Monday June 14th – The Update

UK Time Monday August 24th – Episode II

The show opens with Jason being taken away in the back of a police car while Eileen is getting on in the street like Mary J. Blige at a New York restaurant. Eileen is sure her son would never jump and beat up someone in the street. She explains to Gail that she knows this because her sons would also never push her down the stairs and doesn’t have a history of violence and assault, unlike David. She also calls David a “Chav.” For those of us not familiar with the nastier elements of British slang, a “Chav” is a young person generally poor and prone to violent crime. The word is actually an acronym for Council House and Violent. Charming.

You know, it has been a long time since we have had a good Gail and Eileen rowdy in the street. I rather enjoyed this one. They hit on all the usual points. Chav son, slut daughter. This time, however, Tina gets in the mix and she lands some choice insults on David. She also threatens to beat him within an inch of his life. She’s pretty awesome.

The Grimshaw side goes back indoors to find Jesse looking staring at his parrot. They have a moronic conversation and the upshot is, the parrot doesn’t like Eileen, their relationship is in jeopardy.

Later Jason comes home from the cop shop as they have no evidence that Jason has done anything.  PS, Jason is dropping it like it’s hot in that green tank top. Jason is worried that it wont matter that they have no evidence.

Meanwhile over at the Platts, David is defending himself against Gail, and Audrey. They are rightfully suspicious.

I guess Audrey is setting up camp in the Platt household as later Joe arrives home with some groceries. Gail asks him how he paid for it and Joe has to go over the humiliating aspects of his financial life in front of Audrey, well done, Gail.

Later on in the day David walks around the corner to find none other than Gary Windass leaning up against the wall enjoying a kebab. He and David chat a bit before Gary tells David that he made some great friends inside and that they still keep in touch. David gets his meaning and it suddenly dawns on him that perhaps Gary was behind the beating. Well, one of Gary’s friends as he was only released that morning.

Over at the street’s pre-funeral parlour Emily and Ramsay are chatting when Norris pops in with new pajamas. Ramsay mentions that he will be giving notice at his bed-sit. Norris assumes that he will be heading back to Australia and can not contain his glee.

Its pretty clear that Emily wants to get with Ramsay. She musters up the courage to ask Ramsay if he will go to her husband’s grave with her. It’s a date!

At the cemetery Ramsay and Emily walk through the graveyard talking about his life as an orphan sent abroad (somehow, I think there must be some sort of historical reference here regarding England sending her shame to the colonies.) They also talk about when Norris might stop behaving like such a div (expression mine).

That evening Norris comes home and thinking that Ramsay is going to lave town, he happily plays scrabble with them.

In the butcher shop Ashley and Graeme talk with Claire about the lack of prizes for the raffle. Clair would like to raffle off Ashley’s balls boxing gloves. Ashley is delighted to tell her that Roy is donating that trip to Pairs he got because Eddie Windass committed a minor identity theft. Claire is really pleased.

Later Ashley enters his shop to learn that 1. Graeme is reading his text messages and 2. Claire is at home expecting sex. This is troubling because Ashley is afraid to have sex with Claire because he didn’t actually have the vasectomy she thinks he did. I find it hilarious that they are having this conversation while Graeme stands under a sign that says “Pork.”

I guess as a way to get out of the situation Ashley comes home with Graeme in tow where Claire is waiting in a hot pair of garters and a slip she borrowed from her mother. She really should have gone for a white lace body suit. It would have been way more flattering.