Update for Wednesday: Have Yourself A Sweary Little Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas on Corrie this year,

And a panto is staged to fill all with good cheer.

Claire is poor Cinderella, and plays a good part,

Sean and Jesse her sisters, like transgendered tarts.

Enter Graham, as Buttons, on vodka and pills,

Fairy Godmother Betty, in wrinkles and frills.


Cinder goes to the Ball, where she meets her prince Steve

Becky’s good for a laugh, with some jokes up her sleeve.


But the scene of the night was with Amy, so sweet,

Set to sing a wee song to the whole of the street.


But the wee mite froze up, her mind all in a whirl,

So she blurts out a curse that would make your hair curl.


Was it sh*t? Was it f*ck? I’m not sure, to be blunt

But I think it was worse, like co*ks***er, or c*nt.


To a round of applause, the play finally is over;

Cast and crew settle in for some drinks at the Rovers.


Other news to report – Rosie’s birthday was cheered

Sally isn’t herself – acting distant and weird.

Molly wants to bin Kevin, she’s pissed off and jealous

Nick is back on the street, giving Tina two fellas

So concludes this update; there is no more to write,

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


About t. kunzie

Toni Kunz is a female soccer trainer in a mens' world, graphic designer and aspiring writer. She lives and works in Toronto.
This entry was posted in Coronation Street Updates and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Update for Wednesday: Have Yourself A Sweary Little Christmas

  1. eps says:

    Excellent! Your best yet!

  2. missusmac says:

    Wonderful work. You should write a panto for your buddies to perform! 🙂

  3. haili says:

    Great poem kunzie!

    I was hoping to see more of the panto – and curious about what Amy said – and where she heard it.

    I thought there would have been more of Graham.

  4. Kerry says:

    Great update.

    Did you happen to see Sean’s heels? Not many women can walk in heels like that…let alone a man. Good on him!

    I have a great urge to see a Panto now.

  5. Barbee says:

    Darrin Hagen from Edmonton – most gorgeous guy in heels ever! Check out Guys in Disguise. Thanks for all the updates – I’ve been so busy with family stuff I haven’t seen Corrie in two weeks. Hope to catch up on last week’s eps on CBC tomorrow, then the omni on Sunday and I’ll be back to 10 months ago!

    • Bea says:

      Reminds me of the gay pride parade. My cute little grandson saw a guy in really high heeled white boots. He looked up a me and said ‘gramma, that lady is really tall’. Those heels had to be 4 inches.

  6. Barbee says:

    Watched the whole omni this morning. Wow, 5 whole episodes without Michelle! What a relief. And Molvin is over – another hurrah! Sally W.’s acting was fabulous. What a show as well as affair stopper. This is going to bring some major story lines – real life ones, as opposed to murderers and mayhem at the factory. The panto was terrific. How did they do it in that tiny area of the pub? Although, with the expansion in the back, or the toilets that must go under the ginnel, who knows? So much could be said about this week, but so little time.

  7. missusmac says:

    Barbee, so right! The Christmas Day episode was priceless, launching many plots involving Ty and Molly, Sally/Kev and the kids, Steve and Becky, and ALL of the Platts along with Joe, Tina, Jason and Audrey. Also still laughing at the ‘new shirt’ plotline involving all the men.

  8. chumola says:

    Loved your fantastic Ode to Corrie. A great synopsis of the crazy week that was!

  9. lovethestreet says:

    Bravo, Kunzie! Terrific poem!

  10. Tvor says:

    Love it!
    The Panto was a lot of fun. I do believe Amy’s word was bollox. (rhymes generally with bottles which Eddie was tumbling into a bin).

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