Update for Wednesday, Nov. 11: Totally Tubular


Welcome to Oldham, Home of the Tubular Bandage

Back on the Case

Maria, baby-bump visibly showing, is on the phone to Fiz. She wants to know when Tony will be at the office, because she wants a word.

Emily and Norris are in the Kabin, discussing “strap lines”. Norris means slogans; Emily means when her underwear is too tight (file this under visuals I never want to see). Norris praises the town of Oldham’s slogan: “Oldham, Home of the Tubular Bandage.” Emily apparently has had a tubular bandage in her bag since 1963. This conversation is cut short by Maria, on another paranoid quest to single-handedly bring Tony to justice. She says she’s been thinking about Emily’s comments regarding Jed. Maria urges Emily to call the police; Emily reassures her that she and Norris mulled it over but decided there was no evidence of foul play, so no call was made. She also says Jed has always been a free spirit, and simply left. She cautions Maria against loudly  maligning Tony to anyone within earshot.

Maria is sitting on the steps of Underworld; Kevin suggests she not sit on the cold step too long or she’ll get piles. Fiz stumbles out, rather surprised to see Maria sitting there. Maria is agitated, claiming Jed’s “death” is the “proof” she’s been waiting for. Fiz says she’s out of luck as Tony is at a trade show. Maria allows Fiz to escort her home.

Later, Emily checks in on Maria to see if she’s “alright”. Kirk is there, but takes off to go to the dentist. He thinks he’s cutting a wisdom tooth. Thank God for that. Emily begins to gently explain what she went through when she lost Ernest…leading up to suggesting again, that Maria is over-wrought and delusional. Maria says she can’t move on until she gets justice for Liam, whom she knows was murdered. Maria looks out the front window and sees Tony walking; she takes Emily up on her offer to make tea, and when Emily goes to the kitchen, runs out to Underworld, because she can not only do hair but outsmart stone cold killers.

Slightly earlier in the day, Fiz had come in to the office and awkwardly explained that Maria is still “wound up”. Tony thanks Fiz for the heads-up.

Maria enters Underworld, which is empty and quiet except for the radio. Tony is on the upper floor, and watches her enter. “Maria,” he says, “what can I do for you?” He ushers her into the office, and her eyes dart about nervously. She tells him, there’s no point lying any more. She knows he has murdered Jed Stone. Tony theatrically closes all the venetians and says, “that’s better. No prying eyes.” Maria assures him that people know she is there, and if anything happens to her…“What could possibly happen?” Tony asks impatiently and then answers her accusation: “Okay, fine. I killed him.” As Maria looks on horrified, Tony picks up a piece of lingerie and explains exactly how he strangled Jed, stuffed him in the knicker hamper and had the Christmas party. He describes how everyone was flailing and dancing while poor old Jed was barely cold. Nancy Drew has unfortunately forgotten her tape recorder.Oops.

Back of a Car?

Sophie is at the breakfast table, trying to explain some of her social trials and tribulations to Sally. Sally basically cuts her off and ignores her, banging on at Kevin for reading at the table. Rosie comes downstairs, shattered from drinking the night before. At that point, Kevin finds Rosie’s tabloid “spread” telling of her ordeal with Stape and containing photos of Rosie in racy garb, making her porn-star lips. “My biggest fear was that John Stape would make me a slave”, Kevin reads the headline with disgust, saying she’s made a mockery of the whole ordeal. Sally wants to know if Rosie got paid; she did. Rosie humpfs off back to bed.

Kevin has nipped home to put out the rubbish; out of the bag falls a pregnancy test. He calls Sally home and she wonders what the panic is. He shows Sally the test, and she says it isn’t hers. They both immediately assume Rosie is up the duff. They wonder if it’s Stape’s…or maybe Gary’s. Kevin goes to drag Rosie out of bed. Kevin asks Rosie point-blank why she’s feeling so rough. Rosie assumes he’s pissed because she’s hungover. Sally shows Rosie the pregnancy test. She denies it’s hers. “Must be!” Kevin asserts. “You do have two daughters,” Rosie reminds him. “It must be sweet little Sophie’s….how hilarious is that.”

Backed into a Corner?

Gail and Tina are in the Platt kitchen. Gail has decided to wash windows to keep busy because Joe is still being a dork. Tina says when Joe gets his head together, he’ll be back. He’s done this before, even to his ex-wife. Tina tells Gail that David is going to the police. Once Gail has gone outside, Tina rings Joe. Anna WIndass comes up as Gail is washing windows; she says Gail must be glad to see the tail end of Joe and he’s a bit of a bad lad. Gail retorts that it’s Gary and Len who stole the copper pipe. She says David is going to the police.

