This week, Dennis Tanner got a job as a “traffic management thingy” which was corporatespeak for “Lollipop Man.” Dennis was embarrassed to tell Rita but, of course, she thought the new job was grand. Unfortunately he and Steve got on the wrong side of each other and Steve stole Dennis’ stop sign which lead to the involvement of that same pretty blonde cop who always handles the non-murdery crime on Coronation Street. Dennis came in to officially lodge and complaint. Steve decided that this means war.
“You’re the Obi Wan Kenobi of vindictiveness,” Lloyd observed.
Kylie and David and Tina and Tommy all had their own relationship problems. First, David discovered Kylie’s birth control pills which may hamper the baby-making. Then everyone found out that Tina was carrying Izzy and Gary’s baby and, other than Sally Webster, got super judgey about it. So Tommy broke it off with Tina and David popped by Tina’s flat where they commiserated over lagers. Then David passed out and when Tommy came home the next morning, well, it didn’t look too good when David came out of the shower looking like a pale, skinny Old Spice Guy.
Then Kylie went all Becky Granger and started bashing down the door to Tina’s flat.
Stella and Jason continued to get all flirty with each other, leaving Mandy to decide that Jason is too young for her and so she’s determined to set up Stella with a proper bloke. I don’t see what the big deal about Stella and Jason is. Yes, there’s an age difference but that 22 year old lady and the Canadian senator have a 176 year age difference and they’re the very model of a mature May-December relationship.
Mandy may think Stella needs a date but I’m pretty sure it’s Jason she wants sliding down her chimney this Christmas. Other yuletide-themed euphemisms for sex include, but are not limited to:
-Polishing off the tin of Quality Street
-Passing the fruitcake
-Watching the Queen’s Message
-Splitting the Terry’s Chocolate Orange
-Spiking the eggnog
-Reaching the Christmas Number One
Nick and Leanne were getting quite excited to head to America for a tasteful, last minute Vegas wedding. Simon was too, until Peter and Carla arrived back in Weatherfield hours before Nick and Leanne’s flight was scheduled to leave.
Peter: Look, Simon. I brought you a scooter.
Nick: We need to go now.
Peter: I missed you so much.
Nick: Flight’s leaving.
Simon: I missed you too, Dad.
Nick: THERE IS NO TIME. WE NEED TO GO NOW!
Leanne: We’re not going anywhere with those two here.
Nick: DO THE WORDS “NON-REFUNDABLE TICKETS” MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU PEOPLE?!?
So now Vegas after all and the Leanne now has to do with a tanned, mellow, and strangely contrite Peter Barlow who now is thinking the Christmas visit should be more of a permanent thing. And even though Carla wants nothing to do with it, she wasn’t at Underworld more than five minutes before she was taking over.
Finally, we continue to see the Lewis’ revenge plan against Gail unfold very slowly. Since faking that back injury, he’s been at Gail’s where he has his laundry down and meals cooked by his arch enemy. My gut feeling is that he’s going to have her fall for him and twist the knife in by the time the parsnips are ready during Christmas dinner.