Update for Hump Day, Apr. 1: Chicken and Cigarettes

One happy organic chicken equals two packs of fags. Okay it's a turkey.

One happy organic chicken equals two packs of fags. Okay it's a turkey.


 Michelle ‘n’ Steve ‘n’ Becky ‘n’ Jason:

Steve has made Michelle a full english breakfast – she thinks it’s nice but would have settled for Cocoa Puffs. She finally asks Steve to give the Stepford Wife routine a rest. She misunderstands his attentions and assumes it’s misdirected worry over Dan, never guessing the truth – that he slipped and fell into Becky.

In the Caf, Becky is whinging to Lloyd that Roy’s green-a-topia comes at a cost: rather than getting a 2.99 chicken at Freshco’s, Roy insists on organic chickens for 12 quid a pop. Roy points out that organic chickens live in comfortable, spacious surroundings. Becky grumbles that’s more than she’s ever had, and that an organic chicken costs the same as two packs of fags. Jason comes in and Becky does a fine job of swerving him. Jason returns for round two; apparently fascinated that Becky wants nothing to do with him. She remind him “It was fun while it lasted, but that’s all, right?” Jason is puzzled that she could blow so hot and cold. “I thought you were into me,” he tells her. She puts a brave face on until he leaves, then looks somewhat sad.

Leanne arrives at the Rovers for work – and is snippy when asked how Dan is. Lloyd wants to know if people need a spleen. Michelle and Steve reassure Leanne that Steve would never have left Dan in the cellar, hurt. Leanne stops short of admitting she sees their point, but tells Steve to sort out his own pissing contest with Dan. Later, Leanne whispers to Janice that she’s not convinced she has the full story from Dan regarding the incident.

Steve and Lloyd are commiserating at a table, and have an entire conversation with their hands on their faces. Steve is concerned about information leakage via Becky. Lloyd thinks Finlay is a sweet kid and wants to get him something. Steve offers to sell him some of Ryan’s old video games, to get Ryan some pocket money.

Dan and Harry talk at their flat. Harry is reasonably sure that Dan’s story isn’t true, and he urges Dan to put a stop to the proceedings.

Michelle fills returning vacationers Maria and Liam in on the Steve fiasco. Leanne thinks the extended Connors are closing ranks, as usual. Michelle appeals to her to have a word with Dan. Steve picks this moment to bounce out of the back yapping about selling computer games. Michelle tells him to give his head a shake, and that he’s acting weird.

Harry finds Steve on his doorstep. He tells Harry, once again, that he would never intentionally have harmed Dan. Harry says he’s heard it all before, from both sides, and that his son nearly died…but he does take some pity on Steve and finally says, “Leave it with me.”

Janis and Roger begin a game of darts. Jan says that Roger and Ken’s talk is boring. Steve tells Michelle that Harry’s agreed to help, perhaps. Becky comes in and Steve doesn’t hear Michelle’s question as he gawps at her. Jason follows Becky in. Becky joins Roger & Janice’s dart match. The dart game proceeds along merrily, while Jason sulks. “Any action from the bunny-boiler?” Lloyd wants to know. (I think he’s stuck on a previous version of Becky, and can’t see the improvements.) When asked, Jason tell Steve and Lloyd that Becky’s not talking to him.

Maria ‘n’ Liam ‘n’ Carla ‘n’ Tony

Liam and Maria have returned home, renewed, refreshed and rested. Liam asks Maria if she’s glad to be back – she replies she would’ve stayed another fortnight. Once they get settled, Maria begins doing laundry. She’s hungry and wants to go to the pub for a bite. Liam offers her back her wedding ring, and suggests they make it “happily ever after”. The reunited couple intends to try for another baby.

Carla and Tony are out for a stroll. Tony notices Liam’s car is back and wonders if they should say ‘hello’. Carla snorts, “Coffee and bikkies with little Miss Muffett or a large v&t at the Rovers? What kind of choice is that?”

Maria and Liam wander into the pub. Carla is frosty and snotty, jealous of the relaxed and happy pair. Carla accuses Liam of being useless at the factory. Later, Liam corners Carla in the hallway. He wants to make sure she won’t blab about pink-bathrobe night. And what followed. She tells him not to flatter himself – he wasn’t that memorable. He shares that they are trying for another baby. Carla says she couldn’t give a toss, and to leave her out of it.

