Steve vs. Dan: The Epic Battle Continues
We’ve reached the “The Two Towers” stage of the Tolkeinesque saga of the Landlord vs. the Bookie. I think Debbie had the right idea in last night’s update and was wise to summon it up thusly:
DAN: Gimme back my phone!
STEVE: Not until you pay for my car what you scratched!
DAN: I didn’t scratch your car.
STEVE: Did too!
DAN: Did not!
VERN: You tell ’em, Steve.
MICHELLE: Oh, Steve, you’re an idiot.
HARRY: Steve, I’ll pay for the damages. Let this go.
STEVE: You suck as a dad.
HARRY: I’m older and wiser than you so I’ll let that go but seriously, give it up.
DAN: Give me back my phone.
STEVE: Come and get it.
DAN: I’ll just grab it real quickly. Sorry! I didn’t mean to punch you in the face!
STEVE: Go chase it down the cellar.
DAN: You suck but I’ll go anyway.
STEVE: Here’s a bag of chips. I’m locking you in for the night!
DAN: Let me out! I hurt myself!
STEVE: Ha! Ha! Ha! No.
Girls Night Out
After being invited out separately by new bezzie mate Leanne and Carla, Michelle decides all three should hit the town. When they arrive at the bar, Leanne tries to tell Carla that she never slept with Paul back in her sex worker days. Carla doesn’t believe her and calls her a whore to which Leanne replies, “Golddigger” .
Michelle gets more drinks and bores Leanne and Carla with her “Oh, men! Can’t live with ’em. Can’t live without ’em” spiel. Detente is reached between Leanne and Carla when they both point out that the guy Michelle claims fancies her is gay.
Carla arrives home to find Tony Gordon unexpectedly returned from China with not so much as a “Trip cut short. See You Tuesday.” text sent to her mobile. He’s in a wheelchair, thanks to a motorcycling accident. He’s also strangely suspicious of her girl’s night out and thinks he should hire someone to keep tabs on her.
And Now I Have the Theme to the A-Team Stuck in My Head
Taking Ken and Roy’s advice about mutual respect in a completely weird direction, Becky shows up at Jason’s doorstep. Despite previously enjoying a few cans of lager and some sitcom, he claims to have a headache.
Becky offers to cure it but flinging off her big black overcoat to reveal her hot pink underwears. Jason doesn’t have the “back off” talk with her and they end up passed out on top of each other on the chesterfield.
Eileen arrives home to see this scene and quotes the A-Team’s John “Hannibal” Smith: “I love it when a plan comes together.”
In Other News
Audrey puts the brakes on any future employment for David and Tina at her shop and makes the case that he needs to make it in the real world. Gail, as usual, comes to his defense and asks Audrey to leave her house, even if David is more understanding about it.
Audrey leaves but on her way out, adds that she has a little more perspective about things and soon enough, Gail will agree with her, also adding “mmmmm?” which I love.
Edited to add:
Ashley and Claire go back to Kevin and Sally and ask for the original deal of £25000 to swap houses. It’s agreed and the house swap is back on.