Rita Sullivan, you still got it baby.
And seriously, nobody does Christmas pop tunes like the British.
Corrie Standard Time: December 25, 2010
My perfect Christmas would be watching the family open their gifts first thing in the morning, followed by an early Christmas dinner, maybe go out and build a snowman with my kid, then just kind of loll about on the couch, eating Quality Street chocolates, drinking my rye n’ ginger and watching Christmas videos from the 1980s.
I wouldn’t last a minute on Coronation Street.
At the Barlows, Tracy is making cracks about the Kabin as Simon opens his present: a tram. “A train,” Ken later corrects but still embarrassing. Meanwhile, Tracy is making plans to go get Amy from the Macdonalds’ seeing as Becky dresses like a Russian prostitute.
At the Rovers, Becky, dressed like a Russian prostitute, is decorating the pub with what she calls a “Lapland” theme but it looks more like the Christmas department at Canadian Tire threw up. Tina shows up in sexy red and white seasonal dirndl thingy. Becky later changes into a silver pant suit with angel wings.
At the Websters, Sally is reminiscing about last Christmas when Kevin couldn’t wait to go jump into “THAT TART’S BED!!! More mince pie, Jason?”
“Just because someone’s dead doesn’t make them a nice person,” she adds.
The Barlows, Deirdre is missing Blanche as it’s their first Christmas without her. Tracy commiserates, as she too missed Amy when she was inside. Deirdre says that’s different. She misses her mum because she died and isn’t here. Tracy missed Amy because she murdered her boyfriend.
So Tracy goes over and gets Amy, who is wearing a cheerleader uniform as seen on “Glee”. At the Barlows, Tracy gives her a fairy dress that was thoughtfully made by someone who was in for drugs, or may have simply been a mule. Amy wants to wear her cheerleader outfit so Tracy splashes wine on it and tells her she now has to change.
Meanwhile, John Stape’s Christmas isn’t too good as he ends up being roped into dinner at the Hoyle’s where they eat turkey and listen to the late Charlotte sing “The Wind Beneath My Wings.” When he finally gets back to the hospickle to see Fizz and baby Hope, Roy and Hayley have brought in another Christmas dinner. So basically he’s like anyone with in-laws whom you don’t want to offend.
Later at the Rovers, the party is in swing and Ciaran is going around with the mistletoe stealing kisses from everyone, including Steve. Claire opens her last present from Ashley: a beret and a bateau shirt. Tears.
Tracy comes into the pub and starts insulting Claire about what happened with “whathisname”.
“Ashley. His name was Ashley.”
“I forgot you’re mentally insane on occassion.”
“Only in certain company.”
Aannnnd Amy, who overheard a recent conversation between Steve and Becky”, informs her mother that Max, her new brother, was bought by Steve.
Nick offers to run the bookies for Peter while he does his rehab. This eventually results in a kiss from Leanne who comes back into the Rovers to announcement that, on Valentine’s Day, Peter is proper marrying her this time.
Eventually, Becky is unable to hold her tongue and gets into a fight with Tracy. Later, Tracy plays her trump card: if she isn’t allowed to have Amy full-time, she reports them to social services for buying Max. Then Becky loudly that she sold Amy to the Croppers.
And ten points to Graeme for standing up to Deirdre when he spoke ill of Tracy for her insults about Ashley.
“She’s my daughter, shame on you.”
“Ashley was my friend. Shame on you.”
At the Websters Christmas dinner, Kevin is made to sit out in the conservatory with baby Jack until Sally, at some prodding from Sophie, softens and relieves him so he can have his pudding.
Mary turned the camper into a mobile news agents and they went around sweets and papers to the locals. Mary says she mistook a request for a lifesaver for a lightsabre. She was about to imitate her contretemps with a Sith when Norris corrected her. Pity, I would love to hear that.
Kirk and Maria came over to cheer up Tyrone but it didn’t work too well.
At the end, Rita sang “A Winter’s Tale” by David Essex as a montage played. Did anyone’s screens go really dark during this bit? I tape the Halifax feed off Bell.
Anyhow, it was lovely.