Update for January 21, 2010: Labradoodles can be dead nasty!

Originally aired on April 6, 2009

We open with Chesney coming back after his paper route.  He’s banging on about Norris’ foul mood.  Chesney asked “Who died”, without knowing that Mary’s mother died and that set off Norris.  He and Fizz argue about homeschooling and he storms off for the library.

Fizz and Kirk talk about homeschooling Chez as well.  Even if Fizz had the time, she doesn’t know the material since she has been out of school for so long.  While Kirk has the time, he and school “never saw eye to eye” even though he has a pupil. (UGH!)  Kirk does have a brillo idea and suggests that Fizz talk to Ken about this situation.

Ken is sitting in the salon, listening to a cello concerto on the stereo and is generally moping.  Upon hearing the knock at the door, he answers it and looks surprised to see Fizz (like he was expecting someone else – Martha?).  Fizz comes in and explains Chesney’s predicament to Ken.  The penny (or pence – hah!) finally drops and Ken clues into the fact that Fizz would like Ken to become Chez’s private tutor.  Ken is too busy with current commitments to even think of helping.  Fizz chimes in and says, “With Peter and Simon…”  Ken replies, “yes, among other things.”  Ken:  your son and grandson (let me say it again:  Simon is the cutest little boy on TV) almost died and you are pining over Martha.  What’s his rock bottom?  Everyone is hoping that fire, etc. was Peter’s rock bottom, but given Ken’s history, I wonder if he has one.  But I digress…Ken suggests that he’ll call some retired teachers to see if they can recommend anyone.

Julie is at the house to pick up her stuff.  A year of living together amounts to 1 box of junk treasures.  Kirk asks her if she thinks they’ve made the right decision.  After a sleepless night, (Julie slept on the pullout sofa at her lodger’s flat), she is very convinced that they have.  After all, Kirk will have someone very soon since he’s warm, loyal and kind.  “If I had a tail, I’d make a great puppy!” moans Kirk.  They hug.  Julie leaves.  Chesney comes home and suggests that they take Schmeichel for a walk together.  “Maybe him and me can chase sticks together,” says Kirk.  Poor Kirk.

As they come in the house, Chez insists that Kirk should have let Schmeichel take on the other dog.  “No mate.   Labradoodles can be dead nasty!”  Really?  Chesney asks Fizz about how she made on with Ken and she points out that Ken can’t do it and they can’t afford a private tutor.  Chesney insists that he can teach himself.  They row.  Chez runs upstairs.

Kirk offers Fizz his savings, since he won’t be buying a place with Julie anymore.  Fizz thanks him, but says it won’t be enough.  Kirk admits to Fizz that he ended things with Julie because he knew that was the best thing for her.  Fizz says that’s what she’s trying to do for Chesney, even if he hates her for it.  With that, Fizz takes out her phone and dials.

We cut to Fizz walking down a hallway, which is clearly an institution.  It has painted cement walls and vending machines.  Where could she be?  The show closes with Fizz, sipping a drink from a stryofoam cup at a table and men in blue sweatsuits are led in the room in single file.  Who do we see but John Stape.   Credits roll, just as everything gets interesting.  Oh why do you do that to your loyal viewers, Coronation Street, why?

Lilacs and lavender

In the Kabin, Norris comments on the shallow nature of most sympathy cards.  He tells Rita that Mary seems fine and wonders if she is coping at all.  Rita suggests to Norris that go and see her and help her plan the funeral.  Tina has returned from ‘oliday.  Apparently, it was great except her mother tried to cop off with all the waiters.  That doesn’t sound like fun to me.  Maybe Tina’s mother will be starring on the UK version of Age of Love.  Tina is cheeky with Norris and he retreats to the back.  Rita asks Tina to be gentle with him.  “For once, it’s not his fault.”

Tina is washing down the windows of the Kabin.  Little chicks adorn the windows, so it seems that Easter is coming.  OMG – are we really that far behind the UK feed?  Tina and Gail chat and both seem genuinely happy to see one another.  Tina learns that her dead-beat father is living with Gail “but they are no longer together” and that David has gone off to stay with Martin.  Tina suggests that Gail install a revolving door.  HAH!  Gail encourages Tina to visit her father and then heads off to work.  It must be her shift of the month, eh?

The Windasses have also returned from ‘oliday armed with Duty Free bags.  Joe talks to Len to see how the job is going.  Joe is reminded to keep up his repayments.  Joe says hi to Tina, who tells him to “Get lost!”  We later see the Windasses in the Rovers and Len threatens to show Poppy his “white bits.”  Yuck.  I’ve lost my appetite for a few days.  Poppy looks utterly repulsed by the offer.

We see Mary and Norris sitting on Maxine’s memorial bench, Norris gives Mary a list of all the local florists.  Mary thanks Norris for his efforts, however it will not be necessary.  It seems that Mary and her mother discussed how the funeral should be.   The flowers:  lilacs and lavender.  The casket:  polished with taffeta.  The hymn:  Nearer my God to thee.  Mary says life goes on and she wants to travel around the world and devour life and she wants to do it with Norris!  Norris looks more than a little nervous.

Clean up time

Peter is leaning against the front of the bookies smoking.  After burning down his flat by mislaying a lit cigarette while passed out, nearly killing himself and his son and shutting down his business, you’d think he’d have kicked the nicotine habit too.  Michelle comes up in her grubbies and sees if he needs help to clean up.  He says it’s lucky as they’ll just need to paint it.  What about the water and smoke damage?  Jason comes down stairs to tell Peter that the upstairs seems structurally sound.   Peter wants the flat fixed asap.  “I messed up big style.” says Peter.  “I know it.  Everyone else knows it.”  Apart from Peter’s new way of living, he seems to have set his eye on a new prize:  Michelle.  Leanne (the woman, not the bunny), seems to be a distant memory.

Other news:

Rita talks to Eileen about throwing a 70th birthday part for Colin at the Rovers.

Tony meets with his PI.  The only new information that the PI can offer is that Luke Strong knew Paul Connor (they shared a business).  Luke bought Paul out from the biz.  In order to buy Carla’s share of Underworld, he went into serious debt.