Seems like all the Who’s down in Whoville are getting ready fete the marriage of Liam and Maria!
Now, was it just me or were there some truly weird ass fashion statements for this wedding. Here’s my Blackwellian list:
Liam and Ryan – ‘Accordion’ ties? Seriously?
There was something weird about Carla’s make that made her face look very puffy.
Fizz looked like she was channeling the spirit of Ester Williams with that tiara. I was half expecting fireworks to start shooting from those stars sticking out of her head.
Liam – a razor…if not on your wedding day, then when?
Violet decided to come dressed as the Silver Penguin. Actually, her dress was fine, but I’ve been around a lot of pregnant woman and I’ve never, ever seen such a ridiculous waddle.
But dearhearts, I could go on and on, picking at the fact that Steve wasn’t wearing a tie and that Maria’s hair looked far too stiff….but this is all small stuff. This would be me grasping at straws because the brass ring was just around the corner when Carla makes her appearance at the wedding.
I swear to GOD the bottle of Absythne dropped right from my hand and my mind and body fell into some weird trance and I started shaking and sentences tried to form in my mouth, ‘Wha-ha- aha – Cruella– black – feather – BLACK – wedding – black – evil…eeeeeeeeevil – feathers! – cheekbones – long evil doctor coat – black, black, black…arched eyebrows….aaaaaaaaaaaghaaaaaaaaaaa – ack – ack – ack.’
So now you know the real reason I was late with this update. I’ve been spending the last two days trying to come up with something to describe the sheer bizarreness and message of EVIL that was Carla’s outfit – but I couldn’t. Dear readers, I finally hit ‘saucy quip’ meltdown. For a bitter drunk like me who fancies herself the Dorthy Parker of the Corrie Algoquin Round Table – it was like staring directly into the sun.
Okay, but on with the update.
The show starts with Maria in her blue dressing gown, looking, well, blue. Audrey comes in chirping with a tea for you ‘my darling.’ (I love how Audrey speaks!). She thinks that Maria just hasn’t had enough sleep and gives her a pep talk.
Meanwhile over in Connorland, Ryan, Liam, Michelle, Ma and Pa Connor meet up at Liam’s house to get ready. Things get a bit weird when Ma Connor asks Liam if her hair smells like bacon. It’s then that we discover that they’ve been drinking already – and Pa STILL wants to go to the Rovers to for a quick sniff. We also find out that some members were not so fortunate in the looks department, Uncle Ted, specifically who had the face of a badly made pie.
Carla, back at her flat, is LAYERING on the make up while giving a look that says she is just not going to let it go. When Tony arrives she wonders why they are even going tothe wedding, to which he responds. ‘Let’s go to London, do a bit of shopping and go someplace nice for lunch.’ (‘Yumsk!’ thinks Glacia.) But Carla snaps at him and he ends up leaving her to go solo to the wedding.
As Maria gets ready for the wedding she realizes, ‘OH NOOOOOOOOES, I forgot the blue beetle!’. Audrey runs over to Liam’s to pick it up and while she’s there, he tells her to tell Maria that he, ‘You know, loves her and all.’.
Back at Audrey’s, Maria tells Fizz about the Carla and Liam kiss – on – the – cheek. Fizz tells her to not be silly, that he loves her. Then Audrey comes in and says basically the same thing. Then she tells Maria Liam’s message and that’s enough to get Maria up and out the door.
When they get to the hotel, Kirk comes to the car and tells Maria that he is acting ‘ in loco parentis’ – and before Glacia can say, ‘You’re a crazy ass parent?’ Kirk explains that this term was given to him by Roy and it means that he is acting in lieu of their father. He tells Maria that it’s not too late to back out of the wedding, that even though a lot of money would have been wasted and that she’d be embarrassed, at least she wouldn’t be stuck with the wrong person for the rest of her life.’ BOOM – there it is! And boom goes the car door as Maria decides NOT to go in and get married.
Back in the hotel, everyone worries about the delay – except for Dad Connor who sees it as an opportunity to go get a drink. Ma Connor worries if Maria is a ‘farthing?’ Did anyone get/understand what she said?
Kirk fetches Liam who goes to the car only to be told by his bride that she can’t marry him! Roll credits.
In other news
Ozzy apparently got to come to the wedding
Michelle reassures Ryan about Alex, but told him that she promised Alex that she’d stay in touch. Then she adds that Ryan will always be number one, oh and Steve, oh and Amy. Steve responds that if this were an American he’d be saying, ‘You got enough love for all of us M—M-M-M-Michelle!’
Sean admits he will have a hard time not responding when the minister asks if anyone knows a reason why they shouldn’t be married, ‘Maria’s a bloke!’ ‘Liam’s a polygamist!’
Sally blames a magpie for the glitch in the wedding.
When Fizz says that she’s going to move Chesney in her, Audrey doesn’t want Schmichael in the flat, dribbling over her soft furnishings