I guess I like my men cheerful. I have to say that when Gray O’Brien, as Tony Gordon, was giving off one-note brood and menace, I’d not have given two figs for him and his eyeball. But put a smile on the lad’s craggy face, a little charm, and we have an altogether different fella. At least, so everyone in the Salon thinks. The word on the Street is out…Tony is the new village hunk. Here is a February calendar featuring the flavour of the month: Glasgoweeeeeegian.
Do Ye Think I’m Sex’eh?
Morning. Maria emerges and stares at the door of Underworld before going to work. As Tony arrives at work, Skinny Shelley, in a fetching teal coat, waves at him from across the street. He has basically no reaction. Natasha heads into work, and complains that Tony blew her off in the street. Maria suggests gently that perhaps Tony is wishing he hadn’t shagged Natasha. They discuss whether Tony shows his feelings. Natasha decides if Tony needs more encouragement, she can manage that.
Tom comes into the salon to talk to Maria. He says the Ladrags work is caught up. But more importantly he wants to apologize for the comments he made about Tony. Natasha observes immediately that Tom is smitten with Maria and looks at her with “puppy dog eyes”. Maria thinks that maybe Natasha and Tom would make a cute couple.
Afternoon in the Rover’s…Tom is getting drinks in. OJ for Maria, vodka and OJ for Natasha. Maria leaves the two of them alone, and goes to talk to Audrey. Audrey finds Maria’s matchmaking a little silly. Natasha comes over, figuring out she’s been lumbered with Tom Thumb for a drink. When Tony comes in, Natasha swans over, having finished putting time in with Tom.
Bill is finishing breakfast at the Webster’s, explaining that he feels guilty for laying Jason off. Kevin adds that he’s been “carrying” Tyrone for years, but can’t lay him off because Tyrone is invested in the business. It seems to have slipped Sally’s mind that they are partners.
As Sally and Kevin walk to work, Kevin tells her that Molly, as Tyrone’s wife, wants to help out with the garage. Sally, however, doesn’t want Molly anywhere near the business. Sally asks Tyrone and Molly around for dinner, the real purpose of which is mark her territory.
Molly asks if Tyrone knows what the dinner is all about. Tyrone confesses that Sally isn’t best pleased that Molly has taken an interest in the garage and wants to put her in her place. Hello? Who would go to dinner knowing they’re about to be dissed? Molly isn’t impressed.
Message in a Bottle
Audrey encounters Peter in the street, and comments on his head bandage. She says, “You’ll have people thinking you got drunk and fell over.” Peter has lost patience with the entire neighbourhood and shoots back: “That’s exactly what I did do. So, is there anything else you want to know about my private life?” Audrey backpedals, saying she was just taking a polite interest. Peter complains that everyone is taking a “polite interest” in his private affairs as he has a little lad he’s responsible for. Audrey confesses that yes, that was on her mind. Peter asks what she’ll do then, phone social services? Because it’s people like Audrey that keep them in business.
Audrey later runs into Deirdre. Audrey, of course, wants to vent about Peter’s having a go at her. She shares that Peter confessed the injury was from drinking. She speculates that Peter is drinking himself silly.
Simon has had tea at Deirdre and Ken’s. Deirdre decides to take Simon over to Peter’s, let herself in and have a snoop. Blanche wonders where Ken is. Dierdre and Simon arrive at the flat. She sends the lad to get his jammies on and has a snoop around, discovering bottle in various stages of emptiness. Peter walks in then, wanting an explanation of why Deirdre is tossing his flat. Peter is incensed, saying he’s not answerable to Deirdre and wants to toss her out. She counters she’s not leaving until she knows Simon is safe.
At Dev’s apartment, Tara is bitching to Dev that she hasn’t had one sale of her boring, crap, student-grade photos to prospects that she patronizes and insults. Uncle Umed’s take on things is that, with the advent of mobile phones, everyone can take their own pictures and no one wants to buy them. Tara says her pictures aren’t that expensive, as art goes. She’s been open a week and no one has taken any notice. While Tara may have a Masters in hell-knows-what, she seems to have no marketing instinct, business sense, money or street smarts.
She takes off for the gallery, at which point Dev comes up with the Sitcom Storyline of the week: Umed is to call the gallery, pretending to be a London art dealer, and gush all over Tara saying she’s doing fabulous work with the gallery. The matter of how to disguise Umed’s voice is considered. Dev thinks it’s a matter of putting on a “London accent.” Umed tries this out, the result sounds like a Star Wars dialect, somewhere between Jabba the Hut and Jar-Jar Binks. Dev fires Umed from this task.
Molly and Tyrone talk in Dev’s shop. Molly wants to know what the dress code is for dinner. Dev swings in, asking if Molly has ever had the urge to be an actress. But no, Molly won’t pretend to be the art dealer. Umed tries his routine again, and still sounds like he’s trying to extract a debt from Master Solo.
Minnie comes by Dev’s looking for a wage advance. Dev notices that Minnie has a nice voice…and would therefore be perfect for his project. So Minnie becomes the fake art dealer. Umed the Hut tries again. Shut up Umed.
In Other News
Julie thought she was pregnant, but isn’t. She is relieved, Kirk isn’t.
Ken has let himself into Martha’s. She is delighted to find him there as she swans in wearing my favourite coat (it’s worth the drive to Acton, I keep telling Mr. Kunzie). Martha invites Ken for lunch; he wants to explain his awkward reaction to her overnight invitation. He says he needs a little more time to think these things through. No shit, Kenneth. He remarks how enjoyable the peace and quiet at Martha’s is. She points out that she knows almost nothing about Ken’s life. They discuss what they’ve been reading.