Ode to Carla

She arrived with a face porcelain-perfect and nasty

Not sure what occurred but it ended with ‘plasty’

Streaming hair like Morticia, this bird hit the Street

Lots of bling that went clink, Gucci boots on her feet.


Custom built just for loathing, a snake in couture,

A red funky apartment decked out in velour,

With a spirally staircase that verges on hoaky

Perfect eyebrows and lips and a voice oh so smoky.


Her supports are few, but they’re quick to point out

Carla’s pain as her husband was whoring about.

Tears of loss when he died, Botox-stiff upper lip

Full of toughness and smarts, quickly getting a grip.


Did you love it or hate it -that moment of passion

When slacker club stubble was mauling high fashion?

Did you feel bad for Tony, possessive wee grump,

Did you cry for Maria, as dumb as a stump?


The indecent proposal, so carefully framed

Offered sharing a bed and no one would be blamed.

While the decent among us were quickest to scoff

A few more were screaming, “Hell, yeah! Take it off!”


For it can’t be denied, though it sounds awfully mean

That these two snogging in-laws just burn up the screen.

And while not all approve of the sneaking and lying,

At least it’s a change from Michelle freakin’ crying.


About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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5 Responses to Ode to Carla

  1. haili says:

    LOL. Great poem. I guess botox is one way to keep a stiff upper lip.
    I have to admit she makes a good villain – the woman we love to hate!

    We’ve now had 2 whole episodes of no crying from Michelle! It won’t last .

  2. lovethestreet says:


  3. Yanyan says:

    Yay for Kunzie, the Bard of Corrie Canuck.

  4. mayfairgirl says:

    I love this! Could not stop laughing, thanks!!

  5. debbie says:

    “At least it’s a change from Michelle freakin’ crying.”

    Amen, sister.

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