The Sugar Walls of Mary’s Caravan
At Emily’s, Norris comes down for breakfast to find that Mary is busying herself making a “morning mix-up”. She claims her devils on horseback were once the talk of her cul-de-sac.
“It’s a fry-up” Emily mutters.
Norris declines, saying that he’d rather have his bran in the morning. No, he’d rather not say why. In any case, she invites him back to her RV for dinner.
That evening, he arrives with an orchid to find Mary is dressed to impressed in her purple gown. When he gets in he remarks, “Oh, the brochure makes these places appear quite roomy but once you’re in, they’re quite…snug.”
Mary shows Norris the versatility of her RV by mentioning that his chair folds out to become Bed #1.
As the what appears to be a seven course meal draws to its mousse-filled conclusion (“I think the plural of Mousse should be ‘Meesse’.” declares Norris), Mary becomes increasingly flirty.
“I think you’ve put too much brandy in your cooking. You’ve become a different lady!” Norris says.
“What lady am I?” asks Mary. “Sheena Easton? Naughty lady. Risqué lyrics. Avant garde hemlines.”
Later, as Amber passes the Caravan in the street, she sees it rocking side to side. Has Norris finally succumbed to Mary’s charms? Alas, no. Mary is just vigorously dancing to “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton.
“Just think of the nights we’ll spend together, Norris, just you, me and Sheena under a panoply of stars!”
After suggesting they look at the stars under the RV’s skylight, she asks him what he wears to bed.
“Pajamas and an eye mask,” he answers. “You?”
“Tweed by Lenthéric and a scrunchy. I heat up in the night. I just lie there, stroking my muu-muu until I fall asleep.”
“My cuddly monkey.”
Norris decides that this will be a good time to leave. As he does, Mary tries to kiss but he fends her off, crying “Control yourself woman!” as he knocks her over.
Mary is left on her own, picking up her mess, and crying on the floor of her caravan.
I like Mary, despite the fact the writers have decided she’s completely mad. She has the trappings of a classic Corrie character: earnest, old-fashioned, and slightly bonkers.
The Colin Crisis
Jason gets a call from th’hospickle who inform him that Colin is going to discharge himself. He finds Julie and they go to the hospital where they find him giving the nurse a hard time about trying to dress himself. This is difficult for him as the stroke has affected his motor skills as well as his speech.
They point out that he’ll need help from now on but he’s stubborn and insists he can live on his own. Then he gets up and falls down.
“Oh my giddy aunt!” Julie exclaims.
So they take him back to Eileen’s. She does not approve of this and informs them he’s to be out of her house tomorrow.
Joe is an Idiot, Part #5843
Joe got paid for some work on the kitchens, in cash because it’s 1975. He pockets half and gives the offer half to David, who offers to put the money in the bank for him. Um, can you actually do that? Because I don’t think you can. Anyway, the painkillers have gone to Joe’s brain because he thinks this is a great idea. Afterward, he calls the loan shark to tell him he has some money for him.
Meanwhile, David uses Joe’s wad of cash to make Gary think he’s been selling his ill-gotten goods.
In Other News
Dev’s nude pic is all over the internet as well as the Weatherfield Gazette. He laments to Uncle Umed that Amber doesn’t want to know him but Umed says children bounce back.
“Like the time your pram went down the stairs and you fell out and there it was: you bounced!”
Amber comes in and tells him he never wants to see him again.
“Sometimes bouncing takes time.”
So now we know: Dev was dropped on his head as a child.