Theresa Morton has decided the kids will stay home for some quality time, by which she means as soon as Mel’s out the door, she’s in the bar getting drunk while Kayleigh and Findlay fend for themselves.
Lloyd finds Findlay in the smoker’s shelter, playing a video game. He joins him for a spell when Theresa joins them. She recognises Lloyd from his days at a rough pub they both use to hang out in and, although they disagree on the time frame, they both remember they may have had a one night stand (*shudder*). When he tells her he owns a cab firm and Findlay refers to Lloyd as “Uncle Lloyd”, the wheels start turning in her head.
Later, she convinces him that Findlay is the result of their dalliance. I know we’ve been joking about the resemblance between the two for months now, but let’s be clear: Theresa’s making this shit up.
Meanwhile, Norris has agreed to help out Darryl in the kebab shop. Because he is losing his mind, Darryl takes a page from Tom Hanks in that movie and draws a face on the kebab spit and starts talking to it. Anyway, Norris learns that kebab meat is reconstituted lamb although he can’t imagine that meat once upon a time gamboling through a field of daffidils.
Meanwhile with Jason and Becky, the latter is becoming super-super-clingy with the former, who offered to bring her toast in bed. The closest she’s had to breakfast in bed was an egg McMuffin in a doorway when she was living on the streets.
Jason, however, is suddenly reminded that he’s still married when Gail sees him with Becky hanging off him and coldly reminds him of Bethany’s birthday and that he’ll have to get a package in the post by tomorrow if he wants it to get to her in time.
Jason isn’t as into the relationship as Becky is these days.
Vern is back from his cruise, thus postponing Liz and Harry’s affair, which is seeming more and more like a certainty.
Dan, Dan the Star Trek Fan, is still gloating over his win over Steve, who is wondering somehow if Dan cheated.
Fizz does want Kirk to encourage Chesney too much, worrying that Kayleigh may let him down but it looks like our Ches is five minutes away from walking around with his Trapper Keeper strategically placed in front of him.