Originally aired on April 12, 2009
An Easter Blessing
It’s Easter Sunday and the Barlows (sans Ken) are preparing to go to church. Simon (I know I say this every week, but he is the CUTEST little boy on tv!) is toting Leanne around and tells Blanche that the rabbit is coming to church with them. Blanche is not thrilled and concludes that this must be one of Rev. Peach’s (aka Rick) cockamamie ideas. “Anything that puts bums in seats!” chirps Deirdre. Peter asks Ken if he will be joining them. Ken is shocked at the very notion and proclaims his humanism/atheism for all to hear. In fact, Ken claims that Peter’s attendance is merely a token act since Peter does not believe in God. Peter says he’s going for his son since Leanne is to receive a blessing. Ken tells the family that when he went to Simon’s school last week, we saw pictures that the children drew that depicted creationism! (A sidebar: When did Ken go to Simon’s school recently? Between trysts with Martha?) Keep in mind, this was Simon’s public school and not Sunday school. But is this the way to teach Simon anything and not just confuse the hell out of him? Blanche says that learning about creationism is better than learning about lesbianism.* Ouch!
Cut to the church, which has more creatures with 4 legs than with 2. Blanche is not amused (still) and scoffs to Deirdre that a dog made a mess on her new Scholls. A question: Why didn’t lil Eccles come to be blessed?
As they leave the church, Blanche gives Rick a piece of her mind. “This is not Rolf Harris’ Animal Hospital!” She asks if the other Reverend knows about this and Rick says he was given the green light to proceed with the blessing of the animals. Blanche says that she’ll be worshiping at St. Cuthbert’s from now on. I’m sure that Rick was thanking his saviour profusely for this small victory.
The Barlows return home and Ken decides to teach Simon everything he’s learned about humanism during the mass. Like a normal child, Simon is far more interested in his chocolate eggs. Ken tells him that much of what he heard today may not be true. “But my mummy’s in heaven, isn’t she?” asks Simon. Ken just looks on. Several of the contributors for this blog were so enraged about this scene that we have discussed it amongst ourselves. I believe that the following quote from the brilliant John sums up our thoughts beautifully: “Ken, when a 5 year old child asks if his dead mother is up on a cloud in Heaven, you say YES.”
Ken is in the pub telling Ted all about humanism but he learns that Ted is “one of those”. Ted explains that when he lost his partner, the church offered him comfort. Ken exclaims that they get their hooks into people when they’re at their most vulnerable.
Despite Blanche’s gross intolerance earlier in the episode, Ken still came off as the biggest dickhead.
Before dawn, we find David lurking downstairs and he creeps from the kitchen to the living room, where Joe is sleeping on the settee. He picks up Joe’s painkillers and creeps back up the stairs with them.
It’s later in the morning and Joe is whinging about his pain. Where, oh where could those pain killers be? Gail suggests that Joe moved them. Really? I’m sure he’s even using a bedpan right now rather than go up the stairs to the loo. (I’d like to thank the writers of Corrie for not including this in the script.) David comes down and wishes everyone with a Happy Easter. Joe asks David if he’s moved the pills – “It’s just the kind of trick you’d pull!” David says he has no idea where they could have been.
Tina texts Joe to see if the close is clear (i.e., is David out?). David says he’s even got her an Easter egg – he bought one for everyone. I’m wondering what kind of poison he’s laced them with. Anyhow, David digs his heels in and says he lives there and isn’t going to hide. Joe texts Tina back so that she can help find the meds.
Tina arrives and guess what else makes an appearance: Joe’s painkillers. And guess who found them? David. Any takers of where he found them? In the pocket of Gail’s dressing gown. Gail frowns and says she couldn’t have put them there. “But you gave him is pills with cocoa last night!” says David. Gail apologizes and slinks off to the kitchen to hide. David asks Tina is she’s staying for her dinner? Tina doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but eventually relents. As David goes up to get her Easter egg, Joe whispers to Tina to be careful – he thinks David hid the pills. Tina leaves before David gets downstairs. “Where’s Tina?” asks David.
David finds Tina in the pub, buys them each a drink and gives Tina her special egg. Tina opens it and finds an advert for a flat that David thinks they should share. Tina says that she doesn’t want him or to start again and leaves.
Graeme finds David the pub because there’s nothing else to do on Easter Sunday, apparently. He learns that Tina rejected David and the egg. As Graeme munches down on the pralines which were inside the egg, he tells David that she must be seeing someone else. That’s the only possible explanation, right? It couldn’t be that David’s creepy and has the worst case of acne I’ve ever seen, could it? David vows to take care of Gary Windass for once and for all.
Ted and Audrey arrive at Gail’s for their dinner and Audrey makes a statement about Joe’s drinking beer while on pain killers. He gets snippy back – but she is right. Gail sticks up for Joe and Audrey says that he resembles Eddie Windass. Gail chucks out Audrey and Ted leaves with her (to make sure she actually leaves, I supposed). So now we know why Ted had nothing better to do than sit at the pub on Easter Sunday. I don’t know what was worse for him: refereeing at Gail’s or listening to Ken.
The Peacocks are off to Josh’s footie game. Josh’s team lost (12-2) but he scored a goal. Josh tells everyone that it’s the winning that counts.
Kevin is whining that Jason didn’t ask him to run the half marathon. Kevin thinks he’s fitter than Tyrone. So they race. Kevin wins hands down because Tyrone fakes a charlie horse 25 m in. Tyrone: do you remember the gym membership you bought before you and Molly tied the knot? Well, you actually have to go to the gym for it to work. One doesn’t get fit by carrying a membership card around in one’s wallet. Molly has to get in on it all and says that she wants to run too.
*Dear readers: these words were taken directly from the show and do not directly represent the views of the contributors for www. corriecanuck.wordpress.com