Pork Pie, We Have A Problem
Joe has gotten his hands on some pills at the emergency room of the hospickle and has set about repairing the kitchen. David said the damage could be passed off as a “distressed look”. Joe says, not so much. Gail likes shiny and new. He apologizes to David for morphing into a frothy, sweating madman earlier and trashing the kitchen. Oh yeah, and please don’t tell Gail.
David gets a text from Gary, who wants to meet him out back for a chat. Gary tells David he wants to see the House To Be Robbed. David balks at first but agrees. Later they sit in a car in “disguise”, hoping the addition of two baseball caps will distort their features beyond recognition. Gary thinks the House To Be Robbed looks small, but David assures him there are more jewels in there than in Fifty Cent’s house. Gary wants to know where the stash is, and David says master bedroom.
As far as access, the story is that round back there is a toilet window with no lock, and David assures Gary the alarm is busted. They agree to meet on a street corner near the house at 8:00.
Later, David is in the butcher’s explaining to Graham that Gary Windass is like a big, thick mouse sniffing at a block of cheese. Graham is only semi-following the plot. David reveals that it’s his gran’s that Gary and he are supposed to be burgling.
He plans to stand Gary up, knowing that Gary the Mouse will head for the cheese without him. Once inside, the police will be phoned and snap up Gary.
David, meanwhile, is going to be home eating lamb chops with Joseph. (At that point, he buys four of said chops for 9 pounds forty.) Graham is trying to work out how David is going to know Gary is inside the house so as to call the coppers.
David then reveals that he hopes to enlist Graham to spy on Gary and call the cops once Gary is inside, using pre-paid cell phones. Graham at first is like, naaa-aaaa, not my scene, man, but David strongarms him with the old “I thought we were mates” routine and Graham capitulates. On the condition that he get a code name.
Gary leaves his house with knapsack, telling Uncle Len that he’s off to a new gym.
Over at the Platt’s, Gail has rung. David talks to her and doesn’t let on that Joe went postal in the kitchen. After he hangs up, he takes a call on the Untraceable Cell from Graham, code name: Mister Saveloy. He is calling David, aka Pork Pie.
David calls Gary, saying abort the job, as he can’t come due to Joe’s back being seized up. He counts on Gary not being able to resist. Graham reports that this appears to be true; Gary has entered the house. David asks him to call the cops.
Pork Pie, We have a Problem…
Juuuust then, who should walk up to Audrey’s, key in hand, but Ted!!! Uh oh!!! Ted lets himself in, hangs his hat and prepares to make tea. Gary, meanwhile is tossing the bedroom for jewels. Gary freezes, unsure of whether to flee or fight.
Sean is excited about the Gazette coming to photograph the Rovers’ Return charity donation of 500 pounds to the local hospital. He is whizzing off to town to get the super-big cheque and gussy himself up to be in the newspaper photo.
In the pub, Becky gives Eddie Windass a telling-off for Croppergate, before smooching up to Steve to suggest Sean is the wrong person to be photographed, and in fact it should be them, Bonnie and Clyde.
Poppy emerges from the back, having a conniption because Betty has apparently hurled an egg-timer at her for asking when the hot-pot would be ready. Later In the back of the Rovers, Betty and Poppy have an audience with Steve to sort their differences. He tells them to kiss and make up.
Sean shows up at the pub with a tan, frosted tips and a new suit, holding the super-big cheque. Steve and Becky try to tell him gently that he’s not to be in the photo. Sean is well miffed and pulls a super-sulk. Becky and Sean argue and have a pully-pully match with the huge cardboard cheque. Meanwhile, Poppy appears to say she’s at the end of her rope with Betty. In exasperation, Steve tells her she’s the manager, so manage it.
The reporter from the Gazette shows up, and Becky has changed into a silver cocktail dress. After receiving a face-eating snog from Steve, she and Sean continue to bicker about the photo session until Steve finally suggests they both be in the picture. They make up, kiss-kiss and head outside for their photo.
Betty approaches Steve, furious that after all her years of loyal service, she has been fired by Poppy and Steve didn’t have the guts to speak to her himself.
In Other News
Ken pops by the Bookies, to give Peter his opinion that a professional’s advice should be sought for Peter’s drinking. He has a leaflet for a support group. Peter says such groups aren’t really his speed, but agrees to keep the leaflet. Peter is fearful that Ken wants to turn him into one of his projects. Later that night, he packs up Simon for a visit to Ken and Deirdre’s so he can attend the meeting. Peter tries to stay at the meeting, but finds the circle-sharing not for him and politely excuses himself.