Hello, gang! John is on vacation over in Jolly Olde, no doubt finding out what’s happening in the near future on our beloved Corrie. Or, you know, enjoying family time, enjoying a pint of bitter at some sort of Dickensian pub in London, spending a day at Weston-Super-Mare, and completely ignoring the telly.
Weston-Super-Mare would be my superhero nickname if I was sponsored by Loblaws. Superheroing is costly, you know. It would be only practical.
Well, I have seven pages of notes (I’m not joking) so let’s get right into it.
Shall we begin with Leanne, Nick, David and the mess that honestly, I am so over? The week began with Leanne’s fury over the scene between Peter and Nick/Gail in the Street. Doesn’t Nick trust her? Well, no, not as long as Gail is there to pour vitriol into her eldest’s gullible ear. David plays it subtle – of course, these sorts of confrontations are bound to happen, as Peter’s bound to Leanne (through Simon), so what do you do? Kylie wonders how a bouquet could be the source of such aggro! And it is Kylie to the rescue, who texts Leanne and urges Nick to grovel. Common sense prevails temporarily, and Leanne reassures her skeptical fella that if Peter tried summat, she’d have him out on his ear. When David hears the bouquet business didn’t bloom (see what I did there), he is not well pleased. When Kylie adds offhandedly that Nick is a catch, David grabs his ear buds and scowls his way out the door.
What David needs is someone to talk to… so he spills the story to Tina. Great choice, David! She doesn’t have anything else going on emotionally right now, and you certainly wouldn’t want to talk to your wife. David judiciously edits his version and leaves out a key detail or two – notably, that the potential father is his own brother. Tina is outraged on David’s behalf. She’s surprised Kylie’s still alive… to which David tells her that it’s all right, he’s plotting revenge. Not on Kylie, though, on the other man. He’s going to take that fella’s life apart, bit by bit. Having then received the sympathy he was looking for, David spends the rest of the week telling Tina to forget everything he told her. Which is exactly how secrets work.
Leanne’s promise to turn Peter out on his ear is quickly tested when David takes advantage of the Nick/Peter taunting (seriously, I thought Peter was going to tell Nick that his mother was a hamster and that his father smelled of elderberries) and keys the side of Peter’s car. Peter comes into the Bistro to accuse Nick, while David happens to look on with great pleasure… but to David’s distress, Leanne rises to the occasion. She accuses Peter of keying his own car (and honestly, I could see him doing that out of spite) and threatens to give him scratches to match his vehicle if he dares come around again with such accusations. Her spirited defense convinces Nick – at least temporarily – but David is quite put out. His revenge seems to be failing.
David then does what David always does when he is upset: he takes it out on his mother. He corners Gail in the kitchen, hollering at her about how he’d always felt unloved and unwanted in his childhood and throwing peanuts at her head. It was pretty scary, and it only stops when Kylie intervenes. Gail, shaken, heads to Sally’s. Kylie tries to get to the bottom of it, and when David said it was Nick I thought for one second that this tiresome storyline might actually end but alas no. And I have to agree with Gail (I KNOW, we must be in bizarro-world): what happens next time David is feeling put out? Who will he take it out on then? Kylie? The baby? He’s hanging on by a thread.
His next plot is to interfere with Leanne’s planned student night at the Bistro to bring in extra customers on a weekday. She has a reporter from the Gazette come to the Bistro and everything! I feel badly for Leanne, because David has been so supportive to her while plotting to undermine her business and personal life. David calls the police anonymously, and of course they show up to search the place for drugs just as the (very bored) reporter is on her way out the door. To the reporter, the story is an early Christmas gift! To me, it was a moment of “oh, this is still happening?” Time to wrap it up, writers. Time to air that laundry and let us all move on.
