Update for Thursday, May 21: Let’s Try Sommat Different

 

"Things are great with David. He's well cool."

"Things are great with David. He's well cool."

Sorry all, for leading you down the garden path and stating our road trip crash took place in France;  as corrected, the gang did indeed make it back to Merry Old England before going off the road. That’s what I get for being a smarty-pants and trying to type sans PVR so Mr. Kunzie could watch playoff beards and exploding cars.

 

Knowing Me, Knowing You

 

Aaaaanyway…..The dust settles in the brush as the auto accident victims take stock. Everyone appears in one piece except Camilla, who has a “hurt arm”. Roger has a slight neck crick. Janice rings for an ambulance.

 

Jan offers Audrey an aspirin, and gets sarcasm in return. Janice then decides to go be sick.  The familiar nee-nurr-nee-nurr of a Euro ambulance is heard in the distance. 

 

Gail and Ted show up at the hospital. Bill admits he should have been driving, but couldn’t after a can. This makes Gail quite angry. Audrey, looking theatrically feeble, exits the triage and is surprised to see Ted and Gail. They take Audrey home. Gail accuses Bill of being incapable of looking after her mother. Reluctantly, she leaves her in his care. 

 

Bill fusses over Audrey, but she’s in a foul mood. He sincerely apologizes for the weekend. She had hoped for a romantic getaway. God knows why or how…this started out as a  boys’ booze run…Audrey only went along to curtail it. She complains she had to go to the galleries on her own as Bill was too hungover from playing cards all night. Bill admits he’s not into galleries. She says Bill made it painfully obvious she was unwanted.

 

After ringing Natasha, Audrey wants to talk. Bill offers to make it up to her, but Audrey has seen the light; her and Bill have nothing in common. He likes pub crawls and greyhound races. She likes books and radio. She thinks they’re settling by staying together. She wants time to think and asks him to move out to Kev’s for a while. Bill is crestfallen.

 

Woozamail

 

Doz (expressing some reservation) and David pop open a few of Tina’s woozamails to Matt. They are pretty harmless. One says: “Doz is okay, even though he’s thick.” They decide to open one more. “Things are great with David, he’s well cool.” Curious, David reads further. “David’s a right laugh, you’d really like him…” David is reluctant to share the next bit with Darryl: “I wish he was more spontaneous.” Hmmmmm

 

That evening, Tina comes home as Ted is going out; with a female friend, although Tina asks hopefully if it’s a boyfriend. Out of the blue, David offers to take Tina out for dinner. Or perhaps a film. She is knackered, however, and crashes on the couch.

 

Gail pops out for a drink with Sally. Don Juan de Platt has decided to show his beloved that he is spontaneous and romantic. He has laid a trail of rose petals leading up to a romantic bath that will contain his cheesy-whatsit self. Gail, returning home from her drink, cleans up a few rose petals before David races down the stairs, explaining the plan. Gail beams proudly. Wow. I think I was 37 before my mother became a cheerleader for my sex life. Gail goes back to the pub. Tina wakes up; David feels silly explaining, but she reassures him it’s a cool idea. They head upstairs.

 

Nina Banana

 

Norris sees Dev and Nina returning in Nina’s car and makes excuses to go outdoors and eavesdrop. Amber is outside the shop and greets the pair with: “Oh blimey, she’s aged since lunch.” Amber wants to know what happened to the other woman. She is, in fact, unusually rude but Nina graciously excuses her. I’m somewhat unclear as to whether a car tour or some smack’n’tickle has just occurred.

 

Norris goes back inside and informs Rita that Nina Ullnnyana is outside. “Nina Banana? What kind of name is that?” Rita wants to know. Norris claims he recognized the film star as he is of course, suddenly an aficionado of Asian films.

 

Be My Bunny

 

Clarissa flounces into the Kabin, wanting the biggest, soppiest greeting card in the place. Rita offers an enormous leftover Valentine which states: “Be My Bunny” for $4.99. Clarissa changes her mind and chooses a blank 75p card instead.

 

Clarissa rushes back to the Rovers, and Liz has the champagne ready. She orders Liz to pop the cork upon Harry’s entrance. Liz does so, spraying Clarissa’s cleavage and making her squawk. Harry, however, didn’t make it to the solicitors, claiming a bookie emergency at the other shop. “All the horses dropped down dead, did they?” Clarissa wants to know before dashing out the back.

