Update For Epiosde #6738 November 7, 2008

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In the spirit of this amorous epiosde, go and out and put a new fang in the old tone arm cobra, put that old classic Barry White album ‘Can’t Get Enough’ on the hi-fi, and just relax baby…

The White Stilettoes

In the bookie shop Dan is paying out 6 pound 47 pence to an excited Blanche, when Harry comes in carrying a pair of white stilettoes he has found in the flat. Harry wonders who they might belong to, and if can chuck them in the tip. Dan gets a bit flustered and tells his dad not to chuck the shoes, and that he will tell him the story later. Blanche of course is all ears so Dan tries to deflect the conversation away from himself and tells Blanche that Harry is off to see his third ex-wife. Blanche tells Harry that he is ‘like Henry the VIII, with a shave.’

Later, in the painfully bachelorish flat, Dan tells father Harry a tale of pulling birds and an air hostess that liked to do the horizontal limbo with her shoes on, before she left that life – and the shoes behind. Harry thinks it’s sort of a dirty version of Cinderella. Dan tells his dad that when he gets a woman back to his flat tries to get then to wear the shoes when they do the deed. I think father and son could both benefit from some therapy…

A Day For Results

Michelle is anxiously waiting for the post to arrive with the DNA results* from the lab, although it is only going to comfirm what she knows in her heart already. When the letters arrive she opens them and the truth is finally known. Ryan comes home and they have an awkward conversation about his results in school, and when she tells him to sit down, he gets angry and walks out, but returns a moment later for an emotional hug with Michelle.

In the meantime Steve has picked up Liz and Vern, who are returning from their honeymoon – wearing matching black cowboy hats. There is a discussion about the ‘near death’ experience they had on the plane. (apparently a bit of turbulence) Vern says that when the pilot was speaking, ‘he could hear his chords tightening.’ Liz replies, ‘pilots don’t wear cords.’ Rimshot please. Liz asks Steve about the DNA results, and he tells his mom that it is confirmed, Ryan is not the biological son of Michelle, so be sure to tread gently. This warning is too late however, as Vern has already gone inside to say hello to Ryan, who he calls ‘my grandson, sort of.’ Ryan walks out of the room. Vern then says hello to Michelle, who he calls ‘my daughter-in-law, sort of.’ Michelle walks out of the room.

*it seems remarkable that they could get the DNA results back so quickly

The Inconspicuous Condom

Gail comes by the salon and invites Audrey out for drinks so that David can have a little ‘alone time’ with Tina. David comes out from the back – awkward moment ensues.

Later at Number 6 Gail is wondering when Tina is coming by, and if she stays out till 10:00 ‘will that give you enough time?’ An painful and uniformative conversation then takes place about David being prepared for any eventuality that might occur. (no wonder Sarah got pregnant at age twelve)

After Gail leaves for the night David gets the place ready for his evening of passion – music, drinks, deodorant in his underarms – and his nether regions. Good to go. David fires up some bad music and when the doorbell rings he does some sort of epileptic seizure/dance thing on the way to open the door. Tina comes in and David tries to steer her upstairs right away, but she tells him that she is parched and needs a drink first. An odd discussion regarding the names of juices follows. Tina wonders what ‘that smell’ is. (meaning the deodorant) David says he has no idea…

While David is trying to be a youthful Lothario, Gail and Audrey are having an odd conversation about condoms in the pub. Audrey wants to know of Gail had a clear and honest discission about birth control with David before she went out. Gail tells her mom it was embarassing to try to talk him about it. Audrey tells Gail it would be much better to be embarassed than to be a grandmother again so soon. Gail admits that she put some condoms on the coffee table for David to find, but didn’t tell him, and she kind of obscured them with a magazine, so she wouldn’t seem too obvious. Audrey is incredulous that Gail put condoms on the table and then fled the flat. Gail gets my vote for mother of the year.

