Update for Wednesday, Apr. 22: Heroes Abound




Morning. The girls are on the cobbles. They can’t work as the factory’s not yet open so begin harassing Kevin so he can’t work, either. Tony & Carla show up late. Janis grouses, “When yer ready,” at them. She calls Tony a pillock under her breath. Sally defends Tony because he’s bought the Websters a drink the previous evening, simply because Sally is fabulous. Obviously.

Later on, Tony runs into Sally in the factory kitchenette. Sally is all smirky-smirky because she is fabulous. Tony intimates that he and Kevin are in negotiations. He casually slips to Sal the details of the deal. Sally pretends she’s in the loop…she immediately sees dollar signs. Now that the Pandora’s box of upward mobility has been opened, Tony is sure Sally will hound Kevin to concede.

Kevin and Tyrone banter about footy while fixing cars. Sally comes by to talk to Kevin and Tyrone goes for cakes. Sally asks Kevin why he didn’t bring the deal up – she feels it should’ve been discussed. Sally’s nickel drops and she realizes that it’s Kevin Tony was buttering up and she is no more fabulous than yesterday. She thinks the deal is worth considering though, and chides Kevin for immediately knocking back something that would improve their social status. And she’s pissed because she had to hear it from Tony.

Tony is in the factory office on the phone, arranging for a valuator to come to the garage. Carla and Tony carefully avoid having this convo in front of Rosie. But Rosie overhears Carla warn Tony that the last person who messed with Kevin Webster ended up in hospital. (Pleeze…oh pleez push him too far, Tony….)

Outside, Kevin takes off in his big yellow Thomas the Tonka Truck. Immediately, Tony and a pinstriped valuator descend on Tyrone, implying that Kevin gave them permission to measure up the garage, Tyrone reluctantly lets them in, believing Kev gave his okay. Thy barge into Websters and begin measuring.

Kevin returns and is enraged to find Eyeball eyeballing his property “What the hell are you playing at?” he snaps. Tony calmly and condescendingly explains that he wants to get some proper figures down on paper. Kevin quickly deduces that Tony has played both Tyrone and Sally and calls him on it.

Growing angrier, Kevin accuses Tony of sneaking around behind his back. He says he’ll throw Tony right off his property. Tony smarms that he’d get in trouble with the cops. The fracas has attracted an audience as the girls stumble back from a liquid lunch to sew their fingers to their g-strings. Tony is confident that the right price will budge Kevin and says so. Kevin hollas that he doesn’t want Eyeball “anywhere near him, his wife or his mates and feck off, end of!” 

“Too good for you, ‘im” is Janis’ appraisal, to Sally.

Tony stocks stiffly off, threatening to dock their wages if the drunk sewing clique doesn’t return to work to fall down the stairs or sommat.

“Sorry pal,” Kev says to Tyrone. “Shut him up, eh?” Tyrone grins.


Maria emerges from the salon to see Liam accepting delivery of his powda-blue jukebox. He wants to know if he should file his New Order records with the  Joy Division records or stick to alphabetical. Maria gives him shit for not prioritizing his job-search. Apparently he has a meeting with cousin Tom.

Later, Liam and Tom are playing Risk and drinking beer. Maria comes in with dinner, plops their sandwiches down and leaves. She is beginning to realize she has married a huge, hairy twelve-year-old. (oh, look! Carla! oh, look a shoehorn! oh, look! a jukebox!)


The girls and Sean are in the Rovers for dinner (lunch). Sean fantasizes about being a hunter-gatherer and providing for Marcus. Janis says that’s sexist. Kelly mentions it can’t be because they’re both blokes. Marcus joins them, and has been pondering courses – on offer is everything from erotic novelist to sumo wrestler. Sean is getting in yet another round. It seems getting pissed, giggling and faffing around have replaced the aftrnoon’s graft. Sean, you couldn’t hunter-gather your way out of a paper bag.

One of the courses available is Life Drawing. This was dismissed as there’s no money in it. Kelly decides she wants to be  a life drawing model. Janis says they’d need a big ol’ piece of paper to draw Kelly.

Sean is now back at work, asking for extra shifts and organizing the bills completely loaded out of his faux-hawk.


Eileen’s morning begins with Becky lounging listlessly on her couch. Eileen asks about Becky’s plans for the rest of the day. Apparently she’s getting her bits from Roy’s. Eileen wonders where these will be put, exactly.

Marcus wakes up and joins Becky on the couch. Jason grabs a piece of toast and heads off to work. “It’s one big happy family,” Sean says breezily. Eileen is wondering if her house will always be chock-a-block with the belongings, bodies and sagas of others.

Roy is on the phone to Becky, who’s coming to get her stuff. “It’s a shame Hailey isn’t here,” Ken says to Roy. Surly she would have averted the collision that has become Becky and Roy. Roy says he envies the primates, unburdened by conscience and moral dilemma. I envy Ty and Kev, discussing footy and fixing cars and eating cakes all day. Ken points out that Becky works hard, and she’s loyal.

