We open with Maria seated in the back of the hired car, crying. Liam, who had been waiting at the altar for her, is there with asking her what’s wrong.
“I wanna go ‘ome,” she cries.
Liam is still at a loss to explain why Maria has suddenly gotten cold feet when she tells him, “It’s Carla. I’ll always be second best.”
Meanwhile, in the venue, Carla wants to find Liam and makes like she’s going to the loo but Kelly seems all too eager to join. She declares she’ll hold it.
Fizz and Audrey return and walk down the aisle, causing Sean to declare, tabloid style, “Audrey and Fizz in Lesbian Wedding Shocker!” The guests, however, are getting anxious about the delay.
Outside, Maria tells Liam that she knows he called Carla’s name when he was in th’ospickle. Liam tells Maria it’s her he loves and to forget about Carla. He also figures that Carla is transferring her grief over Paul’s death to him. Liam, if you really want your bride to know of your love and commitment, turn off your cellphone and shave for the wedding ceremony.
Inside, Ryan worries that he’s going to forget his speech but Steve advises that the best thing to do in these circumstances is to sing a Celine Dion song.
Outside, Liam gets a text from Carla: LIAM DON’T MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE I WANT YOU KTHNXBAI! Maria throws the phone halfway across the lawn. Seeing Carla, she hikes up her skirt and tramps across the grounds.
Eventually, Liam convinces Maria to marry him and the wedding is on. They go back to the venue, are pronounced husband and wife and Liam’s middle name is Barrington.
Later at the reception, Kelly utters the two sweetest words in the english language: Free Bar. Sean challenges the factory girls to drink Mr. Connor bankrupt. At the reception table, Liam professes his love for Maria, who is beautiful on the inside. Then Ryan starts to make a speech as best man, which is interupted by the sudden appearance of Alex. Ryan looks like he just took a football to the goolies. Michelle and Steve usher Alex outside. He protests that he wants to meet his family and, wow, really can’t be more inappropriate. They get him in a cab but Michelle decides to go with, just to ensure he gets home ok. Oblivious to this bit of family drama, Maria comes down with Ozzy and asks if they could take him home, too. It’s funny but … really? They took the dog to the wedding? He’s a pup. I’d be afraid that he’d run off. Anyway, things are kind of crappy for Ryan right now when his mum ditches her brother’s wedding to spend time with her bio-son.
In the bathroom, Maria finds Carla crying and asks if she is going to congratulate her. Carla does so but also says Liam is her friend and she didn’t want him to make a mistake. Maria does a kind of funny impression of her – “Me, right? I can ‘ave ‘im any time I want!” – and asks if now Carla will leave them alone.
“Maybe. Maybe not,” is Carla’s response, which gets a slap from Mrs. Liam Connor.
Maria also suggests she start behaving with a little more dignity.
“And you can start by brushing your hair,” adds the missus.
Afterward, everyone is well and truly pished. Dev and Kelly dance and Carla warns all the factory workers she wants them in on time tomorrow. The wedding was on a weeknight?! Anyway, Sean caught the bouquet! He’s the next to get married! But not in California!
Then Liam and Maria retire to the honeymoon suite while Carla looks up at their window and cries a little bit more.
In honour of American Thanksgiving, I am thankful that this wedding did not end with one of the participants jumping out the bathroom window. I am also thankful that someone did not show up with Liam’s estranged progeny. Despite the drama, the wedding was one of Corrie’s more normal ones.