his job and likely go to jail

  28. glacia says:

    No, I didn’t dream of rum balls this time! Lol!

    Oh, what kind of balls did you….OH SHUT UP GLACIA!

  29. Mandy says:

    Ha ha no nothing dirty! I just honestly felt sorry for him. In my dream he was standing outside of the Rovers as the snow came down!! Glacia you are bad! But I love it!

  30. kunzie says:

    Regarding Roy and the first-aid brain-fart…Roy also knows how to make an omelette, but had an egg breakdown in Freshco. I don’t think he can handle a ringing phone from Africa and a choking person at the same time.

  31. pip says:

    Maybe they were the famous SNL Schweatty balls?

  32. pip says:

    Oh, and regarding Roy’s emergency first aid ineptness, I think he was totally flabbergasted by Becky’s suggestion that they would go upstairs and get it on when Kirk and Chesney left (which is what made Kirk gasp and inhale the coin).

  33. glacia says:

    LMAO PIP!

    But remember, before you enjoy your schweatty balls, be sure to winterize your home.

    http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag6ZLSW_dD8

  34. Michigander Fan says:

    I seem to remember Roy freaking out and not being very helpful at the famous fire at Clurr’s house – it was Hayley who really took charge… Yeah. Roy means well, but good intentions aren’t always enough.

    MF

  35. Michigander Fan says:

    Well, I’m not 40, but I’m close enough to know that it’s waaaayyyy better to be this age than HS ever was. I freaking hated HS. I’m a much happier, more centered person now – not to mention way more self-confident, which is much sexier than being cute but super insecure.

    If I do say so myself!

    MF

  36. Michigander Fan says:

    John,

    Thanks for the info – it’s been bugging me. I guess in my head I had equated:

    Conservative: Republican
    Liberal: Democrat

    But maybe the NDP is actually a larger party than the Liberals? (Of course, red and blue are PRIMARY colors, orange is a SECONDARY color!)

    I love the fact that your election is coming and going in 6 weeks. I am SO sick of our election, which I think has been going on since I was 17 and sleeping with my teacher… oh, wait. That wasn’t me.

    MF

    MF

  37. Mandy says:

    Ha ha MF that was funny.

    I heard that the actor who played David recently caused a bit of a stir on the set of Corrie when he wore a shirt that said “Schwetty Balls” on it during the taping of some scenes. When the editors looked at it they had to go back and re-shoot the scenes because no one noticed his shirt (that could be offensive I guess) at the time.

    Does this mean the Corrie characters pick their own clothes? If so, can I please raid Maria’s wardrobe?

  38. John says:

    The NDP are a smaller party and are traditionally the 3rd party. They are to the left of the Liberal party. I think they just have a bigger TV budget this time.

    Conservative=Republican, Liberal=Democrat works as far as social issues are concerned, for the most part. When you get down to actual policy like trade, it’s a little more complicated.

  39. Mandy says:

    There’s a bit more to the NDP than that! I think they’re picking up momemtum because people are tired of the Conservatives, they can’t rely on a leader like Stephane Dion and they’re also wary of the Liberals after so many scandals, and they don’t think the Greens have staying power.

  40. John says:

    Mandy

    I know they’re doing better this year than in others but I’m just saying, traditionally, they’ve been “the third option.”

    Who knows what’ll happen on Tuesday. Maybe we’ll all get drunk and write in Sarah Palin’s name.

  41. glacia says:

    I think the Greens have staying power….and have come a long freakin’ way over the last few years.

    But then again, I’m a biased card carrying member.

  42. Mandy says:

    John, I agree with you about that. Typically it has always been the Conservatives vs. the Liberals, they’re the older parties.

    But however bad Canadian politics may get, at least we won’t elect a pitbull with lipstick, am I right ;)?!

  43. Mandy says:

    Glacia you’re probably right. The office I work in (where I’m sitting now) is actually full of extreme right-wing sexist racist people (not everyone but a lot of the people here) so I have to hear them bash the Green Party and personally insult Elizabeth May every day. But I went to a debate in my town and the Green Party candidate spoke very well and their platform makes a lot of sense to me. If only people can see past their own agendas!

  44. Michigander Fan says:

    Actually, I thought the ad I saw for the Greens was awesome! Elizabeth May, riding on a train, imploring people to get out and vote. I figured the one ad was because of the miniscle budget.

    I laughed out loud the first time I saw the Harper ad “We’re Better Off with Harper.” Ooooh. Catchy.

    Jack Layton seems the smoothest, which may or may not be a good thing.

    I dunno. The older I get, the more I am convinced that The Simpsons had it right – it doesn’t matter whether you vote for Kang or Kodos – they are exactly the same anyway.

    Slimy green aliens.

    MF

  45. Mandy says:

    I just saw that episode of The Simpson’s last night, lol! Hallowe’en episdoes!

  46. elocin says:

    Does anyone else have a tiny voice in the back of their head when they’re watching the Corrie Christmas shenanigans about how much it sucks that we’re almost a whole year behind now? Man. BOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOURNS!

