Update For Thursday: Bits in a Mangle


What got me into this mess?

What got me into this mess?

“How Come Guilt Only Ever Wins Out The Morning After, Not The Night Before?”

Liam – looking mighty fine to compensate for being as dense as day-old oatmeal – emerges from Carla’s lair looking shell-shocked. She comes out moments later, wearing his shirt. He mutters something about “one of them should go open the factory.”  Teasing him, she accuses him of sneaking out, as if nothing happened. He assures her that he remembers it all, but is flinchy and uninterested. “How come guilt only ever wins out the morning after, not the night before?” Carla muses.

Liam and Carla pull up to the factory, as Maria is walking toward them. “What will I tell her?” Liam asks Carla. Do not worry son. You sack of lies is deep and will provide. He tells Maria that they had a “breakfast meeting”. Remind me to invite Mr. Kunzie to a “breakfast meeting”…Maria has stayed over at Fiz’s, and wants to go and register the baby’s death, with Liam. Liam complies. 

They drive off in the noisy, noisy car to the registry office. Upon returning, they both say they are sorry. Liam wishes he could rewind three months. He returns to spend the day at work with Carla.

That evening, the factory is closing, dark except for the computer screens. Liam sits in flummoxed silence, unsure what to do. Carla enters, asking what the plan is. “I should just stay here all night,” Liam thinks. He seems touched by Maria’s strength that day, ironic in that he was repulsed whenever she needed any affection or cried. Dork. Carla offers him a set of keys, but says she’s not about to wait around convincing Liam that Maria is wrong for him and she herself is right. Carla!! Did you not take notes? Your chief virtues, in no particular order are boots, hair, clothes and red lippy) She presses the keys into his hands with a screen-burning kiss….confirming for me, once again, that Maria and Liam together are about as sexy as my fuzzy lounge pyjama set, sans bra.

“How Much Do Things Cost In a Pound Shop?”

Gail calls in sick to spend some time with Ted, who is apparently stopping over for a bit. She offers an assortment of breakfast choices. Tina comes downstairs in some smart, striped pj’s and also books off work…she needs a break from shoppers asking her “how much items cost in the pound shop.” Gail wants Tina to ring her mom, or at least provide the number.

Some time later, Gail rings Mrs. MacIntyre…who doesn’t know who she is. And doesn’t know who David is. And doesn’t care where Tina is, or so it would seem. Gail offers her their address and hangs up. Tina is worried that her mom bit Gail’s head off. The subject of Tina’s visit is raised; Gail suggests they play it by ear how long she will stay.

Ted has brought some family pictures to share with Gail. Even Tina is interested. At that point a 40-year-old version of Tina storms into the house, yelling. “Could we at least introduce ourselves, before shouting?” Ted inquires. Tina reluctantly introduces her mother, Anna.

Gail serves coffee before Tina and her mom continue sniping at each other. Anna accuses Tina of being a lippy brat, and Tina fires back that Anna is a self-occupied, uncaring mother. Anna is less than thrilled that Tina has taken up with a criminal. “Excuse me?” from Gail. Ted notes that Tina’s supporting Gail is an indication of Tina’s good character. Anna accuses Tina of “mixing with a bad lot,” apparently unaware that she is being continuously offensive to the person currently hosting her. 

To prove her point that Anna is uncaring and unaware, Tina throws in that her mother “never knew her daughter was pregnant, and had to get rid.” Anna bolts from her chair, shouting ensues, but Gail takes charge. She orders Tina upstairs, Ted to accompany her, and Anna to leave. “This is none of your business,” Anna snaps. “It is, under my roof,” Gail finishes up and everyone is sorted. At that moment, I loved Gail, and it wasn’t her boots OR her lippy.

After Anna’s departure, Tina wants to know if Gail is mad at her for hiding the facts from her mom. Gail says she isn’t sure what she expected, really. Ted points out that Anna was, of course, shocked, and might calm down later. Tina is doubtful. Gail turns to her father. “Aren’t you glad you dropped in?” she asks. Ted says that he is very proud of his child.

“Let Your Auntie Julie Look at You.”

Over at Kirk and Chesney’s, the general consensus is that Chez looks (more) pasty and unwell (than he usually does). Fiz is mega-annoyed by Julie’s well-intentioned fussing, which continues out into the street as they all prepare to leave. “Let Auntie Julie look at you,” she urges Chesney. Fiz tells her to give over and stop pawing at him. In parting, Fiz tells Julie that Kirk’s laundered socks and undies are on his bed, and perhaps in future she would like to add that task to her list, seeing as she likes to take care of people. 

At lunch, Julie has made Chesney some chicken soup, which he doesn’t want. She bustles around the house in her apron. Fiz returns home and is defensive and snotty with Julie, accusing her of interfering.

I admit I am a bit befuddled by Fiz’s hostility toward Julie; didn’t she want, precisely, for Kirk to get off her back, for some help and support with Chez, and a chance to have a life? Give your plastic headband a shake!!

Maria comes in, and asks Fiz to take a walk. Maria is saddened by the entire turn of events in her life. Fiz is convinced there is still hope, if Liam and Maria love one another. Kirk happens by; Fiz tells him to hurry home as Julie is trying to adopt Chesney. “Why would she do that?” he asks sincerely, “He lives with us!” Fiz sighs, “if only everything were that simple.” Even Maria has to laugh at this crack about her brother.