Meanwhile, over at Roy’s Rolls, Roy is being a general bear to everyone in the café. Everyone knows about his somnambulism, and people gossip. Roy cannot abide being the subject of gossip. When Brian (at Hayley’s behest) tries to offer brochures detailing various curative treatments for the illness Roy turns incredibly shirty. Hayley presses him to be honest with regards to whatever is bothering him so she can help. She understands he’s had an emotional upheaval, and Roy confesses that she is the one person he can share his feelings with. This makes me tremendously sad, for reasons. Out with it, though, Royston: it’s the fact that his late father made overtures, and got back nothing. He would have liked his father to die in peace. Roy feels immense frustration at being forced to accept that the dye is cast. Does anyone else watch The Big Bang Theory? This season they did an entire episode where Amy tried to teach Sheldon to live without closure by using behavioural modification. I was reminded of that episode by Roy’s confession and by Hayley’s attempt to sew tambourine bells into all of Roy’s pyjamas to track him as a response to his persistent refusal to seek treatment. When Roy sets off the fire alarm in the café and is found sleeping under one of the tables, however, he at last agrees to see a doctor.
Having promised to see the doctor, Roy then tries to get out of it. Hayley is firm, though. She will go with him and have every test he does. He gets to the doctor’s office (and I’m sad we didn’t get to see fit Doctor Carter – did he leave? And doesn’t Deirdre work at that office, where was she?) but is scared off by Beth’. Hayley goes and fetches him and he is shamed into keeping the appointment. He is given an appointment for a sleep clinic, but is advised to try alternative relaxation therapies: meditation, mind calming excercises, what Sylvia unhelpfully dismisses as “rama lama ding dong.” Now now, Sylvia, just because it doesn’t come in a brownie doesn’t mean that a natural treatment is rubbish.
Ok, let’s get to Faye, Anna, Owen and Tim. Faye starts the week rumpled and disheveled (there is a funny moment where she sniffs her school uniform shirt and is quite horrified), hanging out on the corner trying to catch a glance of her Mum. She hides out in the apartment, moody and alone… no food other than one last biscuit, and she’s down to trying a can of lager. She tries it and spits it out. At least we’re spared Faye taking to drink. Faye has taken to skipping classes with Tim gone, and tries to get some money off Izzy. Izzy and Sean suggest she try her Mum in the café, but of course she’s still hiding from Anna. I mean, why would she want her LEGAL PARENT to know that she’s been left to shift for herself unsupervised in a flat without any cash for food? And yes, she lied to Tim. But it was on Tim to call Anna himself and arrange for the adult supervision, and then to call ANNA, not just Faye, and check in on her.
Faye is so hungry she tries shoplifting a Mr Noodles from Dev’s corner shop, and is busted by Mary. Sophie is ready to call the police, it’s a crime, but Mary urges a gentler path. Mary? Is that you? Looking after Dev’s kids has softened her worldview perhaps. She takes Faye into the back room and puts the kettle on, makes sure Faye gets a bit of food and starts questioning her. Where’s her father? Why was she stealing a noodle package, and not a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar (well spotted, Mary). And why isn’t she at school? Sophie and Mary bring their concerns to Owen, who has Sophie bring Dev’s spare key to the apartment round. Faye is found hiding behind the sofa. Owen reassures her that they’re going to get to the bottom of whatever’s going on, because they love her. She has no idea how much they love her. And simple as that reassurance, Faye confesses that Tim’s in Newcastle. He’s been gone for days, and she’s been alone. She’s sorry and she hopes Owen’s not mad at her dad. She makes Owen promise he won’t be angry with her dad. Owen gives her a hug… but I bet Anna won’t make that same promise.
Faye goes home with Owen to a warm hug from her Mum. She’s sent off to have a shower while Anna fixes her tea… and Anna lets loose. How could Tim be so irresponsible? When Tim gets home, Anna heads over and basically rips Tim a new one. She will, Anna says, never forgive herself for letting Faye go live with him. Tim has no idea the damage he has done to that poor girl. Anna refuses to believe that Tim did not know Faye was there alone. Faye lies, Anna says. You’re the adult and it’s on you to make sure the child is looked after, she tells Tim.
Faye and Tim have a heart-to-heart alone after Anna has said her piece, and Faye decides she wants to move back in with her Mum. So you’d think that’s that, except Anna decides she can’t have Tim in Faye’s vicinity, for her own good. In Anna’s words, they have to be pro-active this time. So she sends her bulldog Owen over to bully Tim at the Rovers.
