Update for Thursday, Feb. 5: Honour a Crusader. Buy a Kebab.

St. George with Donair, c. 298 A.D.  

 

 

St. George with Donair, c. 298 A.D.

 

It’s St. George Day (Apr. 23rd) on the street, a National Holiday in a number of countries. St. George, (d. circa 303) a chief military Saint, is also the patron Saint of the boy scouts. Both Miguel de Cervantes and Shakespeare died on this day.

BREKKY

Fiz is hustling Chesney off to school and herself off to work, in order to avoid Kirk’s return home. This is unsuccessful; Kirk returns tanned with a red nose and a shirt stolen from Dog the Bounty Hunter. Chez presents Kirk with the candy he has gotten for him. Kirk has a surprise of his own; he has brought both Chez and Fiz a credit-card-shaped Swiss Army tool thing-y. Before parting, Kirk intimates to Fiz that he has “loads to talk about”  later.

Leanne bounces into the bookies’, waving her insurance letter which promises a hefty cheque to arrive the following day. Leanne says she has to “pay off the fat man” first…I inferred that she meant Paul (I would have drawn the line at chunky…) …but then she adds that she will also pay her former partner.

 

Audrey & Bill check in on Gail who is doing “as well as can be expected” she tells them, in her stoic, sucky, oedipal way. Audrey, by the way, is totally addled and paying no attention. Bill puts it down to dementia. We know better – it’s preoccupation with the phone message she has received from Gail’s father.

In the bookies’, Harry’s on the phone geting an earfull from an ex who thinks he has a load of money “salted away”. Dan hopes for a resolution that spells the end of his dad as flatmate. Leanne suggests that she and Dan rent together. He looks mighty interested. Harry hangs up, urges them never to marry….but all the same, can’t hide a grin of joy that Dan, his white shoes and pimpy coffee table might move out of the flat.

“You look as bad as I feel,” comments Jack to Paul, who’s emerged from his pit  after a long night of frying and crying. Jack suggests that Pillsbury Sadness start up a resto of his own and pay Jack back in installments. But no, Paul insists that paying Jack is priority.

Jason saunters across the road toward Roy’s with another shop’s second-rate crappy butty because he’s banned. Becky pokes fun at him; Jason hedges around asking Becky for a second drink (‘kay, help me out here…what’s with all the shyness, zipper eating and high-school stuff after playing hide-the-sausage?)

In the salon, Maria notices that Audrey is preoccupied. Rita comes in to chat about Ted. Maria assumes Audrey is having an affair and wants the dish. 

Paul is still at home when Molly comes in…he reminisces about how happy he was to go to Valandro’s each day…his poignant description of the breakup of the “partnership” has Molly’s nickels dropping. OMG. Paul’s in love with Leanne! Tyrone interrupts, fetching his jumper.

DINNER

Jerry has devised a St. George Day special….owing to the fact that (as Jerry writes history) the Crusader knights main form of meal prep was roasting meat hunks on their swords over an open fire, hence kebabs. He makes a convincing sale to Chez and Kirk, in lieu of school dinner. Fiz catches them at it; Kirk drops more hints that he needs to chat.

Audrey and Rita are cozied up in Roy’s, rehashing Audrey’s misspent youth. Audrey, apparently, had Stephen at 17, her dad forced her to give him up and she hatched a plan…if she were to get married and have another kid, her dad would “let her” have her son back. So, she got pregnant deliberately…but then looked again at Ted and went, ….naaaaah. Rita wants to know next steps…Audrey isn’t interested in any. 

 

biology1

She Blinded Me With Science.

Maria has dropped in to Dev’s to buy some fruit. Being in the family way, she asks about Sunita and the twins. Dev, evidently done pining, says his twins are 2 1/4 now. Fiz enters, explains to Maria how much she is dreading “the talk”…

Tony has asked Jason up to Carla’s pad to hang up a big, gold-framed mirror…and does some fishing about Becky. He basically tells Jason that Becky is dog-rough, even for him. Carla returns, finding it highly amusing that Eyeball Gordon can’t put up a mirror on his own. 

In the Rovers, Marcus tells Maria that she is looking lovely…she asks if he has a fetish for size 28 women. Liam asks if Marcus is trying to pull his bird. Kunzie points out to Marcus that Maria’s curves are temporary but that Kunzie will likely be a size 28 for-evah!  

Audrey confides in Maria about E. Ted. 

Tyrone drops into Dev’s…Molly spills that she thinks Pillsbury Paul is mourning more than the loss of a kitchen. Molly feels sorry for him…and wonders if perhaps they can extend Paul’s tenancy? Tyrone is not overly-moved by the story nor overly-inclined to help.