Back at the flat Tina and David are sat on the sofa while he massages her feet. She picks up the magazine and the latex party hat is revealed. David asks if it is hers. Tina asks if it his. He says it is. She wonders if his mom bought it for him. They discuss who gets their condoms where, but no action yet…

A Room For Two

Liam and Carla are getting ready for their business trip to Birmingham. Maria is concerned that Liam is going to go clubbing with Carla while they are away. (was he not just on crutches?) Liam assures Maria that everything on the trip will be kosher.

When the Connors arrive at the hotel in the second city, the booking problem (that Carla chose to ignore) comes to light, they are booked into one room – with one bed. Liam protests a bit and tries to find a solution, but there are no free rooms in the hotel owing to a chemical conference taking place in the city. Carla is nonplussed by the situation ‘your room, my room, our room, doesn’t matter does it?’

In the room Liam goes to take a shower and notices that the lock on the bathroom door is broken. Carla is bemused by his concern over the lock, and tells her brother-in-law that if she wanted to shower with him she would just ask nicely, and not just rip off her clothes and barge into the shower with him. Poor Liam looks like a lamb being led to the slaughter. While he is showering his phone rings and Carla answers it for him, it’s Maria wanting to talk to Liam. Carla tells her that he is in the shower at the moment. Maria wonders why Carla is in his room while he is showering, and Carla tells Maria that Liam is actually in her room showering, before hanging up on Maria.

When Liam is done he asks Carla for a favour. ‘Need help getting dry?’ she asks. No, says Liam, can you pass me a bathrobe. While he gets dry and puts on the bathrobe they discuss the room situation and when they should ‘cross the bridge’* of him finding somehere else to stay. Carla says she is in no rush to cross any bridges and with the door slightly ajar, makes her way into the shower, giving Liam an eyeful of naked skin to ponder.

*methinks this is a sexual allegory of sorts

Bits and Bobs

Jack, Molly, and Tyrone have a conversation about Terry and the impending funeral. Molly asks the insightful question about Terry attending the service – would Vera want him there?

Audrey volunteers to be a ‘surrogate mother’ to Maria for the wedding.

Sal comes by the garage to tell Tyrone how much she and Kev appreciate him keeping things going while Kev is locked up, and how he thinks of himself as a bit of a father figure to Tyrone.

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23 Responses to Update For Epiosde #6738 November 7, 2008

  1. haili says:

    It was nice to get a bit of humour for a change with the bookies and Blanche ; and I thought daddy bookie was hilarious calling it a “dirty version of Cinderella.” I can never remember those guys’ names but I suppose they will eventually get storylines.

    I will never complain about lack of realism when getting the DNA results overnight probably saved us weeks of Michelle’s tears and moved us closer to the end of this wrong baby story.

    Is there only 1 hotel in that city for Liam and Carla? No room at the inn in what? January? Liam is not trying too hard to avoid her.

    Tyrone was brave, joking to Sally about his father figure having a number instead of a name. Kevin may be out this week.

  2. beanie says:

    I was confused by the whole condom story. Didn’t Tina come bouncing down the stairs without pants when she first met David? Why would Gail wonder if the deed was done?

  3. eila says:

    The bookies are called Harry and Dan, I think– but don’t ask me which is which. By the way, does anyone think it’s normal for Dads and sons to discuss their shoe fetishes/ sex lives with one another?? It seems weird to me, but I’m not a guy.

    I’m with you, haili. Realism be damned, as long as Michelle stops crying. I am so bored with everything that isn’t to do with the Duckie gang or Blanche that I could just about start crying.

    eila

  4. haili says:

    eila: are there any “normal” families on the street? I guess it was normal curiosity for the father to want to know why the son had white high heels. Maybe the cinderella story was too much information! I suppose it’s not any more strange than David’s grandmother giving his mother advice re. condoms.

  5. corrierules says:

    Eila: I agree Dan and Harry (father and son) talking about the son’s somewhat kinky sexual exploits rated high on the ick factor for me. Maybe “ick” was the theme of this episode. Don’t forget the cringe-worthy mother-son chats Gail was trying to instigate, much to David’s chagrin. I do give Gail credit for having “The Talk” with David… ie please practice safe sex. But I thought it weird that Gail was being complicit in David’s love life… ie clearing out to give the young couple privacy and letting them know she was clearing out and letting them know when she’d be home.