Tim is actually ready to follow Owen’s advice and leave for Faye’s own good when he is talked out of it by Jason. Owen’s a right bully, and Tim shouldn’t let himself be walked over like that. So, Tim’s not going anywhere after all, and Anna’s going to be beside herself when she finds out. My Dad likes Anna, and he’s quite disappointed that she has regressed to her rougher self.
Meanwhile, over at the Kabin, Norris begins the week still isolated for the trick he played with Emily’s DVDs from Frieda. Rita tells him to apologize and not to make it mealymouthed this time. He knows he’s offended Emily: it’s her house and she’s able to bequeath it to whomever she chooses even though he was just concerned for his future. Emily accepts his apology and the next day goes one further and offers to sign over her house to Norris. He may not be a blood relation, but he’s as close as family. Rita and Dennis are dumbfounded by this incredibly generous act. Her only condition is that she will be permitted to stay on for the rest of her life. Dennis is worried that Norris has pestered Emily into signing over her property. He’s a right piece of work, is Norris. Yes, Dennis, so he is. But in this case, it seems to be Emily’s own notion. Norris accuses Dennis of not caring for the truth, only caring to blacken Norris’ good name. I have in my copious notes something about a pot and a kettle but I can’t quite make it out.
Of course Emily’s no fool. As she tells Rita and Dennis later, the upkeep costs on a house are quite expensive. With all the repairs to be done and the monthly bills she quite hopes Norris hasn’t bitten off more than he can chew… as she innocently sips her sherry. You sly fox, Emily Bishop.
And in the continuing drama that is Katy, Chesney and Ryan, we’ve already seen that playing happy families has grown tiresome for Ryan. He wants to go out to a club, but she has baby Joseph and no babysitter. They try to get Chesney to take him, but he says he has plans with Sinead. This is news to Sinead. Chesney is annoyed that he’s expected to drop everything and take Joseph at the drop of a hat. Ryan is annoyed that Chesney won’t let him go out and have fun. Sinead, meanwhile, is well fed up with being used to make Katy jealous. So basically everyone is annoyed.
Ryan goes out anyway, where he is spotted by Beth and Kirk (on a burger run to help Craig feel better, thank you writers for more foreshadowing) chatting up a leggy brunette in a short dress. And exchanging numbers with a leggy brunette in a short dress. And having a quick snog with a leggy brunette in a short dress. Oh dude, you are so busted. And douchey. The next day, Ryan is seen several times texting his “mate” and eventually leaves Katy alone with Joseph to meet up with his “mate”. Katy is left to mope in the café, prompting Anna to ask if everything is OK. She reassures Anna, but Beth’s cackles are overheard by them both. No, Katy, everything is NOT ok, and you can stop being dim now. I do feel badly for Sinead, though, who is quite right to be annoyed at how Chesney is using her to get back at Katy. I don’t even know if he realizes what he’s doing.
- Baby Jake will be home in a couple of weeks.
- The strain of being cheerful is weighing on Tina. She snaps at Tommy and Rita for talking about her behind her back (even though they’re just saying how worried they are). Rita offers to send them on a holiday, her treat, so they can reconnect and have a break. That’s an extremely generous and sensible offer so naturally Tina refuses.
- Gail’s driven David nuts so he throws nuts at her head. It’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?
- Eileen has an appointment with a counselor but doesn’t want to go and wait a second didn’t we already do this with Roy in the previous episode, COME ON.
- Sinead telling Chesney he has to get home early and catch Midsomer Murders on telly made me laugh aloud, and then sigh because I love watching British mysteries of a Sunday night, you know, on Masterpiece Mystery? That Inspector Lewis is good stuff. Anyway, I’m old, thanks Sinead.
- Sally’s no fool. She knows Gail’s going to require the second bottle of Merlot.
- Speaking of Gail drinking, Gail and Mary as drinking buddies were pretty awesome.
- Yes, Tim, we saw you checking Sally out as she left the Rovers. Maybe Sally will get to use her date hairdo again after all. It was very cute and flattering.