TEA

Kirk, in his cool Cyprian-Hawaiian shirt tries to work up to The Big Chat with small talk as Fiz returns home…Fiz can’t stand the suspense, jumps the gun and says gently that, sorry, there is no way they’re getting back together. Kirk looks baffled. “Why would I want to get back with you?” he asks.  He reveals that he has met someone on holiday. He is in love with a girl called Julie that works in a distribution centre. Although her career seems overly-complex to Kirk, he’s seeing his new flame the following day. Fiz is thrilled and relieved.

Marcus wonders if Liam was serious or winding him up about pulling his bird, Maria. Liam returns to the Rovers’, having gotten something to cheer Maria up – a teeny-tiny Man. City kit (soccer outfit) for his baby. What if it’s a girl? Maria asks. Carla says such toggery is cruelty to children. Tony asks the couple to dinner Friday – his last night before leaving for China. I must admit he’s growing on me.

Leanne arrives at the Old Rectory to give Paul the good news about the insurance payout. They have a short, awkward exchange, after which Leanne should have left. Buuuuut…she goes on to poke the bear by saying, ” I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us”. Since the pathetic truth is there never was a ghost of a chance of an “us”…Paul snaps…Furious, he now he wants all the money to compensate for his broken heart.. Leanne does a really, really bad female-villiain laugh. A screaming match ensures in the hall….”You give me all of it!” he growls, “or I’ll go to the police. I have nothing else to live for!”

 

Burned. In So Many Ways.

Burned. In So Many Ways.

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About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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28 Responses to Update for Thursday, Feb. 5: Honour a Crusader. Buy a Kebab.

  1. glacia says:

    The exchange between Paul and Leanne was simply GOD AWFUL. The worst acting I’ve seen on the show since, I don’t know, Deidre was last on the screen.

    I’m getting kind of bugged by this whole, ‘The baby’s father doesn’t need to know or be involved in anyway with this child. I’m the mom and therefore I decree it so.’ attitude that’s so prevelant on the show. Why do the dad’s have no rights at all. I was actually kind of appalled at Audrey last night.

  2. TrudyC says:

    Thanks so much for the update – great as usual.

    What Leanne said was she was going to pay “the VAT man first”

    What’s with Paul’s eyes?

  3. pip says:

    Kunzie, love the genetics 101 pics!

    I don’t understand why there would be VAT payable on an insurance payout, but I agree that’s what she seemed to say.

    I don’t think Carla was best pleased that Tony invited Liam and Maria for dinner – it didn’t look like that was a pre-planned thing. Also, I got some weird vibe from Tony’s discussion with Jason about Becky. Why should he care who Jason goes out with? He’s got something up his sleeve.

  4. Gayle says:

    Kunzie, brilliant update, love the Pillsbury Doughboy!

    Glacia, I agree with you the scene between Paul and Leeanne was painful to watch. The actor who plays Paul is just horrible.

    I also wonder about the highschool antics between Becky and Jason they’ve gotten together in the past have they not? Becky isn’t usually backward about coming forward.

    I feel sorry for the mysterious Ted imagine discovering Gail is your daughter ugh!

  5. papasmurf1964 says:

    I seem to recall Leanne wondering how they were going to pay the VAT before she came up with the great idea to torch the place

  6. MarkD says:

    I though she said VAT man. As for fathers not having rights in the eyes of the mothers; the show does a good job of mirroring society. But I’m not bitter. 🙂

  7. kunzie says:

    yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, VAT Man. Marcus won’t care that I’m deaf. And female.

  8. haili says:

    Audrey was a silly teenager ate the time and mourning the loss of Stephen, having been forced to give him up for adoption. I think we should cut her some slack since she was probably afraid of being trapped in a relationship with Gail’s dad. We don’t know yet what this Ted was like but it should be interesting to find out. At least Ted was spared having to deal with those grandkids!

    Back in the days when Gail was born it was common for men to take off and leave families behind so I suppose it seemed OK for the moms to leave the dads out of things.

    The idiot Paul really flipped out and if this goes on, he’ll be in jail and Jack will never see his money again.

  9. MarkD says:

    Jack will never see his money again anyway! I agree that doughboy is an idiot. I feel sorry for the unknown Ted, so far at least, but then again maybe his genetics are partly responsible for gails rat face and all the shenanigans of that family!

  10. Barbie says:

    How come Ted calls the day after Gail’s 50th if he never knew of her existance? Perhaps just another Corrie coincidence.
    I wonder if Paul is on his way out?
    Seems to me that the majority of characters turn “bad” before they are written out of the show.

  11. glacia says:

    My issue with Audrey is not her actions back in the day…it’s the fact that she’s humming and hawing about letting Ted know that he has a daughter.

    I think I’d CERTAINLY want to know if I had a child.

    I think she’s morally obligated to tell Ted.

