Sorry all, for leading you down the garden path and stating our road trip crash took place in France; as corrected, the gang did indeed make it back to Merry Old England before going off the road. That’s what I get for being a smarty-pants and trying to type sans PVR so Mr. Kunzie could watch playoff beards and exploding cars.
Knowing Me, Knowing You
Aaaaanyway…..The dust settles in the brush as the auto accident victims take stock. Everyone appears in one piece except Camilla, who has a “hurt arm”. Roger has a slight neck crick. Janice rings for an ambulance.
Jan offers Audrey an aspirin, and gets sarcasm in return. Janice then decides to go be sick. The familiar nee-nurr-nee-nurr of a Euro ambulance is heard in the distance.
Gail and Ted show up at the hospital. Bill admits he should have been driving, but couldn’t after a can. This makes Gail quite angry. Audrey, looking theatrically feeble, exits the triage and is surprised to see Ted and Gail. They take Audrey home. Gail accuses Bill of being incapable of looking after her mother. Reluctantly, she leaves her in his care.
Bill fusses over Audrey, but she’s in a foul mood. He sincerely apologizes for the weekend. She had hoped for a romantic getaway. God knows why or how…this started out as a boys’ booze run…Audrey only went along to curtail it. She complains she had to go to the galleries on her own as Bill was too hungover from playing cards all night. Bill admits he’s not into galleries. She says Bill made it painfully obvious she was unwanted.
After ringing Natasha, Audrey wants to talk. Bill offers to make it up to her, but Audrey has seen the light; her and Bill have nothing in common. He likes pub crawls and greyhound races. She likes books and radio. She thinks they’re settling by staying together. She wants time to think and asks him to move out to Kev’s for a while. Bill is crestfallen.
Doz (expressing some reservation) and David pop open a few of Tina’s woozamails to Matt. They are pretty harmless. One says: “Doz is okay, even though he’s thick.” They decide to open one more. “Things are great with David, he’s well cool.” Curious, David reads further. “David’s a right laugh, you’d really like him…” David is reluctant to share the next bit with Darryl: “I wish he was more spontaneous.” Hmmmmm
That evening, Tina comes home as Ted is going out; with a female friend, although Tina asks hopefully if it’s a boyfriend. Out of the blue, David offers to take Tina out for dinner. Or perhaps a film. She is knackered, however, and crashes on the couch.
Gail pops out for a drink with Sally. Don Juan de Platt has decided to show his beloved that he is spontaneous and romantic. He has laid a trail of rose petals leading up to a romantic bath that will contain his cheesy-whatsit self. Gail, returning home from her drink, cleans up a few rose petals before David races down the stairs, explaining the plan. Gail beams proudly. Wow. I think I was 37 before my mother became a cheerleader for my sex life. Gail goes back to the pub. Tina wakes up; David feels silly explaining, but she reassures him it’s a cool idea. They head upstairs.
Norris sees Dev and Nina returning in Nina’s car and makes excuses to go outdoors and eavesdrop. Amber is outside the shop and greets the pair with: “Oh blimey, she’s aged since lunch.” Amber wants to know what happened to the other woman. She is, in fact, unusually rude but Nina graciously excuses her. I’m somewhat unclear as to whether a car tour or some smack’n’tickle has just occurred.
Norris goes back inside and informs Rita that Nina Ullnnyana is outside. “Nina Banana? What kind of name is that?” Rita wants to know. Norris claims he recognized the film star as he is of course, suddenly an aficionado of Asian films.
Be My Bunny
Clarissa flounces into the Kabin, wanting the biggest, soppiest greeting card in the place. Rita offers an enormous leftover Valentine which states: “Be My Bunny” for $4.99. Clarissa changes her mind and chooses a blank 75p card instead.
Clarissa rushes back to the Rovers, and Liz has the champagne ready. She orders Liz to pop the cork upon Harry’s entrance. Liz does so, spraying Clarissa’s cleavage and making her squawk. Harry, however, didn’t make it to the solicitors, claiming a bookie emergency at the other shop. “All the horses dropped down dead, did they?” Clarissa wants to know before dashing out the back.
Harry finds her outside having a fag. They talk and she bursts into tears of disappointment. Harry hugs her and reassures her he wants to stay married; Liz comes out just in time to witness the embrace.
Gerry is mowing the lawn when Teresa suggest a barbecue. Apparently they used to have some rockin’ barbecues.
Sure enough, it’s rained later and Jerry has a huge tarp over the yard. The Mortons have a contest – who can create the weirdest kebab. Jerry tries to point out some flats in the paper…but Teresa and the kids are having too much fun.