 

Harry finds her outside having a fag. They talk and she bursts into tears of disappointment. Harry hugs her and reassures her he wants to stay married; Liz comes out just in time to witness the embrace.

 

Grillin’

 

Gerry is mowing the lawn when Teresa suggest a barbecue. Apparently they used to have some rockin’ barbecues. 

 

Sure enough, it’s rained later and Jerry has a huge tarp over the yard. The Mortons have a contest – who can create the weirdest kebab. Jerry tries to point out some flats in the paper…but Teresa and the kids are having too much fun. 

 

 

 

 

 

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About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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13 Responses to Update for Thursday, May 21: Let’s Try Sommat Different

  1. Gayle says:

    Super update! Why was Ted at the hospital I thought he lived in London is he staying at Gail’s again? Eww factor, I think it is time Tina and David get their own place. Tina has completely taken over – Gail acts like a guest in her own home.

    I really like Ted, still don’t like Tina.

  2. beanie says:

    Thanks Kunzie…a great start to my morning. Audrey was horrible making Bill move out TONIGHT!!!!! She didn’t mind him warming her bed for all this time.

    I was silly enough to think Teresa was concerned about Jerry mowing the lawn after a heart attack.

    Love Ted tonight. I didn’t know Brits used the term ‘Fag Hag’ LOL

  3. haili says:

    LOL. Love the picture of David in the bath; can’t think of much that’s less sexy! Can’t imagine my sons doing anything like that in my house – especially at that age – with me about to walk in the door. Not that they were saints while I was out!

    I think Theresa would love it if Jerry had another heart attack and left her the house. Maybe staying there gives her dower rights.

    Audrey and Bill were never going to last IMO and the trip from hell was just the last straw for Audrey. I like Bill, but they are too different.

    • Bea says:

      I have to agree. Audrey and Bill never belonged together. She said they were both “making do ” and I agree. Though kicking him out right then and there was kinda extreme. Re the trip from Hell, I guess Audrey is the victim here, even though SHE insisted on driving, and SHE crashed the car, and probably Janice’s boyfriend will end up paying for it. Rats! I can’t remember his name right now (brain fart, I guess)

      As for David and Tina, when my boys started bringing girlfriends home over night, I sold the house and moved into an apartment. Kidding

    • Modge says:

      Gail is way too involved with her children’s sex lives, always has been. Perhaps she lives vicariously through them. Kinda creepy in my opinion.

      You’re right about Camilla and Bill, they were never going to last. He was her “bit of rough”, I suppose. That kind of relationship is titillating for the short term but destined to fail. I used to think Bill was pretty hot back in the day. Showing my age again.

  4. corrierules says:

    Audreh meet Kenneth. Kenneth meet Audreh. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. In the meantime Bill and Deirdre will have a lot of fun.

    That e-harmony works a treat don’t it?

  5. haili says:

    Unfortunately, Ken seems to like them younger than Audrey – and Dierdre likes them younger than Bill!

  6. lovethestreet says:

    Come to think of it — although Amber was inexcusably rude, she did draw attention to the many, diverse types of women Dev is attracted to. His love/lust interests have been drawn from the twenty-somethings to the fifty-somethings…

    Weird.

    • missusmac says:

      So, if Amber can spot Dev’s having an affair, how long will it be before Prem does. I mean, as discreet affairs go, this one ain;t!

      In fairness to Audrey, Bill didn’t try to clue her in that he wouldn’t be doing the gallery scene. He said he would, that they’d have a romantic weekend. Then Roger (yes, that’s his name!) complained to Jan, and she came too because Audrey was coming.

      And in fairness to Bill, he did keep Audrey down to earth. She can be quite lady of the manor when she wants.

      David. Rose petals. Gayle. Too. Much. Information. For. A. Mother. To. Know.

  7. corrierules says:

    Yikes! Reading about the rose petals and Gail’s interruption was bad enough… I just watched the episode online. I’m sorry but I have rescinded my offer of brain bleach. I need it all. Gail’s tittering and offer to get out of (HER OWN) house to facilitate her TEENAGED son’s sex life made me cringe. Feh!

    • Mary Prankster says:

      There was an item on the news over the weekend about a shocking ad being shown in Britain,attempting to reach teenagers about the reality of teen pregnancy, which is soaring again in Britain apparently. Gail’s behaviour explains why such an ad is necessary. Sad!

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