  12. missusmac says:

    Well, if Gail were my daughter, why would I inflict that on anyone else…the humanity!

    Perhaps the Becky/Jason stumbling is to show that this time, this is for ‘real’, rather than the IhateSarah sex that happened last time?

    Paul’s acting was, um, yeah, ewwww. I felt I was witnessing not so much the desperate act of one man, but the desperate acting of one man.
    Methinks he’s history. The crew had to be shoving their fists in their mouths to keep from crying out.

  13. MarkD says:

    I agree with missusmac on the Jason/Becky thing. You know they are just gonna get hot and heavy in time for whiny Sarah to return.

    Paulsbury doughboy leaving?? I hope so. He can’t act for sure! And he is no eye candy. Not like the sexy Tony Gordon!!!

    Audrey won’t tell Gail, but Gail will find out and of course blame herself for being rat faced and unlovable.

    I really can’t stand her, almost as much as I can’t stand Sally Webster.

    Kirk’s new love will be an interesting addition. I bet she will be a freakshow.

  14. Emily says:

    Biology 101 & “E-Ted”… hilarious.

    I know they are only a year apart (?) but to me Gail looks a LOT older than Stephen.

  15. beanie says:

    I have to agree that Paul is on his way out. PLEASE let it be soon. The clever writers have often changed my mind about many characters but nothing could make me warm up to Paul. In addition to the worse acting ever, I can’t look at him without seeing that weird Doughboy mouth thing.
    Thanks once again Kunzie! Nice to hear from you Mark!

  16. debbie says:

    So, how many other people watched that Leanne and Paul scene and cringed through Lean’s “acting.”

    And, who else head the “I’ve got nothing else to live for” line and thought “really, really, Leanne was all you had to life for? REALLY?”

  17. MarkD says:

    Ha ha ha. I did. If she was all I had to live for, well I’d off myself out of sheer disgust at that fact! Can anyone tell that I’m not working very hard today? Thanks for the great update, btw.

  18. fondue123 says:

    Loved St George and the kebab, in the show, and your photoshopped depiction, kunzie!!! Great update, thanks!

    And I could not believe Leanne’s “laugh”, that was so over the top…neither she nor Pillsbury Boy can act their way out of a paper bag, imo, and that scene proved it.

  19. haili says:

    Much as so many are hating Leanne, Sal and Gail – they are so much better to watch than Michelle and her misery over the boys. I wanted to like Paul but it does look like he’s turning bad/crazy and that usually means goodbye to the street. I find Leanne an interesting character and always hope she succeeds; she has my sympathy for being Les’s daughter.

  20. pip says:

    It will be a relief if Paul goes. Then Molly and Tyrone can settle down and make a baby (it will be a girl, and its middle name will be ‘Vera’), and Jack can stay on with them as honorary grandpa, and then maybe, for a brief while, there will be one perfectly normal family on the street, in scenes that will warm our heart.

    Much as I like Becky, I think she’s too strong for Jason. He is so easily led that he won’t be able to talk her out of some of her crazy ideas.

  21. corrierules says:

    Missumac, you asked: “Well, if Gail were my daughter, why would I inflict that on anyone else…!” I have another question.. Well, if David were my grandson, why would I inflict that on anyone else? Admit it, it would be too cruel. And Sarah and Bethany? I think Audreh is being kind, because Gail et al is not what I’d call a great package.

    The actor — and I use that term loosely — who plays Paul is not unattractive. Not a sex god like R’Steve, mind you, but cute in an emasculated little boy kind of way.

  22. pip says:

    Steve is a ‘sex god’? :0

    There’s something about Paul that’s a tad creepy, just as there was something a tad creepy about John Stape. That vision of him in his superhero boxers didn’t help, either.

  23. Gayle says:

    Right now I think Marcus is the sexiest guy on the street. I used to fancy Liam but as gorgeous as he is…not a lot of personality. Whereas Marcus is intelligent, kind and I love the way he dresses.

  24. corrierules says:

    I found the banter at the Rovers with Liam, Maria and Marcus awkward, to say the least. Marcus is openly gay, so it was rather weird that Liam accused him of trying to pull Maria. I guess that’s the punchline, he’s gay get it?!? but I did not find it funny at all.

    Which is not to say that Marcus and Liam are not lovely. They are — very much so.

    But Paul, not so much.

  25. Yanyan says:

    Oy, Corrierules – hands off R Steve!

  26. glacia says:

    I’m kind of digging Harry.

  27. corrierules says:

    Yanyan, I will take that under advisement. 🙂
    Glacia, I agree. Mason pere is very diggable. Smart, funny and love those velvet lapels!

  28. Piper says:

    I watch on Sundays so maybe we have already seen Kirk’s new girlfriend – but I have a feeling she is going to be just like Fizz.

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