It’s St. George Day (Apr. 23rd) on the street, a National Holiday in a number of countries. St. George, (d. circa 303) a chief military Saint, is also the patron Saint of the boy scouts. Both Miguel de Cervantes and Shakespeare died on this day.
Fiz is hustling Chesney off to school and herself off to work, in order to avoid Kirk’s return home. This is unsuccessful; Kirk returns tanned with a red nose and a shirt stolen from Dog the Bounty Hunter. Chez presents Kirk with the candy he has gotten for him. Kirk has a surprise of his own; he has brought both Chez and Fiz a credit-card-shaped Swiss Army tool thing-y. Before parting, Kirk intimates to Fiz that he has “loads to talk about” later.
Leanne bounces into the bookies’, waving her insurance letter which promises a hefty cheque to arrive the following day. Leanne says she has to “pay off the fat man” first…I inferred that she meant Paul (I would have drawn the line at chunky…) …but then she adds that she will also pay her former partner.
Audrey & Bill check in on Gail who is doing “as well as can be expected” she tells them, in her stoic, sucky, oedipal way. Audrey, by the way, is totally addled and paying no attention. Bill puts it down to dementia. We know better – it’s preoccupation with the phone message she has received from Gail’s father.
In the bookies’, Harry’s on the phone geting an earfull from an ex who thinks he has a load of money “salted away”. Dan hopes for a resolution that spells the end of his dad as flatmate. Leanne suggests that she and Dan rent together. He looks mighty interested. Harry hangs up, urges them never to marry….but all the same, can’t hide a grin of joy that Dan, his white shoes and pimpy coffee table might move out of the flat.
“You look as bad as I feel,” comments Jack to Paul, who’s emerged from his pit after a long night of frying and crying. Jack suggests that Pillsbury Sadness start up a resto of his own and pay Jack back in installments. But no, Paul insists that paying Jack is priority.
Jason saunters across the road toward Roy’s with another shop’s second-rate crappy butty because he’s banned. Becky pokes fun at him; Jason hedges around asking Becky for a second drink (‘kay, help me out here…what’s with all the shyness, zipper eating and high-school stuff after playing hide-the-sausage?)
In the salon, Maria notices that Audrey is preoccupied. Rita comes in to chat about Ted. Maria assumes Audrey is having an affair and wants the dish.
Paul is still at home when Molly comes in…he reminisces about how happy he was to go to Valandro’s each day…his poignant description of the breakup of the “partnership” has Molly’s nickels dropping. OMG. Paul’s in love with Leanne! Tyrone interrupts, fetching his jumper.
Jerry has devised a St. George Day special….owing to the fact that (as Jerry writes history) the Crusader knights main form of meal prep was roasting meat hunks on their swords over an open fire, hence kebabs. He makes a convincing sale to Chez and Kirk, in lieu of school dinner. Fiz catches them at it; Kirk drops more hints that he needs to chat.
Audrey and Rita are cozied up in Roy’s, rehashing Audrey’s misspent youth. Audrey, apparently, had Stephen at 17, her dad forced her to give him up and she hatched a plan…if she were to get married and have another kid, her dad would “let her” have her son back. So, she got pregnant deliberately…but then looked again at Ted and went, ….naaaaah. Rita wants to know next steps…Audrey isn’t interested in any.
Maria has dropped in to Dev’s to buy some fruit. Being in the family way, she asks about Sunita and the twins. Dev, evidently done pining, says his twins are 2 1/4 now. Fiz enters, explains to Maria how much she is dreading “the talk”…
Tony has asked Jason up to Carla’s pad to hang up a big, gold-framed mirror…and does some fishing about Becky. He basically tells Jason that Becky is dog-rough, even for him. Carla returns, finding it highly amusing that Eyeball Gordon can’t put up a mirror on his own.
In the Rovers, Marcus tells Maria that she is looking lovely…she asks if he has a fetish for size 28 women. Liam asks if Marcus is trying to pull his bird. Kunzie points out to Marcus that Maria’s curves are temporary but that Kunzie will likely be a size 28 for-evah!
Audrey confides in Maria about E. Ted.
Tyrone drops into Dev’s…Molly spills that she thinks Pillsbury Paul is mourning more than the loss of a kitchen. Molly feels sorry for him…and wonders if perhaps they can extend Paul’s tenancy? Tyrone is not overly-moved by the story nor overly-inclined to help.
Kirk, in his cool Cyprian-Hawaiian shirt tries to work up to The Big Chat with small talk as Fiz returns home…Fiz can’t stand the suspense, jumps the gun and says gently that, sorry, there is no way they’re getting back together. Kirk looks baffled. “Why would I want to get back with you?” he asks. He reveals that he has met someone on holiday. He is in love with a girl called Julie that works in a distribution centre. Although her career seems overly-complex to Kirk, he’s seeing his new flame the following day. Fiz is thrilled and relieved.
Marcus wonders if Liam was serious or winding him up about pulling his bird, Maria. Liam returns to the Rovers’, having gotten something to cheer Maria up – a teeny-tiny Man. City kit (soccer outfit) for his baby. What if it’s a girl? Maria asks. Carla says such toggery is cruelty to children. Tony asks the couple to dinner Friday – his last night before leaving for China. I must admit he’s growing on me.
Leanne arrives at the Old Rectory to give Paul the good news about the insurance payout. They have a short, awkward exchange, after which Leanne should have left. Buuuuut…she goes on to poke the bear by saying, ” I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us”. Since the pathetic truth is there never was a ghost of a chance of an “us”…Paul snaps…Furious, he now he wants all the money to compensate for his broken heart.. Leanne does a really, really bad female-villiain laugh. A screaming match ensures in the hall….”You give me all of it!” he growls, “or I’ll go to the police. I have nothing else to live for!”