Tina shows up at Joe’s storage locker. He is sitting alone in the dark. Tina’s says she’s not leaving until Joe lets her in. He’s looking rough and unwashed. Tina explains that David is going to the police, so Joe is off the hook for the pipe robbery. He says he feels overwhelmed, and everything is on top of him. Tina says that Gail is worried, and she deserves better. Joe should be with his family. Tina finally urges him into his coat by saying that if Joe is staying, Tina is, too. I think Joe suffers from depression, myself.

In Other News

Ken and Deirdre chat as Ken works in the Cafe. Apparently Peter has gone on a bender while away, as confirmed by grandson Adam.

Eddie sits with Kirk and Bill, sorting out the darts team. With the addition of Kirk, they now have a full team.

About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
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17 Responses to Update for Wednesday, Nov. 11: Totally Tubular

  1. beanie says:

    Great update Kunzie, thanks. I can’t believe all the crap that Sal and Kev put up with from Rosie. There are no limits on the sleazy antics of that slapper. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sophie IS pregnant. She has been ignored by her family for a long time.

    WTF are tubular bandages?

    • tanzie says:

      Instead of wrapping an elastic bandage around an elbow or knee..these are pre-made ones somewhat like a “sleeve” so no pins or tape required to hold them together.

  2. haili says:

    It was pretty clever of Tony to say he murdered Jed and give all the details. He will probably produce Jed some day after the bruises heal and make Maria look even crazier.

  3. Modge says:

    I thought Rosie’s question to Sophie last night was hilarious in Helen Flanagan’s delivery of the line: “Who’s been a naughty girl then?” It may very well be the first time that the character caused me to laugh rather than hoot with derision.

    Since Tony really is technically responsible for arranging LIam’s death, is Maria really paranoid, or is she the only one truly in touch with reality?

  4. haili says:

    Maria’s not paranoid but Tony’s smart enough to make her look crazy. I expected a bit better from Audrey who had her own experience with not being believed when it came to Richard. Even Fizz who has been fooled by John should pay some attention to Maria. Now, when Jed turns up again Maria will really look insane.

    • beanie says:

      I am very disappointed in Audrey.

      • Jackie says:

        I totally agree. I can’t believe not ONE person is thinking that Maria might be on to something.

        Even after Carla found out that Tony knew about the affair, you would think she might have had her doubts.

      • missusmac says:

        I am not surprised Maria is having trouble gathering believers. She is so over-the-top in her accusations and actions, yelling and screaming at people, flinging paint, trying to break into office drawers, that most people would say she’s overcome with grief and depression. I’m pretty sure it was this episode she yelled at Jason to get out, calling him Tony’s bully boy. There was an opportunity missed… the penny was just dropping for Jason that something wasn’t right with that, when Maria started yelling.

  5. Barbie says:

    Maria’s got a history of wigging out too. Remember when she lost the baby? No wonder no one believes her.
    And, what’s up with Blanch and her new BFF Leanne? Last thing I remember she was slagging her off for being a hooker and now all of a sudden she’s calling her “pet”.

  6. haili says:

    Blanche changed the odds on the blackboard from 8/1 to 6/1 and I wonder if she has something up her sleeve for pocketing the difference. When Blanche is nice to someone she usually has a motive.

  7. Gayle says:

    I am rapidly tiring of Maria’s hysterics. She is in desperate need of medical help.
    I don’t think she should be left alone, I don’t understand why Kirk and Julie aren’t looking after her. Julie seems to be a very kind and considerate lady.

    • corrierules says:

      I agree Gayle. I roll my eyes whenever the action turns to Maria. It’s like the instructions on the shampoos bottle — lather, rinse, repeat.

      But I never tire of the Barlows!

    • elocin says:

      I have to say I disagree. She’s right, after all, and if someone murdered my husband I wouldn’t let it drop.

      • kunzie says:

        It’s not Maria’s conviction that I find annoying…she has her facts mostly straight. It is her hysterical presentation that puts others off and allows Tony to easily be one step ahead of her. Also, she seems to have no sense of cause-and-effect…she antagonizes Tony and then is afraid he’ll come after her. I would have liked to see her play it low-key and prevail!

      • missusmac says:

        While we know Maria is right, the rest of the street only sees a distraught, raving person who accuses everyone who doesn’t believe her of being in on the plot to kill Liam. Probably it is part of the writers plan to isolate her from the street.
        However, people have tried to help her. They ask her questions, but she’s too distraught to answer them. ” I just know it” is not proof. Fizz has said “even if was true, how will you prove it?” That’s a sensible question. The cop who didn’t agree with her was accused of being bribed. Ironically, Jason, who was the only one to stress that the car that hit Liam never slowed down, has been branded a traitor by Maria and told to leave.

  8. Mandy says:

    I don’t think that if the love of my life was just murdered I’d be very worried about “cause and effect” either. I’d want justice. And of course she’s emotional — her husband was murdered, she lost a baby, and she’s pregnant again. So if she’s a little illogical in the way she’s going about this whole thing, I can’t really blame her.

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