At Liam’s house Ryan is having a fashion meltdown, because his wedding shirt is not an exact match to Liam’s. He sees that Carla has stopped in and says to her, “Tell him! We have to match!” He continues to complain until Liam relents and sends him upstairs to change so they can go and swap the shirt before the shops close. While this exchange is being shouted up-and-down the stairwell, Carla broaches the subject at hand: It is Liam’s last chance to be honest before walking down the aisle.
Emily meets Audrey and Maria leaving the salon. Maria is distressed that she doesn’t have the requisite “old, new, borrowed and blue” inventory for the wedding. Emily thoughtfully offers Maria a blue scarab beetle pin sent to her from her nephew Spider in Egypt. That will cover old and blue.
Maria and her future in-laws, along with Audrey, visit the reception venue to ensure all is in order. It’s a lovely, large room, complete with white linen, a gorgeous cake and fresh flowers. Maria is distressed that the room is as cold as it is; Audrey rushes off and returns with the reassurance that the room is being kept cold to preserve the flowers. She gives Maria a supportive hug.
At the pub, Vernon is gassed from having blown up his millionth balloon: his hot air has finally reached it’s limits. Steve is cheezed that the balloons are tied up the wrong way…Vernon reminds him that the kiddies like to play with them on the floor. Michelle is still a no-show.
Michelle’s visit with Alex has run long, and she wants to get herself and the cake to the party on time. Having been presented with a picture of Dean, Alex wants to know, “Do you think he’d want me to live with you and ‘im?” Michelle is taken aback. Alex feels he has no real home, between being chastised at Nick’s and tiptoeing around Wendy’s stepchildren. The son and heir of nothing in particular.
Ah, Morrissey…no one does angst and oblivion like you…
Michelle is getting more anxious to leave and Alex has gone from slightly rude to sulky and belligerent. He wants to be taken home with Michelle to “Ellie’s” birthday party. When Michelle implores that she has to go, he shoots back: “You mean, get lost Alex!”.
Carla has returned home and is drinking a glass of red wine when Liam turns up. He isn’t stopping, he tells her, and has just come by to warn Carla not to upset Maria’s big day. He launches into a very unconvincing speech, asserting that he has no feelings for Carla, and The Kiss meant nothing to him. And no, he didn’t feel anything at the hotel either.
“Why,” Carla asks, “would I put myself on the line?” His answer: -wait for it – “You’re a scheming, jealous bitch!”. “Then why,” Carla counters, “were you calling out for me at the hospital?” She proceeds to fill Liam in on the details. Liam snorts, “I may as well have been calling out for Mother Teresa and the bloke from the kebab shop!”
Carla claims that only she can fully understand Liam’s complicated nature….whoa. you mean, like how Keanu Reeves is complicated? Or sorta like…Beavis complicated? She accuses Maria of being shallow and therefore incapable of understanding an inscrutable specimen like Liam. Whoa.
Back at Ken & Deirdre’s, Amy has thrown a “tanty”, gotten angry, sick and been sent to bed because the promised pink cake failed to show. Blanche, Ken, Deirdre, Emily and a little mystery girl are winding the party down. Emily scampers off to take the blue scarab over to Maria and Liam’s. Ryan turns up and guesses in short order why his mother has been delayed, just as Ken begins an impromptu lecture on the mythology of the scarab beetle. Steve is in a tanty himself when Michelle gets home, but you know it’s only a matter of time before he deflates like a meringue left out in the rain. Whatever.
Dinner is being served to the senior Connors at Audrey’s. Helen probes a little about why Maria’s parents can’t attend. Barry asserts his wife is planning to monopolize the kids at Christmases and if Helen had her way, “our three would have married dolphins.” Pause. Rewind. Dolphins? Pause. Rewind. Oh, okay: orphans. Helen gives Maria a family heirloom charm bracelet with a new cross charm for the baby. Hmmm. dolphins are pretty smart, aren’t they? After dinner, Maria jumps into a taxi to return home and fetch the scarab.
Carla has followed Liam home to press her point further. She just wants one thing: an admission of the chemistry between them. She browbeats him into the living room, where she instigates a brief, heated kiss (Kiss Two). Liam pulls away, vacantly repeating, “I love Maria”. Carla finally gives up on her prey, follows Liam out the front door and kisses him goodbye on the cheek before slinking off in her Ziggy Stardust boots….of course, Maria pulls up in her taxi just in time to witness all.
In other news….
Fiz wants Chesney to move in. again.