Tony & Carla take a table. Liam offers to take Maria to Cheshire for a nice lunch. “The thrills never end,” Carla comments. Carla accuses Maria of pounding back her spritzers like a little Amy Winehouse. Tony goes to the loo and Maria gets in drinks. Once they are alone again, Liam tells Carla to pack in her mouthy remarks. “We’ve got to work together,” he reminds her. “This is the end,” Carla announces. She wants Liam to sell his share of the factory to Tony in exchange for her silence. She wants Liam out of her life. For good.

Deirdre ‘n’ Ken ‘n’ Roger

Ken and Deirdre enter Roy’s for take-away coffees, as they’re planning to take Eccles for a long walk. They ask after Hayley’s adventures in Mozambique. Ken gets a 10% staff discount on his coffee.

As Deirdre and Ken are returning from this walk, Blanche rings Deirdre’s mobile – she’s pissed off to be served pasties for Sunday dinner. Ken offers to go get a 2.99 chicken at Freshco’s. But he says this while eyeing Roger entering the Rovers. The bromance continues.

Deirdre comes into the Rovers, after waiting an hour for Ken, and asks Leanne for a chicken. Because, of course Kenneth is standing there bending his elbow, and not out buying a chicken. Busted.

Back at home, Deirdre is pissed that she was excluded from the drink and spent all afternoon peeling vegetables and listening to Blanche. She says Ken would rather spend Sunday with his new bezzy mate, Roger. Ken goes for man-points and offers to do anything she likes. Dierdre picks Jenga.


About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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12 Responses to Update for Hump Day, Apr. 1: Chicken and Cigarettes

  1. Modge says:

    Looks like somebody sneaked in and changed Liam’s ugly wallpaper to even uglier wallpaper while they were gone. Suspect it was the same perp that moved the Peacock’s stairway.

    I forgot how much I enjoyed Carla’s sniping at Maria. Little Amy Winehouse indeed.

  2. glacia says:

    John! Did you get the Cranford DVD comment?

  3. Barbie says:

    What happened to the Conner cousin? He came in the pub the other day, got a kiss from Michelle and promptly disappeared. Deirdre is sure being a bitch lately, she’s acting more like Janice than herself with all that sniping at people. And, I think Carla is right, it makes perfect sense for Liam to sell.

  4. John says:

    Glacia – yup. That was awesome.

  5. glacia says:

    Even if Dan does fess up that Steve didn’t know he was hurt…isn’t holding someone against their will (saaaaay in a cellar overnight) kind of a crime? Or is it up to Dan to press charges?

  6. lovethestreet says:

    Wouldn’t it be up to Dan to press charges? He’s holding all the card either way.

    If all Deidre wants from Ken is a game of Jenga it’s no wonder they spend so much time at the pub.

  7. papasmurf1964 says:

    Deirdre’s voice sounds like she is smoking two packs and drinking a bottle of whiskey every day.

    Before breakfast.

    I thought cousin Tom Connor was there to fix Carla’s computer. Or something.

  8. haili says:

    Liam’s wallpaper is even uglier than Vera’s; it must be the ugliest, worst colour I’ve seen! Yuk. It kind of cuts both ways: if Carla can tell Maria, then Liam can tell Tony, and Tony doesn’t seem like an easy-going, forgiving kind of person. I hope he calls her bluff. Also, Tony would try to run things and Carla would not like that.

    Deirdre has turned into Blanche. Maybe Ken should run back to his ex again. She must be a real bore to live with.

  9. Debbie says:

    “I thought cousin Tom Connor was there to fix Carla’s computer. Or something.”

    Is that what the kids are calling it?

    Liam should either sell his share of the factory, or hire someone to run it while he does something else. It isn’t worth the grief.

  10. Debbie says:

    “I thought cousin Tom Connor was there to fix Carla’s computer. Or something.”

    Is that what the kids are calling it?

    Liam should either sell his share of the factory, or hire someone to run it while he does something else. It isn’t worth the grief.

  11. haili says:

    On the other hand, Liam was there first. Carla only took over when Paul died, though she butted in as much as she could before that, hiring low-payed immigrants who she almost worked to death. Oh, one did die and she covered it up. Maybe Liam has some ammunition too. He had a point when he said that he and Paul had worked hard to get the factory.

  12. papasmurf1964 says:

    Hey Deb – can you lend a hand? I need some help fixing my computer…

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