  47. Gayle says:

    In my humble opinion I think Roy panics in emergency situations because he suffers from Aspberger Syndrome. I thought I read it on this guestbook (where all of the posters are so wise!)

    I was so happy that Roy got to talk to Hayley at Christmas (I felt like crying).

  48. geenee says:

    What really bugs me are those promo banners running during the most dramatic moments. I don’t think anyone at CBC really watches the show. They got no respect! I refuse to watch most of those shows being advertised because I’m so ticked off.

    Most people I know are sick to death of this stupid election and were quite happy to wait another year. At least we get it over with quickly, whereas the US seems to take a year or 2.

  49. Margaret says:

    Well!! I don’t often gasp watching TV (well, there was a recent Mad Men episode in which the writing was jaw droppingly exquisite) but I totally gasped at Rosie’s disrespect of Sally. And then at John reaching for his mobile to call the cops. Glacia, totally with you. My long ago former was just like John too.

    Rosie is the most self absorbed character – I do believe she tops Chesney’s mum (why has her name evaporated?) in this department. I may have to check the UK sites for spoilers — I want her to get what’s coming to her. Now.

  50. Michigander Fan says:

    Geenee, Yeah. At least. I’m ready to drive scissors into my ears, I’m so sick of the election. That’s why Canada’s is actually refreshing.

    Elocin, I know – I wish they would catch us up at least a little! It would be nice to be within 6 months.

    Margaret – Cilla. I miss Cilla.

    MF

  51. pip says:

    I think of Rosie as a young Tracy Barlow, because she’s got the looks to get what she wants. She. is. horrid.

    So how is this going to play out between Sally and Kevin? I really can’t believe that Sally wanted to have an affair with John, she seemed so remorseful after her sordid litte escapade with Mr. Slimy-Car-Salesman. If she gets all high and mighty with Rosie about her awful behavior then Rosie is going to ‘out’ her on hers, and Rosie not only knows about the affair, but also that she came on to John. But then Kevin’s going to be confused if Sally tries to downplay what Rosie has done.

    John is an idiot. He’s going to have to admit under oath that the reason Kevin struck him was because he’d been having an affair with Kevin’s 16 year old daughter, who just happens to be his student.

  52. geenee says:

    Sally would have jumped John’s bones if he’d shown the slightest bit of encouragement. Rosie was right about that. Ever since Kevin’s affair with Natalie, Sally has been hot to trot. I get the impression that she’s only with him because it’s easier with the girls. Kevin seems ready to settle down now but Sally has never felt the same about him and always seems restless and wanting more out of life.

    John is an idiot. It will be interesting to see how things evolve.

  53. Pauline says:

    It was a pugilistic Corrie Christmas – Fiz slaps John, Sally slaps Rosie, Kevin slaps John, and Rosie – well, she’s just an all-out slapper.

  54. missusmac says:

    Pauline, hahahaha! Well done. Geenee, I absolutely agree regarding Sally and Kevin’s relationship. Sally always seems to want something more than what she has — which is a good husband who seems willing to indulge her, and two smart girls to raise.

    (I didn’t say nice, or good, or wish-they-were-my-daughters girls. But you have to admit they are both intelligent.)

    BTW, blows me away that the Websters would be tucking into Christmas dinner without Rosie. Especially in these days of cell phones. Anyone remember where, or if it was mentioned, Rosie told her parents she was going on Christmas day? To buy nutmeg?

  55. geenee says:

    I thought it was strange that they didn’t wait for Rosie, but the nutmeg quest took longer than expected and maybe dinner was getting cold. I suppose Rosie turns her cell phone off during these trysts and John should have done the same. I don’t remember Rosie giving an excuse for her outing; maybe she just took off.

  56. Michigander Fan says:

    Aha! There was a Liberal ad on last night during the Wings-Leafs game. I liked it – I thought it was a very good ad. Deffo better than the Harper ad.

    MF

  57. Michigander Fan says:

    Re: Christmas dinner – my parents put it out there that the food will be ready at X o’clock, and we will start without you if you aren’t there. In my family, had I done something like that as a teen, my parents would have started dinner (so it wouldn’t be ruined) and I would have been in a world of trouble – LATER, after Gramps and Audreh left.

    Or possibly it’s one of the blips that the CBC edited out and we’ll see it Sunday.

    MF

  58. Tania says:

    I dunno. If I lived on the street, I wouldn’t be inviting Bill Webster to my next Christmas dinner because everywhere he goes for turkey, the place falls apart. Wasn’t it last Christmas at the Platt’s that his wife showed up?

  59. Margaret says:

    Cilla — of course — thanks, MF!

  60. pip says:

    Glacia, that SNL clip was hysterical (glad I waited to watch it at home rather than at work, though). I will never be able to say ‘caulk’ with a straight face again.

  61. Brad says:

    not to nit pick but John drives a Renault Mégane not a Nissan Versa. But I really think the sigth is awesome.

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