I had to do about seven skip-backs to hear this right…so we open this episode with the musical stylings of…Demis Roussos.
Dudes, I can’t get my video to load…if you wanna know, check it out here.
Not Enough Funeral To Go Around…
Pam is in the Kabin with her basket-o-butties, explaining to Rita that she has become an expert at the art of spreading margarine: six swipes onto six pieces of bread with one knife full. Julie comes in looking for empty boxes and Rita asks how she is. Rita also implies that Pam is trying to make a quick buck when she offers funeral catering to Julie. Julie expresses to Rita that she feels put out and shut out of the funeral plans by Eileen. Julie thinks people are taking Eileen’s “side”.
Fiz, Kirk and Chesney are leaving the house and discussing who will give Chesney lunch. Kirk can’t do it, so Fiz tells her brother to get lunch off Roy. Ches will have chips for lunch, he says. Ches man. It’s like Auntie Ham says. You spread the marg on the bread. It’s freakin’ easy, brotha. Maria happens along and Chesney grills her about having two hospital appointments, trying to catch Fiz in a lie. Fiz makes “lie for me,” eyes over Chesney’s head at Maria, who backs up her story.
That lunchtime, Jason pulls up in Webster’s truck with Colin’s belongings in the back. Julie and Fiz help bring everything in. Chesney is inside, writing down phone numbers on his hand from Fiz’s home-school file and also pockets a Status Quo collector pin that belonged to Les. Fiz then prepares to leave for her Home Schooling meeting. Ches tries to go to the meeting with Fiz, but she puts him off. After she leaves, Chesney tells Julie that Les, Cilla and now seemingly Fiz have all lied to him.
Julie and Jason go through Colin’s things. They find little notes, pictures and mementos. Julie is sad that Colin spent years as a normal dad, and now all he’ll be remembered for is impregnating a minor. Paula happens by then, and she and Julie have a loud, nasty row. Julie accuses Paula of wanting revenge and calls her a murderer. Paula says she wanted justice for Colin trashing her life. “Oh, you mean me?” Julie asks. Julie says she’s had enough and throws Paula out. Again.
Later, Jason and Julie go to the cab office to offer Eileen some of Colin’s mementos. She tells them to throw the items in the wheely-bin. Julie then makes a music request for the funeral, for a song from Colin’s Demis Roussos CD. She says the CD was special to Colin. Eileen snorts and says no, she gave the CD to her father as a joke when he started wearing nightshirts, and that Julie hasn’t a feckin’ clue. Later, Lloyd and Steve have no idea what to say to Eileen to make her feel better, and only succeed in making her feel awkward. They leave, and Rita pops in to have a gentle word on Julie’s behalf.
I’ve Got The Prison Black’n’Blues…
Eddie Windass pulls up in his cab, depositing Maria and Kirk. Fiz then jumps in and the cab takes off. (Hey – where’s Fiz’s scooter? Did I forget something?)
At home, Ches phones the number he has found, and learns there was no meeting of the Weatherfield Home School Network that day.
Fiz arrives in prison to meet John. John has a broken arm and his face is puffed up like a souffle and every shade of blue, purple and black. One eye is swelled shut. He has stitches in at least two places. Fiz is shocked and tearfully explains to John that she couldn’t find anything out from anyone about him. “Do you know how hard I’ve worked not to feel anything for you?” she cries. And confesses she still loves John. He says he loves her back. And Fiz fell into a burning ring of fire. Back in the Street, Chesney comes upon Eddie Windass and bribes him with Les’s Status Quo pin to say where he has dropped Fiz. When he finds out, he heads to the prison and confronts his sister as she exits, screaming “Liar! Liar!” and runs off.
Spinal Tap Part Deux
Later Pam is in the bookies explaining to Peter that it was six swipes of marg….Michelle is pissed off because the punters are chewing the pens. She goes on to bemoan her fate, working in Weatherfield, picking up chewed pens from people whose teeth come on prescription, making tea in chipped mugs and coping with leery comments from her leery boss.
Ryan is walking home with the local yoots, when Michelle asks to have a word. Knowing what she might say, Ryan explains that Phil’s family will put him up while Michelle is on tour. Michelle objects – she doesn’t want to leave Ryan. Ryan says that the should go, because one day he might want to go on tour, too.
He’s MY Muderer….No, He’s MY Muderer….
Maria and Natasha meet outside the salon. Natasha is grousing about Audrey dumping her double-booked customers on her. She jokes that Maria is “jealous” of the date Natasha now has (to do someone’s hair). Maria misunderstands and asks, “What, of you and Tony?” This leads to some territorial spraying; Maria asks Natasha to check if Tony has the instructions in his briefcase for the crib he assembled. Natasha is now in a huff because Tony told her he was having a business meeting with Maria. Apparently he was being a dirty dog and building a crib.
At lunch, Tony goes into the salon and comes out with Natasha, who is resentful and pissed off at him for lying to her and making her look bad in front of Maria. Tony smoothes everything over with six swipes of marge.