Originally aired June 5, 2009
Mr. Saveloy (aka Graeme) informs Pork Pie (aka David) that Ted is in Audrey’s house. Graeme has called the police. We can see that David’s poorly planned stunt is unraveling quickly.
In Audrey’s, Ted has music going, the kettle on and a paperback novel. Gary is watching from the top of the stairs and immediately recognizes Ted. The hamster jumps back on its wheel and Gary realizes that he’s been set up. Gary returns to the bedroom, dumps the loot on the bed and begins to ponder how to get the hell out of the house.
David calls Graeme again, who is wearing grey and black camo, has dirt on his face and is hiding in a tree. He can’t see much but is worried because it’s too quiet.
Inside, Ted has a tray (with a paperback and a cup of cocoa) and comes upstairs to his room. Gary decides the best way to escape unnoticed is to rush past Ted and push him down the stairs. Really? That was too stupid for even a Windass. Why wouldn’t he have waited until Ted (who was clearly ready to settle in for some time) to get into his room and then sneak out? He almost knocks Ted down the stairs and Ted chases him out of the house yelling “I KNOW YOU! I KNOW YOU!”
Ted phones the Platts to inform them of what has happened. Pork Pie and Joe head to Audrey’s and especially interested when they learn that Gary Windass is involved. You can just about see them salivating.
An EMT is checking out Ted. He assures them he is fine. We learn that Ted was there housesitting because the alarm is broken. Ted thinks that Gary was more frightened than he was. Joe points out that with his record, Gary will be sent down. Ted returns to the Platts for some TLC (but he thinks he’d be fine at Audrey’s). They run into Anna and Eddie who are shocked to hear the news. The fuzz show up as well. We later see Gary lurking in the shadows and he takes off when he sees the fuzz.
Ted is telling Joe and Pork Pie that all he wanted was an evening of classics, cocoa and a few chapters but now he feels old and impotent. Then we learn that the classic is a John Grisham novel. Oh Ted, Ken would be so disappointed in you. Ted is rubbing his left arm, stands and his legs give way. He grasps his chest, Joe calls 999 and Pork Pie gets him water.
My organ awaits
A couple of episodes ago, we saw that Bill was put off by Audrey socializing/flirting with creepy uncle Umed. I guess he’s taken matters into his own hands and gone to a singles’ event. There he meets a drunk woman named Vanessa. Her friends call her Ness for short, but she assures Bill (I mean, Newt) that she is no monster. As Bill tries to escape the dangers of Nessie, he sees Pam. Tonight she is a concert pianist and her old man, who is creepy, wants her to go back to his place. “He wants me to tickle his ivories, in the front room no less!” Pam goes to call a taxi, and Bill checks her out. Foreshadowing, I suppose. As Bill and Pam try to escape, Ness suggests a double date for next week. They have no choice but to agree.
The first step is always the hardest
Blanche is back to holding court at the Barlows’ home. She is reading a biography on Randolph Scott and learns he was gay. Scott was her heart throb. She vows to never read another biography again as they spoil illusions. Tommy Cooper was a miser. Bing Crosby was a dope fiend who scared his children.
Peter returns and Blanche comments that the meeting ended early in time for happy hour. Peter makes light of the meeting and says that it wasn’t for him. He takes Simon home. At the flat, Simon is being difficult about going to bed. Peter loses it and grabs Simon’s arm, thereby frightening him. Peter apologizes. Could this be his rock bottom (finally)?
Without any explanation, Peter takes Simon back to Number One and asks for him to be looked after. Peter returns to the AA session and takes his place and this time Peter admits that he is alcoholic.
In the Rovers, Betty is recalling how past landlords dealt with sackings. She concludes that all of them were better at it than Poppy (no one could be worse). Poppy asks who is manager and Steve says she is. “I’m not passed giving you a thick ear, lady!”, exclaims Betty. Poppy feels under minded and takes off to sulk. The photographer from the Gazette just wants to take his bloody photo and get out of there.
Steve does what Steve does best, which is nothing at all. I wish he would fire Poppy. She’s been the most useless character and is driving me crazy. He asks Betty if she will turn up for her next shift and she says that she would think about it. The photographer gets his picture – with Steve’s sour face between Becky and Sean.