    I do have a question about the sad Duckworth story. I found it strange that people were dropping by to visit (which is not strange) but were coming empty-handed (which I found very strange) Here in Canader, as soon as there is a death neighbours, friends and family of the mourners starting sending food (and lots of it!) to the house and close friends station themselves in the kitchen to serve the bereaved, wash dishes and look after that side of things. On the show, Molly and Tyrone are feeding the visitors biscuits and making them tea and shopping for provisions. And yes I know Jack didn’t want a lot of visitors (but people could at least send in some food). I was pleased to see Dev gave Molly some biscuits and alcohol.

    Are customs different in Northern England? Is it considered pushy to bring and serve food to a bereaved family?

  6. missusmac says:

    I think by British standards, the room Carla and Liam are in is HUGE. Obviously a posh hotel.

    I did spy a plate of sandwiches in one of the first shows of the week, and thought Emily or Rita probably dropped them off. But then Molly’s buying really hard old lady biscuits, which would probably taste okay with enough liquor.

    Was Dev always so foot-in-mouth? I think not. He was always smooth and debonair and very well spoken, so his recent verbal blunders — will you still get the house said to Molly, etc. — are just so contrived.

    Vernon’s back. Yeah.

    Hey, has anyone noticed Michelle seems kind of upset lately?

  7. pip says:

    LOL missusmac re Michelle! I think you’re right, something is bothering her!!

    I didn’t think it was too weird of Gail clearing out for David. She’s just so relieved her son is acting like a normal 17 year old and that he’s able to attract at least one girl. I’m sure that after having her daughter give birth at 13 she’s not going to flinch over the fact that her 17 year old son is sexually active.

  8. haili says:

    Something’s bothering Michelle???

    Dev is not the debonaire guy he used to be and has become a kind of clownish figure. I don’t care for the change. Humour is good, but he is just kind of silly now.

    Liam has made an amazing recovery! Their medical system must be miles ahead of ours.

  9. corrierules says:

    That Michelle, she just internalizes everything. …keeps it all inside. It must be that stiff upper lip the British are famous for.

  10. corrierules says:

    Pardonnez- moi…..

    “…for which the British are famous.”

  11. dovie says:

    Was I the only one who thought those white shoes weren’t particularly sexy? Pretty tame to be centering a fantasy around. I was waiting through that whole segment for Dan (who I think is the son, forgive me if I’m wrong)to say, “well, actually, dad, those are MY shoes. While you’re out searching for wife #24, I’m here in my ugly grey box of an appartment, teetering around on those white heels, vaccuuming up a storm complete with high kicks. Don’t let me forget to show you the white lace apron and cap that complete the outfit! When I’ve practiced enough, those stilletos will become MY pulling shoes”

  12. Yanyan says:

    This episode was very cringe-inducing for me. From David spraying his “nether regions” with deodorant, to the TMI story of the tacky white stilettos, to the condom on the coffee table. I spent most of the episode saying “Oh no they din’t!”

  13. John says:

    Gail did the same thing when Sarah was with Todd by making it painfully clear that she was giving them space so they could get it on. She meant well at the time but it was awkward and weird the way she went about it.

    Now she’s using that same smirky, whispering approach with David and I’m surprised it doesn’t put him off the whole enterprise.

    If I were Gail, I’d be a little more blunt: “I am going out. I will be back at 10:00pm exactly. There are condoms in the bathroom. I expect you to use them if you wish to have sex. If they are unused, I will assume you did not have sex. Having sex without them is not an option. Good day.”

    On the other hand, there is no way in hell my son and I will ever have the types of conversations that Harry and Dan Mason have.

  14. kunzie says:

    I for one was very entertained by the whole thing!