“Introducing Your Bits Into A Mangle”

Leanne shows up at the Rovers to check her rota, before opening. She hedges around asking if Michelle will be okay with her on staff, if there might be friction. (I’m not missing anything, right? This is due to the Paul Connor – Leanne debacle..she hasn’t slept with Alex or anything?) 

At the bookies’, Dan has taken a message for Harry, from one of his exes, Clarissa. Her intent, apparently, is to “introduce Harry’s bits into a mangle.” 

Later, Leanne and Betty chat while pulling pints. Liz is apparently morose, which Betty has noticed. “Pining over Vern,” Steve suggests. No one is convinced. Harry pops in for a double, trying to unmangle his bits. Liz perks up, and begins circling like a cougar in plastic earrings. Betty reminds them both that Liz is a married woman. I remind the reader that Liz’s definition of a “bit of fun” is stalking and shagging people who are not her husband. Cow.


About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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11 Responses to Update For Thursday: Bits in a Mangle

  1. missusmac says:

    I too, am notliking Julie. She’s like a Stepford wife, with less common sense. I know she’s trying to be nice, and trying to fit in, but she’s trying to do both too quick and too frenzied and too much.

    I don’t think Fizz minds Kirk with a girlfriend, she minds THIS girlfriend.

  2. Modge says:

    I have to admit, Lee-ummmmm was scoring high on the shaggability scale when he first showed up at Carla’s, all wet and quiet…he wouldn’t be wearing one of his stupid t-shirts in bed and if he promised not to talk, well even I would do him, which is pretty icky seeing as I’m old enough to be his mother. Then he got nasty. Uh, bye-bye!
    Carla, although predatory, is mature and self-assured. Maria is not. In comparison, she comes off as a whiney little girl…Lee-um and Carla have great chemistry, Maria & Lee-umm do not. Maria should cut her losses, move back to the salon flat and take Fizz with her, before there’s another cat-fight on the street, this time between Fizz & Julie, who I liked at first but now I’m not so sure. Thanks for the great update, Kunzie.

  3. haili says:

    Liam is a lout with his women – insensitive, self-absorbed – but I’ve probably mentioned that before. He and Carla deserve each other so they should get on with it and let Maria get on with her life. I agree that Fizz and Maria should get back to the salon flat – before Marcus and Sean decide to take it.

    The next cat fight could be between Sally and Claire if this house thing doesn’t work out.

    Sometimes I like Tina and sometimes she acts like a spoiled brat. I was cheering for Gail for once when she cleared everybody out, including Tina’s mom.

  4. glacia says:

    I like how Ted and Tina make Gail a more likeable person. If the three of them set up shop in the house, I’d be happy….very happy.

    Okay, you know what pisses me off about Liam? Was his comment about how Carla’s lipstick and boots destroyed his marriage. Does anyone else smell the stink of, ‘Wearing a short skirt is just asking for it.’ philosophy.

  5. TrudyC says:

    I liked Julie in the beginning – but after her wailing at the funeral, turned me off. I didn’t get why she did that and trying to give Chesney warm brandy and water.

  6. haili says:

    So if Maria had worn more lipstick, boots and dyed her hair black the marriage would have been saved? Carla did throw herself at Liam but he had a choice and he’s made it.

    Julie’s wailing really put me off her but I think the whiskey and hot water is her treatment for colds and sore throats – though probably not appropriate for a kid Chesney’s age. I’d like to know more about those living arrangements. Did she get rid of her home? Has she moved in for good? We don’t have much background.

  7. lovethestreet says:

    Hot water and whiskey with lemon and a bit of simple syrup is miles better than Neo Citron. Although, as others have pointed out, probably not for someone Chesney’s age.

  8. fondue123 says:

    I too thought Liam’s remark about the homewrecking boots and the lipstick was an attempt to transfer guilt and responsibility…to Carla. On the other hand, I also saw it as his last ditch effort to remain faithful, by trivializing the temptation. Does that make sense to anyone?

  9. tanzie says:

    I”m really liking Ted..hope he stays for awhile. As for Julie, I guess the street needs another “over the top” character..I’m sure she’ll find her niche. I don’t think she lives with Kirk and Ches..Fizz had made reference to why is she there etc. Fizz is also still doing Kirkeh’s laundry.

  10. corrierules says:

    Liam is dead to me now. I hate him with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. I had such high hopes for him… so cute, so affable. And now just a cheating cad, “thinking” with his nether regions

    It really bothers me that he has dumped blame on Maria. Her behavior has been less than stellar, but it can be excused by the fact that she received some shocking, horrible news … ie her baby, not yet born, is dead. and then going through a painful experience. ie going through labor to deliver a dead child. I have no hope for their marriage… they are both stuck in the rut of “my pain is worse than your pain.” Oh and the sleeping with Carla doesn’t help matters.

  11. haili says:

    I’m getting so I can’t stand Liam either. It’s because of the nasty way he talks to Maria with no regard to her feelings and what she’s going through. He can be nasty to Carla too but Carla is very pushy. Anyway, he’s a lout. He chose Carla and he should stick to that – but probably won’t.

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