Ken and Roy clean up as Becky comes in. Clearly, Becky and Roy wish things had turned out differently. Jason follows her in, preventing any further conversation between them.


Theresa is smoking in the Mortons’ back garden and expertly flicking her fag butts onto the neighbour’s roof. Jerry brings her out an ashtray. She suggests Jerry’s mood might be improved by a dinner in the Rover’s complete with a bitter. They agree to this, despite Mel’s protestations. 

They go to the bar where Jerry sits and savours his half-pint of bitter. He has another half-pint at Theresa’s urging. Not sure what this devious skank is up to…murder Jerry with beer or get him drunk and rob him blind?


About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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17 Responses to Update for Wednesday, Apr. 22: Heroes Abound

  1. John says:

    Awesome update and photoshop skillz as always, Kunzie.

    I think Theresa is trying to keep Jerry sick enough to need her around so she can keep living off him and the magical ATM known as his cash register. Otherwise, if she weren’t doing this, Mel would be getting him healthy and he wouldn’t need her around. She’s an expert manipulator.

    Interesting that after knowing them for all of 15 minutes, Tony knew exactly which buttons to push with the Websters.

  2. haili says:

    Thanks for the update and translations, Kunzie. I miss most of the dialogue in the Rovers since they brought in background music and long for the good old quiet days when people spoke clearly -and I wasn’t going deaf!

    Teresa must have some ulterior motive. Maybe she needs a place to stay or hide out – or maybe if Jerry snuffs it she’ll end up with the house.

    Tony must have got a pretty good clue re. the Websters after being around Sally and knowing Rosie went to private school. Some of the outfits Rosie’s been wearing are more suitable for Leanne’s old profession than the office.

  3. Tracy Emm says:

    I’m thinking that Sean is going to end up getting the sack from Underworld (is it still called Underworld?)… I thought for sure it would happen today (Thurs), given the amount of booze he guzzled at the Rovers for lunch! I can just feel the build-up that something is going to happen there… hopefully dear Marcus can survive the storm (I like him! Wish I had a friend just like him!)
    Haili — you are bang-on about Rosie’s wardrobe – horrific! Even her hair is a mess!

  4. beanie says:

    Thanks Kunzie for a hilarious summary. There’s something very strange about Tony. He is trying to control everyone and everything an it’s creepy. Loved our Kev standing up to him.

  5. corrierules says:

    I seem to be obsessed about wardrobe these days (example:Ken’s sweater), but what was that mess Rosie was wearing? Hotpants and high heels?!? Haili, you are right … she has been shopping at Tarts ‘R Us.
    Did love Tony getting his comeuppance from he-man Kevin. Janice really had the best line of the evening, telling Sally that Kevin was too good for the like of her.

  6. beanie says:

    I agree Corrierules, Janice was so deadpan but quick. LOL

  7. haili says:

    Janice isn’t all bad and she can see right through Sally.

    corriierules: LOL at Tarts ‘R’ Us. Must be where Liz shops too. That could be a good business for Liam.

  8. Gayle says:

    Corrierules, I agree completely with your comments! I said to my husband as we were watching Rosie at work, “What the hell is she wearing?” I worked as an Administrative Assistant for a number of years and certainly would have been sent home to change. But then perhaps there is no dress code, Carla was wearing jeans and Liam dressed like a highschool kid.

  9. haili says:

    Didn’t one of the bosses send Kelly home to change? I can’t remember if it was Liam or Danny.

  10. Bea says:

    Rosie used to dress nicely when she first started working. I remember her telling Amber that “A full time job is a full time fashion commitment” Now she seems to be turning into a characature. If I owned a clothing factory, I wouldn’t want Daisy Mae bringing coffee to an important client.

  11. beanie says:

    haili you’re right. I think it was Danny who sent “LEGS” home and I think it was about shoes. Does anyone remember more?

  12. haili says:

    I thought it was the short skirt but maybe the heels weren’t good for running a sewing machine.

  13. corrierules says:

    Haili — I also have trouble sometimes following the dialogue. I use the closed caption function on my TV. It helps immensely!

  14. joy says:

    I’m surprised that Carla is letting Tony do whatever he wants. I would have expected more of a power struggle from her. She doesn’t seem the type to let a man dominate her.

    What rationale was giving for Marcus suddenly ditching one of the few good jobs on the street with no plan for what he wants to do next? Did I miss something? It seemed to come out of the blue. “Oh, by the way, I’ve quit my job.”

  15. Mrs. D says:

    Joy- I was wondering about Marcus too. What the heck is he going to re-train as? Pint puller, shop clerk.

  16. haili says:

    I think Marcus was going to re-train as something better paid in the medical field. They had talked about it a couple of times and Sean encouraged him to quit and go back to school.

    Carla does seem to be letting Tony get away with a lot more than Liam did.

    Closed captions would be handy for me but the bigger TV I like to watch on doesn’t have them. When it dies, I’ll look for that feature in a replacement. The small TV upstairs has it but I like the bigger picture.

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