    Gail is a first for me; I don’t ever recall any situation (fictional or otherwise) where a mother was facilitating her teenager having sex. Chatting about it is one thing. Gail is practically lighting the candles and throwin’ on the Smurfman’s tunes! What next, Gail hiding under the couch chirping instructions? Poor David…if only he could have seen, felt, known how much Gail prefers him over Sarah. She is besotted with her son.

    It was just my mum and I from the time I was 11. Per Dan and Harry, we did share alot of laughs about guys when I was in my 20’s. Dan might be a player, but at least he knows himself, unlike lost soul Liam. These days Junior Mint Conner can’t seem to think his way out of a paper bag, much less a fuzzy robe.

    I feel badly for Maria; not because, inevitably it would seem, her fiance is going to do the nasty in Birmingham…but because Liam doesn’t know her, is not / has never been enthralled with her, and, as much as she is so apple crisp to me…she deserves better.

    Personally, I think Steve and Maria would be lovely. Two caring people.

  15. kunzie says:

    Oh yeah – sorry double post – but wanted to agree with haili – I think both Dev and Kirk have been dumbed down and I’m not likin’ it.

  16. haili says:

    I must have a warped sense of humour, but I was just thrilled to get some laughs as a change from the constant misery some characters (who shall be nameless) display.

  17. eila says:

    “are there any ‘normal’ families on the street?”

    Um, er… Okay, you got me there.

    If Junior Mint (thanks, kunzie!) can’t think his way out of a paper bag, doesn’t that make him the perfect match for Maria?

    eila

  18. Pauline says:

    Seems to me that the funeral for Vera is going very slowly, as is any coverage of Jack. We’ve seen more of Michelle’s tears in one episode than inside the Duckworth’s all week since Vera died. Weak, considering she had been on the show so long. I hope they do more coverage of the funeral and don’t keep harping on Michelle and the result of the DNA test. I’m so tired of that story.

  19. corrierules says:

    I have to tell you guys: I have become fixated with that big honking black ring that Michelle wears. And yes it seems glued to her forehead. Is Michelle channeling the late lamented and much-missed Alma Baldwin? She too was given to big rings, but would rub her temples with both hands. Michelle is a one-hand worrier. And never with the ringless hand — always with the big black ring. A) it’s a wonder she can lift her hand and B), a family of four could fit around that ring and eat its dinner off of it…..)

  20. fondue says:

    Ok here’s where it’s a problem not watching during the week, and catching up on Sundays…it’s hard to know where to insert these comments. Generally, I’m too late! But I will forge ahead anyway…
    I just watched this past week’s episodes today, so apologies for being backward coming forward.
    To me, Jack losing his Vee was the most heartfelt moment of the week. What made me cry was Jack singing a song to Vera…If you were the only girl in the world…it was touching to see hear Jack express his love for Vera. Their relationship was adversarial on the surface, that was their way, but this moment showed us once and for all that Jack had deep feelings for his wife.
    These are all the words to the song that Jack sang to Vera:

    Sometimes when I feel low
    and things look blue
    I wish a boy I had… say one like you.
    Someone within my heart to build a throne
    Someone who’d never part, to call my own

    If you were the only girl in the world
    and I were the only boy
    Nothing else would matter in the world today
    We could go on loving in the same old way

    A garden of Eden just made for two
    With nothing to mar our joy
    I would say such wonderful things to you
    There would be such wonderful things to do
    If you were the only girl in the world
    and I were the only boy.

    Beautiful. I’ve seen Jack and Vera on the street for thirty years, and I’ve seen some true emotion from them, off and on, but for an exit, this was honest and real, and everything I expected from Jack and his little Swampduck.

  21. fondue says:

    and sorry… you’re all getting on with other things, so appy polly loggies for being a downer.

  22. haili says:

    Those Duckworths argued their way through decades of marriage and Jack escaped to the Rovers or the bookies every chance he got. I guess he was one of those men who take their wives for granted and now she’s not there to come home to, he will be kind of lost. We did get to see some sentimental moments over the years, though they were few and far between.

  23. S. Poole says:

    Thanks fondue, for the song lyrics. And it is impossible to be late to this party. :p

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